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CT275P2A3 
Bohemian  life; 


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~77)o/v^s    M^tihuo^     /^ 


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How  lightly  memory  ivanders  where  the  feet  no  viore  may  tread; 
Into  vistas  dim  and  haunted  by  the  past's  unquiet  dead; 
JFith  familiar  phantoms  trysiing,  sad  to  stay  yet  loth  to  part 
From  spots  o'errun  by  broken,  trailing  tendrils  of  the  heart. 


1884 
ST.  LOUIS. 


A3 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1884, 

In  the  ofiBce  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington, 

All  Rights  Reserved. 


SECOND  EDITION. 


St.  Louii,  Mo.  !!il.  louis.  Mo.  : 

Pr««8  of  Niion-Jones  Priming  (_'o.  Bscklolrt  h  Co.,  Binders. 


TO  THAT  DEAREST  OF  ALL  WOMEN, 

TO  WHOM  HE  OWES  LIFE 

AND  ALL  WHICH  IS  IN  THAT   WOKD    IMPLIED; 

WHOSE   GREAT  LOVE, 

RUNNING    BEFORE    THE    CRADLE, 

WILL  CEASE  TO  FOLLOW  ONLY  IN   THE  GRAVE, 

A  SON  INSCRIBES  THIS  VOLUME. 


VN» 


vVV.f.    WxWtkvV- 


mI)-J51   #>    <#     !#     <#     i#     efe     <# 

fOSTSCRIPl 


TliE  custnui  nf  "writing  prefacEs  is  a  ser- 
vilE  DUE  that  has  cdhle  dn^Tv^n  tn  us  frnm 
thnsE  gnnd  old  days  ■^A^hEii  authors  had  tn 
chnnsE  tiEt^WEEii  the  altErnativES  nf  starv- 
ing in  garPEts  dp  eIse  prncnring  patrnnagE 
by  fa^Ti/ning  likE  spanisls  nn  such  vaiuj 
nnblE  pEPSDuagES  as  "^vepe  ■willing  tn  pay 
fnp  thE  plEasuPE  nf  sEeing  thsip  grand 
namES  and  mythical  viptuES  ErabalraEd  in 
fulsnniE  ppint, 

"WhEUj  in  thE  ppngPESs  nf  EVEUtS;  it  cEasEd 
tnliEnECESEapytn  cpingc  bEfnPE  suchtiEn- 
EficEUCEj  thE  litEPapy  cpaftspuanj  at  Inss 
by  fnpcE  nf  habil^fnp  snmEthing  tn  ppnpi- 
tiatE;  liEthnught  hiru  nf  thE  ExpediEut  nf 
GPinging  tn  thn  PEadEPj  gpntEsquEly  ignnp- 
ing  that  a  bnnk  ^wnpth  thE  PEading  UEEds 
no  apnlngy;  and  that  tn  a  vnlumE  nf  thn 
nthep  snpt  it  is  supEPflunus  tn  add  an  ex- 
tEunatinn  Tvhichj  in  thE  natuPB  nf  things^ 
is    uECEssarily    an     EnlapgemEnt     nf    thE 

off  EUSE  . 


POSTSCKIPT. 

iln  authnrity  ATtz-liicli  nn  due  nf  intElli- 
gEncE  "will  hastily  impugn  has  aifimiEd 
that  thE  annals  nf  any  adnlt  hnman  tiE- 
ing^s  lifE  c  nnsciEntinnsly  "writtEnj  "wnnld 
makE  BntErtaining  and  instrnctivE  litEra- 
tnPEj  and  in  this  apnthEgm  Hes  thE  raisnn 
d'EtrE  nf  this  vnlnmEj  as  "xtu^eII  as  fnll  Exnn- 
Eratinn  nf  ths  campilEr  frnm  all  rEspnnsi- 
bility  EXGEpt  ths  singlE  due  nf  pEnning  thE 
PEcnrd  c  nnsciEntiansly — a  dnty  that  has 
bsEn  dischargEd  mast  scrnpnlnnsly, 

ThE  captinns  critic  may  cavil  at  ths  titlE 
adnptEd;  allEging  that  HchEmianism  is  an 
EXDtic  fnngns;  and  thE  titlE;  thErEfnrE;  a 
misnnmEr.  Hut  tn  all  snch  gnthic-mindEd 
gEnEralizatinn  thE  snfficlEnt  pEtard  isi 
AmEricaj  a  lar gE'c nntinEnt  discnvEPEd  by 
nnE  ChristnphEr  Cnlnmbnsj  and  sundry 
nther  anciEnt  marinErs;  "which  has  mnrE 
than  nncE  astnnishEd  EnrnpE;  Asia  and 
Africa  hy  imprnving  nn  thEir  pEcnliar 
spEcialtiES;  has  latterly  dEvntEd  particu- 
lar attEntinn  tn  thE  prnductinn  nf  an  im- 
prnvEd,  transatlantic  q_uality  nf  BnhE- 
mianism;  an  averagE  spEcimEn  nf  "which 
isj  fnr  thE  first  timE;  affEPEd  in  thE  fnlln^v- 

■  in  g  p  a  g  E  s , 

THE    AUTHOR, 


APOLOGY  FOR  THE  SECOND  EDITION. 


The  only  excuse  that  can  be  offered  for 
thus  quickly  flooding  the  country  with  another 
large  edition  of  these  chronicles  is  the  sordid 
one,  of  unexpected  wealth  left  in  bank  hastily 
by  the  First  Edition,  which  easily  gotten  gain 
has  instigated  the  mercenary  publishers  to 
peremptorily  command  another  edition  to  im- 
mediately come  forth. 

Under  such  circumstances,  all  that  a  help- 
less author  can  do,  besides  repudiating  all 
other  responsibility,  is  what  has  been  faithfully 
done,  by  diligently  revising  the  text  and  mul- 
tiplying and  improving  the  illustrations. 

THE  AUTHOR. 

ST.  LOUIS,  MAY  7,  1884. 


SYNOPTICAL    INDEX. 


CHAPTER  I. 


1.  — The  Bohemian  is  born  in  the  usual  way  —  Had  a  mother,  but 
no  father  —  His  maiden  Aunt  —  Returned,  like  a  bad  nickel  — 
Farmed  out  —  Engages  in  rural  pastimes  —  Gives  notice  to 
quit  —  The  Tiny  Tramp  —  An  astonished  philanthropist  — 
Swallowed  by  a  city  but  difficult  to  digest  —  The  pretty  play- 
ground —  A  surprise  —  Who's  afraid?  —  Plots  —  The  trodden 
worm  turns  —  The  young  assassin  —  Escape  —  His  first  por- 
trait—  "Come  on!" — The  band  begins  to  play 20 

CHAPTER  II. 

21  — An  ancient  invention  —  Tlae  cash  value  of  patriotism  —  Too 
young  for  fame  —  The  Will  and  the  Way  —  Mustering  in 
haste  —  The  babe  of  the  battalion  —  The  band  in  the  rear  — 
A  drumhead  court-martial  —  What's  that? — We  meet  the 
enemy,  but  never  have  much  to  say  about  it  —  A  rebellious 
river  —  The  geography  of  heroism  —  Behind  the  scenes  — 
Military  problems  —  The  wreck  of  battle  —  The  picket  line  — 
Crawling  into  a  predicament  —  A  cunning  foe  — Buck  ague  — 
A  snap  shot  —  Spoils 40 

CHAPTER   III. 

41.  —  A  friendship  born  to  fade  —  Ered  Grant  and  his  stud  —  The 
water  instinct  —  An  anxious  planter  — A  few  specimen  strag- 


ii  INDEX. 

glers  —  My  pile  — An  accomplished  young  female  —  The  brood- 
ing bivouac  —  The  chaff  of  war  —  On  the  right  into  line  — 
";S— s— s/"  and  "  Whit! '^ —  First  blood  —  Sharpening  a 
sharpshooter  —  Going  in  —  Clinging  to  cover  —  The  field  at 
night  —  A  cry  from  the  cots  —  Here's  your  mule  —  Backing  to 
the  front  —  The  circumstance  of  war  —  A  missing  regiment  — 
Used  up  —  Sapping  and  sharpshooting .     66 

CHAPTER   IV. 

67.  —  Sunday  in  camp  —  The  man  with  a  cigar  —  Two  heads  better 
than  one  —  An  hour  too  late  —  Sarcastic  suggestions  —  Only 
a  little  joke  —  The  biggest  "  sell "  of  the  nineteenth  century  — 
The  naked  truth  —  An  ambitious  scribe  cannot  afford  to  lie  — 
Tumbling  to  the  racket  —  Leg  bail  —  In  harness  —  Barmore 
the  detective  —  The  niche  of  fame  —  Habeas  corpus  —  The 
pen  is  mightier  than  the  bayonet  —  Fitting  for  college  — 
Afloat  and  ashore  —  Tlie  Liver  Elixir  —  Music  has  charms  — 
How  to  live  long  —  Pleasure  before  business  —  Tit  for  tat  — 
Fly  time 86 

CHAPTER  V. 

87.  —  Life  on  the  wave  —  Reward  of  merit  —  A  run  ashore  —  Com- 
rades in  arms  —  A  forest  of  legs — An  ambuscade  —  Shot 
through  the  heart  —  Beauty  in  a  box — Stolen  glances — A 
rose  by  any  other  name  would  smell  as  sweet  —  Left  ashore  — 
The  Darling  to  the  rescue — Pat  to  work  —  My  friend  the 
mud-clerk  —  Cheek  on  ice  —  A  disconcerted  damsel  —  The 
fool's  paradise  —  The  bubble  bursts  —  Stage  struck  — 
Blighted  hopes  —  A  sudden  success. 104 

CHAPTER  VI. 

105.  —  My  debut  —  Seeking  another  stage  —  Cruising  on  a  romantic 
river  —  Life  on  the  logs  —  River  ruflBans  —  I  put  myself  on  a 
peace  footing — A  new  trade  —  An  errand  of  repairs  —  The 
clean-cut  profile  —  A  silly  embarcation  —  A  dude  afloat  —  The 


INDEX.  lii 

last  supper — A  startling  cry  —  Into  the  smoke  —  A.t  the  last 
gasp  —  A  look  and  a  leap  —  The  funeral  pyre  —  Tempted  by 
the  devil  —  A  combat  under  water — Every  man  for  himself  — 
Help !  —  Safe  ashore  —  A  picturesque  surtout  —  A  perplexing 
situation  —  A  rustic  smile  —  Precipitate  flight 134 

CHAPTER  VII. 

135.  —  Delicate  hospitality  —  A  handsome  apology  —  Reporting  after 
an  errand  —  News  from  below  —  An  early  walk —  Under  a  hay- 
stack —  The  breakfast  question  — A  noonday  halt  —  Sljakiug 
ofE  the  dust  of  Salem  —  An  unapproachable  perspective  — 
Charmingly  astray  —  Sorrowful  Sam  —  The  "blue  hen's 
chicken  "  —  A  safe  bet  —  Cutting  severity  —  Moving  on  —  The 
supper  crisis  —  Seed  by  the  wayside  —  Rain  on  the  roof  —  A 
tremendous  tramp — The  dampgreenhoru  —  Solid  comfort  — 
Are  you  tramps?  —  A  close  call  —  French  leave 166 

CHAPTEEi  VIII. 

167.  —  Melodious  Morn  —  The  early  petitioner  —  Tame  chickens  — 
The  parable  of  two  wicked  tramps  —  Hearty  hospitality — 
Conscience  inquires  within  —  Fishing-Jake  —  Tapping  beside 
the  hole  —  The  way  to  cook  fish — Oft  in  the  chilly  night  — 
Hastening  to  meet  the  dawn  —  Scratches  on  a  rail  —  The  ren- 
dezvous—  Dolce  far  niente  —  A  fine  feeling  —  Watching  the 
tree-tops  fall  —  Drowsy  land  —  A  call  for  "  S waller-tail "  — 
The  ethics  of  angling  —  Trumping  a  small  poet  —  Tramps  in 
council  —  Adjourn  for  a  'possum-hunt  —  Plans  for  the  winter  — 
The  Picturesque  Pilgrims  —  Queer  conduct  —  A  plan  in  re- 
serve— The  parting  pipe  —  A  lonesome  walk  —  The  welcome 
guest — Last  night  on  the  road 196 

CHAPTER   IX. 

197. — The  Field  of  the  Cloth  of  Gold — A  narrow  escape — Turning 
the  Wheel  of  Fortune  —  A  reticent  manager  —  The  man  with  a 
patent — A  lad  and  his  lamp — Alight  but  lucrative  business — 


iv  INDEX. 

Gallant  aspirations  cowed — A  hint  of  the  hereafter  —  Sitting 
in  ashes  —  Once  more  on  foot — Too  independent  by  half  — 
Charity  that  began  at  home  —  One  touch  of  authority — Dis- 
counting disaster — "Waiting,  for  a  fresh  start  —  The  toilet 
Hat-ironer — A  dip  into  fashionable  society — Painting  for  the 
picturesque — An  appreciative  public  —  Au  revoir  to  art  — 
From  the  stage  to  the  steering-oar 218 

CHAPTER  X. 

219.  —  Shunning  the  temptations  of  high-life  —  Fishing  for  patron- 
age—  A  plunge  into  politics — Naturalized  "sovereigns"  — 
The  charge  of  the  Night  Brigade  —  A  political  club  —  The 
stone  that  the  builder's  rejected — Prowling  for  the  Press  — 
Almost  an  editor — Snatched  from  the  potter's  field — A  Cy- 
clone at  sea  —  Looking  out  for  the  ferocious  reptile  —  A 
noonday  resort  —  The  innocency  of  youth  —  Mistaliing  the 
symptoms  —  The  pie-test  of  piety  —  A  powerful  prayer  — 
A  sudden  change  of  temperature — Appeal  to  an  unconverted 
siimer — The  way  of  the  transgressor  —  Sinful  gratitude  — 
The  Captain  profanely  trumps  my  ace 240 

CHAPTER  XI. 

241 .  —  On  a  lee  shore  —  A  despairing  wretch  catches  at  a  bar  of  soap  — 
Happy  hours  —  Eating  up  the  past,  present  and  future  —  A 
feast  between  fasts  —  Eambling  among  rooms  for  rent — Only 
a  man  we  failed  to  kill  —  In  elegant  state  —  My  friend,  the 
Inventor — The  Flying  Machine — The  friction  of  two  philo- 
sophic minds  — Banquetting  on  bullock's  blood  —  Holidays  at 
home — A  hardy  resolve  —  The  first  step  —  A  card  in  the 
Herald  —  No  Sons  of  Temperance  need  apply — A  hatful  of 
letters  —  The  first  swirl  of  the  screw  —  A  dreary  departure  — 
Eolling  on  the  bar 258 

CHAPTER   XII. 

259.  —  An  original  feature   of  this  volume — Tempestuous   days  — 


INDEX.  V 

Late  to  luncheon  —  The  mirror  in  the  mast  —  A  horrible 
shock  —  Mercenary  solicitude  —  Preparing  for  the  inevita- 
ble —  Congenial  spirits  —  A  maiden,  fair  to  see  —  Salt  moon- 
shine—  The  ways  of  a  pretty  woman  —  Is  she  a  flirt?  —  A 
wish  in  the  dark  —  The  startling  disclosure; — An  enlightened 
jester  —  At  sea  in  a  boat  —  Moments  too  bright  not  to  be 
fleeting  —  In  the  sunset  glory  —  The  castled  crags  of  Carnar- 
von—  A  message  from  the  sea  —  An  artful  coquette — Lon- 
don—  Forcing  a  settlement  —  Free  at  last 280 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

281. — The  Havre  packet  — A  bona  fide  Bohemian  —  Learning  how  to 
travel  in  France  —  The  pension  in  the  Eue  Vaugirard  —  Ee- 
served  seats  for  two  —  The  virgin  of  the  phenomenal  eye  — 
The  other  young  lady  —  High  life  in  Paris  —  A  funny  thing  — 
Leaving  a  card  —  Fairy  footsteps  —  What  to-morrow  may 
bring  forth  —  A  solitary  "first  breakfast"  —  The  national 
peculiarity  —  Wanted,  a  model  —  What  was  pinned  to  my 
door  —  Face  to  face  —  A  faux  pas  horrifique  —  Icy  urbanity  — 
The  wrong  door  —  Is  it  potage  de  cheval'i  —  The  model  at 
home  —  An  infatuation  of  authorship  —  Virtue  is  its  own 
reward 302 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

303.  —  Choosing  a  class — Encouraging  the  other  hand  —  Fashion  in 
Athens  two  thousand  years  ago  —  A  tableau  that  was  probably 
rehearsed  —  The  first  pose  —  A  study  of  moment  —  A  witch  in 
a  bottle  —  A  hint  in  season  —  A  love  of  a  bonnet  —  The  Day  of 
the  Bastile — Looking  down  on  the  fete  —  Fruits  of  folly  —  A 
night  in  June  —  Seeing  the  city  — A  reproach  to  American  in- 
telligence—  A  flea  in  your  ear  —  An  investment  that  was 
better  than  gas  stock  —  Never  too  late  —  The  day's  income  — 
Bon  jour! — Feminine  curiosity — Offensive  defensive  — 
Beauty  and  the  beast  —  The  London  postmark  —  Catching  at 
a  straw  —  An  inference  that  was  not  founded  on  fact.     .     .    324 


vi  INDEX. 

CHAPTER   XV. 

325. — A  lesson  in  art  —  Cold  blooded  criticism  —  Too  Frenchy  for 
style  —  Outings  in  the  environs  —  An  adventure  in  the  Bois  — 
Assuming  command  —  The  Colonel  shows  clean  hands  —  A 
duty  of  dignity  —  Between  two  fires  —  A  barren  interview  — 
The  last  pot-boiler — The  Bal-masque  —  St.  Martin's  Sum- 
mer—  Three  days  in  Fontainebleau  —  A  rival  —  A  descendant 
of  Eve  —  Comical  clocks  —  Le  Jour  de  1'  An  —  Palm  Sunday  — 
Le  Premier  Printemps  —  A  contemptuous  critic  —  There  were 
giants  in  those  days  —  One  of  the  mistakes  of  Shakespeare  — 
A  la  mort 356 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

357.  —  Vanishing  Paris  —  A  bizarre  and  tawdry  city  —  All  in  the 
people  —  The  milk  in  the  cocoanut — Born  thirsty  —  A  well 
known  vintage  —  111  at  ease  —  Out  in  the  moonlight  —  A  luxury 
too  cheap  to  be  enjoyed  by  many — A  lost  inheritance  —  The 
terrible  Fourth  —  Suppressed  facts  concerning  "a  turquoise 
sea  and  a  sapphire  sky" — A  delightful  illustration  —  The 
stumbling  block  of  happiness — A  novel  incumbrance  —  A 
short  lane  that  must  turn  soon  —  My  first  pupil  —  Grappling 
with  fortune  —  Hard  times  —  A  needy  inventor  —  Share  and 
share  —  Treading  the  winepress 378 

CHAPTER    XVII. 

379.  —  Sunday  in  the  studio  —  The  early  intruder — A  treacherous 
viand — Hasty  preliminaries  —  The  Marquis  jerks  back  his 
hand  —  A  few  cursory  remarks — An  idea — Summoning  the 
faithful  —  They  were  seven  —  Bushing  to  the  fray  —  In  with 
the  latch-string  —  Tableau — Every  man  to  his  trade  —  A  thank- 
ful "orator  —  As  the  sparks  fly  upward  —  A  work  of  art  — 
The  tragic  muse  —  A  rye-o-tous  spirit  —  The  Chinese 
manuscript  —  A  plateful  of  mystery  —  A  rural  landscape  — 
The  Eaving 400 


INDEX.    ^  vii 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

401.  —  Intense  longings  —  An  almost  forgotten  habit  —  Enliglitened 
patriotism  —  Two  brides  —  Fun  that  was  very  fine  —  A  sunken 
continent  —  The  piquant  Alster  —  Alone  in  Munich  —  Joyful 
news  —  Take  off  your  hat  —  A  weU  watered  town  —  The  fisher- 
man's tale  —  A  dose  of  discipline  —  The  dissipations  of  Ulm  — 
Seeds  of  dissension — Walled  towns  —  Unlimited  candles  — 
The  blood-thirsty  being  —  Slam-bang  —  Exhausting  three 
languages  —  Grandfather's  clock — A  mixed  allegory  —  The 
duke  and  his  daughter  —  In  the  quaint  streets  of  Strasburg.     422 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

423.  —  A  land  of  wine -bibbers  — A  hint  to  Prohibitionists  —  The  true 
Apostle  of  Temperance  is  the  Vine  —  Pleasant  associations 
permanently  defiled  —  On  the  Boulevards  —  Sneers  at  the 
Salon  —  A  cut  at  art-critics  —  Art-criticism  investigated  —  Its 
aspect  as  a  two-ended  joke  —  A  large  mail  —  Hiding  in  the 
Louvre  —  Mashed  for  a  moment  —  A  dainty  dead-beat  — 
Home  again  —  Seed-time  and  harvest ^     .     .    44G 

CHAPTER  XX. 

441. — An  embarrassing  question  —  Sitting  by  the  sea  —  Bits  of  En- 
glish—  A  scent  of  violets  —  The  Star  in  the  East  —  The 
witchery  of  a  faint  perfume  —  Love  unmasked  — A  mutual 
friend  —  Tidings  from  the  past — The  Sphinx  of  the  Future  — 
A  rainbow  at  noon 451 


INDEX  TO  ILLUSTRATIONS. 


Page. 

The  Cover;  by  J.  L.  Spurgin .02 

Caption  of  Title  Page;  by  A.  B.  Green 01 

Bird's  Eye  View  of  The  Author;  by  Armand  Welcker       .         .  .01 

Publisher's  Imprint;  by  J.  L.  Spurgin 0 

Second  Title  Sheet;  by  J.  L.  Spurgin Faces  x 

Initial  L.,  The  Retrospect;  by  Tlie  Initial  Club.          ...  1 

My  Dangerous  Friend  ;  by  Will  DeFord 5 

The  Tiny  Tramp ;   by  W.  D.  Streetor Faces  7 

My  First  Portrait;  by  J.  Hawkins 18* 

Initial  F.,  Fired  by  Patriotism;  by  The  Initial  Club.         .        .  21 

Behind  the  Scenes;  by  J.  H.Wilson Faces  30 

Spoils;  Anonymous 35 

Initial  A.,  The  Pursuit  op  Happiness;  by  The  Initial  Club.       .  41 

First  Blood;  by  Paul  E.  Harney Faces  50 

A  Political  Controversy;  by  J.  D.  Patrick.  .        .        .        Faces  67 

The  Bivouac  of  the  Dead;  by  J.  Hawkins.  .        .        .        Faces  62 

Initial  T.,  The  Last  Ditch;  by  The  Initial  Club  ....  67 

Discharged;  by  W.  D.  Streetor Faces  71 

The  Niche  of  Fame;  Anonymous 77 

Initial  H.,  Cupid's  Battery;  by  The  Initial  Club.         ...  87 

Ada;  by  Will  DeFord Faces  98 

La  Belle  Eiviere;  by  S.  P.  Annan. 102 

Initial  W.,  Age  Before  Beauty;  by  The  Initial  Club.  .         .         .  105 

The  Upper  River;  by  F.  W.  Lippelt. 106 

The  Victor;  by  W.  D.  Streetor Faces  108 

(viii) 


INDEX  TO   ILLUSTRATIONS.  ix 

The  Last  Ckossing;  by  J.  H.  Wilson Faces  116 

Every  Man  for  Himself;  by  Carl  Gutherz 125 

Initial,  W.,  Stern  Reality;  by  The  Initial  Club.     ....  135 

'TwAS  Ever  Thus;  by  Ernest  Albert 144 

Do  You  Take  Me  FOR  His  Accomplice;  by  W.  D.  Streetor.     Faces  148 

Sorrowful  Sam;  by  "W.  D.  Streetor.          .                 .        .        Faces  152 

A  Showery  Day;  by  Mat.  Hastings 160 

Initial  S.,  A  Washed  Landscape;  by  The  Initial  Club.          .         .  167 

The  Early  Petitioner;  by  J.  Hawkins.  ......  169 

Signs;  by  Ernest  Albert 174 

The  Rendezvous;  by  J.  H.  Wilson Faces  184 

The  Musi  gale;  by  Julian  Pogue 194 

Initial  O.,  The  Wheel  of  Fortune;  by  The  Initial  Club.     .        .  197 

Let  There  Be  Light;  by  W.  D.  Streetor.         .         .         .        Faces  201 

And  There  Was  Light;  by  Ernest  Albert.       .        .        .        Faces  206 
Initial  T.,  A  Political  Tool;  by  The  Initial  Club.        .        .        .219 

The  Night  Watchman's  Dream;  byF.  Welcker    .        .        Faces  222 

The  Ferocious  Reptile;  by  Armand  Welcker.         ....  228 
Initial  Q.,  Waste  Makes  Want;  by  The  Initial  Club.     .        .        .24] 

No  Such  Luck  Was  There;  by  A.  L.  Henckc.         .        .        F;ices  244 

A  Life  for  A  Life;  by  J.  Hawkins. 248 

Here's  TO  Beelzebub;  by  W.  D.  Streetor 256 

Initial  O.,  Over  The  Ocean;  by  The  Initial  Club.         .        .        .  259 

Between  Two  Worlds;  by  J.  Hawkins Faces  270 

I  Hope  You  Do  Not  Love  Him;  by  W.  D.  Streetor.       .         .        .  276 

Initial  N.,  Bohemian  Bric-a-Brac;  by  The  Initial  Club        .        .  281 

The  Eye  ;  by  Mat.  Hastings 285 

Jules  ;  by  F.  Welcker. Faces  294 

Initial  E.,  Encouraging  the  Other  Hand;  by  The  Initial  Club  .  303 

The  Class;  by  F.  W.  Lippelt Faces  306 

Phyrne  Victrix;  by  Carl  Guther^ 313 

Malnot;  byWiUDeFord Faces  320 

Initial  C,  The  Queen  of  Sheba;  by  The  Initial  Club.         .        .  325 

FONTAINEBLEAU ;  by  J.  R.  Meeker Faces  332 

Le  Premier  Printemps  ;  by  F.  W.  Lippelt.       .        .        .        Faces  341 


X  INDEX  TO  ILLUSTEATIONS. 

Franclne;  byWillDeFord .345 

Packing  Up;  by  W.  D.  Streetor 352 

Initial  "W.,  Cheap  Comfort  ;  by  The  Initial  Club 357 

An  English  Home;  by  F.  W.  Lippelt Faces  365 

Homeward  Bound;  byWillDeFord Faces  370 

Ebb  Tide;  by  T.  M.  Chambers •      .        .        .376 

Initial  E.,  Wall  Fruit;  by  The  Initial  Club 379 

The  Bohemian  Banquet;  by  J.  Hawkins.         .        .        .        Faces  390 

A  Stir  LN  Old  China;  by  Will  Earns 396 

Initial  D.,  Off  Soundings;  by  The  Initial  Club 401 

The  French  Bride  ;  by  Ernest  Albert. 402 

The  Sunken  Continent  ;  by  Harry  Chase 404 

Die  Alte  Wahl,  Hamburg  ;  byWillDeFord.    .        .        .        Faces  406 

Sunset  ON  the  IsAR ;  by  Thomas  Noble Faces  410 

The  Maid  of  the  Three  Moors;  by  Jean  Aubrey.         .        Faces  413 

Initial  v.,  Condensed  Cheek;  by  The  Initial  Club          .        .        .  423 

The  Salon  ;  by  Armand  Welcker Faces  430 

The  Last  Bit  of  France  ;  by  Joseph  Jefferson 437 

Initial  B.,  The  Thread  of  Life;  by  The  Initial  Club.  .        .        .  441 

Little  Jules  ;  by  Mary  Fairchild Faces  446 

Good  Bye;  byj.  L.  Spurgiu 451 


CHAPTER    I. 


ooKura  BACK  at  a  life  chequered  with 
experience,  intent  on  recording  its 
phenomena,  and  anxious  to  begin  in 
a  manner  reassuring  to  the  oft  de- 
luded, hence  wary  and  distrustful 
reader,  I  irrevocably  jot  down  that  I 
was  born  at  an  early  age, 
in  the  usual  way. 
This  adventure  was  due  wholly  to  the  fact  that  I 
then  had  a  mother.  Many  persons  have  had  mothers, 
at  some  period  of  life.  And  in  general  everybody 
has  had  a  father,  too,  —  except  Adam,  who  began  life 
as  an  orphan  under  auspices  so  favorable  that  he  had 
no  use  for  one. 

It  would  have  been  more  auspicious  for  me  had  I 
been  more  hke  most  other  people  —  or  else  more  like 


2  A   GENTLEMANLY  EOBBEE. 

Adam ;  for  I  never  had  a  father  —  a  bereavement  to 
which  I  attribute  all  the  principal  evil  fortune  that 
has  thus  far  befallen  me. 

My  father  died  before  I  was  born.  Had  he  been 
spared  he  would  undoubtedly  have  chastised  me  with 
perseverance,  and  perhaps  sufficiently  to  prevent  hap- 
penmgs  that  must  deform,  however  they  may  en- 
liven, these  pages.  But  it  was  not  so  to  be.  He 
died,  leaving  me  unborn  to  become  the  shuttle-cock 
of  circumstance  and  the  foot-ball  of  necessity. 

He  had  been  an  industrious  man  ;  and  the  modest 
accumulation  of  his  frugal  life  fell  to  the  share  of 
one  of  those  gentlemanly  robbers  who  know  the  legal 
chart  so  well  that  they  steer  skilfully  between  theft  and 
the  penitentiary,  and  so,  under  the  aegis  of  that  gigan- 
tic farce  called  Law,  plunder  the  widow  and  orphan 
with  impunity. 

I  allude  to  this  respected  citizen,  after  all  these 
years,  neither  in  sorrow  nor  in  anger,  but  merely  to 
soften  the  unavoidable  confession  that  my  earliest 
recollections  are  not  festooned  with  flowery  associa- 
tions of  a  happy  and  luxurious  home.  I  have  read 
of  such  homes,  and  enjoyed  the  literary  dissipation. 
I  also,  in  a  theoretical  way,  believe  "home"  to  be  a 
powerful  name,  capable  of  stirring  profound  emo- 
tions.   But  all  such  aestheticism  of  sentiment  is  poetry 


MY  MAIDEN  AUNT.  3 

of  the  purely  imaginative  sort  to  me  —  I  never  had 
a  home,  worth  mentioning.  I  did  not  even  exactly 
have  a  mother  until  I  was  five  years  older  than  most 
babes  are  when  they  begin  to  enjoy  that  blessed  pos- 
session ;  but  that  was  not  the  mother's  fault. 

Following  close  upon  the  death- angel  came  the 
messenger  of  want,  wdth  the  fiat  for  the  dispersion  of 
a  family  whose  head  was  gone,  whose  heritage  was 
stolen,  and  whose  necessities  were  obdurate.  There 
were  four  besides  the  mother  and  myself  —  of  wliicJi 
there  was  not  just  then  enough  to  count — two  of 
whom  God  soon  took  to  be  with  their  father. 

My  earliest  recollections  loiter  around  the  habita- 
tion of  a  maternal  aunt,  where  I  vegetated  for  some 
seasons,  like  a  small  and  tender  goui'd  upon  a  garden 
fence,  seeing  my  mother's  face  only  at  long  intervals. 
In  her  stead  I  had  a  substitute  that  memory  com- 
mands me  to  describe  in  two  words  —  nerves  and 
l^ver.  Having  no  offspring  of  her  own,  my  mother's 
sister  would  no  doubt  have  warmed  her  heart  toward 
her  orphan  nephew  had  he  been  one  of  those  cherubs 
that  childless  women  dandle  in  their  dreams  and  rev- 
eries. But  the  subject  of  these  annals  was  not  a 
cherub.  He  was,  in  fact,  as  incorrigible  an  urchin  as 
ever  nerves  and  liver  exercised  their  efficacy  upon. 
So  it  is  not,  as  human  nature  stands,  incredible  that 


4  YEARNING  PERPLEXITY. 

he  was  put  on  a  train  one  morning,  in  charge  of  the 
conductor,  without  a  hne  of  "  character,"  or  even  of 
explanation  or  regret,  his  httle  hat  ' '  chalked ' '  to  his 
mother's  address. 

How  that  mother's  heart  must  have  leaped  and 
sunk  when  he  trotted  in  that  sunny  afternoon.  Leaped 
at  the  sight  of  her  youngest-born,  her  own  once 
more  —  sunk  under  the  smiting  of  a  sister's  hand 
upon  a  heart  already  aching  with  the  buffets  of  mis- 
fortmie.  The  thought  that  I  was  the  unconscious 
vehicle  of  the  blow  softens  my  seasoned  soul  and 
wrings  it  with  remorse  that  is,  alas,  but  the  piercing 
thorn  of  a  flower  whose  fragrance  I  trampled  out 
too  often.  Oh,  my  mother !  What  Avould  I  not  give 
to  live  once  more  the  vainly  regretted  moments  of 
that  inexorable  past ! 

At  the  time  of  my  arrival  my  mother  was  tempora- 
rily employed  in  the  house  of  old  and  excellent  friends 
who  often  made  easier  her  difiicult  task  of  bread- win- 
ning. To  keep  me  with  her  was  out  of  the  question. 
Returned  hke  a  bad  five- cent- piece  by  my  indignant 
amit,  I  was  not,  even  to  a  mother's  myopic  eye,  a 
sort  of  treasure  to  be  coveted  by  others  who  though 
more  than  kind  were  less  than  kin;  so  after  much 
yearning  perplexity,  in  which  I  know  I  did  not  prop- 
erly share,  I  was  conveyed  to  a  neighboring  farm- 


RURAL   PASTIMES. 


time 


house  and  there  by  impromptu  arrangement  deposited 
until  further  notice. 

In  that  shady  seclusion  I  for  a 
pretty  evenly  divided  my  abundant 
activity  between  the  rustic  pas- 
time of  gathering  nuts  and  the 
more  social  recreations  of  making 
larger  as  well  as  smaller  rustics 
respect  my  phenomenal  capacity 
for  mischief,  and  of  conciliating 
of    an   immense 
that  prudent 
with.    And  when 
thus    enliven 
dull,  sparse 
lated   neigh 
hood,  I  peti 


to  be  remov^ 
whither- 
writing,    or 
verbally,  but 

ningly  devised 
that  clamored  for      \) 
sence.      "What   next 
to  me  it  Avould  be,  if  not  tiresome,  at  least  unprepos- 
sessing to  detail.     I  have  no  inclination  to  alienate 


\  ;  I  V'       exactly 
/_  y    by   cun- 

conduct 

my  ab- 

happened 


6  A   HASTY  DEPARTURE. 

the  esteem  of  the  virtuous  at  the  threshold  of  acquaint- 
ance, and  have  dwelt  thus  much  in  minutiae  on  my 
earliest  experiences  only  to  introduce  myself  with  can- 
dor, and  to  do  impartial  justice  to  the  memory  of  my 
maiden  aunt.  As  years  rolled  on  I  acquired  a  rare 
proficiency  in  those  innumerable  exercises  of  strength 
and  agility  which  contribute  so  largely  to  dissipate 
the  ennui  of  boyhood  and  deter  the  young  philoso- 
pher from  prematurely  contemplating  life  as  a  huge 
wave  of  hideous  despair.  I  also,  in  a  desultory  way, 
cultivated  an  inherited  fondness  for  manipulating 
stringed  instruments,  cherishing  the  conviction  that 
when  I  became  big  enough  I  would  begin  a  noble  and 
illustrious  career  as  ''end-man"  upon  the  seductive 
stage. 

I  also,  on  one  occasion,  while  smartmg  under  a 
well  merited  but  none  the  less  offensive  reprimand, 
left  the  maternal  cot,  in  Wheeling,  Ya.,  ostensibly 
for  school,  and  having  deposited  my  books  and  slate 
in  the  coal-shed,  proceeded  to  the  wdiarf  and  hid  my- 
self on  board  a  steamer  plying  between  "Wlieeling  and 
the,  to  me,  remote  and  romantic  port  of  Steubenville, 
Ohio. 

After  wandering  about  the  streets  of  the  latter 
place  for  some  hours  I  formed  the  acquaintance  of  a 
large   and   jovial   philanthropist   who  was  then  the 


THE   TINY  TRAMP. 


keeper  of  the  principal  inn,  and  who,  under  the  im- 
pression that  I  was  a  friendless  waif  from  Pittsburg, 
took  a  benevolent  interest  in  me.  Having  fed  and 
comforted  me,  he  propounded  a  series  of  questions, 
all  oi  which  I  answered  with  a  seeming  frankness 
that  forestalled  suspicion  of  guile.  The  next  day  my 
large  hearted  patron  offered  to  send  me  to  school ; 
but  I  demurred,  assuring  him  that  I  had  been  to 
school  enongh,  and  that  I  would  rather  earn  my  liv- 
ing honestly,  by  blacking  boots  in  his  hotel.  He  re- 
plied that  the  industry  I  mentioned  was  just  then  a 
monopoly  vested  beyond  his  immediate  control,  but 
he  would  set  me  up  in  business  as  a  newsboy,  if  that 
would  suit  me.  I  gratefully  accepted  his  offer ;  and 
plied  the  latter  vocation  with  energy  and  profit  for 
two  days,  by  which  time  my  generous  benefactor  had 
so  entirely  won  my  confidence  that  in  an  impulsive 
moment  I  told  him  all. 

Wlien  I  had  done  so  the  astonished  publican  gave 
me  some  grave  and  excellent  fatherly  advice,  and,  m 
spite  of  my  protests,  took  me  on  board  the  packet  as 
soon  as  it  next  arrived  and  placed  me  under  care  of 
the  captain.  I  was  very  indignant  for  a  while ;  but 
soon  after  the  voyage  began  I  became  agreeably  in- 
terested in  the  prospect  of  quickly  reaching  home. 

When   I   ran   into  the  house,  I  saw  my  mother 


8  THE   PKODIGAL   SON. 

slowly  and  with  a  weary  air  ascending  the  narrow 
front  stairway.  At  my  impulsive  shout  she  turned, 
in  the  curve  of  the  little  landmg,  threw  np  her  arms, 
and  almost  fell  npon  me  in  her  haste  to  hug  the 
wicked  boy  whose  undutifulness  had  graven  some 
fresh,  deep  luies  of  grief,  which  joy  could  not  dis- 
guise, on  her  sad,  sweet  countenance.  For  three  days 
my  slate  and  books  had  been  the  only  traces  of  me  in 
Wlieeling. 

"Within  a  few  months  after  my  return  from  this,  my 
earhest  vagrancy,  I  began  to  overhear  remarks  that 
presaged  a  migration  of  the  family  to  Cincinnati ;  a 
change  of  habitat  for  which  my  elder  brother  had  pre- 
pared the  way.  At  first  I  was  not  much  interested  in 
this  household  gossip  ;  but  when  active  preparations 
for  departure  gave  visible  form  to  the  exodus,  I  sud- 
denly became  deeply  absorbed  in  the  details.  And 
later,  when  we  settled  down  in  our  new  abode,  as  soon 
as  I  had  outhved  the  propensity  to  stare  agape  at  the 
kaleidoscopic  novelty  of  the  great  city,  I  ascertained 
that  I  was,  at  last,  in  an  environment  adapted  to  my  or- 
ganization, and  speedily  made  others  f  amihar  with  the 
fact  I  had  discovered.  Indeed,  withm  a  few  months 
I  gave  my  mother  more  anxiety  than  she  knew  what 
to  do  with.  I  did  not  suddenly  overwhelm  her  with 
any  particular  enormit}^,  but  gradually,  as  she  could 


THE   PRETTY  PLAYGEOUND.  9 

bear  it,  I  surrounded  her  in  a  comparatively  short  time 
with  a  positively  alarming  quantity  of  tribulation. 

What,  of  her  own  volition,  she  would  have  done 
in  consequence,  I  know  not.  My  elder  brother  had 
suddenly  become  an  element  in  the  forces  that  were 
shaping  my  destiny;  and  after  a  private  interview 
with  him  she  one  day  asked  me  to  take  a  ride  with 
her  —  an  invitation  which  I  with  joy  and  alacrity 
accepted. 

When  the  smoke  and  noise  of  the  city  had  been 
left  several  miles  behind,  the  omnibus  stopped,  at  a 
signal  from  my  mother,  before  a  high,  iron  gateway 
in  a  massive  stone  wall,  while  we  alighted.  After 
some  delay  an  attendant  opened  a  side  w^icket  for  us, 
and  we  entered  upon  a  scene  the  beauty  of  which 
profoundly  stirred  an  impulse  which,  unsuspected  by 
myself  or  any  other  person,  was  germinating  in  my 
young  bosom.  Before  us  lay  beds  of  artistic  forms 
and  beautifully  contrasting  colors,  broadly  dispersed 
among  dark  blue  belts  of  lawn  and  in  the  embrace  of 
spacious  walks  of  pleasing  sinuosity.  In  places,  on 
the  velvety  sward,  the  warm  evening  sunlight  played 
in  evanescent  gleams  of  green  around  the  long  spots 
of  darker  color  cast  by  the  breezy  foliage  of  hand- 
some shade  trees ;  and  in  the  midst  of  the  agree- 
able landscape,  at  the  end  of  a  wider  walk  on  which 


10  A  SELECT   SCHOOL. 

we  were  approaching  it,  rose  a  stately  edifice  sub- 
stantially but  handsomely  built  of  rough-hewn  lime- 
stone. 

My  mother,  perceiving  my  admiring  gaze,  asked 
me  how  I  would  like  to  live  in  that  big  house  and 
have  the  pretty  garden  for  my  playground;  and 
when  I  in  my  own  way  assured  her  that  such  good 
fortune  would  leave  me  little  if  anything  to  desire, 
she  informed  me  it  was  a  large  school  for  boys,  at 
which  she  intended  to  leave  me,  to  learn  how  to  be 
good,  for  a  season. 

I  was  a  good  deal  surprised  but  not  much  discon- 
certed by  this  announcement,  the  novelty  of  the  sen- 
sation it  aroused  being  more  agreeable  than  the  aston- 
ishing element  contained  in  it  was  discomposing.  I 
was,  indeed,  a  little  piqued,  at  first,  by  the  implied 
onus  of  punishment ;  but  by  the  time  we  reached  the 
open  portal  of  the  building  I  became  reconciled  to 
this  burden  on  reflecting  that,  according  to  my  some- 
what diversified  experience,  I  might  go  much  farther 
without  finding  a  more  pleasant  sort  of  punishment. 

I  amused  myself  staring  about  the  reception  room 
and  vestibule  wliile  my  mother  held  conversation  with 
a  man  almost  as  large  but  not  so  prepossessing  as 
mine  host  of  Steuben ville,  for  perhaps  fifteen  or 
twenty  minutes;    when   the    former    called   me   in, 


THE   FESTAL   BOARD.  11 

hugged  me  a  good  deal,  begged  me  between  sobs  to 
mind  Mr.  Jones  and  become  a  good  boy,  and  finally 
departed,  leaving  me  wet  with  her  tears. 

I  had  mingled  my  tears  with  hers,  but  I  was  by  no 
means  an  apron-string  sniveler ;  so  when  the  gentle- 
man I  had  been  counseled  to  obey  said,  not  unkindly, 
that  I  had  better  come  along  to  supper,  I  remem- 
bered I  had  been  feeling  hungry  and  followed  him 
without  further  formality  of  sorrow. 

He  led  me  by  devious  passages  to  a  large  room  in 
the  rear  portion  of  the  building,  where  several  hun- 
dred boys  sat  eating  in  silence  and  with  striking  de- 
corum around  a  number  of  long,  narrow  tables.  The 
repast,  which  consisted  of  bread,  molasses  and  as  fine 
water  as  the  drift-gravel  of  that  region  affords,  was 
well  advanced  at  the  moment  of  my  entrance ;  and 
before  I  had  disposed  of  the  allowance  set  before  me 
the  large  assembly  began  to  move  and  pass  out  like 
a  procession  in  single  file,  thereby  accelerating  my 
motions  and  causing  me  to  hastily  scrape  up  the  vis- 
cid fluid  so  seductive  to  childhood  and  spread  it  on 
my  bread.  Then  I  mingled  with  the  dissolving 
throng,  and  falling  in  behind  the  line  followed  it  up 
stairs  and  into  a  large  apartment  which  I,  by  its  fur- 
nishing, at  once  recognized  as  a  school  room. 

Going  to  school  after  supper  was  an  experience 


12  WHO'S   AFRAID? 

entirely  new  to  me,  and  sufficiently  awe-inspiring  to 
impair  the  zest  with  which  I  finished  my  bread  and 
molasses.  And  the  feeling,  which  was  an  oppressive 
uncertainty  as  to  impending  possibilities,  gained 
strength  as  often  as  I  glanced  about  me  and  noted 
the  remarkable  order  and  absence  of  juvenile  frivolity 
that  everywhere  prevailed.  In  Wheeling,  and  more 
recently  in  Cincinnati,  I  had  seen  well  regulated 
school  rooms,  but  never  one  to  be  compared  with 
that.  After  a  while  I  rallied  my  presence  of  mind 
and  in  self  communion  meditated :   ' '  Who' s  afraid ' '  ? 

I  heroically  pushed  my  right  hand  into  my  pants 
pocket  and  deliberately  counted  my  marbles  one  by 
one.  But  I  was  not  bold  enough  to  proceed  any 
further  in  my  reckless  inclination  to  pretend  to  ' '  play 
hole ' '  at  the  orifice  of  the  inkstand  imbedded  in  the 
level  top  of  the  sloping  desk  before  me.  The  spirit 
was  willmg,  but  something  before  which  I  had  never 
until  then  quailed  deterred  me. 

After  an  irksome  sitting,  really  several  hours 
shorter  than  it  seemed,  I  was  shut  up  in  a  small  dor- 
mitory on  one  side  of  a  long,  narrow  corridor ;  wdiere, 
when  we  were  left  to  darkness  and  our  own  quiet  de- 
vices, my  room-mate  first  perplexed  me  by  asking 
what  I  was  put  in  for,  then  aroused  my  sluggish  in- 
terest by  repeating  the  odd  question  in  various  forms, 


NUMBEE  1259.  13 

and  finally  overwhelmed  me  with  the  information  that 
I  was  beyond  doubt  duly  enrolled  as  ^o.  1259  of  the 
House  of  Refuge. 

!N^ot  to  linger  on  this  unlovely  episode,  I  remamed 
under  the  baleful  discipline  of  that  institution  for 
nine  months ;  during  which  time,  to  prepare  me  to 
encounter  stoically  the  buffets  of  an  unfeeling  world, 
I  was  beaten  with  many  stripes  and  thoroughly  in- 
structed in  the  simplest  methods  by  wliich  brute  force 
may  make  itself  respected.  Fortunately  I  was  en- 
dowed by  nature  with  a  sturdy  independence  that 
prevented  me  from  becoming  in  a  time  so  limited 
either  cowed  by  paltry  tyranny  or  contaminated  by 
vicious  associations.  And  as  a  single  compensation 
for  all  the  evils,  realized  and  possible,  of  my  situa- 
tion, I  acquired  a  handiness  with  tools  that  has  since 
proved  often  convenient  and  sometimes  of  considera- 
ble practical  value. 

After  a  novitiate  in  several  other  departments  I 
was  permanently  apprenticed  in  a  workshop  devoted 
to  extensive  manufacture  of  large  brushes  ;  where,  as 
soon  as  I  became  sufficiently  adept  in  the  manipula- 
tion of  wire  with  tools,  I  began  to  experiment  in  a 
surreptitious  fabrication  of  skeleton  keys.  Undis- 
mayed by  a  series  of  failures,  which,  owing  to  the 
stealth  indispensable  to  the  nndertaldng,  occupied  my 


14  WAITING  ON  THE   MOON. 

available  moments  for  several  months,  I  steadfastly 
persisted  until  I  had  a  set  of  picks  with  which  I  could 
move  all  bolts  on  the  premises,  as  far  as  I  had  safe 
opportunity  to  try,  and  which  I  was  confident  would 
not  fail  me  at  the  outer  gates.  Having,  as  I  fancied, 
good  reason  to  put  trust  in  my  implements  and  pa- 
tiently acquired  skill  in  using  them,  I  began  to  exult 
in  the  prospect  of  escape ;  and  was  deferring  my  pro- 
ject only  until  the  moon  should  rise  some  hours  after 
midnight,  when  an  event  occurred  that  prevented  its 
execution. 

As  has  been  hinted,  the  discipline  of  the  institution 
was  rigid  and  severe.  The  boys  were  worked  by  day 
and  instructed  in  the  rudiments  of  scholarship  at 
night.  Between  the  exercises  of  workshop  and  school- 
room they  slept,  paired  off  in  cell-like  dormitories ; 
ate  three  frugal  meals  each  day,  consisting  of  bread 
and  water  and  a  miniature  dole  of  meat,  or  molasses 
or  butter ;  and  were  drilled  to  form  in  line  and  face 
and  file,  with  all  the  pomp  and  ceremony  of  troops  in 
garrison.  An  hour  and  a  half  each  day  was  allotted 
to  recreation  ;  and  the  only  other  luxury  of  life  al- 
lowed the  future  citizens  was  a  variety  in  fare,  by 
which  soup  was  sometimes  substituted  for  meat  at 
dinner,  or  mush  for  bread  at  supper,  except  on  rare, 
holiday  occasions   of  festivity,  when  the  excellent 


CHASTENED   APPETITES.  15 

water  was  compounded  in  a  mild  beverage  that  we 
with  uncritical  enthusiasm  hailed  as  coffee. 

The  dining  hall  was  Mr.  Jones'  throne-room  and 
temple  of  despotic  justice,  where  he  always  sat  in 
state  during  meal  hours,  on  a  low  dais  in  the  remote 
end  of  the  refectory.  Thither,  at  the  end  of  each 
morning  repast,  it  was  his  custom,  wliich  never  lapsed 
for  lack  of  several  candidates,  to  summon  to  him,  by 
their  numbers,  such  boys  as  were  marked  on  his  pri- 
vate notes  for  discipline,  and,  without  other  notice, 
to  castigate  them,  then  and  there.  For  this  reason 
breakfast  was  a  meal  the  enjoyment  of  which  de- 
pended less  upon  the  fare  than  on  the  eater's  con- 
science. 

One  morning,  while  I  was  impatiently  waiting  on 
the  deliberate  movement  of  the  moon,  a  well  grown 
youth,  often  numbered  among  those  who  ate  expect- 
antly, was  summoned  by  number  to  come  forward. 

He  obeyed  promptly,  shouting :  ' '  IS'ow,  boys  ! 
Come  on  ! ' ' 

Mr.  Jones  had  unwittingly  given  the  preconcerted 
signal  of  a  conspiracy  newly  organized  with  the  des- 
perate purpose  of  opposing  violence  to  brutality ;  and 
without  flinching  the  ringleader  unhesitatingly  raised 
the  standard  of  revolt. 

The  confusion  that  almost  immediately  ensued  ob- 


16  THE  YOUNG  ASSASSIN. 

scured  my  view  in  a  moment ;  but  during  that  mo- 
ment the  scene  was  stirring,  and  is  indelibly  impressed 
on  my  memory. 

With  the  shout,  the  hoodlum  rushed  past  me. 

Several  of  the  largest  boys  folloAved,  but  hesitat- 
mgly.  The  last  movement  drew  my  attention  from 
the  cliief  conspirator ;  and  in  one  quick  look  around, 
before  I  was  engulfed  in  commotion,  I  noted  the  hes- 
itation of  the  confederates  and  saw  all  around  me 
familiar  faces  full  of  expression  that  was  mifamiliar. 
In  some  it  was  startled  amazement,  in  others  intense 
alarm,  and  in  a  few,  unadulterated  but  eager  expect- 
ancy. 

The  next  instant  I  glanced  quickly  toward  the  dais. 

The  young  ruffian  was  then  rushing  upon  Mr. 
Jones,  whose  face  was  a  study  of  astonishment  mnd 
disconcertion,  wliich  I  saw  only  for  a  moment,  above 
the  heads  already  rising  around  the  tables  in  front  of 
me.  I  got  upon  my  chaii',  but  others  did  the  same 
and  I  could  see  only  that  a  serious  struggle  was  m 
progress. 

Wliat  the  upstarting  prevented  me  from  seeing  was 
this, —  Mr.  Jones  recovered  possession  of  his  facul- 
ties, closed  with  his  assailant,  and  a  scuffle  ensued,  in 
which  the  young  assassin,  being  feebly  supported  and 
hard  pressed,  buried  a  shoemaker's  knife  to  the  hilt 


ALMOST  A  TRAGEDY.  17 

in  Mr.  Jones'  neck.  I  saw  the  blade  gleam,  and  a 
thin  stream  of  blood  spirt  up ;  just  as  an  assistant 
keeper  ran  past  my  table,  into  the  crowd.  He  felled 
the  boy  with  a  weapon  which  some  said  was  a ' '  billy," 
and  which  others  beheved  was  a  slung  shot. 

Mr.  Jones  eventually  recovered ;  but  the  issue  was 
for  some  days  doubtful,  and  durmg  the  excitement, 
which  was  fed  and  sustained  by  suspense,  my  mother 
came  out  to  the  mstitution.  I  then  saw  my  oppor- 
tunity in  her  agitation,  and  so  harrowed  her  feelings 
with  details  of  the  cruelty  that  had  goaded  despera- 
tion to  such  resistance  and  covered  my  body  with 
marks  which  I  exhibited  to  her,  that  she  hurried  to 
the  city,  procured  my  discharge  and  sent  my  brother 
out  in  haste  with  a  new  suit  of  clothes  and  the  order 
for  my  immediate  dismissal. 

I  next  passed  rapidly  from  school  to  school,  build- 
ing up  a  cumulative  reputation  which  eventually  led 
to  my  being  placed  under  the  tutelage  of  a  school- 
mistress of  uncertain  age  whose  fame  for  rigorous 
discipline  had  survived  such  renown  for  charms  of 
person  and  amiability  of  spirit  as  she  might  once  have 
enjoyed.  Tliis  estimable  young  lady  in  the  routine 
of  duty  soon  incurred  my  displeasure,  and  with  a 
knack  to  which  I  was  eventually  to  owe  my  bread  I 
made  a  free-hand  portrait  of  her  face  and  figure  more 

2 


18 


MY  FIRST  PORTRAIT. 


striking  in  its  general,  suggestive  likeness  than  faith- 
ful or  flattering  in  detail.  The  ''study,"  which  I 
executed  in  chalk  on  the  black-board  durmg  recess, 
was  the  occasion  of  much  juvenile  mirth,  and  drew 
down  upon  the  artist  a  special  surveillance  the  con- 
sequences of  which  could  not  be  doubtful. 

Before  many  days  I 
was  detected  in  some 
transgression  of  an 
enormity  that  pleaded 
for  exemplary  correc- 
tion. 

The  extraordinary 
sentence  passed  upon 
me  was,  to  He  prone 
across  the  top  of  a 
desk  and  in  that  favor- 
able position  receive  condign  chastisement.  I  said  I 
would  take  the  thrashing  standing,  if  that  would  be 
satisfactory  to  her ;  otherwise,  I  would  not  take  it  at 
all. 

Finding  me  prepared  to  adhere  to  this  resolution 
my  indignant  preceptress  sent  for  the  principal,  who 
arrived  at  the  scene  of  action  in  a  few  minutes,  or 
shortly  after  I  had  indomitably  determined  not  to  lie 
down  on  that  occasion  while  I  had  life  enousrh  in  me 


^bI^11\AJT 


A  MASTERLY  RETREAT.  19 

to  stand  up.  I  expected  to  be  severely  punished,  and 
was  resigned  to  the  affliction ;  but  I  was  not  quite 
prepared  for  what  soon  happened. 

The  pedagogue  gave  heed  briefly  to  the  report  of 
my  teacher  —  which,  for  some  reason,  included  no 
mention  of  the  portrait  —  and  then  approached  me 
with  an  air  so  indignant  and  suggestive  of  pugilistic 
combat  that  I  recoiled  in  dismay  and  promptly  re- 
treated by  jumping  over  the  row  of  desks  immedi- 
ately behind  me.  Then,  finding  the  pursuit  active  ,♦, 
and  pressing,  I  led  it  through  narrow  defiles  to  some 
extent  blocked  by  excited  urchms,  harrassing  it  as 
much  as  possible  by  an  irregular  fire  of  slates  and 
rulers,  discharged  point-blank  with  a  rapid  skill  well 
known  and  much  respected  among  my  schoolmates. 
My  pursuer  dodged  most  of  the  missiles,  which  de- 
layed him  somewhat,  but  in  the  upper  reaches  of  the 
vestibule  and  stairway  he  pressed  me  so  closely  that 
when  half  way  down  I  took  a  flying  hand-leap  over 
the  banister,  and  alighted  in  a  scramble  that  ended 
only  after  it  had  shot  me  through  the  door- way  and 
almost  across  the  pavement.  I  thus  gained  so  much 
distance  in  the  race  that  by  the  time  the  irate  pro- 
fessor reached  the  academic  portal  I  stood  in  the 
middle  of  the  street,  with  a  rock  in  each  hand,  and 
caressed  his  rage  by  viciously  howling :  ' '  Come  on  ! " 


20 


A  THRILLING  PANTOMIME. 


As  I  rarely  missed  the  mark  when  it  was  a  dog  at 
twenty  paces  or  a  cat  at  ten,  it  was,  perhaps,  fortu- 
nate for  both  of  us  that  the  man  of  learning  seemed 
to  consider  that  he  discharged  his  whole  duty  nobly 
by  dancing  grotesquely  in  the  door-way  and  shaking 
his  fist  at  me.  To  strengthen  him.  in  this  apparent 
conviction  I  took  both  stones  in  my  left  hand,  and 
placing  the  thumb  thus  disengaged  before  my  nose, 
performed  a  pantomime  which,  for  some  psychologi- 
cal reason  that  eludes  the  philosopher,  profoundly 
penetrates  and  thrills  the  human  bosom. 

Thus  ended  my  career  as  a  school-boy.  The  Civil 
war  had  already  begun,  and  thenceforward  I  was  to 
turn  my  back  on  boyish  things  and  cast  in  my  lot 
with  men. 


CHAPTER    II. 


'lEED  by  that  classic  impulse 
which  poets,  historians,  school- 
boys and  some  other  unsophis- 
ticated or  interested  persons 
call  patriotism,  but  which,  ac- 
curately speaking,  is  an  epi- 
demic infatuation  first  intro- 
duced among"  men  by  those 
shrewd,  ancient  statesmen  who  originally  invented 

"  The  rich  man's  war  and  the  poor  man's  fight," 

I,  at  the  first  roll  of  the  spirit  stirring  drum,  became 
as  eager  as  any  man  to  perish  on  the  holy  altar  of 
$300  for  a  substitute !  But  when  I  proudly  offered 
my  services  to  my  country  I  was  intensely  disgusted 
to  find  out  that  maternal  opposition  and  my  tender 
age  put  obstacles  between  me  and  my  longing  to 
rush  to  glory  or  the  grave. 


22  THE   WILL  AND   THE   WAY. 

After  much  cogitation  I  thought  I  saw  a  way  of 
passing  around  the  obstructions  ;  and  then  I  concen- 
trated all  my  energy  into  one  diligent  endeavor  to 
learn  to  beat  a  drum.  I  soon  acquired  a  crude  skill 
that  was  useful  to  a  class  of  ambitious  gentlemen  who 
were  in  those  days  active  in  the  recruiting  service ; 
and  in  assisting  them  I  often  marched  with  heroes  in 
the  van,  passing  from  corps  to  corps  as  mevitably 
and  even  more  rapidly  than  I  had  passed  so  recently 
from  school  to  school.  In  this  way  I  became  identi- 
fied as  a  warrior,  and  laid  wide  the  foundations  of  ac- 
quaintance with  numerous  officers  in  sets  of  the 
company  and  battalion,  many  of  whom  I  afterwards 
met  in  less  gallant  but  more  warlike  costume  and  ar- 
ray, as  distinguished  colonels  and  generals,  but  not  a 
whit  the  less  my  ancient  comrades,  unspoiled  by  pomp 
or  pride. 

Meanwhile,  I  was  unremitting  in  my  efforts  to 
merge  my  martial  identity  in  that  of  a  marching  reg- 
iment ;  but  it  was  not  possible  to  disguise  my  youth, 
and  hope  deferred  had  almost  discouraged  me  when, 
in  the  autumn  of  1862,  the  Confederates  advanced 
into  Kentucky,  and  a  column  of  the  invaders  under 
General  Kirby  Smith  pushed  forward  to  Covington, 
and  disporting  in  plain  view  of  that  transpontine 
suburb,  threw  all  that  region,  including  the  city  of 


THE   BAND   IN   THE   REAR.  23 

Cincinnati,  into  a  panic.  Then  there  was  mustering- 
in  hot  haste,  without  fastidiousness  as  to  age  or 
inches,  and  in  the  crisis  of  the  rally  I  easily  enlisted 
as  junior  drummer  of  the  Eighty-Third  Regiment  of 
Ohio  Volunteer  Infantry. 

As  the  babe  of  that  sanguinary  battahon  I  soon 
enjoyed  a  notoriety  that  was  very  gratifying  to  my 
self  esteem ;  and  my  first  exploit  in  the  field  on  the 
whole  tended  to  increase  my  renown,  while  it  taught 
me  that  war  is  a  grim  reality. 

One  day  when  the  regiment,  as  was  then  its  wont, 
was  exploring  the  Commonwealth  of  Kentucky  a  few 
miles  out  from  IS^ewport,  the  band  in  the  rear,  it 
dawned  on  me  that  there  was  much  concentrated 
idiocy  in  that  fatigmng  sort  of  military  evolution. 
Imparting  this  conviction  to  a  comrade  who  was 
trudging  along  in  the  rear  file  beside  me,  I  found  that 
he  participated  in  it.  After  a  few  deprecatory  re- 
marks upon  the  conduct  of  the  war  we  came  to  a  mu- 
tual understanding,  wliich  we  soon  carried  into  effect 
by  marchmg  left  oblique  to  a  large  tree  and  permit- 
tmg  it  to  stand  between  ourselves  and  the  departing 
column,  until  the  latter  disappeared  beyond  a  neigh- 
boring hill.  Then  we  looked  at  each  other  for  a  few 
moments,  hilariously,  ere  we  started  on  a  bee  line, 
through  the  woods,  for  ^N^ewport. 


24  A  COURT  MARTIAL. 

We  passed  the  night  in  town,  without  particularly 
enjoying  ourselves,  owing  to  certain  misgivings  as  to 
the  upshot  of  the  adventure ;  and  early  on  the  follow- 
ing day  concluded  that  the  best  thing  we  could  do 
was  to  return  quietly  to  camp. 

We  did  so;  and  were  immediately  placed  under 
arrest  in  the  "  guard  house,"  a  primitive  place  of  con- 
finement constructed  of  fence-rails  in  the  cow-pen 
style  of  architecture. 

My  fellow-culprit  was  soon  released,  for  no  visible 
reason,  unless  it  was  the  fact  that  he  was  an  older, 
and  hence  more  valuable  soldier  than  I  was. 

After  a  tedious  confinement  of  many  hours  I  was 
summoned  to  a  tent,  before  a  drum-head  court-mar- 
tial ;  and  as  I  had  improved  an  abundant  leisure  to 
reflect  that  I  had  never  heard  of  but  one  penalty  for 
desertion  in  the  face  of  the  enemy,  I  shall  never  for- 
get the  feelings  with  which  I  looked  around  upon  the 
stern,  familiar  faces  of  that  court. 

Colonel  Frederic  Moore  called  the  court  to  order 
and  proceeded  to  unfold  a  paper  and  read  the  charges 
and  specifications,  in  which  was  darkly  depicted  the 
heinous  crime  I  had  committed  by  deserting  the  flag  of 
my  country  in  the  hour  of  need. 

After  this  formality  Major  I'Hommidieu  rose  and 
remarking  that  the  prisoner  was  very  young  to  act  as 


THE   AGONY   OF  DEATH.  25 

his  own  advocate,  begged  to  be  permitted  to  plead  in 
his  behalf.  The  services  of  this  eloquent  officer  hav- 
ing been  accepted  he  announced  that  his  client  pleaded 
guilty  to  all  the  charges  and  specifications  and  threw 
himself  upon  the  clemency  of  the  court.  The  Major 
then  laid  off  his  military  great-coat  and  exercised  his 
fine  forensic  powers  in  a  brilliant  oration  that  was  of- 
ten interrupted  by  murmurs  of  restramed  applause, 
and  in  which  he  hung  a  thrilling  appeal  to  mercy  on 
my  conspicuous  youth  and  inexperience,  and  the  fact 
that  it  was  my  first  offence. 

Wlien  the  Major  sat  down  the  Judge-Advocate 
gravely  rephed  that,  painful  as  it  was  to  turn  a  deaf 
ear  to  pleading  so  skillful  and  affecting,  a  great  and 
vital  principle  was  involved  in  the  issue.  That  war 
knew  no  distinction  in  its  ranks  between  men  and 
boys.  The  same  rations,  the  same  bullets —  in  short 
the  same  rewards  and  punishments  —  were  measured 
out  with  an  impartial  hand  to  all,  who  in  the  eye  of 
war  were  neither  men  nor  boys,  but  simply  soldiers. 

The  cold  blooded  consistency  of  this  ferocious  logic 
appalled  and  horrified  me.  For  the  first  time  in  my 
fife  I  knew  what  it  was  to  shake  in  abject  fear.  Gaz- 
ing about  like  an  animal  in  the  extremity  of  terror,  I 
saw  something  passed  into  the  tent. 


26  AN   INVALUABLE   YELL. 

"  What  is  that?  "  demanded  the  Major,  excitedly. 

"  The  rope,"  replied  the  Colonel.  "  Let  the  pris- 
oner stand  forward  and  receive  the  sentence.'' 

At  this  juncture  I  became  frantic  and  shrieked 
wildly  for  mercy ;  whereat  the  Court  seemed  suddenly 
and  strangely  moved,  and  the  Colonel,  checking  my 
clamor  by  a  commanding  gesture,  remarked  that  a 
yell  like  mme  was  too  invaluable  to  a  regiment  in  the 
attack  to  be  strangled  precipitately  —  that  if  I  would 
promise  to  cultivate  it  in  solitude  and  then  exercise  it 
on  proper  occasions,  when  it  would  do  the  most 
good,  —  on  those  conditions,  I  was  spared  ! 

I  would  probably  have  swooned  under  the  shock  of 
revulsion  thus  administered  to  my  strained  feelings, 
but  for  the  pang  of  shame  that  penetrated  me  with 
the  swift  realization  that  I  had  been  made  the  victim 
of  a  farcical  trial.  N^erved  by  this  rude  puncture  of 
my  vanity,  into  the  vhidictive  courage  roused  by  ex- 
cessive outrage,  I  hoarsely  laughed  : 

^'  If  you  all  are  satisfied,  I  am  —  I  reckon  I  did  my 
part  as  well  as  any  of  you  did  yours." 

I  then  sat  down  on  a  mess-chest,  simply  because  I 
was  sick,  dizzy  and  incapable  of  standing  a  moment 
longer.  But  I  kept  my  own  counsel  as  to  my  ex- 
tremity, and  for  that  reason  my  reputation  gained 


A  WEATHFUL  EIVEE.  27 

more  than  it  lost  on  that  occasion,  I,  as  often  hap- 
pens to  many  others,  receiving  a  large  amount  of 
credit  to  which  I  was  not  a  whit  entitled. 

Shortly  after  this  experience  our  regiment  was  de- 
spatched down  the  Mississippi  Hiver  to  participate  in 
the  movement  then  impending  against  Yicksburg ; 
a  campaign  that  ended  in  the  bloody  repulse  of  Chic- 
asaw  Bayou,  where  the  elements  and  a  resolute  foe  so 
buffeted  us  that  I  have  as  little  inclination  to  multi- 
ply words  about  it  as  is  manifested  by  our  patriotic 
historians. 

Recoiling  from  the  impregnable  hills  north  of  the 
fortress  our  army  and  navy  sought  solace  for  the 
chagrin  of  defeat  in  swooping  down  upon  a  prey  less 
formidable,  and  until  then  despised,  namely,  the  mud 
fort  of  Arkansas  Post ;  and  after  duly  surrounding 
it  by  flood  and  field  and  capturing  the  garrison  of 
four  or  five  thousand  men,  we  returned  to  resume  the 
aquatic  and  less  simple  contest  before  the  Gibraltar 
of  the  Confederacy. 

The  Father  of  Kivers,  as  if  to  admonish  us  that 
we  must  not  hope  to  ride  rough-shod,  by  the  mere 
Democratic  virtue  of  a  majority,  over  the  State  named 
in  his  honor,  rose  in  his  might  against  us  and  sur- 
rounded us  with  a  host  of  waters,  until  we  were  fain 
to  flee  from  his  wrath  and  seek  refuge  from  it  on  the 


28  THE   POETRY   OF  PATRIOTISM. 

"levees,"  or  embankments  raised  to  protect  the  re- 
gion around  us  from  inundation.  On  these  artificial 
ridges  we  camped  and  lived  and  died  and  buried  our 
dead,  more  like  the  mistaken  multitude  that  scoffed 
at  ^oah  and  failed  to  engage  passage  in  the  Ark,  than 
like  a  proud  and  conquering  army.  This  discom- 
fiture, most  serious  while  it  prevailed,  was  mainly  due 
to  the  wickedness  of  certain  lords  of  the  soil  encum- 
bered by  our  presence,  who,  with  a  disregard  of  their 
own  peril  and  property  that  would  have  been  grandly 
heroic  under  like  circumstances  in  Indiana  or  Ohio, 
but  which  (such  is  the  poetry  of  patriotism)  was  dia- 
bolical treason  in  Louisiana,  cut  the  levees  and  let 
the  destroying  flood  in  upon  us  and  their  own  earthly 
possessions. 

When  the  deluge  subsided  it  left  a  debris  of  sandy 
slime,  in  which  the  army  waded  from  Young's  Point, 
above  Yicksburg,  by  a  devious,  inland  route,  through 
a  labyrinth  of  lakes  and  bayous,  to  Bruinsburg,  a 
hamlet  of  Mississippi  on  the  river  shore  some  reaches 
below  the  beleagured  city. 

In  this  movement  our  brigade  first  maneuvered  on 
the  right,  or  exposed  flank,  and  then  brought  up  the 
rear,  affording  me  an  excellent  opportunity  to  study 
war  from  a  standpoint  much:  neglected  by  the  histo- 
rian.    Owing  to  some  military  necessity  wliich  seems 


BEHIND  THE   SCENES.  29 

to  have  been  since  forgotten,  the  handsomest  home- 
steads we  passed  were  m  flames  or  smokmg  rums, 
presentmg  a  landscape  more  agreeable  to  me  m  the 
excitement  of  the  moment  than  it  has  ever  been  to 
the  calm,  critical  eye  of  retrospection.  My  humble 
opinion  may  not  be  worth  much,  opposed  to  that  of 
giant  minds,  on  so  profound  a  subject ;  but  such  as 
it  is  I  will  record  it  for  the  consideration  of  posterity. 
I  am  persuaded  that  it  is  a  mistaken  military  policy 
that  permits  rums  of  homesteads  to  appear  in  the 
vicinity  of  the  rear-guard  of  an  advancmg  army. 
Judging  by  experience,  I  do  not  believe  it  increased 
the  courage  of  our  own  troops ;  and,  as  a  matter  of 
human  probabihty,  it  may  have  augmented,  or  at 
least  tempered,  somewhat,  the  stubborn  valor  of  our 
enemies. 

After  shaking  hands  across  the  ' '  bloody  chasm ' ' 
for  a  score  of  years  it  is  time  to  be  calm  and  serious 
about  matters  that  have  ceased  to  be  personal  by  be- 
coming historic.  When  facts  are  such  that  nothing 
desirable  can  possibly  be  accomplished  by  any  other 
course,  it  is  well  to  recognize  them  and  make  a 
virtue  of  the  candor  that  remains  in  doing  so.  How- 
ever any  one  else  who  tested  the  temper  of  our  hon- 
est, if  misguided.  Southern  fellow-citizens  may  feel 
about  it  after  all  these  years,  I  must  confess  that  as 


30  FIRE  AND   SWORD. 

I  look  forward  into  tlie  inexorable  hereafter,  reflecting 
that  our  late  fraternal  unpleasantness  is  destined  to 
take  high  rank  among  the  human  controversies  that 
will  be  slowly  forgotten  by  mankind,  I  envy  the  men 
who  fought  against  us  what  is  certain  to  be  remem- 
bered of  two  things,  namely:  first,  the  formidable 
efficiency  with  which  they  fought ;  and  second,  the 
exemplary  forbearance,  worthy  to  become  an  exam- 
ple unto  all  ages,  with  which  they  moved  over  de- 
fenceless hostile  territory  in  quest  of  armies  on  which 
to  exercise  the  terrors  of  their  enmity.  And  this  feel- 
ing of  envy  is  accentuated  by  my  recollections  of  the 
rear  of  the  great  flank  movement  on  Vicksburg. 

We  had  been  gallantly  repulsed  at  Cliicasaw 
Bayou,  and  heroically  inundated  at  Young' s  Point ; 
and  in  our  wrath  we  turned  an  Eden  spot  of  earth 
into  a  smoking  desolation. 

It  was  my  fortune,  while  wandermg  among  many 
fresh  ruins,  to  witness  the  firing  of  only  two  of  the 
devoted  dwellings.  The  first  was  a  Southern  home- 
stead abandoned  by  its  occupants  and  just  bursting 
mto  flames  as  we  marched  by.  An  incendiary  troop  of 
cavalry  was  in  the  act  of  leaving  it,  while  a  straggler 
was  bayoneting  a  luckless  shoat  in  one  corner  of  the 
handsome  grounds,  and  nearer  the  house  another 
straggler  was  pursuhig  a  large  and  i-apidly  retreatmg 


A  DANGEEOUS  DEFILE.  31 

duck.  Our  passing  impressions  of  the  other  were,  a 
stately,  embowered  mansion,  a  mob  of  cavalry  — 
the  same  troopers  — ,  a  flash  of  sabers,  puffs  of  smoke, 
a  grouped  family  and  the  voice  of  a  woman  rising 
above  the  small  wail  of  an  infant,  in  shrill  tones  of 
that  quality  which  in  every  age  and  land  has  been 
man's  signal  of  feminine  distress. 

"When  I  crossed  the  Mississippi  River  at  Bruins- 
burg,  with  our  wagon- train,  we  came  upon  the  wreck 
of  a  severe  battle  just  fought  by  our  advance  a  few 
miles  out  from  the  landing,  towards  Port  Gibson. 
The  only  road  to  the  interior  ran  between  an  abrupt 
hill  and  a  deep,  sluggish  stream  Iniown  as  Bayou 
Pierre,  along  a  narrow  terrace  that  was,  in  fact,  an 
awkward  defile ;  and  artless  as  I  was  in  the  ways  of 
war,  knowing  something  of  the  nature  of  deploy- 
ment, I  wondered  what  our  folks  would  have  done  if 
the  enemy  had  done  some  of  their  ordinary  hard 
fighting  thereabouts.  It  was  plain  to  me  that  the 
head  of  our  column  would  have  had  an  arduous  time, 
hastening  forward  into  line  out  of  that  defile,  in  the 
face  of  any  opposing  army  possessing  the  usual  skill 
and  stomach  of  our  enemies  for  battle.  It  was  not 
until  years  later  that  I  learned  how  largely  we  were 
indebted  in  that  campaign  to  divided  counsel  and  un- 
wonted inefficiency  among  the  leaders  opposing  us ; 


32  MILITARY  PEOBLEMS. 

a  windfall  of  luck  that  enabled  us  to  cross  the  wide 
river  in  our  own  imprudent  way,  debark  without  mo- 
lestation and  engage  the  divided  forces  of  the  enemy 
in  detail  in  four  stubborn  combats.  Of  course,  as  a 
matter  of  fact,  it  is  idle  to  speculate  on  contingen- 
cies that  were  not  present  and  events  which,  however 
much  probable,  did  not  happen ;  but,  as  a  military 
problem,  it  is,  nevertheless,  interesting  to  consider 
how  that  campaign  might  possibly  have  opened  under 
other  opposing  generalship. 

Chancellorsville  and  The  Wilderness  seem  unmis- 
takably to  answer  that  on  the  first  development  of 
the  Federal  purpose  to  pass  to  the  rear  of  Yicksburg, 
the  united  forces  of  the  enemy  would  have  been 
hurled  straight  upon  the  head  of  the  column  tlirottled 
in  that  defile ;  and  the  battle  for  the  Mississippi  River 
fought  in  a  mighty  struggle  for  position  on  that  riv- 
er's shore.  At  the  critical  moment  of  crossing  the 
river  our  army  was  divided,  a  portion  under  General 
Sherman  having  been  left  behind  to  make  a  feint 
upon  the  hills  we  had  found  to  be  impregnable  three 
months  before ;  and  this  suppositious  struggle,  there- 
fore, would  have  been  between  two  armies  of  about 
equal  numbers,  or  forty  thousand  Federal  soldiers 
fighting  for  a  footing,  against  forty  thousand  rebels 
in  position  —  the  same  men  who  fought  so  imflinch- 


PROVIDENCE  IN  A  TOW   SHIRT.  33 

ingly  against  superior  numbers  at  Port  Gibson  and 
Vicksburg.  I  am  sure  that  the  veterans  now  living 
who  have  personal  recollections  of  the  first  named 
battle,  with  General  Bowen's  detachment  of  five  or 
six  thousand  men,  will  join  me  in  rejoicing  that  it  was 
not  reinforced  at  the  supreme  moment  by  thirty-five 
thousand  other  bayonets  as  dangerous  to  face  and 
difficult  to  turn.  And  there  are  other  facts  which 
render  the  foregoing  speculations  as  practically  rele- 
vant as  they  are  theoretically  interesting.  It  is  his- 
torically true  that  after  being  foiled  by  the  batteries 
of  Grand  Gulf  in  our  first  attempt  to  cross  the  river, 
our  General  experimentally  headed  the  columns  for 
Rodney,  whither  we  were  marcliing  in  quest  of  our 
old,  unpropitious  luck,  when  Providence,  in  the  person 
of  a  wayside  negro,  gave  information  of  a  road  lead- 
ing out  from  Bruinsburg  to  Port  Gibson.  And  when 
our  corps,  namely,  the  Thirteenth,  commanded  by 
General  McClernand,  had  placed  the  great  river  be- 
tween itself  and  succors,  it  was  unable  to  leave  the 
shore  and  seize  some  important  heights  a  few  miles 
inland,  until  after  five  hours  delay,  because  it  had 
been  thrown  across  the  river  unprepared  for  vigorous 
hostilities.  Under  some  Confederate  chieftains  with 
forty  thousand  men  at  their  disposal  great  military 
results  have  been  achieved  in  fewer  hours. 


34  THE  PICIvET  LINE. 

At  Raymond  our  corps  again  came  into  collision 
with  the  enemy;  and  one  of  the  brigades,  wliichgot 
a  near  view  of  the  interesting  question,  laughingly 
informed  the  rest  of  us  that  the  ' '  Johnnies  ' '  were 
still  game. 

It  was  on  this  line,  a  few  hours  later,  that  I  made 
my  first  capture  of  materials  of  war.  Our  regiment 
was  put  on  picket ;  and  equipped  with  gun  and  cart- 
ridge-box, my  drum  being  with  the  wagon-train,  far 
in  the  rear  of  the  forced  march,  I  stood  behind  a 
tree,  not  more  than  half  pleased  with  the  word  passed 
to  us  by  the  regiment  we  had  just  relieved,  that 
picket  firing  for  the  pure  fun  to  be  extracted  from 
that  amusement  was  by  tacit,  mutual  understanding 
discountenanced  in  those  woods.  The  pickets  of  the 
enemy  were  visible,  about  five  hundred  yards  away ; 
and  occasionally  an  adventurous  man  in  grey  would 
stalk  from  tree  to  tree  much  nearer  to  our  line  and 
sociably  open  conversation  with  our  men.  After  a 
good  deal  of  this,  the  superior  officer  on  our  front 
objected  to  it  so  strenuously  that  our  sentinels  on 
post  thought  it  best  to  notify  our  friends  over  the 
way  of  the  fact,  and  caution  them  to  be  more  wary 
and  not  think  hardly  of  us  if  persistence  in  such  te- 
merity drew  fire.  Immediately  after  this  warning 
was  passed  numerous  warriors  of  disloyal  procli\dties 


TKEASON  MADE   ODIOUS. 


35 


were  seen  dodging  hastily  into  the  sylvan  obscurity 
that  lay  peacefully  before  us ;  but  one  Alabamian, 
who  happened  to  be  exceptionally  near  us  and  almost 
directly  in  front  of  where  I  stood,  rose  up,  and  as  if 
in  defiance  of  our  warning,  deliberately  hung  his 
canteen  and  haversack  on  a  high,  swinging  limb  of 
the  tree  before  him,  with  a  pains  that  announced  un- 
mistakably his  intention  to  protract  his  sojourn  in 
<i3a3««&^  SS  ^^^^  vicin- 

audacity  seem  ||  ^"^^^^^^^^^^^3^^"^  ed  to  pro- 
voke my  com  j  11  rades  to 
mirth  ;  but  its  j  lu  I  effect  on  me  was  not  hilari- 
ous. It  piqued  j^M,  me  so  much  that  I,  impul- 
sively, without  \^^  reflection,  dropped  to  the 
ground  and  began  to  crawl  in  haste  toward  a  large  tree 
that  stood  between  me  and  the  unterrified  traitor ;  who 
observed  me  with  an  attention  as  profound  as  that  be- 
stowed upon  my  astonishingly  agile  progress 'by  a 
number  of  my  comrades.  Reaching  the  large  tree, 
which  stood  about  sixty  yards  before  our  line  and 
thrice  that  distance  from  the  owner  of  the  canteen 
and  haversack,  I  rose  and  shouted : 

"  Get  back  to  your  line,  or  I'll  fire  at  you  !"    . 

The  rebel  answered  in  a  provoking  drawl : 


36  OFJENSIVE  FAMILIAEITY. 

^^  Shut  one  eye  and  blaze  away,  sonny  !" 
But  notwithstanding  the  contempt  for  my  prowess 
implied  in  his  offensive  familiarity,  he  covered  him- 
self so  snugly  that  an  accomplished  sharpshooter 
would  have  accepted  the  taunting  invitation  as  a  mere 
matter  of  form. 

I  soon  discovered  that  there  was  much  method  in 
this  concealment ;  and  then  began  to  realize  that  I 
had  incautiously  rushed  into  a  predicament.  It  was 
improbable  that  the  officer  in  command  of  the  ex- 
tended line  behind  me  would  advance  it  and  precipi- 
tate a  hot  skirmish,  merely  to  rescue  me  from  the 
obvious  expedient  of  hugging  my  tree  until  nightfall. 
I  speedily  dismissed  that  peradventure  as  a  beguile- 
ment  of  hope  that  was  unworthy  of  attention.  Then 
I  began  to  meditate  upon  the  chaffing  that  surely 
awaited  me  when  I  should  crawl  out  of  the  adven- 
tiu"e  under  the  friendly  petticoat  of  darkness,  and  al- 
most crying  with  vexation  resolved  that  death  was 
preferable  to  such  humiliation.  Grimly  calmed  by 
this  feeling  I  sat  down  on  the  ground  and  cautiously 
peeped  towards  that  portion  of  the  seat  of  war  in 
which  I  was  deeply  interested.  I  could  not  see  the 
enemy,  but  I  knew,  by  the  canteen  and  haversack  so 
odiously  swinging  in  their  defiant  exaltation,  that  he 
was  there,  beneath  them,  in  easy  range.     And  as  I 


A  CUNNING  FOE.  37 

gazed  steadfastly  at  the  region  under  them  I  per- 
ceived that  a  gentle  swale  thereaway  hid  about  a  foot 
of  the  lower  part  of  the  tree  on  which  those  warlike 
equipments  dangled. 

After  watching  vamly  for  a  glimpse  of  gray  for 
several  minutes  I  conjectured  that  my  adversary,  in- 
asmuch as  the  tree  I  was  intently  observing  was  not 
a  very  large  one,  was  no  doubt  comfortably  holding 
his  position  just  as  I  was  holding  mine.  The  longer 
I  anxiously  examined  his  cover  and  reflected,  the  more 
persuaded  I  became  of  this,  for  it  did  not  seem  likely 
that  a  man  could  stand  up  behind  a  tree  of  that  size 
and  watch  his  front  without  giving  some  sign  of  his 
watchfulness.  I  did  not  think  of  it  at  the  time,  but 
have  since  concluded  that  he  was  prudently  lying 
down  because  his  scant,  convex  shield  would  not  sat- 
isfactorily cover  him,  standing,  both  from  my  ad- 
vanced line  of  fire  and  that  of  our  pickets  in  plain 
view  and  easy  range  towards  our  right  flank.  I  also 
noticed  that  a  sturdy  walnut  tree  about  fifty  or  sixty 
yards  away  stood  almost  in  line  with  the  one  I  was 
watching ;  and  then  my  heart  suddenly  jumped  as  I 
thought  perhaps  the  man  I  was  so  much  concerned 
about  had  crept  beMnd  the  former.  As  this  misgiv- 
ing took  hold  of  me  I  instinctively  turned  my  eyes, 
for  the  first  time,  toward  my  comrades,  and  was  much 


38  THE   ZEST  OF  MARTIAL  MIRTH. 

shocked  to  see  quite  a  number  of  them  standhig  care- 
lessly about  m  the  forest  a  short  distance  behind  me, 
grinning  and  evidently  enjoying  the  episode  with  all 
that  uncommon  abandon  known  only  in  war-time, 
the  zest  of  which  seems  to  be  a  distillation  into  the 
human  soul  from  the  yapor  of  burning  powder 
quenched  in  blood. 

Stung  by  this  exhibition  of  heartlessness  and  keenly 
goaded  by  the  too  obvious  certainty  that  the  unfeel- 
ing levity  was  but  an  earnest  of  the  jeers  in  pickle 
for  unfortunate  temerity,  I  writhed  around  the  shoul- 
der of  the  largest  root  beside  me  and  started  on  my 
stomach  straight  for  the  walnut  tree,  regardless  of 
all  considerations  except  the  single  one  that  many 
mirthful  eyes  were  on  me  and  that  I  must  do  some- 
thing desperate  to  escape  ridicule. 

That  my  opponent  did  not  suspect  such  a  move- 
ment soon  became  evident,  for  when  I  reached  the 
cover  I  sought  and  cautiously  rose  to  my  knees  the 
first  things  I  saw  were  his  feet  and  a  portion  of  his 
right  leg,  exposed  as  he  lay  on  the  ground,  no  doubt 
keeping  a  watchful  outlook  around  the  tree  before 
him  on  that  side  farthest  from  me.  Perceiving  at  a 
glance  that  I  had  stolen  an  important  march  on  a  too 
confident  but  formidable  enemy  I  dropped  down, 
swallowing  at  a  large  lump  in  my  throat,  and  reflected 


A   SNAP   SHOT.  39 

as  calmly  as  I  could  under  the  circumstances.  At 
first  my  thoughts  were  seriously  interrupted  by  the 
loud  beating  of  my  heart ;  but  after  a  few  minutes 
I  remembered  that  I  was  a  soldier  and  had  been  twice 
under  hot  fire.  I  then  quickly  made, up  my  mind  to 
rise,  watch  him  until  some  movement  gave  me  so 
fair  a  shot  that  it  could  not  fail  to  be  murderous,  and 
then  fire.  With  this  ferocious  purpose  I  stood  up, 
peeped  forth,  and  soon  saw  my  intended  victim  delib- 
erately get  on  his  feet,  step,  rifle  in  hand,  into  plain 
view  not  sixty  yards  away  and  hastily  reach  up  for 
the  end  of  the  bough  on  the  middle  of  which  s^vung 
his  canteen  and  haversack.  As  he  caught  the  limb 
I  covered  him  carefully — and  then  nei^ously  hesi- 
tated, for  I  suddenly  bethought  me  that  I  might  miss 
him,  in  which  event  he  would,  no  doubt,  rush  on  me 
with  a  loaded  gun  while  mine  was  empty.  And  while 
this  unpleasant  possibility  disturbed  my  mind  and 
stayed  my  finger  on  the  trigger,  the  veteran,  in  a 
prudent  look  about,  turned  his  gaze  full  on  me  and 
unexpectedly  looked  straight  into  the  muzzle  of  my 
Springfield  rifle.  And  in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye, 
so  rapidly  that  it  was  over  before  I  comprehended  the 
movement,  he  threw  up  his  gun  and  fired. 

From  the  style  of  his  delivery  I  feel  confident  that 
he  would  not  have   missed  the  small  target  my  head 


40  SPOILS   OF  WAK. 

and  right  shoulder  presented  —  if  he  had  not  been  so 
terribly  pressed  for  time.  As  it  was,  he  happened  to 
barely  miss  me,  and  stood  before  me  with  an  empty, 
smoking  "Enfield,"  at  the  very  moment  when  my 
mind  was  full  of  the  dread  of  missing  liirn  and  stand- 
ing before  him  in  precisely  the  same  predicament : 
and  the  next  moment,  while  the  hiss  of  his  bullet 
still  sang  in  my  ear  I  was  running  with  all  my  might 
towards  him. 

He  bounded  behind  his  tree,  gazed  at  me  stead- 
fastly for  an  instant,  and  then  went  off  toward  his 
own  country  like  a  belated  race-horse. 

For  my  part,  I  reserved  my  fire,  jerked  down  the 
military  supplies  that  had  been  left  dangling  from 
the  limb,  and  then  made  the  second  best  time  that 
went  on  record  that  day,  toward  my  supports,  pur- 
sued by  a  shower  of  bullets  in  exchange  for  which 
my  comrades  promptly  returned  a  volley,  establishing 
a  skirmish  that  made  about  a  mile  of  forest  lively  and 
uncomfortable  for  an  hour. 


■^ 


CHAPTER    m. 


ND  NOW,  for  the  comfort  of 
those  readers  who  j&nd  no 
pleasure  m  contemplating 
ithe  portrait  of  grim-visaged 
war,  let  it  be  known  that 
my  military  career  was  as 
brief  as  I  could  wish  it  to  have  been  brilliant. 
The  episode  last  narrated,  thanks  to  its  bloodless 
and  laughable  denouement,  tickled  the  fancy  of  he- 
roes and  earned  me  some  fresh  notoriety,  evanescent 
but  very  gratifying  to  my  amour  jpropre  wliile  it 
lasted;  and  what  was,  perhaps,  of  more  moment,  it 
led  to  personal  acquaintance  between  General  Bur- 
bridge,  the  commanding  officer  of  our  brigade,  and 
the  despoiler  of  the  enemy. 


42  AN  EPHEMEKAL   FRIENDSHIP. 

For  many  days  after  the  skirmish  in  mention  onr 
battalion  lay  quietly  m  camp  at  a  spot  m  Mississippi 
then  known  as  Dickson's  plantation,  so  near  a  house 
occupied  by  General  Grrant  as  army  headquarters 
that  I  gamboled  about  the  distinguished  dwelhng 
every  day. 

In  that  recreation  I  had  a  playmate  just  enough 
my  junior  in  years  and  military  experience  to  appre- 
ciate being  treated  like  a  comrade,  and  almost  like  an 
equal,  by  a  young  warrior  possessing  such  renown  as 
that  which  then  still  freshly  clung  to  me.  This  youth 
had  at  his  disposal  a  small  but  excellent  stud,  con- 
sisting of  two  mettlesome  ponies,  one  of  which  I 
rode  almost  daily  in  company  with  my  chosen  friend, 
between  whom  and  myself  a  close  and  ardently  re- 
ciprocated attachment  rapidly  sprung  up.  He  was 
a  square-built,  good-natured,  leisurely  ratiocinating 
boy,  who  subsequently  outgrew  the  friendship  and 
made  some  feeble  noise  in  the  world  occasionally  as 
Colonel  Fred  Grant. 

The  day  before  the  battle  of  Champion  Hill,  it  be- 
ing a  sultry  May  afternoon,  I  left  the  regiment  shuf- 
fling along  a  dusty  road  and  followed  a  member  of 
our  company  whom  I  knew  to  be  possessed  of  the 
mysterious  water  instinct.  After  a  long  and  finally 
successful   hunt,  on  returning  to  the   road  alone  I 


AN  ANXIOUS  PLANTER.  43 

found  it  full  of  stragglers,  an  unprepossessing  mob 
through  which  I  passed  for  several  miles  without 
pushing  my  pace,  as  the  position  of  the  sun  and  the 
distance  already  done  persuaded  me  that  I  would  come 
upon  the  brigade  presently  in  bivouac. 

Full  of  this  cheerful  inference  I  turned  aside,  to- 
ward sunset,  to  rest  a  few  minutes  m  the  delicious 
shade  of  some  sturdy  trees  that  stood  before  a  large 
and  handsome  house,  a  mansion  surrounded  by  sub- 
stantial out-buildings  and  flanked  by  a  gigantic 
wooden  screw  with  rakish  levers,  all  betokening  the 
home  of  a  once  opulent  cotton  planter. 

As  I  disposed  myself  at  ease  upon  a  luxm^ious  bit 
of  grass,  a  man  hoary  but  hale  stepped  out  upon  the 
veranda  near  by  and  began  to  exchange  anxieties 
with  me.  In  answer  to  my  prompt  inquiry  he  told 
me  the  rear  of  the  column  had  passed  his  gate  about 
half  an  hour  before;  and  from  his  conversation  I 
gleaned  that  the  corps  was  the  first  of  our  army  he 
had  ever  seen  on  foot.  Influenced  no  doubt  by  my 
youth  and  volubility  he  was  very  affable ;  and  when 
in  the  barter  of  questions  and  answers  it  transpired 
that  I  belonged  to  the  brigade  of  General  Burbridge, 
a  gleam  of  satisfaction  illuminated  his  pleasant  face 
and  he  said  he  had  known  that  gentleman  well  in 
Kentucky,  many  years  before.     Then,  after  ponder- 


44  AN  INTERRUPTED  COLLOQUY. 

ing-  gloomily  a  moment,  he  frankly  told  me  that  the 
rumors  current,  about  our  troops  burning  houses 
along  the  march,  had  caused  him  much  uneasiness, 
and  he  asked  me  whether  there  was  any  danger  of 
our  burning  him  out. 

I  relieved  his  fears  to  the  best  of  my  ability,  assur- 
ing him,  and  truthfully  as  far  as  I  then  knew,  that 
we  had  burned  no  houses,  except  a  hotel  and  a  few 
others  at  Jackson,  since  getting  m  the  rear  of  Yicks- 
burg. 

At  this  stage  our  colloquy  was  interrupted  by  the 
arrival  of  a  party  of  marauding  stragglers,  who,  to 
the  number  of  twenty  or  thirty,  just  then  swarmed  in 
at  the  gate  and  occupied  the  premises.  The  majority 
of  these  intruders,  as  if  by  preconcertion  or  unerring 
instinct,  proceeded  straight  to  the  rear  of  the  dwell- 
ing, directly  to  the  smoke-house,  the  door  of  wliich 
they  beat  open  in  a  moment.  Meanwhile  a  lesser 
number  crossed  the  veranda  and  disappeared  into  the 
house. 

The  venerable  planter  followed  the  latter,  when  he 
had  rallied  his  faculties  after  the  surprise,  as  fast  as 
his  aged  legs  could  carry  him. 

For  myself,  burning  with  shame  and  indignation 
I  sprang  to  my  feet  and  ran  straight  to  the  meat- 
house.     There  I  found   my  compatriots    diligently 


A  FEW   "FOKAGEES."  45 

pillaging  it,  loading  themselves  with  joints  and  cuts 
of  bacon  and  decanting  molasses  into  their  canteens 
with  tin  cups,  out  of  a  barrel  they  had  up-ended  and 
un-headed. 

In  vain  I  besought  them  to  desist,  appeahng  to 
them  as  men  and  soldiers.  Then  I  reviled  them,  and 
swore  I  would  report  them  to  General  Burbridge,  who 
was  an  old  friend  of  the  man  they  were  robbing.  But 
they  all  laughed  and  jeered  at  me,  loading  themselves 
all  the  while  and  departing  with  the  booty  one  by  one. 

At  length,  just  in  time,  a  lucky  mspiration  came  to 
me.  Standing  my  rifle  against  a  convenient  tree  I 
seized  a  leg  of  meat  in  each  hand  and  laid  the  joints 
together  at  the  roots  of  the  tree.  I  repeated  the 
maneuver  until  the  store  of  bacon  was  exhausted. 
Then  I  caught  uj)  a  wooden  pail  that  stood  on  a  shelf 
before  the  kitchen  and  dipped  it  full  of  the  sweet 
liquid  that  was  fast  disappearing  into  many  small 
round  holes.  Hastily  placing  the  pail  beside  the  ten 
or  a  dozen  pieces  of  meat  I  had  looted  I  rammed  a 
cartridge  home,  capped  my  gun  and  calmly  said : 

"Here's  my  pile;  and  I'll  shoot  the  man  that 
touches  it." 

As  I  meant  all  I  said,  and  no  doubt  looked  it,  I 
was  left  in  undisturbed  possession  of  my  share  of 
the  plunder.     I   faithfully  guarded  it  until  the  last 


46  ON  GUARD. 

marauder  passed  on ;  Avhen,  sammoned  by  my  re- 
peated calls,  the  old  planter  came  out  to  my  tree  and 
in  a  broken  voice,  very  different  from  that  m  wliich 
he  had  half  an  hour  before  conversed  with  me,  said 
that  the  soldiers  had  gone  all  over  the  house,  forcing 
locks  and  helping  themselves  according  to  their  fancy. 

I  consoled  him  as  best  I  could,  by  showing  him  the 
small  store  of  supplies  I  had  rescued  from  pillage 
and  promising  to  see  General  Burbridge  the  moment 
I  got  to  camp  and  ask  him  to  have  a  guard  put  on 
the  premises,  to  prevent  further  evil.  To  confirm 
and  expedite  me  in  this  benignant  purpose  the  old 
gentleman  caused  a  small  black  mule  to  be  saddled 
and  brought  round  to  me  ',  and  waiting  only  for  the 
first  friendly  shades  of  dusk  to  favor  concealment  of 
my  booty,  where  even  the  keen  scent  of  a  soldier's 
belly  was  not  likely  to  discover  it,  I  mounted  the 
sleek  animal  so  anxiously  provided  for  the  emergency 
and  ' '  racked ' '  out  into  the  fast  falling  night  —  for 
the  animal  I  bestrode  was  a  pet  mule,  out  of  a  fine 
saddle  mare,  and  "  went "  all  the  gaits,  from  "run- 
ning-walk "  to  "  single-foot. ' ' 

After  riding  briskly  until  it  was  very  dark  I  came 
upon  freshly  kindled  fires  by  the  road-side,  among 
which  several  squadrons  of  cavalry  were  bivouaced. 
From  one  of  the  troopers  I  learned  that  they  had  just 


THE  BROODING  BIVOUAC.  47 

come  in,  off  a  hard  scout,  to  rest  their  horses,  and 
that  they  had  seen  plenty  of  ' '  Johnnies  ' '  that  af- 
ternoon, not  far  away.  Passing  on^^  I  soon  met  a 
staff- officer  who  told  me  I  would  find  General  Bur- 
bridge  and  his  brigade  about  a  mile  further  on,  closely 
huddled  in  an  old  field  on  the  left  of  the  road.  Riding 
a  few  hundred  yards  further,  I  followed  the  dim, 
gray  lead  of  the  road-bed  around  an  abrupt  turn  to 
the  right  and  came  suddenly  upon  a  sight  such  as 
men  seldom  see  and  forget  more  rarely. 

Far  down  a  straight,  level  stretch  of  road  shone 
fires  innumerable,  some  ablaze  and  others  in  lurid 
afterglow,  distributing  throughout  the  forest  a  ruddy 
glamour  that  peopled  the  vistas  with  illumined  shapes 
and  fantastic  shadows;  while  a  wide  hum,  broken 
momentarily  by  cheery  calls  and  the  tliin,  sharp  ring 
of  axes,  barely  suggested  that  the  scene  was  not 
supernatural. 

As  I  galloped  along  between  plain  groups  of  sol- 
diers a  halo  of  bright  fight  seemed  to  precede  me, 
flitting  from  group  to  group  and  tree  to  tree,  and 
flashing  from  one  long  line  of  bayonets  to  the  next 
one :  while  everywhere,  in  wood  and  sky,  the  limit 
of  vision  was  a  glowing  gloom  that  seemed  to  be 
brooding  over  some  unholy  enchantment. 


4:8  A   STARTLED    GENEKAL. 

The  statement  of  the  staff-officer  was  soon  cor- 
roborated by  Rembrandt  views  of  famihar  faces, 
startmg  out  of  a  grotesque,  shadowy  back-ground  of 
under-brush,  horses,  cannon  and  caissons.  TMs  I 
recognized  as  our  battery,  parked  by  a  thicket ;  and 
pacing  up  to  an  out-of-the-way  fence-corner,  to  dis- 
mount, I  almost  rode  over  my  General,  who  had 
chosen  that  sequestered  nook  for  his  boudoir. 

Backing  out  of  the  bed-chamber,  before  a  volley 
of  vigorous  remarks  from  the  startled  officer,  who 
had  been  drowsing  while  waiting  for  supper,  I  hum- 
bly apologized  for  the  intrusion  and  made  myself  and 
my  mission  known .  The  General  listened  attentively, 
asked  a  number  of  questions  relative  to  the  happen- 
ings in  and  around  the  smoke-house,  and  laughed  a 
little  at  some  of  the  answers.  Then  he  told  me  I 
could  confidently  leave  the  matter  in  his  hands,  as 
he  remembered  the  gentleman  very  well  and  would 
see  that  the  mule  was  returned  to  him  and  that  no 
further  evils  of  war  just  then  overtook  him. 

Directed  by  the  General  I  easily  found  the  fires  of 
my  regiment :  where  I  was  promptly  commanded  by 
Captain  Manser  to  turn  over  my  gun  and  accoutre- 
ments to  the  ordnance  officer  and  report  to  the  leader 
of  the  Band  for  duty  on  the  infirmary  corps. 


ON  THE  EIGHT  INTO  LINE.  49 

This  order  was  ominous  of  bloodshed. 

"When  I  woke  the  following  mornmg  the  road  was 
already  full  of  troops  moving  forward  slowly,  with 
frequent  brief  halts  and  occasional  cheers  responsive 
to  the  short,  slapping  bangs  of  a  lazy,  invisible  can- 
nonade, and  with  the  usual  abundance  of  chaffing 
between  the  men  in  column  and  those  in  bivouac. 
The  woods  were  smoky  and  the  fires  of  our  own  bri- 
gade were  smouldering. 

But  something  that  was  occurring  on  ahead  con- 
sumed so  much  time  that  I  had  plenty  to  spare  while 
enjoying  a  pipe,  after  scorching  my  bacon  on  a  switch 
and  boiling  cafe  noir  in  my  tin  cup ;  and  it  was  an 
hour  past  sunrise  before  the  last  creeping  brigade 
and  grinding  gmi  left  the  way  clear  for  us.  Then, 
after  following  the  trampled  road  for  two  or  three 
miles,  we  filed  to  the  left  into  the  woods  and  pro- 
ceeded obMquely  forward  in  column  for  half  an  hour ; 
when,  just  as  several  solid  shot  went  closely  with  a 
fluttering  rush  over  our  heads,  we  deployed,  on  the 
right  into  line,  on  the  extreme  left  of  an  extended 
line  of  battle. 

About  nine  o'clock  skirmishers  swarmed  forward 
into  the  underbrush,  where,  in  a  few  minutes,  there 
was  the  devil  of  a  rattle ;  and  along  our  line  intervals 

4 


50  STRETCHER  TO   THE   FRONT. 

grew  short  between  the  spiteful  ' '  s-s-s ' '  and  the 
quiet  "  wJiit  "  of  hostile  lead. 

At  the  first  hint  of  the  latter  nature  the  men  in  line 
lay  down,  while  those  of  us  who  wore  infirmary 
badges  bestowed  ourselves  snugly  behind  the  biggest 
trees  in  that  vicinity.    Soon  the  command  was  heard : 

' '  Stretchers  to  the  front ! ' ' 

At  the  word  I  shouldered  the  litter  which  a  larger 
soldier  had  placed  leaning  against  a  neighboring  tree, 
and  leaving  who  might  to  follow,  darted  towards  the 
timber  m  which  the  rifles  of  our  skirmish-line  were 
ratthng.  After  doing  about  a  quarter-stretch  at  my 
best  pace  I  came  to  a  low  fence,  and  tumbled  across 
it  just  as  a  couple  of  bullets  pattered  into  the  top  rail 
over  which  I  was  rolling.  Hurrying  on  a  few  yards 
further  I  discerned,  through  a  maze  of  tender  stems 
and  foliage,  a  number  of  our  men  scattered  singly  in 
the  bushy  forest  to  the  right  and  left,  standing  beliind 
trees,  loading  very  dehberately  and  aiming  and  firing 
with  rather  more  celerity. 

Wliile  I  was  looking  about  among  the  bushes  for 
the  wounded  men  I  was  overtaken  by  an  assistant, 
and  together  we  dragged  and  lifted  a  disabled  soldier 
on  the  litter  and  started  to  the  rear  with  the  burden. 
At  the  fence  we  met  two  more  of  the  infirmary  detail 


FEELING  THE  ENEMY.  51 

with  another  stretcher,  and  while  we  were  pulHng 
(lo^vn  a  panel  we  heard  a  crashing-  among  the  small 
growth  and  perceived  the  line,  not  far  distant,  ad- 
vancing into  a  little  opening  at  the  double-quick,  led 
by  a  pair  of  rabbits  whose  lively  participation  in  the 
onset  had  one  dehcately  humorous  aspect  that  in- 
spired the  brigade  with  intense  and  vociferous  enthu- 
siasm. 

By  the  time  we  had  surrendered  our  charge  to  the 
assistant  surgeon  of  the  battg-lion  our  battery  was  at 
work  on  our  right  and  the  air  was  resonant  with  a 
diabolical  chorus  of  curtly  banging  shells  and  whiz- 
zing and  hissing  missiles ;  but  I  was  allowed  small 
leisure  to  be  discomposed  by  the  persistent  medley, 
for  men  began  to  drop,  along  the  moving  front  cov- 
ered by  our  regiment,  with  sufficient  frequency  to  give 
me  pretty  constant  and  engrossing  occupation  for  an 
hour,  more  or  less ;  after  which  time  the  firing  on 
both  sides  perceptibly  slackened  on  the  left,  affording 
us  a  respite  during  which  we  looked  about  us  —  as 
well  as  a  due  regard  to  personal  safety  and  the  nature 
of  the  undergrowth  in  wliich  Ave  lay  permitted — ,  and 
listened  to  the  thrilling  pulsations  of  a  muffled  crash 
and  deep,  continuous  roar,  distant  but  discomposing, 
toward  the  right,  which  announced  that  gallant  men 
were  making  fearful  slaughter  of  each  other  in  the 


52  THE   FORE -FRONT. 

breezy  coverts  of  those  pleasant,  spring-embowered 
woods. 

About  noon  a  lull  of  delicious  quietude  in  our  vi- 
cinity inspired  me  with  a  desire,  natural  to  my  years 
and  temperament,  to  reconnoitre ;  so  I  walked  with- 
out let  or  hindrance  forward  until  I  arrived  at  the 
edge  of  an  extensive  clearing,  on  our  extreme  front, 
just  then  held  by  a  slight  fringe  of  sharpshooters. 
One  of  these  specialists,  with  whom  I  at  once  frater- 
nised, a  long,  lean  Hoosier  of  rough  but  serviceable 
pattern,  pointed  out  a  shady  grove  about  five  hun- 
dred paces  distant,  before  us,  and  assured  me  that 
there  was  one  live  and  dangerous  rebel,  more  or  less, 
behind  every  one  of  those  trees.  The  next  moment 
a  tiny  puff  of  cloud-like  smoke  and  the  "-ping  "  of  a 
bullet,  not  so  widely  sent  considering  the  distance, 
convinced  me  that  there  was  some  truth  in  the  state- 
ment, and  started  me  slopping  to  the  nearest  trust- 
worthy cover. 

My  friend  from  Indiana  promptly  retaliated  for 
what,  in  allusion  to  my  infirmary  badge,  he  jocosely 
denounced  as  an  outrage  on  hospital  immunity ;  and 
for  some  minutes  a  lively  single  combat  was  main- 
tained between  those  two  champions  of  antagonistic 
principles.  Then,  just  as  this  contest  had  reached 
that  point  at  which  it  was  beginning  to  be  farcical,  a 


THE   STILL,  SMALL  VOICE.  53 

still,  small  voice,  infinitesimal  but  articulate,  came 
floating  across  the  field  and  distilled  into  the  vernal 
air  the  following"  soul-stirring  conundrum  : 

"Hel-Io!  you  skulking  blue -belly!  Why  don't  you  stand  out,  like  a 
man,  and  give  me  a  fair  crack  at  you?  " 

Perhaps  there  was  some  occult  potency  in  the  ar- 
ticulation of  the  tiny  taunt ;  possibly  my  presence  and 
the  great  distance  from  which  it  emanated  may  have 
imparted  to  it  a  stimulating  virtue :  whatever  may 
have  been  the  reason,  my  tall  compatriot  instantly 
leaned  his  gun  against  his  tree,  stepped  out  into  the 
open,  and  folded  his  arms  across  his  breast,  with  all  the 
dignity  attributable  to  an  insulted  Roman  Senator. 

After  a  momentary  delay,  due  doubtless  to  the  ne- 
cessities of  a  deliberate  rest  and  aim,  the  bullet  of  the 
butternut  wliizzed  briskly  by,  a  cubit  or  two  off  the 
track  of  its  earnest  mission.  And  then  the  proud 
Hoosier  stepped  gaily  back  to  his  tree,  took  up  his 
rifle,  fingered  its  telescopic  sight  and  in  stentorian 
tones  shouted : 

*^  IsTow,  Johnny !  It's  your  turn.  Face  front,  fair, 
and  stand  still ! ' ' 

Once  more  the  still,  small  voice  was  heard,  pene- 
trating the  sulphurous  welkin : 

"  Do  you  think  I  am  a  goddam  fool?  " 

What  the  mtrepid  patriot  from  the  banks  of  the 


54  A  DISGUSTED  SHARPSHOOTER, 

Wabash  thought,  posterity  will  never  know ;  for  his 
meditations  were  too  profound  for  utterance  at  the 
moment,  and  shortly  thereafter  took  such  a  turn  that, 
as  I  subsequently  learned,  he  quietly  thrashed  the 
only  two  men  who  ever  ventured  to  approach  him  in 
a  spirit  of  investigation  upon  that  subject. 

About  two  o'clock  p.  m.  our  left  wing  was  once 
more  pushed  forward.  Until  that  time  the  engage- 
ment on  the  Federal  left  had  been  a  heavy  demon- 
stration on  the  Kaymond  and  Edwards'  Station  road, 
upon  our  part ',  and  a  harassing  skirmish  in  force  at 
long  range,  on  the  part  of  the  enemy.  The  smoke 
had  risen  from  the  field,  but  a  villainous  odor  lingered 
in  the  balsamic  air ;  and  within  the  scope  of  my  vision 
tAVo  or  three  lifeless  steeds  and  several  Federal  corpses 
scattered  in  the  strange  and  thrilling  attitudes  char- 
acteristic of  carnage,  announced  to  the  experienced 
eye  that  the  dogs  of  war,  though  crouching  m  cover 
and  creeping  still,  were  ruthlessly  unleashed. 

Then  out  of  a  brooding  silence  rose  a  sound  as  of 
autumn  foliage  stirred  by  the  approaching  tempest  — 
a  sound  that  deepened  and  widened  in  on-coming  tu- 
mult, until  a  line  of  gleaming  bayonets  swayed  above 
the  crackling  undergrowth,  crowning  it  with  a  coro- 
net that  fitfully  blazed  between  flashes.  Through 
the  luxuriant  May  verdure  I  saw  our  flag  unfurl  itself 


GOING  IN.  55 

with  a  graceful  flutter ;  then  under  it  appeared  a  bil- 
low of  towermg  felt  hats  and  familiar  faces  ;  and  in 
another  moment,  simultaneously  with  the  swarming 
of  my  comrades  around  me,  a  hurtling  volley  of  lead 
and  iron  swept  the  wood,  filling  that  margin  of  it 
with  death  and  confusion,  and  supplying  me  with  an 
excess  of  arduous  duty  that  narrowly  restricted  my 
subsequent  observation  of  the  historic  episode.  I 
know  that  we  charged  across  the  field,  into  the  open 
timber  scarred  by  the  bullets  of  my  tall  friend,  the 
sharpshooter  J  and  found  it  to  screen  warm  woods 
that  concealed  still  warmer  ones  which  we  took  hasty 
hold  of,  and  clung  to  until  nightfall  •  when  we  were 
rejoiced  to  learn  that  a  sudden  slackening  of  the  furi- 
ous fire  we  had  been  breasting  for  four  hours  was  due 
to  the  withdrawal  of  the  fine  in  front  of  us  —  the  first 
fruits  of  a  substantial  victory  achieved  that  day  by 
our  comrades  on  the  right. 

I  was  sitting  near  the  stacked  rifles  of  the  83rd 
Ohio,  basldng  before  one  of  the  multitude  of  fires 
that  had  flashed  out  with  mysterious  suddenness  amid 
war's  wi'eck  and  carnage,  and  burning  into  crisp  con- 
tortion a  dripping  rasher  of  "  sow  belly,"  part  of  a 
slab  which  a  member  of  the  Band  had  foraged  from 
the  ha/Versack  of  a  deceased  champion  of  state  sover- 
eignty, when  an  order  was  served  on  me  to  find  an 


56  THE  FIELD  AT  NIGHT. 

ambulance,  somewhere  in  the  woods  behmd  us,  and 
attend  its  occupants  to  a  general  hospital  that  had 
just  been  established  some  miles  in  the  rear.  I  rose, 
clapped  my  savory  tid-bit  between  two  flinty  squares 
of  ^^  hard-tack,"  shoved  my  head  through  the  loop  of 
rolled  and  doubled  blanket  I  had  been  luxuriously 
resting  on,  and,  with  an  ingratitude  common  among 
mortals  here  below,  slunk  sulkily  into  the  haunted 
star-light,  stumblmg  over  prone  muskets,  knapsacks, 
still  corpses  and  groaning  wretches  ^  in  quest  of  an 
unoffending  vehicle  at  which  I  hurled  ejaculations 
that  are  polite  and  pious  only  when  projected  calmly 
from  a  pulpit. 

At  some  unknown  hour,  far  into  the  night,  we  ar- 
rived at  a  large  back  gate,  in  a  plantation  lane ;  and 
while  the  driver  went  in  to  ascertain  whether  it  was 
the  place  we  sought  I  went  to  sleep  on  the  seat  —  a 
repose  that  was  only  partially  disturbed  when  the 
former  returned  with  a  surgeon.  Drowsily  ascertain- 
ing that  we  had  reached  our  destination  and  that  the 
doctor  had  assumed  command  of  the  convoy,  I  got 
on  the  ground  in  some  way,  and,  too  weary  to  unroll 
my  blanket,  dropped  in  a  fence-corner,  where  in  an- 
other moment  I  was  wrapped  in  the  sweet  oblivion  of 
a  soldier's  dreamless  sleep. 

When  I  awoke,  I  discovered,  first,  that   it  was 


POLITICAL  PEEDJUDICE.  57 

broad  daylight ;  next,  that  I  had  been  roused,  most 
probably,  by  the  inconsiderate  hoof -play  of  a  war- 
horse  tethered  in  such  nnceremonious  proximity  to 
my  repose  that  I  could  stick  my  thumb  into  several 
of  his  foot-prints.  Then  I  perceived  that  he  was  a 
mercurial-minded  animal,  for  he  was  engaged  in  a 
political  controversy  with  a  rebellious  mule  that  was 
poking  treasonable  fun  at  him  across  the  fence  —  to 
which  he  was  retorting  with  a  jocose  grin,  while  pois- 
ing his  nearest  heel,  not  far  from  my  outlying  hand,  as 
if  intending  to  shake  hands  with  me.  Like  the  slug- 
gard in  the  moral  poem,  I  rolled  over  suddenly ;  but 
not  to  complam  of  a  premature  awakening,  or  to  re- 
new my  slumber.  I  got  up  in  haste,  and  taldng  a 
hurried  look  aromid  me,  concluded  that  I  had  gazed 
on  that  same  scene  before. 

There,  not  fifty  steps  away,  was  certainly  the 
smoke-house  I  had  helped  to  plunder ;  and  here,  across 
the  fence,  making  very  and  variously  expressive  ears 
at  the  war-horse,  was  unquestionably  the  small, 
sleek,  ebon  mule  I  had  ridden  two  days  before. 

I  shook  myself,  shouldered  my  blanket  and  walked 
around  the  great  house.  The  veranda,  covered  with 
blankets  spread  over  straw,  was  filled  from  end  to 
end  with  wounded  men.  And  in  all  the  rooms  I  saw 
wide  swaths  of  bedding,  covered  with  more  wounded. 


58  WAK,   TO  THE   lOlIFE. 

The  only  exception  was  an  apartment  that  had  been 
the  dming-room,  which  then  seemed  to  be  a  combina- 
tion of  pharmacy  and  slaughter-house.  When  I 
looked  in,  a  man  with  the  chevron  of  a  sergeant  was 
lying  pale  and  motionless  on  the  extended  table.  On 
the  floor,  near  the  table,  stood  a  wash-tub  half  full  of 
blood-red  water.  Beside  the  tub  lay  a  naked,  hairy, 
blood-stained  leg.  A  number  of  strange  looking 
tools  were  scattered  over  one  end  of  the  table,  across 
which  ghastly  implements,  beyond  a  litter,  in  one  of 
the  cliimney  corners,  I  saw  a  heap  of  limp,  meaty- 
looking  arms  and  legs.  Two  surgeons  and  an  assist- 
ant were  busy  over  a  fresh,  quivering  stump.  One 
held  a  bottle  and  a  sponge ;  another  grasped  a  pair 
of  pincers ;  the  third  seemed  to  be  tying  a  ' '  hard 
knot  "ma  piece  of  thread. 

It  was  not  yet  smirise  after  the  deep  darkness  in 
which  I  had  stumbled  over  corpses ;  but  I  shuddered 
and  hurried  from  that  door. 

Wandermg  once  more  through  the  house  I  was 
beset  by  piteous  appeals  from  the  poor  fellows,  who 
called  and  beckoned  to  me  and  begged  me  to  take 
messages  to  messmates  at  the  front.  Wliile  I  was 
midertaldngmore  of  these  commissions,  which  it  would 
have  been  heartless  to  declme,  than  I  could  possibly 


A  GRATEFUL  REBEL.  59 

execute,  my  old  friend,  the  planter,  came  in,  carry- 
ing in  his  hand  a  large  iron  pot,  full  of  smoking  broth. 
He  greeted  me  with  a  cordiality  that  astonished  me  — 
until  I  learned  that  he  had  received,  in  the  crisis  of 
the  previous  afternoon's  cannonade,  a  requisition  on 
the  chief  commissary  for  supplies  approximately 
equivalent  to  those  of  which  he  had  been  despoiled, 
and  notice  to  vacate  his  dwelling,  which,  to  ensure 
its  security,  had  been  selected  as  a  hospital. 

All  this  good  fortune  he  attributed,  under  heaven, 
to  the  activity  of  myself  and  the  mule,  Jennie ;  and 
his  fresh  gratitude  was  really  embarrassing.  Leaving 
the  broth  with  a  nurse  he  hurried  me  to  the  house  of 
his  overseer,  his  temporary  refuge,  where  he  feasted 
me  on  boiled  meats  and  hoecake  and  filled  my  haver- 
sack ;  and,  when  I  was  ready  to  set  forth  reluctantly 
on  a  weary  trudge  after  the  left  wing  of  the  army, 
he  led  me  to  the  door  and  showed  me  the  mule, 
standing  at  the  stile  saddled  and  bridled,  at  the  same 
time  bidding  me  to  ride  her,  and  keep  her,  as  a  small 
token  of  his  mdebtedness  to  me. 

After  the  first  surprise  I  was  strongly  tempted  to 
delightfully  mount  myself  for  a  few  marches,  but  a 
better  impulse  soon  prevailed.  I  explained  that  the 
exigencies  of  the  service  would  not  long  permit  me, 


60  HERE'S   YOUR   MULE. 

the  junior  tramp  of  Co.  C,  83d  Ohio  Yolunteer  In- 
fantry, to  ride  while  my  bettere  footed  it,  or  to  draw 
foi'age  even  for  so  small  an  animal  as  Jennie. 

My  friend's  countenance  fell  as  he  followed  my 
explanation ;  but  presently  he  took  me  by  the  arm 
and  led  me  to  the  stile,  telling  me  as  we  walked  that 
he  had  another  place,  ten  miles  away  in  the  direction 
of  our  advance ;  and  that  I  could,  at  least,  ride  that 
far  and  leave  Jennie  there.  He  gave  me  directions 
by  which  I  could  not  miss  his  other  plantation,  which 
lay  a  mile  off  the  main  road,  and  also  how  to  save  a 
couple  of  miles  by  a  bridle  path  on  my  way  to  the 
battle-field. 

I,  of  course,  did  not  object  to  this  arrangement ; 
for  my  legs  were  stiff  and  my  muscles  sore ;  whereas, 
Jennie,  to  my  certain  knowledge,  was  a  nimble  and 
delightful  mover. 

Having  taken  my  leave  of  the  excellent  old  rebel, 
and  stopped  at  the  hospital  to  get  a  receipt  from  the 
surgeon  for  the  wounded  officers  I  had  convoyed  in 
the  ambulance,  I  settled  into  the  saddle  and  pushed 
out  for  the  front. 

For  three  miles  the  route  was  the  same  I  had  rid- 
den forty  hours  previously.  Then,  at  the  turning 
that  had  abruptly  unmasked  the  mess-fires  of  our 
corps,  I  kept  straight  on,  in  a  trail  which  soon  led 


THE   GLEANERS.  61 

me  to  the  vicinity  of  the  clearing  on  .the  edge  of 
which  I  had  met  the  Indiana  sharpshooter. 

I  reached  the  verge  of  that  large  opening  abont 
nine  o'clock,  and  while  riding  across  it  toward  the 
timber  in  wliich  we  had  repeatedly  charged  and  been 
persistently  pushed  back  by  counter-charges,  I  passed 
several  ordnance  and  burial  details,  the  former  gath- 
ering the  scattered  arms  and  munitions  into  aligned 
heaps,  and  the  latter  gleaning  the  few  remaining 
Federal  dead  and  dumping  them  with  an  expert  tilt 
from  stretchers  into  long  wide  trenches.  These  were 
the  only  signs  of  the  army  visible ;  and  to  my  in- 
quiries it  was  answered  that  it  had  gone  in  pursuit  of 
the  enemy. 

After  riding  from  trench  to  trench  to  satiate  a  hor- 
rible curiosity  I  cantered  on  into  the  open  woods, 
where  I  soon  had  to  dismount  to  keep  the  docile 
Jennie  from  dismounting  me.  She  first  shied  and 
wheeled  just  before  I  noticed  five  horses  that  lay 
round  and  rigid  beyond  a  wide  fence-gap,  near  the 
crest  of  a  gentle,  thinly  shaded  rise,  on  a  space  so 
small  that  the  shadow  of  one  spreading  oak  touched 
all  of  them :  and  when  I  had  urged  her  around  this 
spot  she  wheeled  again,  and  bolted,  behind  a  twelve 
pound  ISTapoleon  gun,  which,  from  its  pointing  and 
shattered  off -wheel,  was  evidently  a  Federal  piece 


62  THE  BRAVEST  OF  THE  BEAVE. 

that  had  been  disabled  in  position.  Around  this 
gun,  in  a  small,  sunny  opening,  within  twenty  yards 
of  its  muzzle,  lay  eleven  bodies,  stiff  and  gray, 
with  hands  still  grasping  their  weapons  or  clutch- 
ing their  wounds.  Five  lay  prone  over  their  rifles  ; 
one  had  fallen  close  behind  the  piece  and  was  ly- 
ing across  the  trail ;  and  four  were  huddled  behind 
the  nearest  horse  in  attitudes  attesting  that  they 
had  died  there  in  the  act  of  using  the  prostrate  an- 
imal as  a  breastwork. 

About  a  dozen  paces  in  front  of  the  cannon  a 
young,  fair-haired  man,  with  two  narrow  stripes  of 
gilt  lace  on  his  collar,  lay  on  his  face,  with  his  left 
arm  bent  under  him  and  his  right  hand  extended 
towards  a  plain,  inferior  looking  sword ;  and  a  few  . 
yards  behind  this  body  v/as  one  with  a  strip  of  wliite 
cloth  tied  around  the  left  arm  —  mute  evidence  that 
one  of  the  rebel  infirmary  corps,  at  least,  had  not 
shirked  what  I  knew  to  be  a  most  trying  duty. 

To  the  right  and  left  of  this  impressive  group  the 
number  and  attitudes  of  other  corpses,  strewing  two 
or  three  acres  of  encroaching  forest  so  freely  that 
spots  where  a  blanket  would  cover  two  bodies  were 
numerous,  further  testified  that  the  enemy  had 
wrested  that  gentle  eminence  from  our  line  and 
fought  stubbornly  in  vain  to  hold  the  breach  made 


'■■  'I  -'^    -'I 

'  1  .  /'  //.        1 1.1. 


I 


J^  0  J 

s 


THE  EEWARD   OF  VALOR.  63 

by  impetuous  valor,  ^ot  far  to  the  left  three  bodies, 
horribly  pierced  by  fragments  of  shell,  Avere  touching- 
one  another  •  and  at  a  less  distance  in  the  opposite 
direction  sat  one,  holding  across  the  knees  a  gun  with 
the  ramrod  drawn  half-way  out  of  the  thimbles,  in  a 
pose  so  startling  that  I  at  first  found  it  equally  dif- 
ficult to  believe  that  he  could  be  either  dead  or  alive. 
Walking  around  him  I  saw  that  he  was  propped, 
slightly  leaning  forward,  by  one  knee  and  the  gun  in 
his  grasp,  and  blood-stained  on  the  breast  and  thigh. 
In  the  grimy  gun-barrel,  about  an  inch  from  the  muz- 
zle, was  a  conical  ball.  I  saw  before  I  had  completed 
the  circuit  that  he  must  have  been  first  disabled  by 
the  wound  in  the  tliigh,  and  then  killed  instantly  by 
a  ball  in  the  breast  while  he  sat  loading  his  musket. 
On  the  back  of  a  body  a  few  yards  behind  the  sitting 
one  was  the  only  knapsack  to  be  seen  —  a  black 
leather  one,  almost  new  and  evidently  the  spoil  of 
some  other  field,  as  it  was  lettered  "  Co.  H.  47th  Ind.' ' 
Wlien  I  at  length  turned  from  this  horribly  fasci- 
nating bit  of  open  I  quickly  came  to  a  slight  dip  that 
seemed  to  have  been  the  refuge  of  the  severely 
wounded.  It  was  too  shallow  to  offer  much  protec- 
tion, but  the  poor  fellows  had  crawled  behind  every 
tree  and  bush  in  it,  to  be  there  shot  again  or  to  die  in 
their  gore  by  inches.. 


64  A   MISSING   EEGIMENT. 

If  humanity  could  be  enlightened  by  a  true  history 
of  the  sufferings  of  all  the  heroic  men  who  have  thus 
perished  in  slow  torture  on  the  battle-field,  from  the 
day  of  that  awful  revelation  the  crafty  statesmen  who 
aggress  in  war  would  be  given  shorter  shrift  than  was 
ever  granted  to  a  California  camp-robber. 

I  easily  found  the  place  where  I  Avas  to  part  with 
Jennie ;  and  there,  after  she  had  been  turned  into  a 
stable-lot,  I  was  partly  consoled  by  a  very  good  dm- 
ner.  Then,  pushing  on  by  a  neighborhood  route,  I 
struck  the  flank  of  our  division  in  about  three  hours 
and  overtook  the  brigade  just  before  sunset.  But  to 
my  astonishment  I  could  see  nothing  of  the  83rd 
Ohio.  The  first  man  I  questioned  gravely  answered 
that  it  was  entirely  killed.  A  flag  or  two  farther  on 
another  jaded  warrior  affirmed  that  it  had  been 
"  gobbled,"  to  a  man ;  and  then,  all  along  the  stag- 
gering column,  I  was  preceded  by  explosive  shouts 
of  "  Here's  your  bloody  Eighty- third  !  "  And  in  the 
stifling  gap  where  the  General  and  his  staff  rode  sto- 
ically, the  senior  aide  spit  out  some  mud  to  confiden- 
tially inform  me  that  I  had  straggled  out  of  a  soft 
thing,  as  the  regiment  had  been  f urloughed  for  gal- 
lantry and  sent  home.  General  Burbridge  sharply 
inquired  why  I  was  not  with  my  colors ;  whereat  I 
whipped  out  the  voucher  I  had  prudently  demanded 


A  USED-UP  DKUMMEK.  65 

of  the  hospital  surgeon  and  presented  it  with  a  sahite, 
calmly  reminding  him,  when  he  had  inspected  it,  that 
according  to  that  document  I  had,  in  the  twenty-four 
hom's  then  ending,  traveled  ten  miles  farther  than  the 
brigade.     I  made  no  unnecessary  allusion  to  a  mule. 

The  general  commended  my  diligence,  and  wliile 
scrawlmg  a  pass  across  the  back  of  the  voucher,  on 
the  pommel  of  his  saddle,  advised  me  to  take  a  good 
night's  rest  and  an  early  start,  as  my  regiment  had 
gone  some  miles  in  advance,  to  guard  a  bridge.  It 
was  then  nearly  dark,  and  as  the  dusty  battalions 
were  filing  right  and  left  into  bivouac,  I  looked  about 
for  somethmg  better  than  a  tree  to  sleep  under,  for  I 
felt  a  soreness  in  my  bones,  and  the  dust  and  heat 
had  filled  my  head  with  a  dull  f  eefing  that  suppressed 
hunger. 

I  passed  the  night  restlessly  in  a  wayside  negro 
hut,  and  woke  the  next  morning  in  a  high  fever 
which  rapidly  grew  hotter  and  hotter,  until  I  was 
unable  to  rise  up  in  bed.  In  short,  I  lay  prostrated 
for  days  and  did  not  overtake  my  regiment  until 
it  was  forming  in  a  ravine  to  assault  the  deadly 
parapet  of  Yicksburg. 

The  history  of  the  siege,  often  and  accurately 
written,  is  at  once  the  history  of  the  army  and  the 
individual.     A  man  rushing,  first  hastily  forward,  and 


66 


THE   DULL   SIEGE. 


then  still  more  hastily  the  other  way;  and  a  man 
in  a  ditch,  peeping  to  the  front,  sufficiently  multi- 
plied, is  the  whole  movement  of  the  drama. 


CHAPTER    ly. 


Vo  WEEKS  after 
the  capitulation 
of  Vicksburg  I 
asked  Master 
Frederic  Grant, 
while  visiting 
him  one  Sab- 
bath  day, 
whether  he  thought  his  pa  could  be  induced  to  give 
me  a  discharge  and  let  me  go  home  to  my  ma. 

Freddie  was  confident  that  there  was  no  doubt  about 
it.  He  was  so  sure  of  it  that  he  began  to  shout : 
"  Pa  I  Oh,  pa !  "  at  the  same  time  catching  me  by 
the  arm  and  dragging  me  toward  the  entrance  of 
the  house  which  was  then  the  headquarters  of  our 
army. 

While  I  was  pulling  back  and  debating  within  my- 
self whether  I  had  not  better  put  my  whole  strength 


68  THE   MAN  WITH  A  CIGAR. 

into  the  effort  and  betake  myself  to  flight,  the  great 
captain  appeared  in  the  door-way  and  gazed  curiously 
at  his  heir  and  the  young  drummer  in  holiday  attire 
whom  most  of  the  military  family  of  the  general 
knew  by  sight.  "  Pa,  Willie  wants  to  see  you!  " 
cried  Master  Fred,  with  the  air  of  one  who  has  suc- 
cessfully accomplished  a  great  work. 

Kow,  in  a  patronising  way,  I  then  rather  liked 
Fred,  because  he  was  sociable  and  not  a  bit  stuck  up, 
and  controlled  a  most  satisfactory  pair  of  ponies ; 
but  just  at  that  moment  I  strongly  suspected  him  of 
stupidity  and  experienced  an  ardent,  ephemeral  desire 
to  punch  his  head. 

"  What  is  it,  my  little  man?  "  asked  the  miser  of 
words,  dividing  a  wooden  smile,  not  without  its  fas- 
cination, between  his  offspring  and  myself. 

Seeing  that  I  was  inextricably  committed  to  the 
dress-parade,  I  straightened  up  in  my  Sunday,  civic 
suit,  touched  my  cap  and  stammered : 

"  Greneral  —  I  —  I  aint  two  years  older'n  Freddie, 
yet  —  an  I've  been  right  sick  —  an  I'm  tired  of  bein' 
a  soldier ;  an  I  want  to  be  discharged,  an  go  home." 

The  wooden  smile,  softened  to  a  solemn  look  of 
Sphinxine  amiability  playing  in  a  haze  of  tobacco 
smoke,  gradually  relieved  my  anxiety  and  prepared 
me  for  the  benevolent  answer  that  he  could  not  dis- 


CAVE  HUNTING.  69 

charge  any  one,  not  even  his  own  nephew,  liimself ; 
but  that  if  I  would  make  out  mj  apphcation  and  get 
my  Colonel  to  approve  it  and  send  it  up  through  the 
regular  channel,  my  request  would  be  granted. 

Highly  elated  I  again  saluted  the  august  presence 
and  retired  around  the  nearest  corner  of  the  house. 
There  I  whispered  to  Fred  to  get  a  sheet  of  paper 
and  a  pencil  and  come  on ;  and  when  he  appeared 
with  the  desired  articles  we  repaired  to  a  cavern  that 
we  often  visited.  It  was  one  of  those  historic  exca- 
vations in  which  whole  families  dwelt  during  the  bom- 
bardment, and  which  abounded  in  rats,  old  rags, 
bottles  with  now  and  then  a  cork  but  never  aught 
else  in  them,  and  other  pantamorphic  relics.  In  the 
portal  of  this  seclusion  we  jointly  constructed  a  peti- 
tion unique  in  design  and  architecture,  I,  as  the  elder, 
undertaking  the  laborious  duties  of  the  effort,  and 
he  supplying  valuable  assistance,  not  least  of  which 
were  several  sheets  of  handsomely  lithographed  offi- 
cial stationery  which  enabled  us  to  cunningly  revise 
and  beautify  the  document. 

When  the  task  was  completed  to  our  mutual  admi- 
ration I  parted  with  my  sympathetic  friend  and 
hastened  to  the  encampment  of  the  83d  Oliio  —  to 
learn  that  my  Colonel  had  embarked  an  hour  before, 
for  Cincinnati ! 


70  .  ONLY  A  LITTLE  JOKE. 

Without  listening  long  to  the  ironical  remarks  of 
the  officer  left  in  command  of  the  battalion,  who  be- 
gan by  suggesting  that  I  might  get  on  a  fast  tug 
that  was  subject  to  the  control  of  my  friend,  Gen- 
eral Grant,  and  easily  overtake  Colonel  Moore,  I 
went  in  quest  of  General  Burbridge,  and,  happening 
to  find  him  without  any  difficulty,  soon  explained  to 
him  the  dehcate  situation  in  which  the  unexpected 
departm-e  of  the  Colonel  left  me. 

With  his  usual  kindness  the  Brigadier  enlightened 
me  by  the  assurance  that  General  Grant  was  grimly 
joking  with  me,  as  quite  fresh  orders  of  a  most 
stringent  tenor,  emanating  from  that  chief  tarn,  would 
render  it  an  act  of  insubordination  in  any  officer  of 
that  army  to  approve  an  application  for  discharge  or 
even  furlough  at  that  particular  juncture. 

Crestfallen,  ashamed  of  my  late  sanguine  deport- 
ment, and  full  of  sullen  rage,  I  sneaked  off  to  hide 
among  strange  people,  and  was  ere  long  seated  on  a 
cotton-bale  watching  a  concourse  of  negroes  seem- 
ingly in  bivouac  on  the  levee  beside  the  steamer  Des 
Arc.  There  were  several  hundred  of  them,  mostly 
men  and  boys  but  with  a  negress  here  and  there  in 
the  strange  congregation;  and  I  was  led  to  observe 
them  particularly  by  the  information  gleaned  from  a 
by-stander  that  they  were  a  few  of  the  newly   freed 


A  JOIvE   OF  LARGER  CALIBER.  71 

people,  whom  the  Grovernment  was  ahout  to  trans- 
port northward,  mto  that  equahty  assumed  to  be 
awaiting  them  somewhere  up  in  that  region.  Young 
as  I  was  there  seemed  to  me,  a  patriotic  vohniteer 
of  the  great  Buckeye  State  and,  after  the  manner  of 
an  irrepressible  urchin,  posted  as  to  some  prejudices 
prevailing  in  the  direction  of  that  steamer's  destina- 
tion, a  soupcon  of  humor  in  the  literal  act  of  the 
whole  nation  employing  a  handsome  side-wheel 
steamboat  m  that  sort  of  migration  —  a  touch  of 
pleasantry  that  fascinated  me  and  glued  me  to  that 
cotton-bale.     If  it  had   only    been   a   small  stern- 

wlieelei so  light-fingered  is  the  destiny  that  shapes 

our  ends  —  I  would  no  doubt  have  left  my  sunny 
perch  as  soon  as  my  first  interest  of  curiosity  was 
sated,  returned  to  camp  in  the  gloaming  and  struggled 
vainly  in  the  meshes  of  the  military  net,  waiting  for 
the  rebels  to  knock  under,  or  else  give  me  a  discharge 
which  even  most  stringent  military  exigency  could 
not  fail  to  recognize.  But  there  was  nothing  small, 
sordid,  or  other  than  select  about  that  steamboat ; 
and  lying  there  beside  its  live-cargo  it  held  me  like  a 
spell,  while  the  shadows  crept  up  the  hill,  while 
darkness  stole  down  the  same  paths,  and  while 
an  idea,  vague  in  its  first  flittings,  persistently  re- 


72  THE   NAKED  TRUTH. 

turned  like  the  importunate  honey-bird  and  fluttered 
between  me  and  that  steamer. 

To  truthfully  reveal  the  feelings  that  operated  on 
me  that  summer  evening  it  is  needful  to  refer  briefly 
to  facts  which,  though  now  almost  if  not  entirely 
forgotten,  were  then  alarmingly  literal.  It  may  be 
pleasant,  and  certainly  is  common  among  men,  to  for- 
get and  falsify  events  that  might  have  happened 
or  failed  to  happen  in  ways  more  gratifymg  to  sub- 
sequent self-complacency;  but  it  is  not  creditable 
to  human  honesty,  or  conducive  to  the  integrity  of 
history  to  do  so.  It  may,  furthermore,  be  eccentric 
and  even  reprehensible  in  me  to  remember  such  de- 
tails accurately,  but  I  have  only  wit  enough  and 
sufficient  respect  for  the  dignity  of  truth  to  record 
my  recollections  impartially  to  all  men,  without 
gloss  or  concealment.  It  is  only  a  question  of  time, 
how  soon  intelligent  readers  will  impatiently  push 
aside  the  fabrications  of  policy  and  prejudice  and 
bestow  approbation  wholly  on  the  records  that  re- 
veal the  unmistakable  lustre  of  impartial  truth. 
And  for  that  time  the  conscientious  chronicler  can 
afford  to  wait. 

At  the  time  when  I  sat  on  the  Yicksburg  levee  full 
of  an  idea  which  owed  its  origin  to  the  concourse  of 
freed-people  before  me,  there  existed  in  the  army  at 


INDIGNANT  PATRIOTS.  73 

my  back  a  profound  and  wide-spread  conviction  that 
the  Government  was  acting  in  bad  faith  by  employing 
the  mihtary  power  of  the  whole  Union  to  enforce  the 
extreme  dictates  of  a  pohtical  party,  upon  a  radical 
issue  that  had  always  been  opposed  by  a  majority  of 
the  people  and  never  submitted  on  its  merits  to  their 
suffrages.  Men  in  the  ranks,  of  every  degree,  and 
officers,  of  every  grade,  denounced  the  Emancipation 
Proclamation  as  revolutionary  and  treacherous. 
These  men  and  officers,  however  misguided  they  may 
have  been,  sincerely  believed  that  they  had  become 
soldiers  to  support  and  restore  ' '  The  Constitution  as 
it  is  and  the  Union  as  it  was;"  and  with  more 
warmth  and  consistency  than  effect  they  protested 
that  it  was  treacherous  to  enlist  men  with  such  a  war- 
cry,  and  then  employ  them  in  killing  other  men,  to 
free  a  multitude  of  negroes,  when  the  men  so  duped 
would  not  willingly  fight  one  moment  or  slay  one 
human  being,  to  free,  enrich,  ennoble,  perfume  and 
deify  all  the  negroes  in  and  out  of  Africa. 

However  unpleasant  the  reminiscence  may  be,  the 
fact,  solid  and  massive  as  the  Andes,  is,  that  this 
feeling  was  then  so  prevalent  around  me  that  if  every 
man  had  been  free  to  act  according  to  his  own  con- 
victions, there  would  have  been  a  sudden  exodus  from 
that  victorious  army,  of  a  magnitude  appalling  to  all 


74:  TUMBLING  TO   THE   EACKET. 

men  who  had  given  the  rebels  particular  reason  to 
remember  them. 

But  as  there  was  no  such  personal  hberty,  the  in- 
dignation boiled,  and  slowly  evaporated  in  murmurs 
that  thrilled  my  young,  impressible  soul  from  center 
to  circumference,  and  led  me  to  look  with  a  Cynic's 
eye  upon  that  deportation  of  black  people.     I  did  not 
approve  of  such  fruit  of  our  hard-won  victories.     As 
a  sincere  national  policy  it  was  too  absurd,  and  as  a 
jDractical  joke  it  was  too  immense  and  heartless,  to 
square  with  my  sense   of   sagacity  or   humor.     In 
short,  I  was  restless  —  I  had  been  a  military  tramp 
for  one  year ;  and  that  was  a  long  while  for  me  to  be 
any  one  thing.     And  I  was  homesick  —  during  my 
recent  illness  I  had  missed  my  mother's  nursing,  and 
thoughts  of  that  gentle  woman  filled  me  with  mighty 
longings.     And  I  was  disgusted —  there  before  me, 
in  execution,  was  a  joke  as  grim  as  those  perpetrated 
on  me  by  General  Grant  and  on  the  army  by  the  Ad- 
ministration .     So  as  soon  as  it  was  fairly  dark  I  stole 
on  board  the  steamer  and  hid  myself  in  a  snug  space 
between  two  tiers  of  cotton-bales,  where  I  soon  fell 
into  a  dreamy  sleep. 

I  awoke  with  a  sense  of  impending  disaster,  wdiich 
incubus  I  soon  recognized  as  fear  of  the  ' '  mud 
clerk."     I  at  once  began  to  devise  a  plan  by  which 


BAKMUR&   THE   DETECTIVE.  75 

to  elude  him,  a  matter  not  difficult  on  a  deck  so  en- 
cumbered with  cotton-bales,  and  freedmen  who  were 
traveling  as  guests  of  the  nation.  In  the  free  com- 
mons allowed  to  so  many  I  easily  managed  to  pick 
up  a  subsistence  during  the  tedious  passage  of  six 
days,  at  the  expiration  of  which  time  I  woke  one 
morning  in  an  unusual  stillness  that  annomiced  our 
arrival  at  Cincinnati. 

I  hurried  across  the  river,  to  IS^ewport,  and  sur- 
prised my  dear  mother  almost  into  hysterics.  I  also 
alarmed  her  by  telling  her  in  an  off-hand,  inconse- 
quent way  that  I  did  not  intend  to  do  any  more  sol- 
diering and  reckoned,  if  they  caught  me,  I  would  be 
shot.  In  her  perplexity,  afraid  to  let  me  stay  at 
home,  she  apprenticed  me  to  a  harness-maker  in  the 
city. 

I  soon  recovered  the  handiness  with  tools  that  I 
had  attamed  to  in  the  brush  factory ;  and  my  master 
was  just  beginning  to  find  out  what  a  treasure  he  had 
acquired  in  me  when  one  Barmore,  a  Government 
detective,  walked  into  the  work-room  and  quietly 
told  me  that  I  was  wanted.  Seeing  no  wiser  al- 
ternative I  followed  him  without  manifesting  any 
futile  reluctance.  My  docility  seemed  to  touch  him. 
He  said,  apologetically,  that  he  had  no  idea  it  was 
such  a  nursling  he  was  after,  and  that  he  was  sorry 


76  AN  HONOEABLE  DISCHAKGE! 

to  molest  me.  In  his  sincere  contrition  he  took  me 
far  out  of  his  way,  across  the  river,  to  see  my 
mother ;  facing  the  inevitable  scene  that  ensued,  to 
assure  her  ^  was  too  young  to  be  severely 
dealt  with,  and  to  advise  her  to  apply  at  once, 
backed  by  all  the  influence  she  could  enlist,  for 
my  discharge.  He  then  conducted  me  to  a  quar- 
ter of  the  city  I  had  never  explored,  and  into  the 
uppermost  story  of  a  large  warehouse  which  was 
just  then  in  the  United  States  service  as  a  military 
prison ;  where  he  left  me  with  the  comforting  in- 
formation that  I  would  not  be  put  in  irons  unless 
I  got  into  mischief. 

Fortunately  I  had  enlisted,  according  to  my  cus- 
tom of  doing  things,  without  consulting  my  mother ; 
which  fact  simplified  the  task  of  her  influential 
friends  and  enabled  them  to  procure  my  discharge 
without  much  difficulty  or  any  serious  delay. 

As  my  successive  confinements,  first  in  the  hos- 
pital, then  in  the  trenches,  next  on  the  lower  deck 
of  the  steamer,  and  finally  in  the  military  jail,  had 
stimulated  my  normal  inclination  towards  a  roving 
life,  I  did  not  renew  my  acquaintance  with  the 
harness-maker.  Incredible  as  it  may  seem,  I  had  be- 
come possessed  by  a  longing  to  go  to  school  once  more. 
My  illness,  or  some  other  inward  agency,  had  sud- 


THE  PEN  IS   MIGHTIER  THAN  THE   SWOED. 


77 


denly  loosened  the  restraints  of  evolution  and  I  was 
already  shooting  up  in  a  second  growth  which  de- 
veloped rapidly  and  eventually  gave  me  the  stature 
and  something  of  the  appearance  of  alnan  at  seven- 
teen. And  on  returning  to  civil  life  I  was  old 
enough  to  generalize  from  the  patent  fact  thcit  ig- 
norance and  illy  requited  toil  seem  to  wander  through 
this  world  hand  in  hand ;  a  profound  truth  which 
had  been  brought  close  to  me  on  the  steamboat  in 
glimpses  of  the  junior  clerk,  who  in  gorgeous  rai- 
ment and  much  linen,  with  scintillations  of  jewelry, 
played  around  the  wood-piles  as  he  measured  them, 
like  a  sunburst  of  prosperity.  Comparing  his  lot  with 
Qiy  own,  I  saw  the  cause  of  the  immense  discrepancy 
could  not  be  age  or  size,  for  he  was  not  much  older  or 
enough  bigger  than  I  was,  to  account  for  it ;  but,  no 
doubt,    must 


he  carried 
day  long  and  ^^ 
tions  of  the 
his  dexter 
pondermg  on 
ed  out  upon 
through    the 


my  p  r  i  s  o  n      ®  Tf f  N"!^^^  f  JFl'^^^  ® 
resolved  to  save  up  money  and  go  to  college. 


be  the  pencil 
knowingly  all 
at  least  por- 
night,  behind 
ear.  And 
this,asIlook- 
t  h  e  world 
iron  bars  of 
window,    I 


78  A  THIRST  FOR  WISDOM. 

The  institution  of  learning  I  selected  was  not  a 
classic  one.  I  can  confess  it  without  shame,  now 
that  everybody  is  beginning  to  see  the  whole  hu- 
morous truth  about  the  time-honored  study  of  the 
Greek  and  Latin.  The  college  I  chose  was  one  of 
the  ^'Commercial"  quality.  But,  as  a  preparatory 
course,  it  was  necessary  for  me  to  pursue  some 
temporary  and  profitable  employment ;  a  thing  not 
difficult  just  then,  when  the  war  was  heavily  tax- 
ing the  brawn  and  muscle  of  the  country.  I  pre- 
ferred a  berth  as  cabin-boy,  on  one  of  the  Louisville 
and  Cincinnati  mail  packets ;  and  that  I  elected 
wisely,  considering  the  needs  of  my  restless  energy, 
is  presumable  from  the  facts  that  I  remained  afloat 
for  the  next  six  months,  and  was  always  able  to  return 
to  better  berths  upon  the  river,  subsequently,  when- 
ever satiety  of  other  methods  of  existing  inclined  me 
to  renew  my  riparian  associations. 

As  soon  as  my  net  earnings  were  sufficient  to  the 
purpose  I  turned  my  attention  to  acquiring  the  mys- 
terious power  of  knowledge ;  and,  having  duly  ' '  grad- 
uated," I,  with  results  not  uncommon  among  college 
graduates,  consumed  much  valuable  time  in  vainly 
trying  to  find  a  cash  market  for  collegiate  accom- 
plishments. Then,  disdaining  to  hide  my  brand-new 
talents  in  a  steamboat  napldn,  I  for  some  months  ex- 


THE  POWEE  OF  lO^OWLEDGE.  79 

ercised  them  in  the  high  and  responsible  caUing  of 
travehng  superintendent  of  a  bob-tail  car  on  the  Pen- 
dleton Street  Railway;  after  which  I  as  faithfully 
tested  their  worth  during  several  tours  in  the  sewmg- 
machine  interests.  By  that  time  my  views  of  the 
value  of  education,  and  my  reluctance  to  explain 
them  to  acquaintances,  had  become  such  that  I 
eagerly  listened  to  a  shrewd  man  who  advised  me  to 
go  away  from  home  and  try  my  fortune  where  I  was 
not  Iniown. 

This  person  was  an  enterprising  manufacturer  and 
vendor  of  two  patent  remedies,  who  went  about  over 
all  the  land  in  a  small  chariot  drawn  by  a  pair  of 
pretty  Shetland  ponies ;  and  ascertaining  that  I  had 
the  gift  of  gab  and  was  handy  with  the  banjo  he  of- 
fered me  ten  dollars  a  week  and  expenses,  to  accom- 
pany him  across  the  fine  States  of  Indiana  and 
Illinois  —  an  offer  which  the  nomadic  impulse  and 
the  other  reasons  already  hinted  induced  me  to  close 
with  off-hand. 

I  soon  found  that  I  had  entered  upon  a  by  no  means 
fatiguing  and  very  delightful  vagrancy,  the  time  be- 
ing the  jubilee  that  ensued  upon  the  closing  of  the 
war,  wliich  even  the  assassination  of  the  President 
darkened  only  as  a  passmg  cloud.     Every  one  we 


80  HEALTH  ON  WHEELS. 

met  ill  the  May  sunshine  seemed  in  exuberant  spirits, 
and  so  complaisant  that  it  was  not  difficult  to  do 
twenty-five  miles  a  day  and  transact  a  satisfactory 
amount  of  business  while  so  doing.  The  method 
pursued  was  to  shun  the  larger  towns  and  loiter  with 
the  knowing  villagers  and  astute  grangers,  who  be- 
lieve that  economy  is  the  rehable  way  to  wealth,  and 
know  better  than  to  hand  over  several  dollars  to  a 
doctor,  when  a  quarter  or  a  half-dollar  judiciously  in- 
vested will  encompass  similar  results.  The  usual 
procedure  was  to  enter  each  hamlet  slowly,  afford- 
ing full  opportunity  for  our  novel  equipage  to  attract 
the  undivided  attention  of  the  town.  Then  I  would 
mount  the  relatively  high  seat  of  the  vehicle  and  pick 
the  banjo  until  my  employer  deemed  the  moment 
propitious  for  expenditure  of  eloquence;  when  he 
would  begin  in  some,  to  me,  familiar,  yet  impressive 
strain,  and  lead  up  to  panegyric  of  his  nostrums  by 
graceful  feats  of  oratory  as  stereotyped  as  they  were 
likely,  in  the  first  hearing,  to  fix  the  attention  and 
arouse  the  better  nature  of  ordinary  listeners.  I  re- 
member every  syllable  of  more  than  a  dozen  of  his 
formulse,  but  have  no  intention  to  engross  them 
here  —  because  it  seems  to  me  more  politic  to 
pique  the  vain    regret    of    an    appreciative    public 


WAYS  TO   liEEP  WELL.  81 

with  a  single  specimen  —  one  of  his  favorite  speech- 
lets,  which  I  heard  often,  and  always  literally  as  fol- 
lows : 

"  All  trustworthy  authorities  agree  that  it  is  very  desirable  to  live  a 
long  time ;  and,  also,  in  afBrming  that  the  surest  way  to  live  long  is  to 
keep  well. 

"Now  there  are  several  ways  of  keeping  well.  The  men-servants  of 
Abraham  tried  one  way,  and  it  worked  since  Scripture  informs  us  that  the 
well  remained  with  them  and  their  ilocks.  The  objection  to  this  plan  is 
that  it  is  apt  to  encumber  those  who  keep  well  with  bruised  heads. 

"  Under  an  entirely  different  treatment  Lot's  wife  kept  tolerably  well ; 
but  as  the  india-rubber  ulster  had  not  then  been  invented  the  preserved 
lady  got  rained  on,  and  succumbed,  eventually,  to  the  dam(p)  persistency 
of  the  weather. 

'•Not  to  prolong  the  suspense  of  those  who  are  anxious  to  learn  the 
easiest  and  very  best  way  of  keeping  well,  I  will  explain  it  in  three 
words — Never  get  sick.  When  you  are  in  good  health  just  let  well  alone, 
and  don't  go  monkeying  around  after  a  downier  thing  than  you  have  got. 
And  the  easiest  way  not  to  get  sick  is  to  keep  a  bottle  of  Liver  Elixir  in 
a  handy  place.  Don't  forget  the  name.  It  aims  at  the  Liver,  because 
there  is  where  a  man  lives,  you  know." 

It  was  curious  to  note  how  on  certain  days  a  de- 
mand would  arise  for  the  Liver  Elixir,  while  the  merits 
of  the  other  life-preserving  compound  would  be  en- 
tirely ignored;  and  vice  versa.  My  employer  in- 
formed me  that  when  he  was  new  to  the  business  he 
wasted  a  great  deal  of  breath,  owing  to  ignorance  of 
this  peculiarity  of  the  trade  and  a  stupid  persistence 
in  the  folly  of  trying  to  force  on  people  an  article 
they  did  not  want.     But  on  a  lucky  day  it  occurred 


82  A  JOVIAL   CRIPPLE. 

to  him  that  it  could  do  no  harm  to  add  a  new  color 
and  aroma  to  half  Ms  stock  and  call  it  ' '  The  Blood 
Strengthen er ; ' '  since  which  time  a  dullness  in  one 
branch  of  the  business  was  rarely  without  its  compen- 
sation in  a  briskness  permeatmg  the  other. 

Ready-witted  as  my  companion  was,  he  did  not 
always  monopohze  the  volubility  that  beguiled  our 
wayfaring ;  and  the  returned  soldiers  who  swarmed 
in  every  gathering  —  sun-baked,  and  sharp  as  the 
steel  they  had  been  wont  to  manipulate  —  gave  us 
especial  reason  to  be  discreet  and  prompt  with  both 
parry  and  thrust.  In  a  little  town  near  the  Wabash 
one  of  these  veteran  jokers  "  got  close  "  to  my  em- 
ployer by  obtaining  from  him  an  elaborate  prescrip- 
tion for  a  stiff  leg,  which  turned  out  to  be  a  cork  one ; 
and  we  were  about  to  be  laughed  out  of  that  commu- 
nity when  a  seasonable  thought'  evolved  itself  from 
my  cerebral  inwardness.  Mountuig  my  perch  I 
leveled  my  index  finger  at  the  jovial  cripple  and 
sternly  said : 

"Do  you  see  that  man?  The  last  time  I  saw  him 
two  armies  were  laughing  at  him.  He  was  not  the 
wit  then  that  he  now  seems  to  be,  for  his  leg  had  not 
yet  been  sawed  off.  If  you  wish  to  make  him  a 
phenomenon,  such  that  pilgrims  will  flock  to  his  tomb 
and  flood  your  town  with  shekels  in  the  beautiful 


TIT  FOR  TAT.  83 

hereafter,  remove  his  other  leg,  by  all  means.  But 
I  see  you  are  all  anxious  to  hear  the  story.  It  was 
on  Champion  Hill,  in  the  forefront  of  battle.  I  stood 
behind  one  tree  and  he  was  hugging  another,  which 
chanced  to  be  a  bigger  one  because  he  was  there  be- 
fore me  and  had  first  choice,  and  I  was  only  a  terrified 
fittle  drummer  and  he  a  sanguinary  sharpshooter." 

Having  thus  fixed  the  profound  attention  of  the 
crowd,  I  proceeded  to  relate  in  detail  the  episode  of 
the  single  combat  described  in  a  preceding  chapter. 

Of  course  the  mutilated  hero  was  not  the  man  I 
made  him  out  to  be;  but,  unfortunately  —  for  him, 
and  the  reverse  for  us  —  he  was  not,  at  the  moment, 
loaded  down  with  proofs  of  that :  and,  thanks  to  the 
ubiquitous  propensity  of  man  to  rejoice  over  the  dis- 
comfiture of  his  fellow  man  and  mock  when  his  dis- 
may Cometh,  tiie  laugh  rebounded,  and  buffeted  the 
facetious  pensioner,  and  gave  an  impetus  to  busmess 
that  made  the  evening  sunshine  pleasant  to  the  expe- 
dition. 

Toward  the  close  of  our  journey,  while  both  of  us 
were  making  earnest  efforts  to  start  an  obstinate 
boom  in  an  arcadian  village  m  Illinois,  a  white-haired 
gentleman  in  citizen's  apparel,  who  as  it  transpired 
later  had  seen  service  as  a  surgeon,  after  standing 
some  minutes  in  the  group  assembled  by  our  arrival, 


84  STAETING  A   BOOM. 

listening-  gravely  to  an  enumeration  in  extenso  of  the 
curative  virtues  of  the  Elixir,  tuned  his  larynx  omi- 
nously and  expressed  his  mind  dogmatically,  as  fol- 
lows : 

*'  Young  man,"  addressing  me,  who  happened  to 
be  on  his  side  of  the  health-laden  chariot,  ' '  I  have 
been  a  student  and  practitioner  of  medicine  for  forty 
years ;  but  never,  before,  have  I  heard  of  a  remedy 
that  could  cure  so  many  diseases." 

"Very  likely,"  I  flippantly  answered.  "Some 
minds  acquire  information  slowly.  But  by  the  time 
your  frosty  head  is  another  forty  winters  whiter,  per- 
haps it  will  contain  a  glimmering  of  the  fact  that 
where  ignorance  is  bhss  'tis  folly  to  be  wise." 

Then  the  delighted  bystanders  began  to  take  hold ; 
and  when  the  demand  was  supplied  we  repaired  to  the 
best  hotel,  ordered  shelled  oats  for  the  ponies,  and 
fared  sumptuously. 

At  Belleville,  Blinois,  I  parted  company  with  my 
agreeable  companion  forever.  He  wished  me  to  re- 
main with  him  and  offered  tempting  inducements,  but 
the  time  was  rife  for  me  to  change  a  way  of  living 
that  had  confined  my  faculties  for  three  weeks.  So 
my  hberal  employer  dismissed  me  with  my  wages  and 
a  good- will  offermg  of  ten  dollars,  and  I  took  train 
for  the  neighbormg  city  of  St.  Louis. 


FLY  TIME.  85 

I  found  modest  but  comfortable  lodging ^  over  a 
Fourth  Street  restaurant,  and  consumed  a  moiety  of 
my  cash  in  unavailing  efforts  to  make  my  collegiate 
lore  remunerative,  before  I  fell  in  with  a  fresh  young 
Englishman  possessing  a  fine  complexion,  who  spoke 
me  so  fairly  that  I  unhesitatingly  formed  a  copartner- 
ship with  him,  for  the  purpose  of  manufacturing  and 
selling  a  reliable  fly-exterminator.  The  business,  as 
I  learned  from  him,  was  regularly  netting  a  profit  of 
eleven  hundred  per  cent  in  London  ;  but  in  St.  Louis 
it  proved  only  partially  successful.  It  for  some  weeks 
enabled  my  partner,  who  was  an  excellent  hatter  by 
trade  and  by  nature  a  born  vagabond,  to  pick  up  a 
precarious  livelihood  in  one  of  the  unnumbered  ways 
he  preferred  to  his  legitimate  industry ;  but  instead 
of  augmenting  my  capital  it  so  insidiously  decreased 
it  that  common  prudence  soon  counseled  me  to  draw 
off  and  exliibit  a  balance-sheet.  My  partner  exam- 
ined it  with  melancholy  interest  and  then  suggested 
that  there  must  be  some  mistake  in  the  figures. 
When  I  demonstrated  that  this  hypothesis  was  un- 
tenable he  expressed  a  sanguine  opinion  that  July 
would  bring  more  rain  and  an  increased  demand  for 
the  fly-exterminator.  Then,  finding  I  did  not  see  as 
much  rosy  encouragement  in  that  hopeful  view  of  the 


86 


A  CHARMING  RIVEE. 


future  as  he  did,  he  borrowed  fifty  cents  from  me  and 
sadly  acquiesced  in  the  mevitable. 

The  next  day  I  set  out  by  rail  for  Cincinnati,  hur- 
ried somewhat  by  private  but  reliable  information  that 
I  could  get  a  berth  on  the  steamer  Gieneral  Lyttle,  a 
fine,  fast  boat  built  to  carry  passengers  and  the  mails 
between  Cincinnati  and  Louisville.  As  one  of  the 
cabin-crew  of  this  packet  I  went  to  and  fro  for  many 
months,  surprised,  whenever  I  gave  heed  to  time,  at 
my  contentment  with  the  life.  It  was  just  migratory 
enough  to  familiarize  me  with  the  charm  of  a  river 
named  by  exiles  of  Europe  "  The  Beautiful." 


CHAPTER    Y. 


AYrN"a  satisfied  my 
superiors  on  a  first- 
class  steamer  for 
more  than  a  year,  at 
the  opening  of  nav- 
igation in  1867  I 
was  offered  promo- 
tion to  pantryman  of  the  Cincinnati  and  'New  Orleans 
packet  Golden  Eagle,  which  I  of  course  accepted. 

On  the  first  trip  the  steward,  when  the  boat  reached 
Memphis  about  dusk,  told  me  we  would  lie  there  un- 
til morning  and  sent  me  ashore  with  several  commis- 
sions and  leave  to  roam  until  daybreak.  I  donned 
my  best  attire,  promising  myself  a  pleasant  time  up 
in  town  after  my  errands  were  executed.  I  concluded 
my  business  about  vii  p.  m.,  and  then  sti'olled  down 
to  the  Peabody  Hotel  to  loiter  away  the  early  horn*  of 


88  A  rOEEST   OF  LEGS. 

the  evening ;  at  which  place  I  presently  met  a  gen- 
eral officer  whom  I  had  known  as  a  recruiting  captain 
early  in  the  war,  and  who  seemed  quite  pleased  to 
fall  in  with  his  whilom  drummer.  He  was  in  the  act 
of  starting  to  the  theater,  where  the  Black  Crook 
was  then  drawing  vigorously,  and  invited  me  to  ac- 
company him.  Being  on  pleasure  bent,  and  without 
definite  plan  of  enjoyment,  I  yielded  to  a  little  urg- 
ing J  and  we  were  soon  seated  in  the  dress-circle,  in 
the  presence  of  a  wonderful  forest  of  legs  upon  which 
my  instinctive  penchant  for  form  fixed  my  attention 
so  closely  that  I  did  not  notice  anything  else  for  about 
half  an  hour  —  or  until  the  General  nudged  me, 
whispering: 

' '  Lie  down  1  The  rifled  battery  on  our  left  has 
got  our  range." 

Guided  by  the  hint  I  turned  my  head,  and  from  a 
box  not  far  away  received  full  in  my  face  the  point- 
blank  fire  of  a  pair  of  hazel  eyes  belonging  to  a  fair- 
skinned,  dark- haired  beauty  of  about  fifteen  seasons, 
who,  through  a  very  small-bored, glittering  lorgnette, 
was  intently  reconnoitering  our  position. 

It  was  so  sudden  that  I  think  I  shut  my  eyes.  I 
know  the  battery  trembled  visibly  in  its  recoil,  as  the 
radiant  maiden  hastily  ended  her  leisurely  survey, 
while  a  rosy  glow  suffused  a  face  so  lovely  that  I 


SHOT  THROUGH  THE  HEART.  89 

longed  for  skill  to  fix  its  girlish  womanliness  on  the 
easel  of  memory  where  I  might  at  leisure  learn  to  paint 
it.  For  a  moment  I  gazed  like  a  charmed  animal  at  the 
crimson  cheek  and  cleanly  cut  profile  which  the  artful 
young  creature  hastily  turned  toward  me ;  and  then, 
recovermg  my  customary  self-possession,  I  looked 
earnestly  at  the  maze  of  legs  once  more,  glaring  at 
the  bevy  of  nymphs  then  pirouetting  on  the  pro- 
scenium and  frowning  sternly  on  the  demure  zest  with 
which  my  companion,  under  his  grizzled  mustache, 
enjoyed  the  success  of  his  malicious  stratagem.  Set- 
tling stiffly  in  my  seat  I  tried  to  reunite  the  rudely 
severed  threads  of  my  interest  in  the  hallet;  but  the 
more  resolutely  I  fastened  my  eyes  upon  the  feast  of 
form,  the  more  distinctly  I  saw  in  distracting  mirage 
a  graceful  profile  illumined  by  a  bewitching  dash  of 
color.  I  soon  lost  interest  in  the  stage  and  began  to 
stare  about  the  house,  wishing  the  performance  was 
a  Chinese  tragedy,  safe  to  continue  two  or  three 
weeks,  so  that  I  might  indefinitely  prolong  the  pleas- 
ure of  stealing  furtive  gazes  at  the  box  in  thrilling 
proximity  to  my  left  elbow.  I  was  very  wary  in  this 
ogling,  for,  above  all  things,  I  wished  to  avoid  the 
semblance  of  a  rudeness  which  would  probably  offend, 
or  at  least  disgust  the  fair  young  girl  whose  stare 
and  spell  had  fascinated  me.     ISTot  for  anything  would 


90  IN  BORROWED  LIGHT. 

■* 

I  have  risked  destroying  the  mysterious  influence  that 
dehciously  impelled  her,  at  long  intervals,  when  I 
seemed  to  be  wrapped  in  obhvion  of  her  existence, 
to  snatch  hasty,  timid  little  passing  views  of  the  row 
of  seats  I  sat  in.  'No  doubt,  by  the  reflected  lustre 
of  the  Greneral's  handsome  uniform  and  gallant 
bearing,  I  shone  in  my  youthful  vigor  and  neat  at- 
tire, like  a  star  of  the  first  magnitude.  At  any  rate, 
to  my  intense,  concealed  delight,  she  continued  to 
turn  her  eyes  from  time  to  time  in  our  direction, 
until,  too  soon,  the  rising  audience  and  descending 
curtain  made  a  chaos  of  the  assembly. 

Once  out  of  the  throng,  I  became  reconciled  to 
the  General  sufficiently  to  ask  him  if  he  knew  the 
young  lady  in  the  box,  to  whom  he  had,  early  in  the 
evening,  directed  my  attention. 

He  chuckled  odiously  and  answered  that  he  knew 
her  name,  mentioning  one  that  was  then  nothing  but 
a  pretty  name  to  me,  but  which  soon  became  too 
sacred  in  my  memory  for  me  to  write  it  here.  A 
name  is  but  a  chamelion,  owing  its  bright  or  homely 
hues  to  the  object  it  happens  to  alight  on.  Wlio 
has  not  seen  a  charming  Susan,  and,  begging  pardon 
of  present  company,  to  put  it  gently,  a  neglected 
Juliet?  Yet,  as  the  soul  has  its  yearnings  that  no 
amount  of  stern  reality  can  seriously  impair,  and  as 


LEFT  ASHORE.  91 

the  name  in  question  was  a  short  and  sweet  one,  in 
deference  to  a  very  natural  human  curiosity  and  also 
for  my  own  convenience,  I  will,  in  these  confessions, 
hereafter  call  her  Ada. 

At  the  earliest  polite  opportunity  I  bade  my  com- 
panion good  night  and  wandered  abstractedly  toward 
the  river,  thinking  of  the  good  old  days  when  poor 
but  picturesque  pilgrims  tramped  over  Europe,  Asia 
and  other  countries,  until  their  roving  propensities 
were  satiated,  and  then  begged  their  way  back  home, 
to  wed  beautiful  and  aristocratic  young  ladies.  From 
this  romantic  reverie  I  was  roused,  as  I  stepped  across 
the  wharf-boat,  by  the  discovery  that  it  was  the 
steamer  Darling  that  lay  sizzling  along  the  gunwale, 
where  five  hours  before  I  had  left  the  Golden  Eagle. 
The  latter,  being  past  her  time  at  that  port,  had 
hastily  discharged  her  freight  and  departed,  leaving 
a  sister  boat  just  behind,  to  attend  to  all  the  other 
business  there. 

I  was  jocosely  welcomed  on  the  Darling  by  the 
men  on  watch,  and  affected  to  participate  in  the 
laugh  raised  by  my  misadventure  —  until  I  could 
escape  to  the  ' '  Texas  ' '  and  turn  in.  The  next  morn- 
ing I  dressed  myself  elaborately  in  my  one,  best  suit 
of  raiment  and,  after  a  late  breakfast  in  the-  pantry, 
walked  forward  to  face  the  raillery  of  the  officers, 


92  WOKKING  A  PASSAGE. 

most  of  whom  had  been  asleep  or  ashore  when  I 
came  on  board.  But  I  escaped  hghtly,  for  the  rea- 
son that  they  were  all  very  much  occupied  with  the 
preliminaries  of  an  entertamment  which  the  Darling 
was  to  give  the  elite  society  of  Memphis  on  the 
second  following  night.  The  boat  was  a  Cincinnati 
and  Memphis  packet,  thus  in  a  manner  belonging  to 
the  latter  small  but  ambitious  city,  and  to  celebrate 
the  openmg  of  navigation  the  officers  were  preparing 
for  a  fancy-dress  ball,  to  come  off  on  board  on  the 
night  of  the  anniversary  of  Washington's  birthday. 

The  chief  clerk,  knowing  that  I  had  learned  in 
"College"  to  wield  the  pen  of  a  rapid  writer,  told 
me  that,  bemg  a  "  supe,"  I  must  work  my  way  by 
directing  invitations  to  the  scene  of  revelry.  And 
nothing  loth  to  propitiate  him  and  the  captain,  both 
of  whom  I  found  in  conference  over  a  long  list  of 
names,  I  seated  myself  at  a  table,  before  a  box  of 
cards  and  envelopes,  and  soon  started  a  rapidly  grow- 
ing heap  of  superscribed  invitations,  stimulated  to 
special  effort  by  the  commendations  the  two  superior 
officers  bestowed  upon  the  grace  and  rapidity  of  my 
penmanship. 

Wlien  I  had  half  ffiiished  the  list,  at  xi  A.  m.,  the 
third  clerk  joined  me  in  the  task,  to  expedite  it,  as 
it  was  important  that  the  biddings  should  be  delivered 


A  GILDED   YOUTH.  93 

as  soon  as  possible,  so  that  the  ladies  elect  might 
have  all  the  following*  day  to  prepare  costnmes. 
And  when  the  list  had  been  divided,  so  that  two 
could  copy  from  it,  the  first  name  on  my  half  of  it 
made  my  pen  jump  and  alight  in  its  first  blot,  for  it 
was  the  name  of  Ada.  I  took  a  turn  around  the 
social  hall,  to  calm  my  nerves,  and  then  defaced  and 
slyly  concealed  half  a  dozen  covers,  before  I  suc- 
ceeded in  writing  that  name  on  one  in  a  style  that 
suited  me ;  and  I  know  that  careful  criticism  would 
have  detected  considerable  difference  in  my  work 
performed  before  and  after  that  demoralizing  effort. 

Dinner  and  a  carriage  were  waiting  when  the  last 
name  on  the  list  had  been  wi'itten,  and  to  hasten  the 
busmess  of  assortment  and  distribution,  at  the  sug- 
gestion of  my  collaborator,  it  was  arranged  that  I 
should  assist  him  in  those  duties.  So,  after  dining 
hastily  and  retouching  our  toilets,  he  and  I  rolled  up 
the  hill  on  which  the  city  is  set  and  began  our  rapid 
round  of  delivery. 

My  companion  was  a  pleasant  but  somewhat  vola- 
tile young  gentleman,  a  nephew  of  one  of  the  owners 
and  a  fair  exemplar  of  that  galaxy  of  gilded  youth 
inclining  to  be  broadly  sociable  at  home  and  hail  fel- 
low well  met  with  the  most  congenial  company  at 
hand  abroad.     I  was  of  the  same  stripe,  all  but  the 


94  CHEEK  ON  ICE. 

gilding,  and  so  it  naturally  came  about  that  after  writ- 
ing together  half  the  mornmg  and  riding  together  for 
an  hour  in  the  afternoon,  we  laughed  and  chatted 
alternately  as  freely  as  if  we  had  been  boon  com- 
panions from  infancy.  Seduced  by  his  congeniality, 
in  an  evil  hour,  I  showed  him  the  envelope  ad- 
dressed to  Ada  and  unbosomed  myself  to  him  con- 
cerning the  episode  of  the  play,  enlarging  and  no 
doubt  unconsciously  elaborating  on  that,  to  me,  most 
agreeable  part  thereof  wherein  she  had  burned  sweet 
incense  on  the  altar  of  my  boyish  vanity  by  stealing 
intermittent  glances  at  me  for  three  hours. 

When  I  had  persuaded  myself  to  bring  my  narra- 
tion of  the  adventure  lingeringly  to  its  conclusion,  my 
companion  coolly  wliistled,  offered  me  a  fresh  cigar 
and  said : 

''  By  the  rosy  infant  Moses,  Will !  that  means  the 
Eagle  left  you  in  luck ;  for  she  is  clean  gone  on  you  — 
Wliatapity!" 

"  What  a  pity  what?''''  I  asked  eagerly. 

He  leaned  back,  puffed  his  cigar  reflectively  a  few 
moments,  and  then  briskly  answered : 

"I  was  gomg  to  say,  what  a  pity  you  wasn't  on 
the  Darling  last  Fall,  when  that  girl  and  a  dozen 
more  of  the  Memphis  thoroughbreds  '  took  the  boat ' 
on  our  excursion  trip  —  But,  by  the  holy  poker,  I'll 


THE   TEMPTATION.  95 

tell  you  what  we'll  do.  She  has  a  sister  I  know  well 
enough,  and  like  about  as  well  as  the  one  Iliave  been 
thinking  of  taking  to-morrow  night — well  enough 
to  do  it,  any  way,  to  give  you  a  benefit.  So  when 
we  get  to  the  house,  I'll  go  in  and  ask  her  sister  to 
go  with  me  —  You  see,  as  I  will  be  ahead  of  every- 
body, with  her  invitation  in  my  hand,  she  can  not 
well  refuse.  Then  I  will  hand  out  the  other  card  and 
say,  that  as  the  time  is  so  short,  may  I  not  bring  in 
a  friend  from  the  JEagle,  so  that  I  may  tell  the  Dar- 
lings, to-night,  that  Miss  Ada  is  sure  of  an  escort  — 
call  for  them  together  to-morrow  night,  all  in  one 
carriage,  and  so  on." 

These  remarks  set  feelings  to  work  in  me  that  were 
not  favorable  to  calm  or  sensible  reflection.  I  own 
with  shame  that  I  did  not  either  reflect  or  hesitate. 
The  temptation  was  too  great  for  my  undisciplined 
imagination,  and  it  fell,  with  my  impetuous  inclina- 
tions, into  the  ingenious  project. 

Perhaps  if  there  had  been  more  time  for  second 
thoughts  I  might  have  felt  and  reflected  wisely,  but 
we  soon  arrived  before  the  house  and  I  was  left  alone 
in  the  carriage  wliile  my  accomplished  friend  made 
straight  the  way  of  the  denouement.  I  was  a  little 
nervous,  for  the  stately  front  of  the  mansion  recalled 


96  A   STAETLED   MAIDEN. 

with  vivid  emphasis  the  patrician  features  of  the 
maiden ;  but  before  the  unsteadiness  of  feeling  thus 
caused  could  develop  into  trepidation  the  reappear- 
ance of  my  companion  and  his  nonchalant, 

"  Come  in,  Will !  "  braced  me  up  like  the  blast  of 
a  bugle. 

I  ascended  the  broad  steps  and  entered  the  impos- 
ing hall  unhesitatingly ;  but  on  the  threshold  of  the 
elegant  drawing-room  I  lost  my  head ;  and  all  the  for- 
mality of  a  double  introduction  and  first  phrases  re- 
mains a  dizzy,  roseate  and  fragrant  void  in  memory. 
Fortunately  Ada  was  as  much  disconcerted  by  sur- 
prise as  I  was  by  embarrassment ;  and  her  sister,  an 
older,  handsome,  darker  girl,  perceiving  the  mutual 
confusion,  sldlfully  engaged  my  friend  with  spirit 
upon  the  subject  of  costumes,  leaving  Ada  and  me 
to  rally  and  fall  into  line  under  cover  of  tliis  timely 
demonstration. 

In  a  few  moments  I  began  to  breathe  more  com- 
fortably, for  the  breeding  of  my  vis  a  vis,  overpow- 
ermg  her  consternation,  quickly  restored  her  to 
graceful  ease  and  lifted  me  out  of  my  perturbation. 
I  then  hastened  to  discharge  the  devoir  to  which  I 
owed  the  pleasure  of  sitting  in  a  luxurious  nook,  tete 
a  tete  with  her,  and  wholly  reassured  by  her  gracious 


A  FOOL'S  PARADISE.  97 

response  I  began  to  glow  with  the  joy  of  bemg  near 
enough  to  her  to  touch  her  raiment  and  scent  the 
subtile  perfume  that  hovered  around  her  and  stirred 
with  her  rustling  movements.  Her  manner  was  in- 
genuous, with  a  flavor  of  that  delightful  friendliness 
which  delicately  suggests  that  the  one  it  beams  upon 
is  just  a  little  more  interesting  to  the  principal  actor 
than  is  any  other  person  present.  So  frankly  was 
this  suggestion  unveiled  that  I  quickly  became  im- 
bued with  the  no  doubt  conceited  inference  that  her 
cordiality  was  the  timid  beckon  of  a  budding  tender- 
ness that  knew  it  must  make  some  sign  in  haste  or 
regret  it  had  not,  when  too  late.  And  in  the  midst 
of  this  delicious  conviction  I  was  exasperated  to  see 
my  companion  rise  and  hear  him  flippantly  remind 
me  that  life  was  short  and  lovely  woman  waiting  on 
our  dilatory  movements. 

The  following  day  would  have  been  the  longest  I 
had  ever  lived,  had  it  not  been  for  the  excitement  and 
activity  of  preparation  for  the  night.  Some  hours 
seemed  long  and  others  short  until  dark,  descending 
suddenly  in  one  of  the  latter  sort,  took  me  unawares. 
It  was  time  to  dress ;  and  I  took  time  for  that  duty, 
arraying  myself  in  brave,  medieval  raiment  —  con- 
sisting principally  of  a  sheet-iron  doublet,  a  sword 


98  THE   MAID  OF  ATHENS. 

and  a  tin  hat —  without  regard  to  minutes,  until  the 
junior  clerk,  or  rather  a  blood-tliirsty  bandit  with 
much  hat  and  feather  over  him,  summoned  me  to  the 
fray. 

It. was  a  delightful  ride  —  that  toward  the  river — , 
by  the  side  of  the  dear  maid,  who  was  wrapped  up 
like  an  Eskimo  belle,  all  but  her  classic  face,  and  the 
upper  portion  of  her  shapely  head  which  was  simply 
but  charmingly  dressed  in  an  ample  kerchief  cun- 
ningly wound  like  a  turban.  I  would  like  to  linger 
on  that  ride  and  omit  its  consequences,  but  the  thorn 
in  the  rose  is  a  rivet  in  my  life  and  it  must  be  driven 
home. 

We  arrived  on  board  shortly  after  the  ball  had 
opened ;  and  for  three  hours  I  reveled  in  the  intoxi- 
cation of  my  first  cup  of  love's  delicious  vintage. 
Ada  had  chosen  to  appear  as  a  modern  Greek  girl, 
"  The  Maid  of  Athens,"  and  takiug  advantage  of 
the  opportunity,  in  bits  of  Byron's  candid  poem  I 
unblushingly  wooed  her;  while  with  old  fashioned 
coquetry  she  acted  a  bewildering  answer  that  hovered 
alternately  towards  yea  and  nay. 

Then,  giving  me,  at  last,  a  favor  to  wear  on  my 
helmet,  she  fled  away  to  unmask  for  supper ;  leaving 
me  to  brood  over  the  keys  of  the  piano  and  compare 


-m 


THE  BUBBLE  BURSTS.  99 

a  vague  reaction  that  fast  came  over  my  feelings, 
with  the  discord  of  those  notes  which  were  most  out 
of  tune. 

Disturbed  by  the  sudden  revulsion  and  irritated  by 
the  gaiety  of  the  cabin,  I  finally  rose  to  go  outside  — 
when  my  friend,  the  bandit,  touched  me  on  the 
shoulder,  whispering : 

^'  Come,  Will !  I've  something  to  tell  you." 

I  laiew  what  it  was.  I  followed  him,  not  to  learn 
his  meaning,  but  to  get  out  into  the  wintry,  conceal- 
ing night. 

He  briefly  reported  that  Miss  F had  been  en- 
lightened as  to  the  nature  of  my  position  on  the 
Golden  JEagle,  and  that  she  and  her  sister  had  sent 
apologies,  excusing  us  from  further  attention,  at  sup- 
per or  on  the  return  to  their  home. 

That  was  all. 

I  asked  him  to  go  with  me  to  the  office  and  let  me 
have  an  envelope  and  sheet  of  paper.  He  did  so ; 
and  then  returned  to  the  fete;  while  I  began  to  rap- 
idly pen  the  following  letter,  which  I  mailed  at  once, 
and  then  went  to  bed :  — 

Miss  F :     The  only  extenuation  I  can  offer  is  one  tliat  will  appear 

before  you  and  plead  for  my  excuse  every  day  of  your  life,  as  long  as  your 
heart  throbs  with  womanly  instinct.  To  escape  from  this  apologist  for 
my  infatuation  and  my  folly,  you  will  have  to  hide  from  yourself.  If  my 
sin  was  great,  my  temptation  was  greater,  and  my  punishment  will  be 


100  A  DISMAL   LOVE   LETTER. 

greater  stilL  I  do  not  expect  or  ask  you  to  forgive  me.  I  ask  only  that 
whenever  you  think  of  tliis  clay  and  hour  you  will  remember  me  as  an  un- 
fortunate who  loved  you  because  he  could  not  help  it;  and  sinned  —  not 
against  you,  for  that  he  could  not  do  and  live  —  but  against  a  code  that  has 
wrung  noble  hearts  and  wrecked  sinless  lives  before  you  and  I  were  born, 
and  will  do  the  same  ages  after  we  are  equal  before  God  and  man  in  the 
dust.  All  I  can  hope  for  and  all  I  petition  you  is  to  bear  this  eloquent 
truth  in  mind,  and  whenever  you  think  of,  so  remember  me.  I  beg  this 
because  I  wish  you  to  remember  me  without  the  bitterness  of  scorn  or 
anger.  To-night  our  ways  diverge,  probably  never  to  approach  again; 
but,  should  they  ever  do  so,  I  would  wish  the  passing  look  to  be  one,  not 
of  cold  contempt,  but  rather  of  gentle  pity  and  regret. 

A  hope  as  humble  and  unexacting  as  this  can  patiently  wait,  and  is 
better  indulged  than  stifled  even  if  it  waits  in  vain.  Whether  it  is  ever 
justified  or  not,  I  will  always  cherish  it  as  earnestly  as  I  now  do. 

Very  Respectfully  Yours, 

Steamer  Darling,  Midnight,  February  22d.  Will . 

When  the  Darling  reached  Cincmnati  the  steward, 
to  console  me  for  the  loss  of  my  berth  on  the  Golden 
Eagle,  offered  to  make  a  place  for  me ;  but  I  declmed 
the  overture,  for  several  reasons.  In  the  first  place, 
I  did  not  care  to  see  Memphis  again  soon  and  often, 
or  to  tarry  on  that  boat,  where  I  was  contmually  ex- 
posed to  distasteful  allusions  to  my  romantic  escapade 
and  also  in  daily  contact  with  the  junior  clerk,  toward 
whom,  as  an  incarnate  reminiscence  of  my  folly,  I 
had  conceived  a  sudden  and  unreasonable  aversion. 
Furthermore,  in  losing  my  berth  on  the  ^ew  Orleans 
boat  I  had  lost  my  promotion,  and  I  was  not  willing 
to  step  down  into  my  former  position  in  the  ranks  of 


BLIGHTED  HOPES.  101 

a  cabin  crew.  Finally,  I  had  been  confined  to  one 
way  of  life  for  more  than  a  year,  and  although  it  was 
a  migratory  one  and  rather  pleasant  than  oppressive, 
I  somehow  felt  that  perhaps  it  was  not  the  one  for 
wliich  I  had  been  created,  and  thought  it  was  high 
time  for  me  to  resume  tentative  efforts  in  some  new 
direction.  So  I  forsook  the  river  once  more,  and 
tm*ned  my  attention  to  cultivating  a  slight  acquain- 
tance I  had  formed  on  the  steamer  Gieneral  Lyttle 
with  a  stock  actor  of  Wood's  Theater  —  on  the  neb- 
ulous hypothesis  that  I  might  thus,  in  some  way,  gain 
a  footing  on  the  stage. 

I  disposed  of  considerable  time  and  most  of  the 
money  I  had  saved  while  steamboating,  without  re- 
sults more  satisfactory  than  those  of  being  admitted 
to  the  wings  as  an  idler  during  rehearsals,  and  so 
meeting  unceremoniously  a  number  of  players,  more 
and  less  prominent  in  the  profession.  This  could  not 
last  always.  Gradually  my  histrionic  hopes  grew 
less  and  a  feeling  of  restlessness  began  to  fill  the  void 
thus  created.  The  monotony  of  civic  hfe  oppressed 
me.  Imagination  sought  relief  in  picturing  enjoy- 
ments to  be  had  only  in  places  remote  from  effete 
civihzation.  In  fine,  the  Montana  fever  was  then 
carrying  off  the  last  of  its  early  victims,  and  I  caught 
it  so  violently  that  in  the  spring  of  1868  I  began  prep- 


102 


A  NEW  DEPARTURE. 


aration  to  go  "West  and  grow  up  with  tLe  Chinese 
problem. 

When  within  two  days  of  departure,  I  accidentally 
met  an  old  schoolmate  whom  I  had  not,  for  years, 
seen  or  heard  of.  He  hailed  from  I^ew  Mexico ;  and 
spoke  so  well  of  that  country,  whither  he  was  about 
to  return  in  a  few  days,  that  I  took  a  boat  for  St. 
Louis  undecided  whether  I  would  ascend  the  Missouri 
River  to  its  sources,  or  wait  for  my  old  chum  in  St. 
Louis  and  accompany  him  to  the  Southwest.  Before 
he  reached  The  Future  Great  City,  however,  events 
occurred  that  deterred  me  from  taldng  either  journey. 
I  went  around  by  water,  because  I  could  travel  in  that 
way  free  of  expense,  and  also  because  I  wished  to 
greet  once  more  some  of  the  beau-  Jl  I  I..- 

tiful  summer  landscapes  of  " 
Ohio  River. 

On  reacliuig  St.  Louis 
I  saw  on  the  bills  that  the 
comedian,  Frank  Frayne, 
with  whom  I  had  becomel 
slightly  intimate  during 
my  infatuation  for  rehear- 
sals, was  to  appear  the 
following  evening  at  D  ea- 
gle's Theater ;  and  as  soon 


LA  BELLE  RtVIEKB. 


A  SUDDEN   ENGAGEMENT.  103 

as  I  had  secured  quarters  at  my  old  lodging  house 
I  hunted  the  jolly  actor  up. 

It  had  so  happened  during  a  rehearsal  a  few  days 
previously,  that  I  had  picked  up  the  instrument  of 
Hernandez,  a  famous  guitar-player,  and  handled  it 
in  a  way  that  surprised  Frayne  and  others  present. 
Frayne  had  not  forgotten  the  incident,  and  after  I 
had  freely  confided  in  him  he  told  me  to  come  along, 
and  he  would  show  me  something  better  than  Mon- 
tana or  iNTew  Mexico. 

I  accompanied  liim  to  the  entrance  of  what  is  now 
the  Grand  Opera  House,  where  he  excused  himself 
for  a  few  moments  and  before  long  rejoined  me,  smil- 
ing pleasantly,  to  tell  me  that  if  I  just  said  the  word 
he  would  arrange  matters,  in  a  minute,  for  my  debut! 

The  annomicement  struck  me  dumb ;  and  inter- 
preting my  silence  to  suit  himself  Frayne  once  more 
left  me,  and  again  quickly  returning,  informed  me 
that  it  was  all  settled,  and  I  must  be  on  hand  with  a 
guitar  at  eight  o'clock  the  following  night. 

I  protested  that  it  would  be  impossible  for  me  to 
get  in  practice  for  such  an  ordeal  on  such  short  no- 
tice ;  but  Frank  calmly  answered  that  it  was  too  late 
to  talk  that  way,  and  that  the  less  I  bothered  with 
practice  the  better  I  would  pull  through. 


104  THE  SECRET  OF  SUCCESS. 

Without  fully  participating  in  this  refreshing  opin- 
ion I  anxiously  asked : 

' '  What  shall  I  put  up  for  a  program  ?  ' ' 

"Oh,"  answered  the  cool  hand,  "You've  carte 
hlanclie,  and  it  doesn't  matter  —  give  'em  anything, 
especially  variations.  Pile  on  agony.  It's  effort  — 
visible,  heart-rending  effort,  that  fetches  'em,  every 
time." 

Before  wq  separated  he  again  counseled  me  not  to 
bother  myself  about  practice  —  which  was  wise 
enough,  as  there  was  scarcely  time  for  even  hasty 
experiment.  It  was  then  late  Saturday  afternoon, 
and  it  was  necessary  to  attend  at  once  to  the  impor- 
tant details  of  an  instrument  and  a  make-up. 

I  soon  selected  a  guitar  that  suited  me,  and  having 
locked  it  up  in  my  room  I  conferred  with  my  land- 
lord as  to  where  I  might  get  an  appropriate  suit  of 
clothes  that  evening.  He  directed  me  to  a  shop,  the 
owner  of  which,  he  said,  was  then  advertising  a  large 
lot  of  "  misfits ;  "  and  there,  to  my  satisfaction,  I  soon 
found  a  dress-coat  that  fitted  me  as  nicely  as  I  could 
wish.  I  then  selected  a  pair  of  black,  doe-skin  trous- 
ers and  a  silk  vest,  and  after  making  some  other 
necessary  purchases,  returned  to  my  lodgings  light 
in  purse  but  highly  delighted  with  my  investments. 


CHAPTER    YT. 


HAT  happened  on  the 
stage  of  Deagle's  The- 
ater soon  after  viii  the 
i|^,^  following  evemng  must 
be  revealed,  if  ever 
widely  known,  by  cer- 
fflLjLjmLtain  of  the  two  thous- 
and persons  who  on 
^ik  that  occasion  stared  at 
a  dazed  debutant  almost  half  an  hour.  For  I  recol- 
lect only,  so  great  was  my  stage  fright,  that  I  fixed 
my  mind  upon  my  friend's  advice,  to  make  manifest 
a  robust  striving  for  effect ;  and  that  in  my  two  exits 
I  was  followed  by  yells,  stamping,  shrill,  nondescript 
noises,  and  other  manifestations  of  unfeigned  enjoy- 
ment. In  my  walks  abroad  the  next  morning  the 
sight  of  my  name,  in  letters  a  foot  long,  on  all  the 
ancient  walls  and  ample  bill-boards,  offended  me; 
for  in  consultation  with  Frayne  it  had  just  been  agreed 


106 


THE    LEGITIMATE    STAGE. 


that  it  would  not  be  prudent  to  jeopard  my  success, 
such  as  it  was,  bj  permitting-  the  inconstant  pubhc 
to  become  familiar  with  my  method. 

The  same  afternoon,  secretly  conceding  that  the 
only  stage  I  was  then  qualified  to  tread  with  grace 
was  the  "stage"  of  a  steamboat,  I  shoved  my 
theatrical  raiment  into  a  rusty  carpet-bag,  deposited 
these  evidences  of  my  last  profession  with  my  land- 
lord, and  embarked  on  the  steamer  Duhuque,  in  the 
capacity   of    cabin-watchman,  wondering  how  that 

nocturnal 


occujDation 
would  suit  me,  and 
what  would  be  my  next 
vocation. 

It  was  my  first  ac- 
quaintance with  the 
Upper  Mississippi ;  and 
I  was  delighted  with  it. 
It  is  needless  to  echo 
the  encomiums  that  the 
scenery  has  extorted 
from  cosmopolitan  crit- 
ics. The  landscape  is 
wilder  and  more  varied 
than  that  of  the  Ohio  Kiver,  and  the  traces  and 
traditions  of    the    noble   red  man's    occupancy  are 


THE  UPPER  IIIVEK. 


PEEPARING  FOR  PEACE.  107 

fresher.  I  was  so  pleased  with  stream  and  shore 
that^  I  abandoned  the  boat  on  reaching  St.  Paul, 
to  contemplate  them  closer  and  more  leisurely.  After 
examining  the  Falls  of  Saint  Anthony  I  embarked, 
in  pursuit  of  the  picturesque,  on  a  raft  about  to 
' '  sail ' '  for  climes  more  southern  and  a  market. 

The  charm  of  this  voyage  was  seriously  marred  by 
an  event  that  occurred  in  a  pleasant  cove,  under  a 
bold  chff  covered  with  aboriginal  attempts  at  art  and 
monumental  inscription,  in  which  the  raft  lay  wind- 
bound.  Of  this  incident,  let  it  suffice  to  chronicle 
that  for  some  days  I  had  been  treated  like  a  strange 
rat  in  a  garret  by  quite  a  number  of  the  hardest  lot 
of  men  I  ever  saw  done  up  in  bunches  of  a  dozen  — 
my  fellow- raftsmen,  who  seemed  to  owe  me  a  grudge 
which  they  were  eager  to  repay,  for  being  less  brawny 
and  brutal  than  they  were.  The  result  was,  that  in 
the  romantic  cove  referred  to  I  was  forced  to  the 
necessity  of  putting  myself,  in  one  way  or  the  other, 
on  a  peace-footing ;  and  the  man  who  had  most  re- 
cently with  wantonness  affronted  me  was  invited 
ashore,  there  to  participate  in  a  long,  earnest  and 
decisive  combat. 

The  barely  won  victory  astonished  the  whole  crew, 
for  although  I  was  quite  grown,  and  muscular  for 
my  build,  my  face  betrayed  the  boy  of  little  more  or 


108  LITE   ON  THE  LOGS. 

less  than  twenty.  And  after  that  day  I  was  treated 
like  a  man  and  fellow- creature  by  all  the  raftsmen. 

On  the  whole,  life  on  a  Mississippi  raft  proved  so 
pleasant  that  I  followed  it  two  seasons,  maldng  many 
voyages,  before  I  was  persuaded,  late  in  the  summer 
of  1869,  by  S.  W.  Wardwood,  Jr.,  an  eccentric  mas- 
ter-mechanic and  inventor,  to  gird  up  my  loins  and 
go  to  work  in  a  St.  Louis  shop  as  journeyman  manu- 
facturer of  sewing-machines.  Not  that  I  ever  really 
made  one  of  those  noisy  but  interesting  articles  of 
household  furniture ;  or  any  part  of  one  except  a 
small  bolt,  which  I  was  enabled  to  manage  by  the 
benevolence  of  the  above  mentioned  foreman,  who, 
impelled  by  what  prepossession  I  could  never  guess, 
put  me  to  the  task  and  Idndly  coached  me  until  I 
mastered  it  sufficiently  to  fairly  earn  mechanic's 
wages. 

I  liked  the  work,  which  was  light  and  remuner- 
ative ;  and  might  have  remained  in  its  thrall  indefi- 
nitely, notwithstanding  its  unpleasant  smut  and 
grease,  had  not  Wardwood  sent  me  on  an  errand  of 
repairs  one  brilliant  autumn  afternoon. 

I  was  crossing  the  intersection  of  Market  and 
Second  streets,  when,  through  the  glass  of  a  family 
coach  that  was  passing,  I  caught  a  glimpse  of  a  pro- 
file so  unmistakably  the  same  that  I  had  often  drawn 


THE  CLEAN-CUT  PEOFILE.  109 

and  dreamed  of,  that  I  instantly  forsook  my  errand 
and  followed  the  vehicle  —  down  the  slope  of  the 
middle  terrace,  and  across  the  levee  to  the  'New  Or- 
leans wharf -boat,  where  I  overtook  it  in  season  to  see 
two  ladies  and  a  gentleman  alight  from  it  and  go  on 
board  the  steamer  Stonewall. 

One  look  confirmed  the  feeling  that  I  conld  not  be 
mistaken.  The  lady  last  to  turn  her  face  away,  who 
stepped  with  inimitable  grace,  daintily,  across  the  un- 
tidy deck  of  the  floating  wharf,  was  Ada.  I  stood, 
watching  the  well  remembered  action,  until  she  van- 
ished among  the  light-freight  stowed  on  the  boiler- 
deck;  and  then  quickly  followed  on  to  the  cabin 
door,  my  sole,  irrational  purpose  being  to  behold 
again  that  agreeable  figure  and  movement.  But  for 
my  pains  I  saw  only  a  medley  of  passengers,  obscur- 
ing a  dim  perspective  full  of  women  and  children 
toward  the  end  of  the  long  vista. 

Loitering  a  moment  in  aimless  disappointment  I  saw 
the  gentleman  who  had  alighted  from  the  carriage 
appear  not  far  away  and  approach  the  office ;  and  di- 
vining his  errand  I  posted  myself  near  enough  to  hear 
while  the  clerk  asked  the  usual  questions  and  regis- 
tered   one    passenger  —  Miss  F ,  to    Memphis. 

Then,  while  the  gentleman  took  up  some  change  and 
a  key,  spurred  by  a  sudden  impulse  I  stepped  closer 


110  A  WILD-GOOSE  CHASE. 

and  asked  the  clerk  at  what  time,  sharp,  the  boat 
would  leave. 

^'Five  o'clock." 

It  was  then  twenty-nine  minutes  past  iv,  by  the 
cabin  chronometer ;  and  acting  spontaneously,  with- 
out any  semblance  of  reflection,  I  hurried  ashore,  and 
on  to  my  lodging-house ;  where  I  thrust  my  few  be- 
longings quickly  into  my  bag,  wrote  a  hasty  note  to 
Wardwood,  took  the  last  and  my  tools  to  the  land- 
lord, discharged  my  reckoning  and  walked  rapidly  back 
to  the  river. 

It  was  seven  minutes  to  v  when,  panting,  I  tossed 
my  satchel  into  a  stateroom  and  stepped  into  the  lava- 
tory to  cool  my  head  in  a  basin  of  soap-suds.  And 
as  I  rubbed  at  the  hateful  grease  and  grime  the  churn 
of.  the  great  wheels,  usually  so  pleasant  in  my  ears, 
filled  me  with  mixed  emotion ;  for  while  it  notified  me 
of  commodious  imprisonment  with  Tier,  it  also  insinu- 
ated that  there  was  certainly  one  fool  afloat,  beyond 
retreat,  upon  a  wild-goose  expedition. 

But  when  the  hollow,  intermittent  splash  and  thud 
glided  into  the  rhythmic  shiver  and  rap-atap-^ap  of 
majestic  motion  a  great  calm  entered  into  my  vagrant 
soul,  casting  out  all  riotous  feeling.  I  had  been  al- 
most constantly  diligent  in  business  for  nearly  two 
years,  and  if  I  had  not  hived  a  hat-full  of  money,  I 


A  DUDE  AFLOAT.  Ill 

had,  at  least,  a  comfortable  handful  in  my  fob ;  and 
why  should  I  not  treat  myself  to  one  Httle  pleasure 
excursion ! 

Exulting-  in  this  view  of  it  I  carefully  dressed  my- 
self in  the  only  unexceptionable  attire  I  just  then  hap- 
pened to  possess  —  my  theatrical  raiment — ,  in  wliich 
I  soon  sat  down  to  supper,  looking,  I  hope,  and  feel- 
ing, I  am  confident,  like  a  young  gentleman  of  taste 
and  leisure,  on  a  tour.  And  yet  I  was  not  happy. 
For  at  a  distant  table,  so  near  and  yet  so  far,  sat  Ada, 
whom  I  adored,  and  who,  I  hoped  and  believed,  had 
once  been  not  insensible  of  a  budding  tenderness 
towards  me.  After  supper  I  saw  her  no  more ;  and 
I  went  to  my  berth  early  and  dissatisfied. 

I^ext  morning  she  reappeared  at  breakfast,  and 
from  the  table  walked  forward  to  the  boiler-deck, 
whence  she  looked  on  while  the  crew  rolled  flour 
on  board,  at  Chester,  111.  —  until  my  costume  de 
rigueitr  attracted  her  attention  to  its  proprietoi- ;  when 
she  recoiled  slightly,  and  the  laugh  in  her  eye  quickly 
froze  into  a  high-bred  stare  which  held  my  gaze  just 
long  enough  to  chill  my  marrow:  after  which  she 
resumed  her  observation  of  the  shoreward  scene,  pay- 
ing no  attention  whatever  to  my  presence. 

The  frigidity  of  the  look  and  the  composure  that 
seemed- to  follow  it  assured  me  that  she  had  bitterly 


112  ON  THE   GUARDS. 

thought  of  me,  and  also  felt  the  goad  of  self- discipline 
since  our  last  meeting.  If  it  was  her  intent  to  cut, 
and  cruelly  carve  me,  she  succeeded. 

Standing  in  the  early,  October  sunshine  she  seemed 
in  her  pride  more  beautiful,  by  a  certain  undefinable 
addition  of  womanly  charm,  than  I  had  remembered 
her  as  a  perfect  woman  at  fifteen.  The  subtile  change 
seemed  to  lurk  in  her  attitudes  and  movements,  as  it 
were  in  ambush  to  puzzle  recognition  with  bewilder- 
ing surprises.  This  enhancement  of  extreme  beauty 
overwhelmed  me  for  some  moments  with  a  dishearten- 
ing realization  of  the  presumption  and  folly  of  my 
profound  passion.  But  her  look  of  scorn  probed  an 
old  and  open  wound  with  a  poignance  that  soon  tor- 
tured me  to  action.  Stepping  close  beside  her  I  said 
f  alteringly : 

"  Miss  F ,  will  you  never  become  lenient  to  the 

hope  I  pleaded  for  in  my  letter?  " 

"Without  looking  towards  me  she  moved  her  lips 
slightly  and  in  a  low,  distinct,  passionless  voice  an- 
swered : 

":n'o." 

In  a  few  moments  she  retired  to  the  cabin ;  and  I 
went  to  my  stateroom,  to  get  my  satchel  and  go 
ashore,  for  I  was  weary  of  that  adventure.  But  in 
the  act  of  preparation  I  reflected  that  Chester  was  a 


rOEEBODING  DREAMS.  113 

strange  port  to  me,  and  that  I  would  feel  less  forlorn 
if  I  debarked  at  Cairo.  So  I  borrowed  a  book  and 
tried  to  read  myself  into  interest  in  it  —  with  so  little 
success  that  after  dining  hurriedly,  to  escape  from  the 
temptation  to  look  aft,  I  lay  down  on  my  berth  and 
was  soon  deeply  interested  in  a  series  of  preposterous 
dreams. 

After  some  hours  I  was  startled  from  a  vision  that 
would  puzzle  any  maniac,  by  the  diabolical  howl  of  a 
demon  —  which  proved  to  be  the  first  blast  of  a  whis- 
tle to  land.  Immensely  relieved  I  went  forward  and 
saw  that  the  sun  was  setting  under  a  bank  of  clouds, 
behind  some  low  hillg,  throwing  into  chill  shadow  a 
deep,  round  bay  on  the  western  shore,  in  which  nes- 
tled an  msular  column  of  stratified  limestone,  sur- 
rounded by  swiftly  gliding,  shade-chilled  water ;  while 
in  strong  contrast,  on  the  opposite  or  Illinois  side, 
across  the  narrow  elbow  of  river,  an  effulgence  of 
warm,  cloud-tinted  yellow  smilight  bathed  a  strag- 
gling village  and  some  fine,  craggy  heights.  This 
was  Grand  Tower,  the  island  rock  and  rambhng  vil- 
lage, where  we  were  landing  to  coal. 

It  was  almost  an  hour  later,  and  nearly  dark,  when 
we  resumed  the  voyage.  A  strong  wind  from  the 
south,  into  which  the  boat  ran  steadily  at  ten  or  twelve 
knot  speed,  was  breaking  up  the  bank  of  cloud  and 


114:  THE  EMPTY  CHAIE. 

blowing  it  off  from  the  star-specked  sky.  Finding  it 
too  breezy  for  comfort  outside  I  sat  down  near  the 
forward  stove  and  watched  the  preparations  for  sup- 
per. 

Wliile  so  engaged  I  reflected  that  in  my  pique  I 
had  scarcely  looked  towards  Ada  during  dhmer,  and 
that  my  last  opportunity  to  look  at  her  would  be  at 
supper,  as  the  boat  would  leave  me  at  Cairo  some- 
time before  daybreak.  Having  thus  meditated  I 
walked  back  to  my  stateroom  and  sat  on  my  berth 
until  the  first  tap  of  the  gong ;  I  then  stepped  out 
quickly  and  took  a  seat  at  the  table  next  to  the  one 
reserved  for  ladies,  where  I  had  a  good  view  of  the 
seat  which  Ada  had  so  far  monopolized. 

But  to  my  intense  disappointment  the  chair  was 
empty.  And  as  the  meal  progressed  without  a  sign 
of  her  appearance  I  tormented  myself  with  the  con- 
jecture that  she  was  absenting  herself  from  the  table 
to  shun  my  furtive  glances,  because  aware  of  my 
proximity  to  her  seat. 

This  unpleasant  hiference  impaired  my  appetite 
after  the  first  roll ;  and  in  that  perversity  which  goads 
suspicion  to  justify  itself  I  soon  left  the  crowded  ta- 
ble, went  to  my  stateroom,  rolled  up  a  collar  in  a 
handkerchief  and  walked  back  on  the  guards,  to  the 
stern.     There,  as  I  had  anticipated,  I  easily  found 


THE  CHAMBERMAID'S  LAST  LAUGH.  115 

the  chambermaid,  and  slippmg  a  50  cent  postal  piece 
into  her  hand  asked  her  to  wash  and  iron  the  small 
articles  for  me  that  night.  Then  handing  her  another 
crisp  half-dollar  I  told  her  to  go  and  wake  np  Miss 

F ,  the  handsome  young  lady,  before  she  lost  her 

supper. 

'^  La,  boss  !  "  she  laughed  knowingly,  as  she  closed 
her  hand  on  the  douceur,  * '  Ise  done  tole  her  long 
ago,  an  she  say  she  got  headache,  an  doe  wan  no 
supper." 

^'  Is  she  much  sick?  " 

*^  I  spec  not.  When  I  done  took  her  cupa  tea  jes 
now  she  wuz  ondressed  an  say  she  sleep  it  off  fo 
mornin." 

^ '  Well  —  take  good  care  of  her  —  and  give  my 
wash  to  the  watchman  before  you  go  to  bed,  for  I'm 
going  to  get  off  at  Cairo." 

"  Coase  I  will  —  an  I'll  tell  her  who  quired  arter 
her  an  tole  me  to  take  good  care  of  her." 

I  walked  forward  trying  to  believe  that  the  indis- 
position was  a  nervous  headache  for  which  I  was  re- 
sponsible. 

I  went  into  my  room  and  was  fumbling  over  the 
tumbled  berth  for  the  book  I  had  borrowed,  wishing 
to  return  it  to  the  owner,  when  I  heard  quick,  heavy 
footsteps  overhead  and  a  rapid,  creaking  run  of  the 


116  PORTENTOUS   SOUNDS. 

wire  tiller-rope.  And  before  I  had  time  to  wonder 
what  these  sometimes  but  not  always  portentous 
sounds  signified  J  on  a  gust  of  the  gale,  through  the 
Open  outer  door  at  my  elbow,  came  the  thrilling  cry  : 

' '  Fire  !    Fire  I    Fire  /  " 

I  ran  out  on  the  guards,  by  the  wash-room ;  but 
could  see  nothing  unusual.  And  the  only  thing  I 
could  hear  was  the  gale,  whistling  around  the  wheel- 
house  bulkheads.  I  then  hurried  up  the  midship 
steps,  to  the  hurricane  deck,  and  at  once  saw  far 
astern,  a  red  glare  on  the  tops  of  the  waves  where 
they  rose  and  fell  in  the  boat's  wake.  And  as  I 
looked  a  sheet  of  flame  shot  out  toward  the  IS^orth 
Star,  flaring  upward  over  the  water  and  revealing  a 
streamer  of  smoke  that  blotted  out  the  stars  as  it  flew 
up  the  river  before  the  hurrying  blast. 

That  was  all  I  waited  to  see. 

The  boat,  a  large  side- wheel  steamer,  full  of  freight 
and  people,  was  running  swiftly  into  the  strong  head 
wind,  on  fire  in  a  deck-load  of  hay  stowed  in  the  en- 
gine-room :  and  fanned  by  the  gale  the  flames  spread 
rapidly,  until,  in  a  few  moments,  the  swiftly  moving, 
combustible  fabric  was  blazmg  astern  like  a  Titanic 
torch. 

At  the  first  alarm,  or  a  moment  before  I  ran  above, 
the  pilot  put  the  wheel  hard  aport,  while  simultane- 


A   FUNERAL  PYRE.  117 

ouslj  the  engineer  stopped  the  port  engine ;  and  obe- 
dient to  hehn  and  power  the  boat,  when  I  descended, 
was  beginnmg  to  swing  slowly  ontward,  in  the  usual 
manner  of  rounding  to  in  a  swift  current  near  the 
shore.  So  sudden  and  sharp  was  the  crisis  of  the 
catastrophe  that,  of  all  the  officers  and  crew,  only 
one  pilot,  two  engineers,  the  carpenter  and  eight  or 
ten  hands  escaped  the  common  doom.  Of  all  on 
board,  over  two  hundred  —  exactly  how  many  was 
never  known  —  perished  miserably  at  about  the  same 
moment.  They  perished,  in  the  main,  not  by  water, 
but  by  fire,  as  the  boat  swung  into  its  own  fiery  wake 
and  the  sweeping  flames  enveloped  decks  and  cabin 
from  stern  to  stem.  Then,  filled  with  roasting  corpses, 
the  majestic  funeral  pyre  slowly  forged  in  toward 
the  western  shore  and  shortly  grounded  on  a  small 
gravel  bar,  only  a  few  yards  from  the  bank ;  where, 
forced  into  the  water  by  the  fire,  some  more  unfort- 
unates perished,  while  the  few  who  did  not  die  passed 
over  the  deep,  narrow  channel  between  the  bar  and 
shore,  and  so  escaped. 

In  hurrying  to  the  boiler  deck  my  absorbing  pur- 
pose was  to  get  my  satchel  and  secm^e  a  float  of  some 
sort.  But  as  I  ran  into  the  smoky  cabin  I  suddenly 
thought  of  Ada.  Spurred  by  the  awful  recollection, 
I  pressed  through  the  frantic  forward  rush,  into  the 


118  A  SCENE   OF  TERROE. 

space  between  two  tables,  and  looked  aft.  A  cloud 
of  dense  smoke  was  then  rolling  from  the  sky-light 
mouldings  almost  to  the  carpet,  concealing  every- 
thing abaft  the  curtain-pole  except  small  jets  of  flame 
and  thin  sheets  of  smoke  that  were  rising  through 
the  heat-sprung  interstices  of  the  floor.  Between  me 
and  the  curtain  the  aisles  were  full  of  excited  passen- 
gers, most  of  them  running  past  the  supper  tables 
toward  me,  but  some  of  them  adding  to  the  confusion 
by  ruslnng  to  and  fro,  apparently  demented  by  terror 
or  blinded  by  the  pungent  aud  fast  thickening  smoke. 
The  confined  air,  compressed  by  smoke  and  expanded 
by  heat,  shook  with  shouts,  shrieks  and  other  sounds 
of  excitement  and  dismay  until  the  glass  pendants  of 
the  chandeliers  tinkled. 

In  an  instant  I  perceived  all  this,  and  that  nothing 
could  live  three  minutes  longer  beyond  that  curtain  ; 
and  then  I  pushed  my  way  down  the  aisle  and  ran, 
with  my  face  in  my  hat,  right  into  the  fiery  fog, 
straight  to  the  middle  of  the  starboard  side  of  the 
cabin,  near  which  I  knew  Ada's  door  to  be.  It  was 
only  a  few  steps,  but  in  taking  them  I  shook  off  sev- 
eral hands  that  attempted  to  detain  me. 

Bursting  into  one  stateroom,  I  saw  in  the  lurid  glow 
that  it  was  vacant:  and  I  felt  the  thm  soles  of  my 
boots  begin  to  burn  me ;  while  the  smoke  was  fast 


INTO  THE   SMOKE.  119 

torturing  me  to  despair.  Familiar  with  traditions  of 
similar  disaster,  and  also  with  all  chances,  I  was  urged 
by  a  full  knowledge  of  the  terrible  necessity  for  haste, 
which  goaded  me,  half  suffocated,  into  another  room. 
Almost  at  the  last  gasp  I  staggered  through  it  and 
saw  that  it,  too,  was  unoccupied.  Wrenching  open 
the  outer  door  I  stumbled  headlong  out  of  it,  upon 
the  guards ;  where  I  rolled  on  my  back  and  lay  for 
several  moments,  swallowing  the  sweet  freshness  of 
the  rushing  gale.  Then,  scrambling  to  my  feet,  I 
put  my  heel  through  the  door  next  aft  of  that  out  of 
which  I  had  just  stumbled,  kicking  the  glass  in.  The 
room  was  full  of  smoke,  but  brilhantly  aglow  from 
swirling  flames  that  roared  and  crackled  outside  the 
glass  of  the  closed  transom ;  and  in  an  intense  but 
hazy  light,  on  the  warping  floor,  to  my  great  joy,  lay 
Ada,  half  dressed,  overcome  by  fright  or  suffocation. 
In  an  instant  I  unfastened  the  door  and  lifted  her 
out  into  the  fresh  wind ;  where  I  laid  her  tenderly  on 
the  deck,  to  fan  her  for  a  moment  before  carrying 
her  forward  in  quest  of  a  float  buoyant  enough  for 
both  of  us.  But  in  that  moment  a  sheet  of  flame 
curved  like  a  cataract  over  the  eaves  of  the  deck 
above  us,  as  the  boat,  closing  with  the  trail  of  the 
conflagration,  fast  swung  into  the  fiery  core.  In  an- 
other minute  every  stick  and  spot  abaft  the  forecastle 


120  A  LEAP  FOE  LIFE. 

would  be  enveloped,  and  already  the  last  shrieks  of 
the  doomed  creatures  in  the  cabin  were  mingling  with 
the  roar  and  crackle  of  the  holocaust.  I  saw  there 
was  no  time  for  deliberate  preliminaries  —  not  even 
to  unhinge  a  door,  for  in  the  fraction  of  a  second  a 
flaw  of  wind  or  a  flare  of  the  fast  shifting  sweep  of 
flame  might  engulf  that  whole  afterguard.  This  I 
saw  and  realized,  instinctively,  without  reflection ; 
and  wasting  no  particle  of  the  uncertain  margin  in 
deliberation,  misgiving,  or  hesitation  I  lacked  off  my 
boots,  lifted  the  unconscious  girl,  stepped  over  the 
rail,  clasped  my  burden  closely  and  leaped  for  two- 
fold life. 

In  the  shudder  of  the  chill  plunge  I  held  the  prec- 
ious incumbrance  yet  closer ;  and  as  I  rose  a  heart 
throbbing  against  mine  gave  token  that  the  shock 
which  had  almost  stopped  my  breath  was  putting 
hers  in  motion.  And,  absurd  as  it  may  seem,  after 
this  discovery  the  predominant  feeling  of  the  tedious 
moments  of  ascension  was  intense,  indignant  regret 
that  all  those  ingenious  romancers  who  with  a  stroke 
of  the  mendacious  pen  make  able  bodied  young  men 
bear  full  grown  virgins  in  triumph  over  the  bounding 
billows,  were  not  afloat  with  me  in  that  chill  wave, 
getting  a  pound  of  practice  for  every  ounce  of  theory. 
I  rejoiced  that  my  heroine  was  alive  ;  yet  in  despite 


SWIMMING  UNDER  DIFFICULTIES.  121 

of  the  books,  I  dreaded  the  awful  moment  when  re- 
vived by  that  tonic  wave  she  would  also  be  Mckmg. 
But  for  the  time  being  she  was  as  limp  and  passive  as 
her  clothes,  so  I  spluttered  an  earnest  prayer,  as  I 
popped  to  the  surface,  that  she  might  be  as  slow  in 
recovering  comlnand  of  her  limbs  as  I  would  be  in 
losing  an  effective  use  of  mine. 

Hopeful,  but  by  no  means  confident  of  my  ability 
to  acquit  myself  like  an  ordmary  hero,  I  settled  on 
my  back,  pillowing  the  head  of  my  companion  on  my 
right  shoulder,  and  hastily  reflected  as  to  the  best 
manner  of  proceeding  under  the  emergent  circum- 
stances. I  was  perfectly  cool  —  too  much  so  in  fact ; 
but  I  thought  I  might  manage  to  stand  the  tempera- 
ture for  some  little  time  after  severe  exertion  had 
swamped  me.  '  It  soon  became  evident  that  I  was  over- 
loaded and  all  awash  in  that  position ;  so  I  turned 
under  my  burden,  dos  a  dos,  and  drew  the  soft,  gently 
resisting  arms  backward  until  they  hmig,  like  hooks, 
over  my  shoulders.  This  plan  was,  decidedly,  an 
improvement ;  and  I  was  much  pleased  with  it  until, 
on  laying  forward  to  my  stroke,  I  found  a  serious 
objection  to  it  in  the  size  and  solidity  of  the  precious 
head  wliich  came  into  embarrassing  collision  with  my 
own  at  each  recover.  To  steady  the  former  I  cush- 
ioned it  on  my  left  shoulder,  and  giving  the  long  hair 


122  A  HINT  TO  HEROES. 

a  twist  brought  it  snugly  across  my  breast,  under  my 
right  arm,  over  the  same  shoulder  and  finally  to  my 
mouth,  where  I  closed  teeth  and  lips  in  a  mouthful  of 
the  free  tangle.  By  this  arrangement  I  fixed  the 
calm  statue-like  face  about  six  inches  above  the  level 
of  the  water,  so  that  the  weatherly  modeling  of  the 
head  would  protect  its  exquisite  front  fi'om  an  ugly 
little  sea  that  was  running ;  while  I  at  the  same  time 
reduced  the  whole  incumbrance  of  the  situation  to  a 
small,  still  burden  of  a  few  pounds  on  my  shoulder. 

Thus,  after  perhaps  three  or  four  minutes'  immer- 
sion, I  struck  out  for  the  Missouri  shore,  which  was 
illumined  just  above  me  by  the  conflagration ;  then 
slowly  forging  up  stream  towards  the  mouth  of  In- 
dian Creek,  and  distant  from  us  about  half  a  mile. 
We  were,  as  well  as  I  could  judge,  very  nearly  in 
mid-stream,  or  fully  half  a  mile  from  either  shore ;  but 
I  had  no  misgivings  about  swimmmg  the  distance, 
provided  the  chill  did  not  cramp  me,  or  my  charge  be- 
come active  enough  to  impede  my  exertions. 

I  had  proceeded  thus  hopefully  but  a  short  dis- 
tance, however,  when,  to  my  dismay,  I  began  to  per- 
ceive symptoms  of  decided  and  increasing  animation 
on  my  back.  My  heart  instantly  sank,  and  my 
thoughts  began  to  spin  in  an  orbit  of  swift  and  vivid 
self-catechism,  as  to  whether  I  had,  in  fact,  been  born 


TEMPTED   BY  THE   DEVIL.  123 

to  be  drowned  by  a  woman.  Then  the  devil,  who, 
I  believe,  is  now  pretty  well  given  up  to  be  none  other 
than  the  ubiquitous  spirit  of  egoism  which  instigates 
all  nature  to  universal  warfare  with  itself,  whispered 
ui  my  ear  that  it  would  be  very  easy  to  mitwine  that 
twist  of  tresses  and  rescue  myself.  But  I  am  glad 
to  add  that  I  instantly  grappled  with  the  tempter,  and 
was  loyally  wi^estling  with  him  when  a  fitful  flash  of 
the  distant  fire  pushed  the  edge  of  the  flickermg  illu- 
mination suddenly  past  me,  down  stream,  and  re- 
vealed something  bobbing  only  a  few  yards  away 
that  made  my  heart  bounce.  Breasting  eagerly  to- 
ward the  object,  after  a  few  energetic  strokes  I  saw 
distinctly  in  the  strong,  momentary  light  a  box  tilted 
under  the  weight  of  a  figure  clinging  at  one  end,  and 
showing  at  the  other  end  two  projecting  handles  by 
which  I  at  once  recognized  it  as  one  of  those  hand- 
barrows  used  on  Western  rivers  to  measure  and  carry 
coal.  And  as  I  drew  near  it,  eyeing  that  figure  with 
an  anxiety  that  increased  rapidly  in  equal  ratio  with 
Ada's  activity,  I  perceived  a  gleam  of  wet,  wiry  black 
hair,  and  a  face  set  with  a  pair  of  small,  round  ear- 
rings and  two  glittering  eyes  that  were  attentively 
watching  me. 

I  slackened  my  stroke,  the  better  to  examine  this 
face  •  and  then  instinctively  swerving  to  the  right  I 


124  CLEARING  FOR  ACTION. 

swam  slowly  around  the  projecting  handles  until  the 
short,  splashing  waves  broke  on  my  shoulders,  per- 
mitting me  to  open  my  mouth  without  inconvenience, 
when  I  let  shp  the  coil  of  hair,  and  explaining  that 
the  lady  on  my  back  was  fast  becoming  troublesome, 
begged  the  man  to  let  me  lay  her  on  the  barrow,  and 
help  me  to  get  her  to  shore.  But  in  an  accent  that 
betokened  exile  from  Southern  Europe  he  positively 
objected  to  that,  saying  that  the  box  was  only  big 
enough  for  one ;  to  which  rudely  adding  something 
about  priority  of  possession  and  every  man  for  him- 
self, he  told  me  to  go  away,  and  began  to  turn  the 
barrow.  Instead  of  obeying  him,  however,  I  took 
hold  of  Ada's  hands,  which  were  just  then  closing  in 
my  hair,  gently  but  firmly  unclapsed  them  and  laid 
them  tenderly  on  the  receduig  handle  that  was  far- 
thest from  the  face  of  the  ungallant  foreigner.  And 
when  I  found  that  they  had  clenched  confidingly 
around  the  smooth  piece  of  wood  I  slued  the  strug- 
gling girl  quickly  around  until  she  lay  prone  across 
the  inverted  box,  and  in  another  motion  of  the  same 
quick  time  I  shut  my  own  fingers  with  a  set  grip  in 
the  stranger's  coarse,  thick  hair.  The  two  actions 
were  so  sudden  and  nearly  simultaneous  that  little 
time  was  given  the  latter  to  decide  as  to  what  was 
best  for  him  to  do  under  the  circumstances.    And 


A  SELFISH   STEANGER. 


125 


during  that  little  time 
he  seemed  unable  to 
make   up   his   mind, 
for  he  first  gave  the 
box   a   sudden   jerk, 
which  slightly  assist- 
ed me  by  leveling  it, 
and  then  locking  his 
right  arm  around  one 
of  the  handles,  at  the 
same  moment  grasp- 
ed   my  left    wrist 
with  his  other 
hand. 


EVERY  MAN  FOR  HIMSELF, 


126  THE   STRUGGLE   FOR  EXISTENCE. 

But  by  that  time  his  head,  following  my  earnest,  back- 
ward pull,  was  disappearing  under  the  short,  leap- 
ing waves,  while  my  arms  were  already  stiffening  to 
balance  my  body  and  sink  him  deeper  still. 

And  instead  of  husbanding  his  breath  for  a  des- 
perate subaqueous  struggle,  he  spent  it  in  a  gurgling 
cry  which  I  distinctly  heard  as  I  went  under  directly 
above  his  head.  An  instant  later  I  felt  his  remaining 
hand  grip  my  other  wrist ;  and  then  began  a  vigorous 
muscular  contest,  in  which,  aware  of  the  advantage 
I  had  gained  in  wind  and  position,  I  kept  my  body 
horizontal  and  my  arms  rigidly  extended  downwards, 
until  my  breath  was  almost  gone.  Then,  as  we  both 
rose,  I  swung  on  m}^  wrists  into  a  vertical  position, 
and  after  catching  some  breath  and  letting  my  adver- 
sary cough  a  moment,  gasped  in  Ms  ear :  ' '  Will  you 
lend  the  lady  the  box,  now?"  and  without  waiting 
for  an  answer  put  him  under  again. 

As  he  went  down  he  writhed  more  frantically  than 
before,  tugging  at  my  wrists  and  making  convulsive 
efforts  to  loosen  and  turn  in  my  unyielding  grasp. 
But  I  methodically  repeated  my  simple  evolution  un- 
til it  brought  us  once  more  to  the  surface,  when  I 
panted  in  his  hair :  "  Every  man  for  himself  —  I  am 
for  the  box  !  "  and  sent  him  down  again  to  think  that 
one-sided  policy  over. 


HELP!     HELP!  127 

As  we  rose  the  third  time  I  felt  mj  powers  failing, 
and  satisfied  that  the  man  in  my  grasp  must  be  still 
more  exhausted  I  let  him  clutch  my  coat-sleeves  near 
the  elbows,  while  I  held  Ms  head  straight  before  me 
and  took  breath  for  a  final  effort.  In  this  prepara- 
tion, finding  it  no  longer  difficult  to  cope'  with  his 
struggles,  I  took  my  time,  slowly  filling  and  empty- 
ing my  lungs  repeatedly.  Then  jerking  his  head 
about  on  its  socket  a  few  times  with  vigor,  in  earnest 
of  his  impotence  in  my  hands,  I  shouted:  "If  you 
come  back,  I'll  get  out  my  knife  and  cut  your 
thi'oat ! ' '  With  the  last  word  I  suddenly  let  go  his 
hair,  seized  both  his  wrists,  planted  my  feet  on  his 
shoulders  and  straightening  myself  like  a  released 
bow,  shot  away  from  him  and  sent  him  off  some 
yards  into  the  darkness  down  stream,  where  I  quickly 
lost  sight  of  him  and  saw  him  no  more. 

I  had  then  been  overboard  in  all  eight  or  ten  min- 
utes, drifting  with  the  current  towards  a  spur-liill  on 
the  western  shore ;  the  fire,  more  than  a  mile  away, 
was  already  waning,  and  Ada  was  lying  across  the 
barrow,  holding  fast  to  the  handle  and  screaming 
shrilly : 

''Hel])!    Help!'' 

It  was  in  respondmg  to  this  stirring  appeal  that  I 
so  quickly  lost  sight  of  the  stranger ;  and  how  it  sub- 


128  SURVIVAL  OF  THE  FITTEST. 

sequently  fared  with  him  I  never  knew.  I  can  only 
add  that  I  hope  he  got  ashore,  and  that  if  he  did  not 
it  was  because  among  the  inexorable  decrees  of  Prov- 
idence was  the  fiat  that  Ada's  time  to  die  had  not 
yet  come. 

Finduig  her  about  to  succumb  to  cold  and  terror,  I 
writhed  out  of  my  coat  and  wrapped  it  around  her. 
Then  holding  her  on  the  barrow  with  one  arm  I 
paddled  vigorously  with  the  other,  and  pushed  for 
shore,  comforting  her  constantly  as  best  I  could.  It 
was  no  longer  a  grave  question  —  of  whether  we 
should  be  buried  by  land  or  water,  for  though  feel- 
ing like  a  newly  refrigerated  icicle,  I  had  been  from 
my  youth  up  too  amphibious  to  be  drowned  near  a 
float  like  that  my  arm  lay  over,  so  close  to  land.  So 
I  shivered  and  shoved,  and,  after  an  uncomfortable, 
yet  not  altogether  cheerless  voyage,  stranded  my 
convoy  about  a  mile  above  a  ferry-landing,  under 
some  looming  hills. 

It  was  about  this  time,  while  I  was  carrying  her 
up  the  first  bank,  that  Ada  seemed  to  begin  to  asso- 
ciate me  with  the  past.  For  she  shrank  from  my 
embrace  and  by  name  besought  me  to  put  her  on 
the  ground  and  let  her  walk.  Perceiving  several 
lights  and  hearing  voices,  at  no  great  distance,  I  com- 
plied with  her  request  so  far  as  to  set  her  on  her  feet 


A  PICTURESQUE   SURTOUT.  129 

and  suggest  that  she  should  eke  out  her  imperfect 
toilet  by  donning  my  dress-coat.  She  did  so,  with 
alacrity  and  my  assistance ;  and  then,  shivermg  on 
my  icy  arm,  she  essayed  to  walk.  I  remember  won- 
dermg,  as  I  glanced  sidelong  at  her  picturesque  sur- 
tout,  whether  she  recalled  to  mind  how  nearly  she 
had  escaped  laughing  at  the  cut  of  those  coat-tails, 
that  day.  "  They  laugh  longest  who  laugh  last,"  I 
thought,  smiling  in  the  face  of  night.  Then,  feeling 
her  stumble  in  her  stockings  over  a  stony  place,  I 
shouldered  her  unceremoniously,  and  staggered  under 
the  burden  mto  an  astonished  group  of  men  who, 
lighted  by  several  lanterns,  were  hovering  on  a 
promontory  whence  the  glow  of  the  wreck  could  be 
plainly  seen. 

I  briefly  explained  that  the  lady  had  been  in  the 
water  almost  an  hour  and  was  perishing  in  the  chill 
wind ;  and  before  I  was  done  chattering  it  half  a 
dozen  dry,  warm  coats  were  off.  They  wrapped  us 
both  up  quickly,  and  a  boy  pulled  off  his  shoes  for 
Ada  to  put  on.  And  then,  of  course,  she  had  her 
way  and  walked. 

Tliree  of  the  party  undertook  to  conduct  us  to  the 
nearest  house,  only  a  few  hundred  yards  away ;  and 
I  told  the  others,  as  we  left  them,  to  be  quick  and 
build  a  large  fire  at  the  ferry,  as  I  had  seen  one  man 


130  DRYING  OUT. 

struggling  for  life  out  in  the  river,  and  there  might 
be  more. 

In  a  few  minutes  we  reached  a  house ;  where  the 
men  built  rousing  fires,  while  the  women  brewed  a 
strong  toddy  and  prepared  with  all  possible  haste 
to  put  Ada  into  a  warmed  bed. 

Once  in  the  glow  of  a  great  bark  fire,  I  felt  pretty 
well,  and  began  to  tell  all  I  knew  about  the  disaster, 
to  gratify  my  hospitable  entertainers,  who  listened 
eagerly  and  assisted  me  to  dry  out  my  rescued  per- 
sonal effects.  My  dress-suit,  what  with  soaking  and 
steaming,  was  a  perpetual  joy  no  more ;  my  hat  and 
boots  were  utterly  lost ;  and  of  the  roll  of  money  in 
my  pocket,  two  large  bills,  that  happened  of  course 
to  be  outside,  were  so  dilapidated  when  I  had  dried 
their  pulpy  remainder  that  I  never  realized  any  value 
on  them.  But  from  the  interior  of  the  wad  I  managed 
to  rescue,  in  damaged  condition,  some  thirty  odd 
dollars  of  barely  current  funds. 

]!!^aturally,  while  slowly  renovating  my  establish- 
ment, between  words  my  thoughts  revolved  around 
the  young  person  who,  as  our  hostess  notified  me, 
was  peacefully  slumbering  in  the  next  room.  Was 
she  dreaming  of  me?  And  if  so,  was  I  disporting  in 
the  comedy  of  a  hal  masque  under  a  tin  helmet ;  or 
under  the  glare  of  tragedy  in  a  swallow-tail  coat? 


THE  HAND   OF  EATE.  131 

And,  above  all,  now,  having  opened  two  such  ave- 
nues for  her  somnolent  reveries  to  ramble  in,  how 
should  I  act? 

Should  I,  because  fate  offered  me  fair  opportunity, 
force  the  repugnance  to  my  presence  which  she  had 
so  recently  made  manifest,  down  her  throat  with  the 
inexorable  rammer  of  the  greatest  of  all  possible  obli- 
gations? One  moment  I  spurned  that  alternative 
with  the  scorn  of  pride  born  of  humiliation.  The 
next,  I  caressed  it  with  the  avidity  of  a  pride  begotten 
by  resentment.  I  own  I  wavered  long  in  this  indecis- 
ion, and  was  gradually  drifting  from  all  scruples  into 
the  latter  vortex  of  inclination,  when,  as  might  have 
been  anticipated  by  any  anthropologist  familiar  with 
my  antecedents,  chance  suddenly  decided  the  matter. 
Feeling  a  bit  chilly  about  midnight  I  took  my  coat, 
now  dry  and  of  an  aspect  somewhat  disconsolate,  and 
administering  sundry  soothing  shakes  to  it,  proceeded 
to  force  myself  into  its  shrunk  and  refractory  propor- 
tions. Intent  on  this  arduous  occupation  I  danced 
upon  the  ample  hearth,  now  here,  now  there,  until  in 
an  extra-vigorous  contortion  I  kicked  over  the  hand- 
iron  nearest  to  my  corner,  shaking  the  smouldering 
fire  into  a  blaze  which  illumined  me  and  all  the  re- 
cesses of  the  apartment. 

And  as  the  sudden  radiance  revealed  me  to  the  com- 


132  A  RUSTIC  SMILE. 

pany  bright  smiles  began  to  play  over  their  shining 
faces,  spreading  toward  their  ears,  until  the  boy  whose 
shoes  had  done  gallant  service  collapsed  in  a  wild 
"Haw-haw!  "  that  fired  an  explosion  wliich  almost 
took  the  roof  off. 

It  was  Ada's  matutinal  merriment,  seen  through 
the  magnifying  glass  of  rustic  sincerity,  in  the  focus, 
disaster  lent  to  my  coat ;  and  it  at  once  brought  me 
to  an  inflexible  resolution.  Rather  than  appear  on 
the  morrow  before  that  whole  household  in  a  guise 
that  moved  rustics  to  such  extravagant  mirth,  I  would 
hide  myself  in  the  back-hills.  Luckily,  a  packet  was 
due  up  before  daybreak ;  so  I  gave  our  host  all  the 
money  I  had  restored  to  passable  condition,  excepting 
only  one  five-dollar  bill,  minutely  instructing  him  to 
set  apart  ten  dollars  for  passage  and  use  the  remainder 
at  the  neighboring  store  and  otherwise  in  such  dis- 
bursements as  would  most  expeditiously  equip  the 
young  lady  for  the  resumption  of  her  voyage :  and, 
without  fail,  to  inform  me  by  letter,  in  care  of  the  of- 
fice of  the  packet  next  following  me,  how  it  fared 
with  the  charge  thus  committed  to  him. 

I  then  consumed  the  remainder  of  the  night  in 
lunching  heartily  and  preparing  the  folloAving  com- 
munication, which  I  gave  to  the  host  for  delivery, 
when,  shortly  before  dawn,  he  accompanied  me  with 


PEECIPITATE  FLIGHT. 


133 


a  torch  to  the  ferry  landmg  to  hail  the  approachmg 
mail-boat : 

In  the  House  near  Vancil's  Ferry, 
One  Hour  Past  Midnight. 
Miss  Ada: 

It  is  not  probable  that  the  shock  you  have  sustained  will  be  followed 
by  illness ;  but  I  have  so  arranged  that  I  will  know  in  season  to  return 
quickly,  if  you  do  not  wake  this  morning  in  usual  health. 

I  am  going  away  because  I  love  you,  and  am  not  good  enough  for 
you  to  love,  or  base  enough  to  expose  my  love  to  human  pity  or  mockery. 
If  my  transgression  was  great,  my  temptation  was  greater;  and  let  the 
atonement  wipe  out  all  the  folly,  sorrow  and  anger  of  the  past. 

Very  Respectfully  Yours, 

Will . 


M'^'^^^^ 


CHAPTER  yn. 


HEIT  THE  officers  of  the  boat  learned 
of  the  night's  disaster  and  saw  in 
my  washed-out  appearance  and  the 
handkerchief  bound  about  my  head 
,in  heu  of  a  hat,  circumstantial  cor- 
roboration of  the  statement  that  I  was  one  whom  fire 
and  flood  had  spoiled  but  spared,  they  received  me  roy- 
ally. Of  course  they  may  at  first  have  taken  me  for  a 
duke  in  disguise ;  but  all  the  same  their  noble  enter- 
tainment did  not  falter  when  it  transpired  that  I  was, 
as  much  as  anything  else,  a  steamboatman.  In  truth, 
finding  the  wreck  a  smoking  mass  of  ashes,  water-sod- 
den oak,  charred  ends  and  twisted  iron,  whence  a  boat 
passing  earher  had  removed  all  signs  of  life,  except 
the  people  coming  and  going  in  skiffs  and  on  shore ; 
and  perceiving  that  I  was  the  only  survivor  destined 


136  DELICATE  HOSPITALITY. 

to  receive  their  ministrations,  they  made  the  utmost 
of  me.  They  put  a  silk  hat  on  my  head,  obtaining 
it  with  some  difficulty  expressly  for  that  purpose,  in 
dehcate  deference  to  my  seeming  penchant  for  tone 
in  costume ;  and  in  the  same  spirit  of  subtile  hospi- 
tality they  replaced  the  clumsy  and  somewhat  dis- 
rupted shoes  supplied  by  my  late  host,  with  an  almost 
new  pair  of  dainty,  low-cut  Oxford  ties,  elegant  in 
the  gloss  of  unblemished  patent  leather.  Then,  as- 
certaining that  I  had  been  eating  most  of  the  night, 
they  put  me  in  a  stateroom  and  placed  a  dark  decan- 
ter and  a  pony  tumbler  on  a  chair  beside  my  pillow. 

Later,  when  after  protracted  and  unbroken  rest  I 
attempted  to  pay  my  passage,  the  clerk  explained 
that  the  boat  intended  to  add  that  trifle  to  a  subscrip- 
tion that  had  been  raised  for  me  during  my  slumber. 
I  told  him  I  would  accept  the  passage,  gratefully,  if 
he  would  transfer  the  remainder  of  the  subscription 
to  the  widows  and  orphans  of  the  wreck. 

An  hour  later  I  walked  ashore,  and  to  my  lodging ; 
where  I  found  my  tools  and  note  to  Wardwood  lying 
on  a  shelf,  forgotten.  But  the  landlord  apologized 
so  handsomely,  behind  a  large,  particular  demijohn, 
that  I  could  not  find  it  in  my  heart  to  revile  him. 

As  Wardwood  had  no  tidings  of  my  errand  it  was 
necessary,  when  I  found  liim  at  one  of  his  evening 


RETURNING,  AFTER  AN  ERRAND.  137 

haunts,  to  account  for  my  absence ;  but  loth  to  open 
my  bosom  to  any  mortal,  I  privately  asked  if  he  could 
advance  me  the  trifle  of  wages  due  me,  explaining 
that  I  had  barely  escaped  alive  from  a  rencounter 
with  an  Italian  or  Portuguese  fellow  who  had  been 
rude  to  a  lady  under  my  care ;  and  as  the  man  might 
be  dead  for  all  I  knew,  I  wished  to  leave  the  city 
quietly  for  parts  unknown. 

Although  this  was  all  literally  true,  my  conscience 
smote  me  when  the  Inventor,  after  excushig  himself 
for  a  moment,  handed  me  ten  dollars,  just  borrowed 
for  my  accommodation.  He  listened  without  ques- 
tioning me,  and  most  seriously  for  him,  to  what  I 
chose  to  add;  but  at  parting  his  habitual  drollery 
flashed  out  in  the  grave  suggestion  that  some  disguise 
less  unique  than  the  one  I  had  selected  might  prove 
more  favorable  to  the  retirement  I  desired. 

I  devoted  the  following  day  to  meditation  and  the 
discharge  of  a  few  small  debts,  while  waiting  for  the 
promised  tidings  from  below.  The  mail-boat  duly 
brought  me  a  few  lines  from  my  late  entertainer,  who 
reported  that  Miss  F- ,  at  the  moment  of  his  writ- 
ing, was  in  earnest  consultation  with  his  wife  and 
daughters,  over  the  absorbing  problem  of  the  cut  and 
trimming  of  a  beautiful  calico  dress,  and  other  arti- 
cles too  numerous,  and  mysterious  of  make  for  him  to 


138  A  BATELED  PEN. 

further  mention.  Kegretting  that  I  could  not  be 
present  at  a  sewmg-circle  already  beginnmg  to  as- 
semble for  the  emergent  occasion,  he  closed  with  the 
assurance  that  he  would  not  fail  to  forward  the  young 
lady  by  that  evening's  Memphis  packet. 

Enclosed  in  this  agreeable  letter  was  a  small,  neatly 
folded  billet  which  I  held  for  an  unknown  number  of 
moments,  before  I  opened  it  and  read: 

Mr. : 

I  was  very  much  distressed  when  I  first  read  your  note  this  morning; 
but  I  am  now  beginning  to  find  a  serious  liind  of  satisfaction  in  the  reflec- 
tion that  it  ma,tters  little  how  much  you  increase  an  obligation  that  human 
power  can  never  cancel  or  honestly  hope  to  lessen.  The  more  I  read 
your  magnanimous  letter,  the  more  content  I  am  that  it  is  to  you  I  owe 
the  debt ;  since  it  may  give  you  satisfaction  to  know  that  it  must  compel 
me  to  remember  you,  always,  only  with  unmeasured  gratitude  and  pro- 
found respect. 

As  to  the  past  matter  you  refer  to,  come  to  Memphis  when  you  will 
and  let  it  be  my  humble  undertaking  to  convince  you,  and  all  who  care  to 
know  it,  that  implacable  resentment  is  not  one  of  my  besetting  faults. 

Please  send  me  your  address. 

Very  EespectfuUy  Yours, 

Ada  F , 

That  night,  under  lock  and  key  I  defaced  my  en- 
tire supply  of  paper  in  abortive  attempts  to  frame  an 
answer  to  the  smaller  missive.     Then  I  went  to  bed. 

Early  the  next  morning,  after  settling  with  my 
landlord  and  paying  for  my  breakfast  at  a  restaurant 
I  balanced  cash  and  put  away  three  dollars  and  some 


AN  EAKLY  WALK.  139 

cents  in  the  pockets  of  my  singed  and  shrunken  doe- 
skin trousers.  I  then  strolled  down  to  the  nearest 
ferry,  crossed  the  river  and  set  out  for  a  walk  on  the 
track  of  the  Ohio  and  Mississippi  Railway.  My 
destination  was  Cincinnati;  and  being  as  high  in 
mettle  as  I  was  low  in  finances  and  exhilarated  in 
spirit  by  the  autograph  in  my  breast  pocket,  I  pro- 
posed to  tramp  it. 

At  a  little  German  hostelry,  where  I  rested  and 
ate  a  noon-day  luncheon  bought  in  the  village,  I 
wrote  and  mailed  the  following  unsatisfactory  hues : 

Miss  Ada  E : 


I  can  not  send  you  my  address,  because  I  have  none.  And  to  do  the 
other  thing  would  be  to  imitate  the  silly  moth. 

I  can  only  thank  you,  and  remain  thankful  that  it  is  as  well  with  me 
as  it  is;  remembering  how  lately  it  was  worse. 

Very  Eespectfully  Yours, 

Will . 


Late  that  afternoon,  twenty-eight  miles  from  the 
city  and  a  bit  leg-weary,  I  sat  down  on  a  culvert  to 
consider  how  I  would  dispose  of  myself  for  the  night. 
Looking  before  me  with  eyes  taught  in  the  war-time 
to  see  the  most  iii  everything,  I  beheld  the  roof  of  a 
distant  farm-house  and  saw  the  last  of  the  day's  sun- 
shine lying  warm  and  cheery  on  a  low  haystack  that 
stood  afield  between  the  railway  and  that  roof. 


140  A  WAYSIDE   INN. 

"Without  further  concern  I  took  a  nibble  at  the 
remnants  of  my  luncheon,  and  a  restful  I3ipe,  after 
which  I  climbed  a  fence,  pursued  a  large,  ungainly 
shadow  across  a  bit  of  meadow  and  soon  added  such 
enlargement  to  an  excavation  made  by  small  stock 
in  a  last  year's  hay-mow,  that  with  a  little  simple  fur- 
niture and  a  few  patrons  I  could,  at  least  for  one 
night,  have  kept  a  cozy  and  quite  popular  wanderers' 
hotel. 

In  this  comfortable  retreat  I  soon  slept  soundly, 
and  snug. 

I  was  awakened  by  a  passing  freight-tram  when 
the  sun  was  making  its  first  preparations  to  rise.  The 
air,  though  less  wintry  than  it  had  been  three  nights 
before,  was  sharply  unsuggestive  of  the  hazy  geni- 
ality that  lay  in  wait  for  later  hours  of  the  day.  I 
shivered  wMle  making  my  toilet,  thereby  facilitating 
the  task,  which  consisted  of  giving  myself  a  shaking 
and  caressing  my  hat  and  shoes  with  a  wisp  of  the 
dry,  fragrant  herbage.  Then  I  quaked  again,  as  I 
remembered  a  recent,  unalterable  resolve  to  begin 
life  anew  that  day  by  throwing  myself  unflinchingly 
upon  the  hospitality  of  the  road ;  a  prudent  resolu- 
tion, with  so  long  a  walk  ahead  and  so  little  current 
cash  in  hand. 

I  had  just  the  soldier's  experience  of  rural  philan- 


THE  WATCH  DOG'S  HONEST  BARK  141 

thropy  to  cheer  and  counsel  me ;  so,  foot-sore,  a  little 
famished,  and  shivering  in  spite  of  good  courage,  I 
limped  up  to  the  farm-house  and  informed  the  aged 
yeoman  who  called  off  the  dog  that  he  beheld  in  me 
a  survivor  of  the  Stonewall  tragedy,  just  as  I  had 
escaped  from  it,  on  my  way  to  a  distant  home  in 
Ohio  and  in  sore  need  of  a  breakfast.  In  corrobora- 
tion of  the  statement  I  exhibited  some  remnants  of 
large  currency  in  a  condition  eloquent  of  financial 
disaster. 

To  my  great  joy  the  good  old  husbandman,  with 
only  a  curious  look  at  the  wreck  of  my  fortune,  re- 
ceived me  into  the  bosom  of  Ms  early- rising  family, 
and  there,  while  eagerly  interrogating  me,  dispensed 
an  agreeable  hospitality. 

I  reveled  in  tliis  experience  later,  whea  hmbering 
my  joints  on  the  ties,  for  in  the  interest  of  the  old 
man  and  his  whole  family  I  saw  a  rainbow  that 
spanned  the  hills  before  me,  and  which  seemed  safe 
to  shine  until  some  newer  sensation  eclipsed  the  ca- 
tastrophe my  tout  ensemble  illustrated.  The  con- 
sciousness that  I  was  full  of  facts  precious  to  the 
public  around  me  enlarged  my  self-respect,  making 
me  feel  less  like  a  prowling  mendicant  and  more  Uke 
a  peripatetic  lecturer  or  roving  missionary.  So  I 
struck  into  a  swagger  that  swayed  the  tall  hat,  then 


142  A  NOON-DAY  HALT. 

tilted  over  my  left  ear,  and  agitated  the  patent  leath- 
ers, at  that  moment  riding  in  the  pockets  under  my 
coat-tails ;  dismissing  all  care  for  the  morrow,  except 
to  forecast  a  regular,  convenient  system  of  two 
' '  baits ' '  per  diem;  or  a  substantial  early  meal,  be- 
cause the  fresh  morning  air  acted  like  a  file  on  the 
edge  of  my  appetite ;  and  a  nutritious  supper,  because 
I  usually  rested  better  and  dreamed  more  coherently 
out  of  a  full  stomach  than  I  did  out  of  an  empty  one. 

Absorbed  in  pleasant  reveries  I  trudged  on  until 
about  noon,  when  I  learned  from  a  stray  mile-post 
that  my  bare  feet,  in  infancy  taught  to  tread  life's 
rugged  paths  with  little  ceremony,  were  pushing  the 
ties  behind  me  at  a  rate  that  averaged  three  and  two- 
thirds  measured  miles  per  hour.  As  such  a  pace  was 
not,  under  a  noon-day  sun,  altogether  luxurious  or 
necessary  I  sat  down  beside  a  sandy  stream  and 
there,  after  a  delightful,  shady  rest,  bathed  my  face 
and  feet  and  put  on  my  shoes.  Then,  much  re- 
freshed, I  began  a  long  race  with  the  east-bound 
shadows  of  the  telegraph-poles  —  which,  pass  them 
often  as  I  would,  seemed  pluckily  to  spurt,  repass 
and  lead  me,  each  time  a  little  farther  and  more 
gamely. 

That  evening  I  fared  sumptuously  at  the  board  of 
a  well  dowered,  comely  and  big-hearted  widow,  in 


ORIENTAL  IRONY.  143 

sight  of  Sandoval ;  and  lodged  in  the  loft  of  a  tum- 
ble-down stable  between  that  town  and  an  excrescence 
of  the  railway  called  Salem  —  which  name,  I  believe, 
is  a  corruption  of  the  Oriental  "Salaam,"  meaning 
peace  —  peace  be  with  you,  or  a  philanthropic  senti- 
ment to  that  effect ;  but  I  found  no  peace  there  — 
not  even  peace  of  mind,  or  so  much  as  a  piece  of 
bread.  For  which  reason  my  salutation,  as  I  shook 
its  dust  from  my  shoes  before  putting  the  latter  into 
my  pockets  on  the  second  morning,  was  not  so  peace- 
ful as  it  might,  under  other  circumstances,  have  been. 
It  seemed  that  the  inhabitants  had  not  heard  of  the 
calamity  I  personified.  Probably  they  could  not 
read ;  or  perhaps  they  regarded  me  as  an  immodest 
illusion,  decidedly  overdressed  for  the  part  I  had 
undertaken.  I  frankly  confess  to  a  temporary  preju- 
dice against  the  place,  which  was  not  entirely  dissi- 
pated by  my  hearty  entertainment  at  an  unpromising 
but  delightfully  illusory  log  cabin,  on  a  hill  a  few 
cuts  further  on.  However,  I  walked  myself  into  a 
tolerably  comfortable  frame  of  mind  and  body  before 
XI  A.  M.,  at  about  which  time  I  came,  near  a  cross- 
ing, mto  full  view  of  an  unmistakable  landmark  that 
filled  me  with  misgivuig. 

It  was  a  noble  triad  of  Lombardy  poplars,  unques- 
tionably a  waymark  I  had  seen  from  afar  before  —  on 


144  AN  ATHLETIC  RUSTIC. 

the  idyllic  excursion  in  the  pony  chariot.  And  the 
misgiving  it  filled  me  with  was  the  suspicion  that  I 
was  an  unmentionable  sort  of  fool,  for  my  pains  in 
having  walked  almost  one  hundred  miles  upon  that 
hideously  straight  and  iron  way.  For  railways, 
though  full  of  unapproachable  perspective,  are  some- 
what deficient  in  that  scope,  variety,  and  color  of 
scenery  which  cause  sublime  sensations  to  creep  up 
and  down  the  spmal  column  of  the  aesthetic  soul  — 
especially  when  viewed  from  the  standpoint  of  the 
traveler  who  for  sufficient  reasons  elects  to  journey 
on  foot. 

I  saw  that  I  was  wallowing  in  an  imbecile  and  ter- 
rible mistake.  And  I 
became  so  angry  with 
myself  that  I  asked  a 
large  and  athletic 
farmer  who  turned  up 
at  the  crossing  and 
!5E  walked  a  mile  with  me, 
'TWAS  EVER  THUS.  wliat  hc  wouM  do  if  a 

stranger  should  offer  him  a  dollar  to  lack  him  gable- 
end  ways  down  the  long  vista  before  us. 

He  spat,  and  said  he  would  kick  the  dad-gumm'd 
stuffin'  out  of  the  durned  fool ;  which  intelligence  was 
so  depressing  that  I  was  glad  when  the  huge  rustic 


A  LOST    EAMBLER.  145 

turned  into  a  woodland  path  and  left  me  to  my  self- 
upbraidings. 

A  few  miles  further  on,  having  put  on  my  shoes 
expressly  for  that  purpose,  I  sauntered  through  the 
bright  and  bustling  little  town  of  Flora,  Illinois  ;  and 
enjoyed  the  stroll  so  much,  notwithstanding  the  lively 
interest  in  my  progress  manifested  by  the  wide-awake 
inhabitants,  that  at  its  termination  I  found  myself 
unprepared  to  get  between  the  rails  and  dodge  irre- 
sponsible engines  more.  I  resolutely  turned  short  to 
the  right,  to  revel  in  the  glories  of  the  wayside,  far 
from  the  infinite  series  of  heart-breaking  yellow  cuts 
and  soul-subduing  telegraph-poles. 

But  almost  as  soon  as  I  had  left  it,  I  found  that 
the  railway  has  its  merits.  It  is,  at  least,  an  excel- 
lent guide.  Before  night  I  lost  myself  twice ;  and 
the  next  day  I  entered  the  village  wherein  I  had  si- 
lenced the  hoary-headed  doctor,  before  recognizing 
the  place ;  and  subsequently  I  passed  through  the 
one  in  which  we  had  encountered  the  cork-legged 
soldier,  never  the  wiser  until  long  afterwards,  when 
with  map  and  itinerary  I  sought  to  untangle  the  two 
routes  from  a  confused  snarl  around  such  unmistaka- 
ble knots   of  names   as   Patoka,  Bovine,  Padoria, 

Dongola  and  Paoli.     Such  names,  indeed,  are  not 
ic 


146  A   MELANCHOLY   MAN. 

likely,  when  once  their  ingenious  inventors  have 
thought  of  them,  to  be  forgotten ;  but  as  for  roads, 
every  one  of  them  is  two-faced,  appearing  otherwise 
when  viewed  from  the  opposite  direction ;  and  the 
aspect  of  Spring  is  cunningly  disguised  in  that  of 
Autumn.  So  I  was  soon  constrained  to  modify  my 
plan  of  steering  by  memory,  into  one  of  finding  my 
way  deviously,  by  inquiry,  in  the  general  direction  of 
such  chief  towns  as  I  knew  to  lie  near  my  course. 

The  day  after  leaving  the  railway,  while  charmingly 
lost  in  a  productive  and  populous  countrj^  side,  at  the 
open  gate  of  a  large  and  comfortable  brick  house 
behind  which  lay  a  fine  farm  covered  with  shocks  of 
cut  corn,  I  came  upon  a  man  apparently  about  twice 
as  old  and  quite  as  muscular  as  I  then  was.  He  was 
slightly  above  the  medium  Western  hight,  and  health 
and  strength  were  modeled  all  over  his  large  physique 
in  those  lumps  and  lines  that  are  most  agreeable  to 
an  artist  or  anatomist.  His  face,  full  of  a  serious 
and  contemplative  intelligence,  fringed  by  short  locks 
and  a  close-cut,  heavy  beard,  all  of  the  same  handsome 
virility  and  dark,  glossy,  black-brown  hue,  might  have 
been  the  front  of  a  philosopher  or  a  philanthropist  but 
for  a  wistful  sadness  in  his  large,  luminous  hazel  eyes 
and  remarkable  mien  that  betokened  either  settled 


THE   BLUE   HEN'S   CHICI^N.  147 

melancholy  or  a  constitutional  distrust  of  optimism. 
It  was  a  pleasing  face  when  the  man  spoke  or  smiled, 
which  became  strangely  fascinating  when  in  solemn 
silence  he  fixed  his  pathetic  ox-eyes  on  the  beholder ; 
and  it  was  a  remarkably  handsome  one,  in  despite  of 
the  severity  of  the  cropped  mustache  on  its  firm, 
fine  lip,  and  a  shocking  soft  hat  that  slouched  over 
its  upper  hair.  A  drab  cassimere  frock-coat,  rather 
thin  for  the  season  and  a  good  deal  the  worse  for  time 
around  the  edges,  and  pants  of  similar  but  percepti- 
bly lighter  or  more  grayish  stuff,  tucked  into  coarse, 
broken  boots,  assisted  a  soiled  and  frayed  satin  vest 
to  lend  to  the  whole  man  the  air  of  a  noble  ruin  in 
premature  decay.  But  what  particularly  arrested  my 
attention  and  fixed  it  on  Mm,  as  he  stood  fike  a  statue 
of  Surprise  reproachmg  Fate,  before  the  open  gate, 
was  a  double-barreled  shot-gun  leveled  at  and  near 
his  breast  by  a  slender  youth  of  some  seventeen 
years  who  seemed,  from  his  steady  hand  and  flashing 
eyes,  to  be  wrestluig  with  some  powerful  but  con- 
trolled emotion. 

*^  Go  back,"  said  the  slender  young  man  in  oratory 
that  clicked  deliberately,  like  the  tumbler  of  a  strong 
and  well  made  lock,  ''and  chop  that  wood,  or  I'll 
spoil  your  appetite !  " 


148  ONE  "DROP"  TOO   MUCH. 

''  What's  -up?  "  I  inquired  anxiously,  vaulting  the 
plank  fence  and  glancing  eagerly  from  the  face  of 
the  deliberate  youth  to  that  of  the  sad-eyed  man. 

''  Plis  back's  up,"  replied  that  melancholy  person, 
winking  at  me  over  the  muzzle  of  the  choke-bore. 
"And  if  you'll  persuade  him  to  put  up  his  gun,  I'll 
do  as  much  for  you  first  chance  —  and  chop  a  wliile, 
just  to  oblige  him,  as  he  seems  so  anxious  about  it, 
into  the  bargam." 

"  See  here,  my  friend,"  I  expostulated,  "  give  me 
that  gun ! ' ' 

"Not  much!"  said  the  young  man,  who  had 
quickly  receded  several  paces  and  was  then  alternately 
covering  me  and  the  serious  looking  stranger  by  a 
slight,  regular  wobble. 

"  Do  you  take  me  for  his  accomplice?  "  I  cried, 
indignantly. 

"  If  you  move  in  your  tracks  I  will,"  replied  the 
stripling,  in  the  crisp,  measured  utterance  he  had 
evidently  adopted  for  the  occasion. 

A  solemn  smile  which  just  then  flickered  on  the 
face  of  the  sorrow-stamped  man  reminded  me  that 
appearances  were  not,  on  the  whole,  perhaps,  irrecon- 
cilable with  such  a  supposition.  While  I  was  ponder- 
ing what  next  to  say  or  do,  the  seedy  stranger,  either 


'X)°'7°'^*t^t(£-  "^f-gf'''-  bV'  2<((^>^fiif(^ 


A   SAFE  BET.  149 

to  relieve  my  embarrassment  or  because  his  own  time 
was  valuable,  exclaimed : 

^^  Oh,  hell!  Come  on  —  let's  chop  some  wood, 
and  not  stand  here  all  day,  like  three  damn  fools,  talk- 
ing about  it." 

*' Young-  sir!"  said  I,  perceiving  that  the  situa- 
tion, already  embarrassing,  was  a  solid  one,  ''the 
middle  of  the  afternoon  is  earlier  than  I  usually  dine ; 
but  if  there  is  a  square  meal  in  the  job,  I  am  perfectly 
willing  to  chop  wood  for  you." 

''All  right!"  answered  the  plucky  lad.  "^ow 
mind  you  move  off  side  and  side  and  keep  together." 

It  was  my  earliest  introduction  to  the  professional 
tramp  and  the  traditional  wood-pile, —  two  institu- 
tions then  in  the  first  grapple  of  that  arduous  strug- 
gle for  the  survival  of  the  fittest,  the  outcome  of 
which  no  man  could  confidently  predict.  Some  shrewd 
men  openly  avowed  their  willingness  to  bet  on  the 
tramp  ;  but  it  was  several  years  later  before  the  san- 
guine public  entirely  abandoned  a  large  faith  in  the 
wood-pile. 

After  the  first  excitement  had  worn  off  I  was  well 
enough  satisfied,  as  I  relieved  my  fellow-toiler  at  the 
ax,  with  my  share  of  the  adventure ;  for  I  was  quite 
willing  to  earn  my  dinner,  and  it  was  evident  that  in 
my  coadjutor  I  contemplated  a  rare  specimen  of  the 


150  CHIPS! 

new  and  interesting  species  with  which  destiny  had 
identified  me  at  the  muzzle  of  a  double-barreled  shot- 
gun. Although  as  boy,  soldier,  and  tourist  I  had 
often  trespassed  on  the  prancing  ground  of  a  pro- 
fession then  just  be^-inning  its  gigantic  growth  from 
a  robust  infancy,  it  is  from  that  day  I  date  my  initia- 
tion into  the  fraternity. 

When  we  had  covered  a  considerable  area  of  the 
back-yard  with  chips  and  back-logs,  or  after  about 
an  hour  and  an  half  of  that  kind  of  exercise,  the 
young  hero  who  had  superintended  the  job,  explain- 
ing to  me  that  my  companion  had  already  been  well 
fed,  dismissed  us,  pointing  to  a  parcel  on  a  gate-post, 
said  to  contain  refreshments,  and  which  I  took  in 
passing  with  a  polite  lift  of  my  hat,  to  the  farewell 
flourish  of  the  10-bore  muzzle-loader. 

At  the  first  turn  of  the  way,  when  fairly  past  its 
elbow,  my  companion,  who  had  been  walking  beside 
me  in  a  solemn  revery,  abruptly  halted  and  grasping 
my  right  hand,  said : 

"I  go  by  the  name  of  Sorrowful  Sam  —  what's 
yours?  " 

"  "Willie  Wagtail,"  I  answered,  unhesitatingly. 

"Well,  Willie,"  resumed  Sorrowful  Sam  in  a  voice 
eloquently  suggestive  of  unutterable  sadness,  look- 
ing me  solemnly  over,  "  I  am  not  a  curious  man,  or 


FIRST  CONFIDENCES.  151 

given  to  prying  into  the  past  history  of  a  pardner ; 
but  ever  since  you  jumped  that  fence,  while  you  were 
performing  on  the  wood-pile,  and  even  while  that 
blue  hen's  chicken  was  poking  his  gun  at  me,  I  have 
been  pining  to  ask  you  one  question." 

"  What  do  you  want  to  know?  "  I  softly  asked,  a 
good  deal  affected  by  his  disconsolate  tone  and  man- 
ner. 

^'I  would  like  to  inquire,"  he  continued,  fixing 
his  serious  eyes  pleadingly  on  mine, —  "  if  it  will  not 
be  offensive  to  your  feelings  —  whether  you  were 
born  in  those  clothes,  or  only  inherited  them." 

^' And  if,"  I  rejoined,  "I  should  tell  you  that  I 
got  them  recently?  " 

''In  that  case,"  he  answered,  stepping  out  again, 
''  I  should  have  to  receive  the  communication  with 
distrust,  or  believe  that  you  lodged  lately  near  some 
puny  and  weak-minded  aristocrat." 

Impressed  by  the  cast  of  thought  and  manner  of 
speech  of  my  companion,  to  bespeak  his  confidence 
and  encourage  him  to  commune  with  me  without  re- 
serve, I  explained  how  I  happened  to  be  clad  in  that 
shrunk  attire;  which,  as  a  moment's  retrospection 
v^ll  discover,  gave  him  a  fair  insight  to  my  life  and 
adventures  for  quite  a  while.  And  when,  at  length, 
it  transpired  that  I  was  lost,  on  my  way  to  Cmcin- 


152  HOSPITALITIES   OF  THE   WABASH. 

nati,  he  sadly  remarked  that  he  was  journeying  that 
way  for  a  couple  of  hundred  miles  or  so,  himself, 
and  would  show  me  the  route  most  desirable  to  trav- 
elers like  ourselves.  He  said  we  could  easily  reach 
before  early  bed-time  a  comfortable  corn- crib  not  far 
from  the  Wabash  River,  said  to  contain  plenty  of  dry 
fodder ;  and  that  he  had  points  on  a  farm-house  in 
the  same  neighborhood  that  was  not  yet  infected  with 
the  wood-pile  epidemic,  and  where  by  a  seasonable  ar- 
rival we  would  probably  find  fragments  of  a  warm  sup- 
per awaiting  us.  He  was  much  in  favor,  as  I  learned 
in  desultory  conversation,  of  pushing  on  next  day, 
into  a  region  between  Petersburg  and  Jasper,  as  it 
was  favorably  reported ;  besides  being  closer  to  and 
more  in  sympathy  with  the  perils  of  navigation,  and, 
therefore,  a  better  pasturage  than  that  further  inland, 
for  me  to  wander  in.  He  repeatedly  expressed  a  hope 
that  I  would  not  object  to  diligent  progress,  needful 
because  he  was  anxious  not  to  disappoint  some  friends 
whom  he  had  promised  to  meet  before  the  pleasant 
weather  became  seriously  frost-bitten,  at  what  he  ob- 
scurely alluded  to  as  "  the  convention." 

In  a  pause  I  placed  the  inquiry  whether  he  often 
got  into  a  discussion  with  the  natives,  over  the  wood- 
pile. 


WORDS  BY  THE  WAYSIDE.  153 

He  sisrlied  and  looked  heart-broken  for  a  moment 

o 

ere  he  replied : 

"Too  often!" 

"  The  fact  is,"  he  soon  added,  "  this  evil  was  so 
rampant  in  the  last  convention  that  I  spoke  twice,  for 
nearly  an  hour  each  time,  against  a  popular  motion 
that  wise  pilgrims  would  pass  on  at  the  first  allusion 
to  the  wood-pile.  I  expect  the  question  will  be  ag- 
itated again,  tliis  year,  so  I  return  to  the  forum  armed 
with  statistics.  For  a  solid  year  I  have  sought  not, 
neither  shunned  the  awful  fuel-supply,  but  have  al- 
ways faced  it,  on  occasion,  miflinchingly  —  until  I 
got  outside  the  grub,  when,  of  course,  I  have  always 
tried  to  leave  the  wood-pile  where  I  found  it,  and 
where  it  should  be,  that  is,  where  the  famous  girl 
was  left  by  the  tmieful  soldier.  You  saw  me  try- 
ing that,  back  yonder ;  but  that  was  the  exception. 
For  the  year  it  has  worked  seventeen  and  failed 
three  times." 

"  I  infer,"  I  interrupted,  "that  a  convention  of 
some  sort  is  to  be  held  somewhere  on  ahead." 

"Yes;  my  present  destination  is  a  meeting  held 
about  this  time  for  two  years,  at  spots  conveniently 
central  between  the  cities  of  the  Lakes  and  the  Ohio 
Yalley,  for  the  promotion   of  good-fellowship  and 


154  THE    SUPPER-CRISIS. 

such  advantages  as  experienced  travelers  in  our  line 
can  realize  in  conference  and  cooperation." 

'  'And  in  this  assembly  you  intend  to  advocate  the 
rule  that  just  now  failed  to  work  like  a  ramrod?  " 

' '  Yes ;  I  shall  oppose  it  to  the  theory  that  "v\'ise  pil- 
grims should  roam  over  the  prairie,  where  the  coal- 
smoke  pleasantly  curls ;  while  foolish  tramps  linger 
in  the  wooden  country,  where  the  grim  ax  lurketh 
behind  the  kitchen  door.  For  my  part,  I  love  the 
whispering  woods,  and  cross-timbers  will  be  almighty 
scarce  when  Sam  is  found  dead  on  a  prairie  —  where 
even  the  pigs  and  poultry  wink  at  the  hungry  way- 
farer and  nod  towards  the  plow." 

Toward  nightfall  Sorrowful  Sam  turned  into  a  lane, 
saying  that  the  supper-crisis  was  at  hand. 

I  suggested  that  as  the  Wabash  Kiver,  almost  in 
sight,  was  sometimes  navigated,  I  might  as  well  be 
spokesman,  and  discourse  about  the  wreck.  To  this 
Sam  cheerfully  assented,  stipulating  only  that  we 
should  first  halt  in  a  fence-corner  and  reconnoiter  the 
kitchen  chimney :  he  added  that  mine  was  a  sly 
dodge,  so  meritorious,  if  only  for  its  novelty,  of  much 
success,  that  he  regretted  it  was  not  sufficiently  dura- 
ble to  be  of  permanent   professional  value. 

This  remark  indicated  that  my  new  friend  had  re- 


WASTED  ELOQUENCE.  155 

ceived  at  least  some  of  my  confidences  by  the  wayside 
with  conservative  distrust;  and  piqued  at  the  dis- 
covery, resolving  to  put  him  to  shame  by  an  example 
of  true  human  confidence  in  fellow-man,  as  soon  as 
he  gave  the  word  I  led  the  way  up  to  a  dingy,  old- 
fashioned  wooden  mansion  and  elaborately  unfolded 
my  tale  to  a  bluff,  elderly  farmer  who  welcomed  us 
at  the  threshold  over  the  first  whiff s^  of  his  evening 
pipe. 

After  listening  to  me  attentively,  while  gazing  with 
evident  interest  alternately  at  the  speaker  and  into 
the  melancholy  face  of  my  skeptical  companion,  he 
with  his  horny  palm  patted  down  the  fiery  upheaval 
caused  by  over-filling  and  earnest,  reflective  puffing, 
and  said : 

'''Young  man,  I  don't  beheve  a  word  you  say,  on- 
til  it  comes  to  the  supper  part.  Howsumever,  I  don't 
doubt  you  are  hongry  enough,  and  when  I  set  out  to 
practice  saying  no  to  a  hongry  creetur,  it  will  be  a 
bad  croppin'  year,  and  I  wont  begin  at  dark.  So 
step  back  and  tell  my  old  woman  I  say  you  are  to  eat 
and  travel." 

Followed  closely  by  Sorrowful  Sam,  I  obeyed  my 
instructions  literally,  too  much  affected  by  the  old 
man's  simple  understanding  of  the  Golden  Rule  to 
take  any  liberties  with  his  method  of  conforming  to  it. 


156  ^N  ANXIOUS  MOMENT. 

"We  ate  and  traveled  in  silence,  until  we  reached 
the  fence-corner  from  which  we  had  observed  the 
kitchen  smoke,  when  Sam  leaned  over  the  top  rail 
and  gently  shook  with  powerful  emotion,  whether 
born  of  joy  or  grief  I  could  not  at  first  determine. 

"  What  is  the  matter?  "  I  asked  in  accents  bristly 
with  solicitude. 

"  I  was  just»wondering,"  he  murmured,  lifting  his 
handsome  face  and  regarding  me  as  if  I  were  the 
corpse  of  his  grandmother,  ' '  what  that  old  trump 
would  have  chirped  if  you  had  given  him  the  rest  of 
it  —  about  lavishing  your  last  wealth  on  clothes  for 
the  shipwrecked  lady." 

I  requested  him,  with  cold  asperity,  to  cease  acting 
like  an  idiot  struck  by  lightning,  and,  if  he  desired 
my  further  company,  to  conduct  me,  without  any 
more  frivolity,  to  the  corn-crib  he  had  spoken  of.  He 
meekly  replied  that  it  must  be  about  a  mile  away, 
and  too  near  the  owner's  house  to  be  prudently  ap- 
proached for  an  hour  or  so ;  besides  which,  it  would 
be  best  to  enjoy  our  after-supper  smoke  outside,  and 
that  secluded  lane  was  as  good  a  loitering  place  as 
we  would  find.  The  sad  sweetness  of  his  voice  and 
manner  disarmed  my  pique,  leaving  me  no  alternative 
other  than  to  sit  down  by  his  side  on  a  bunch  of  wire- 
grass  and  hand  him  my  tobacco,  which  was  better 


SOEEOWFUL  SAM  SHINES   OUT.  157 

than  that  he  then  chanced  to  have  in  the  left-hand 
pocket  of  his  seedy  coat. 

For  some  moments  he  puffed  away  slowly,  criti- 
cally, in  silence ;  and  then  the  narcotic  spell  began 
to  stir  the  recesses  of  his  engaging  individuality.  I 
had  been  eyeing  him. in  furtive  wonder  all  the  after- 
noon, but  seen  in  the  twilight  glamour  of  his  glowing 
pipe  after  a  substantial  supper,  the  breadth  and  con- 
trasts of  his  versatility  astonished  me.  He  handled 
thoughts  and  words  with  an  easy  dexterity  as  elab- 
orate as  it  seemed  simple  and  spontaneous.  His 
mimicry  of  the  young  man  who  entertained  us  with 
the  shot-gun,  and  the  old  one  who  welcomed  us  to  a 
traveler's  supper,  was  in  its  way  as  perfect  as  the 
Addisonian  balance  of  his  didactic  periods.  Appre- 
ciative attention  readily  launched  him  into  the  upper 
air  of  dissertation,  but  at  the  slightest  symptom  of  de- 
clining interest  he  would  instantly  drop  into  a  sea  of 
homely  phraseology,  making  it  foam  and  sparkle 
with  mimetic  drollery  or  the  crisp  idiom  of  a  fluent 
vagabond's  vocabulary.  Long  before  he  thought  it 
was  late  enough  for  us  to  creep  into  the  crib  and  bury 
ourselves  in  its  abundance  of  ambrosial  fodder  I  for- 
got my  habitual  fondness  of  listening  to  my  own 
voice,  in  my  willingness  to  hearken  unto  his ;  and  I 


158  A  TREMENDOUS  TRAMP. 

went  to  sleep  wondering  what  he  had  been  before 
trampmg  became  a  fine  art  in  America. 

We  were  awakened  the  next  morning  by  a  soft 
patter  of  steady  rain  on  the  roof.  I  suggested  that  we 
had  better  lie  by  until  the  weather  improved ;  but  Sam, 
Unseen  in  the  chaos  of  darkness  and  tumbled  fodder, 
said  it  was  only  a  shower,  and  that  if  it  was  a  deluge 
he  must  push  on  far  that  day,  toward  the  convention. 

"Condemn  the  convention,"  I  growled,  nestling 
down  into  the  dry  warmth  of  the  maize-leaves. 

But  when  Sam  said  something  about  the  neighbor- 
ing farm-house,  and  I  heard  him  rustling  the  paper  of 
our  sole  parcel,  which  contained  the  refreshments  I 
had  earned  on  the  previous  day,  I  hastily  joined  him 
in  assiduous  preparation  for  a  tremendous  march. 

"We  were  too  early  at  the  river  for  the  ferryman  ; 
but  as  Sam  had  intended  to  be  so,  we  were  not 
depressed  by  the  solitude  that  brooded  over  scow  and 
shore.  On  the  contrary,  we  launched  out  the  oars 
with  glee  and  made  the  old  box  bubble  across  the 
rain  swept  billow.  Then  my  companion  was  for 
instantly  making  fast  tracks  into  the  gray,  wet 
Orient;  but  to  his  intense  disgust  I  discovered 
a  dug-out  tied  to  a  stake,  and  insisted  on  leaving 
the  crossing  just  as  we  found  it. 


DISSENSION  AT  THE  FERRY.  159 

"  Going  back  in  the  ferry-flat,"  said  Sam,  "  is  all 
well  enough  —  or  would  be,  if  there  was  a  grain  of 
sense  to  the  ounce  in  it;  but  the  agile  dug-out, 
Mr.  Wagtail,  is  like  a  playful  mule,  or  a  pretty 
woman  —  reliable,  to  a  certain  point,  but  beyond 
that  margin,  uncertain.  You  are  shipwi^eck-proof, 
and  besides  that,  you  can  swim ;  but  I  once  had  a 
mother  who  always  peeled  and  seasoned  a  fresh 
hickory  early  in  each  returning  swimming- time." 

Fmally,  with  great  difficulty,  I  prevailed  on  him  to 
re-embark ;  and  by  the  time  it  was  broad  daylight, 
with  applauding  consciences,  we  were  rapidly  puttmg 
wet  and  dismal  distance  behind  us. 

We  passed  through  dripping  Patoka  before  noon ; 
and  towards  nightfall  Sam  assured  me  that  we  were 
then  mashmg  the  mud  full  forty  miles  from  the 
ferry.  On  reflection  I  saw  no  reason  to  doubt  it, 
for  my  legs  were  clamoring  for  repose,  and  we  had 
been  diligent,  at  a  topping  pace,  for  almost  eleven 
hours ;  my  shoes,  for  my  own  comfort  and  their  bet- 
ter preservation,  reposing  elegantly  in  their  favorite 
pockets.  In  despite  of  my  philosophy  and  my  com- 
panion's beguiling  eccentricities  it  had  been  a  dis- 
piriting tramp,  over  a  dreary  iteration  of  the  same 
drenched,  dirty,  despondent  type  of  landscape,  full 


160 


A  STARTLING  REVELATION. 


of  fields,  forests,  hills^  and  houses  differing  so  little 
from  others  similar  to  them,  in  the  uniform  coloring 
of  the  dim,  misty  atmos-^ 
phere,  that  the  slight^ 
local  variation  only  ac-^m 
cented  the  overpowering^;^ 
monotony — a  monotony 
that  harmonized  oppres- 
sively with  our  sloshing 
footsteps  and  the  inhos- 
pitality  which  had  per- 
sistently repulsed  us  in 
our  several  efforts  to  ap- 
pease a  hunger  that  prolonged  exercise  was  stirring 
into  ferocity. 

"Wet,  fagged  out,  and  famishing,  I  told  Sam  that  I 
wanted  food  and  a  fire  so  sincerely  that  I  intended  to 
stop  at  the  next  house  and  propose  to  pay  for  shelter 
and  entertainment. 

"  That  game  is  played  out,"  said  my  experienced 
chum,  dogmatically. 

^'Then  I'll  play  it  in  again,"  I  retorted,  confi- 
dently. 

'^  But  they'll  ask  you  to  let  them  see  the  contour 
of  your  currency." 


SAM  SMILES,   WITHOUT  EESEEVE.  161 

Silently  I  drew  from  my  fob  a  two-dollar  certificate 
of  the  fact  that  I  was  a  creditor  of  the  Government, 
and  unfurling  it  to  the  drizzle  displayed  it  to  the 
lugubrious  gaze  of  my  startled  comrade. 

*'  Je-7"i«salem !  "  he  yelled,  his  sculpturesque  coun- 
tenance beaming  for  one  moment  with  unmistakable, 
intense,  unmitigated  joy.  "  Helen  Damascus  !  Mis- 
ter Wagtail !  Why  didn't  you  tell  me  you  was  so  well 
heeled,  before?  " 

**  Because  I  didn't  attach  much  importance  to  the 
circumstance." 

^' Youdampgreenhorn !  "  he  sneered,  in  a  caress- 
ing tone,  "  I  could  travel  to  New  York,  via  Alaska, 
on  that  piece  of  national  insolvency." 

^' Why  don't  you  carry  one  like  it  in  your  pants, 
then?" 

^'Because  I  haven't  got  it  —  and  nobody  is  con- 
centrated fool  enough  to  present  me  with  a  testimo- 
nial of  that  texture." 

^'  Couldn't  you  work  a  day  or  so,  and  earn  one?  " 

"That,"  said  he,  with  sudden  dignity,  "is  an  ir- 
relevant and  idiotic  observation,  entirely  beside  the 
question." 

"Work,"  he  continued  sadly,  in  a  softer  tone, 
"has  wasted  more  human  life  and  happiness,  and 
cemented  the  foundations  of  more  inhuman  wrong, 


162  SOLID  COMFORT. 

oppression  and  misery  than  ever  did  the  combined 
energies  of  war,  physic,  and  bad  whisky  —  and  yet 
you,  a  reading  man,  and  a  thinker,  ask  me  why  I  do 
not  work ! ' ' 

I  speedily  discovered  that  I  had,  indeed,  committed 
a  grave  indiscretion  in  not  reporting  to  my  comrade 
the  condition  of  my  exchequer.  For  at  the  close  of 
the  foregoing  colloquy  he  stepped  off  with  renewed 
alacrity  and  led  me,  owing  to  some  moments  lost  in 
putting  on  my  shoes,  by  several  brisk  paces  into  the 
next  house,  in  the  family  room  of  which  I  found  him 
bowing  and  blooming  into  his  most  inconsolable  as- 
pect before  a  cozy,  storm- concentrated  family  circle, 
which  curved  around  a  wide  and  glowing  fire-place  in 
a  manner  most  comfortable  to  see  in  such  proximity. 

Having  fixed  upon  himself  the  inquiring  glances  of 
a  dozen  open  eyes,  while  three  of  the  family  rose  he 
said :  ''  Good  evening !  "  —  and,  after  a  small  pause, 
hatched  over  with  numerous  "Good  evenings,"  — 
"Yes,  a  better,  far  better  one  in  here  than  it  is  out- 
side. I  am  sorry  to  disturb  you  so ;  but  we  are  wet, 
hungry,  and  weary,  having  come  far  through  this 
storm,  and  we  seek  shelter,  food,  and  lodging." 

Then  there  was  silence  in  that  room  for  a  moment. 

It  was  a  trying  moment  of  inspection ;  but  Sor- 
rowful Sam  stood  the  ordeal  like  a  rock  —  a  carven 


SAM  PLAYS  A  LONE  HAND.  163 

stone  in  which  whole  groups  of  IS^iobes,  and  Laocoons 
were  chiseled  down  to  a  residuum  of  concrete,  inutter- 
able  unhappiness. 

Just  as  the  stillness  was  congealing  into  an  icy 
environment  of  intolerable  suspense,  the  head  of  the 
household,  after  wrenching  his  inquisitive  eyes  from 
Sam  —  to  scan  me' over  —  asked : 

*  'Are  —  are  you  tramps  f ' ' 

''  We  are  poor  men,  sir,"  replied  Samuel,  meekly; 
' '  too  poor  to  pay  a  dollar  apiece  to  ride  twenty  miles 
that  we  can  walk  in  five  hours ;  but  we  are  not  pau- 
pers. We  have  money  enough  to  travel  on,  in  our 
humble  way,  and  pay  for  such  bit  and  blanket  as  we 
can  afford  to  accept.  William,  my  son,"  he  added, 
turning  to  me,  "  show  the  gentleman  that  we  are  not 
mendicants." 

With  a  violent  effort  to  re  tarn  my  presence  of  mind, 
I  pulled  out  the  two-dollar  treasury-note  and  handed 
it  to  my  senior ;  who  drew  it  seriously  through  his 
left  hand  with  his  right,  looking,  meanwhile,  with  sad 
and  noble  dignity,  slightly  tinged  with  humility,  into 
the  genial  fire. 

The  master  of  the  house,  evidently  a  wide-awake 
and  extremely  cautious  man,  looked  at  the  bill  in  a 
magnetic  way  that  left  no  room  for  doubt  of  his  in- 
tention to  presently  draw  it  to  liimself  and  become  its 


164  A  CLOSE  CALL. 

safe  custodian.  It  seemed  so  clear  that  Sam  was  in 
the  crisis  of  a  losing  game,  that  I  would  have  relin- 
quished all  claims  on  the  stake  except  the  right  of 
reversion,  to  some  paltry  change,  for  a  very  nominal 
consideration.  But  just  as  the  wary  granger's  hand 
began  to  move,  in  the  very  nick  of  time  to  fail  to  fol- 
low the  nascent  motion,  Sam  turned  to  me  with  an 
air  of  sudden  resignation  and  handing  me  the  money, 
said: 

'  ^  Put  it  away  safely :  let  us  go ;  for  I  see  the  gen- 
tleman wishes  we  were  away  and  is  too  courteous  to 
say  so." 

"  Hold  on  !  "  exclaimed  the  farmer ;  "  I  didn't  say 
you  couldn't  stay." 

"!N^o,  sir,"  appended  Sam,  to  the  tail  of  his  cour- 
teous bow  and  pleasant ' '  good  evening ;  "  ^'  but  mis- 
fortune has  not  blunted  our  self-respect  enough  to 
make  us  willing  to  accept  hospitality  extended  with 
reluctance.  Our  poverty  we  can  not  hide,  but  we 
can  keep  it  where  it  will  not  cause  ourselves  or  others 
unpleasant  feeling." 

' '  Sit  down  !  sit  down  ! ' '  said  the  prudent  farmer 
warmly,  placmg  chairs  for  us  on  the  comfortable 
hearth. 

Prompted  by  a  delicate  sense  of  politeness,  and 
pungent  odors  of  bacon  and  coffee  that  were  simply 


A  BRILLIANT  CONVERSATIONALIST.  165 

irresistible,  we  accepted  the  urgent  invitation.  And 
both  before  and  after  supper  Sam  talked  so  well  on 
subjects  ranging  from  the  policy  of  Louis  [N^apoleon 
to  the  Colorado  beetle,  that  by  our  early  bed-time  I 
emulated  that  interesting  family  in  a  mysterious  awe 
of  him. 

"  Will,"  he  whispered  when  we  cuddled  down  in  a 
soft  bed  of  ease  under  large  logs  of  rafters  rustic  in 
their  native  bark,  "  he  gave  us  a  close  call  that  fetched 
me  for  my  last  card.  I  tliuik  we  could  bluff  through 
the  breakfast  deal,  but  we  wont  risk  it  —  he  plays  his 
hand  so  devilish  fine.  So  sleep  fast,  for  we  leave  this 
ranch  before  the  chickens  begin  their  business  crow." 

We  were  astir  softly,  betimes ;  and  Sam,  the  while 
lighting  me  with  sundry  matches  as  I  brushed  my 
coat  and  hat,  penciled  conspicuously  the  following 
farewell : 

Hoard  not  thy  bounteous  store  for  moth  and  rust; 

Nor  modest,  humble  poverty  distrust : 
He  who  oft  with  the  passing  Pilgrim  shares 

May  entertain  stray  Angels,  unawares. 

'Tis  blesseder  to  give  than  to  receive; 

And  not  to  leave  you  that  way  blest  would  grieve 
Two  wanderers  whose  greatest  happiness 

Is  (by  receiving)  generous  souls  to  bless. 

Yours,  with  the  biggest  pair, 

SORROWFUL   SAM. 


CHAPTER  YIII. 


AM,"    I    SAID,    as 

we  splashed  along 
in  the  rosy  glim- 
mer of  a  cool, 
clear,  stimulating 
dawn,  "  I  am  sorry  it  has  cleared  off  in  the  night  — 
and  I  don't  see  where  breakfast  comes  in,  on  yom* 
two-dollar  programme  of  perpetual  motion." 

*'  That  weather  wisdom,"  he  answered,  in  his 
sonorous,  didactic  delivery,  "is  an  old  woman's 
sign  —  of  unscientific  habits  of  observation ;  and 
breakfast  is  but  a  name  loosely  applied  to  the 
first  meal  of  the  day.  Like  dinner  and  supper 
it  has  such  a  wide  range  on  the  clock  that  expe- 
rienced travelers  often  prefer  to  corral  the  three 
meals  in  one  corner  of  the  day  where  they  may 
be  disposed  of  simultaneously,  as  convenience 
and     opportunity    happen    to    dictate.      However, 


168  MELODIOUS  MORN. 

of  the  three  I  have  always  found  breakfast  the  least 
unmanageable ;  for,  considered  strictly  as  a  matuti- 
nal refreshment,  there  are  circumstances  that  favor  it. 

"  Sleep,  as  the  poet  happily  defines  it,  is  tired  na- 
ture's sweet  restorer;  and  when  recently  restored 
from  all  the  carking  cares  that  infest  the  day,  the 
average  American  citizen  is  a  philanthropic  being,  as 
rehable  six  or  eight  times  out  of  ten  to  comfort  the 
contrite  spirit  as  he  is  to  crush  it  later  in  the  day. 
And  there  are  other,  less  variable  circumstances, 
which  favor  of  the  early  petitioner." 

Just  then  as  the  sun  was  rising  gloriously  over  the 
washed  and  sparkling  earth,  my  discursive  companion 
accosted  a  small,  dark-favored  man  in  the  meridian 
of  life  and  neat,  nappy  homespun  attire  of  a  dun, 
brindled  hue,  who  in  a  fence-corner  near  a  rudely 
constructed  stable  that  faced  a  comfortable  double 
log-house,  was  making  a  loud,  monotonous,  but  not 
unmelodious  noise,  surrounded  by  numerous  attentive 
and  mercurial  swine. 

''Fine  pigs,  sir,"  quoth  Sam,  disconsolately,  in  a 
thin,  tremulous  voice,  that  almost  made  me  jvimp  out 
of  my  coat. 

"  Yes,  pretty  fair,"  responded  the  little  man,  with 
just  the  surface  ripple  of  a  proud,  proprietary,  in- 
ward smile. 


TAME   CHICKENS. 


169 


"  Tame  chickens,  too,  I  see,"  resumed  the  voice, 
languidly.  ''I  love  domestic  animals  and  always 
like  to  meet  a  man  who  is  kind  to  his  stock." 

*'  It  pays,"  suggested  the  other,  smiUng  at  Sam  or 
the  felicity  of  his  own  thought. 

^' Yes,"  coughed  Sam  leisurely,  "if  it  does  not 
make  the  small  stock  too  tame :    do  any  of  the  little 
fellows  ever  get  run  over,  or  lost  in  the  woods?  " 
"I  guess  not;  but  the  tram  —  snakes,  you  know, 

get  some." 

"  Yes;  snakes 
and  tramps  are  both 
pretty  bad  this  year. 
Two  bad  ones  burnt 
a  whole  crop  of 
corn,  fence  and  all, 
up  by  Patoka  the 
t^^f^  other  night." 

"Did  they  ketch 
'em?  " 

"Oh, 
much ! ' ' 


no 


not 


THE  BARLY  PETITIONER. 

"  Who  counted  'em,  then?  " 

"  They  guessed  at  it,  because  the  owner  of  the  corn 
had  some  words  with  two  that  day.  I  wish  they 
loould  ketch  'em,  for  such  villainy  makes  it  hard  on  a 


170  SERIOUS  MISGIVINGS. 

poor  man  when  he  gets  in  a  pinch.  We  walked  in 
that  storm  all  day  yesterday  and  lay  under  some  logs 
last  night,  rather  than  push  ourselves  where  we  might 
be  taken  for  bad  men.  We  are  weak  with  hunger, 
and  would  be  very  thankful  for  food  of  any  sort,  to 
brace  us  up,  so  we  can  get  on." 

*' Come  along,"  said  the  small  man,  cordially; 
^^  my  breakfast  is  just  ready,  and  I'll  give  you  a  bully 
belly-full." 

When  we  wended  our  way,  after  the  repast,  I,  for 
the  first  and  last  time,  fell  into  a  reverie  while  osten- 
sibly listening  to  the  diversified  sayings  of  Sorrowful 
Sam. 

I  clearly  perceived  that  he  was  an  accomplished 
liar,  whose  mendacity  was  never  burdened  with  un- 
necessary detail,  merely  for  effect.  He  seemed,  in- 
deed, to  love  truth  in  the  abstract,  his  deviations 
from  it,  as  may  be  seen  by  careful  study  of  his  men- 
tion of  logs  to  the  swine-herder,  being  of  the  most 
simple  and  effective  sort.  But  I  was  rapidly  discov- 
ering that  he  was  a  monumental  fraud,  twined  all 
around  with  gleeful,  vine-like  virtues  that  amounted 
in  the  aggregate  to  one  immense,  insidious  snare ; 
and  my  reverie  was  a  self-interrogation  whether  I 
ought  to  wander  further  in  his  engaging  company,  or 
shake  him  at  the  next  fork  of  the  road.     I  finally 


SHOULDEEING  THE   EESPONSIBILITY.  171 

concluded  that  as  two  days  more  would  bring  us  to 
the  place  appointed  for  the  rendezvous,  I  would  bur- 
den my  soul  with  complicity  in  his  immoral,  if  not 
eminently  nefarious  impostures,  for  that  length  of 
time.  In  this  conclusion  I  was  to  some  extent  forti- 
fied, if  not  swayed,  by  his  confidence  in  the  sojourn- 
ing virtues  of  the  two-dollar  bill.  I  let  him  carry  it 
dm'ing  the  remainder  of  our  journeying  together,  and 
he  never  let  the  sun  go  down  upon  our  supperless, 
shelterless  souls.  l!^or  did  we  again  encounter  a  host 
whose  cunning  of  fence  seemed  to  Sam  meritorious  of 
notice  by  his  impromptu  muse.  Our  third  night  to- 
gether we  passed  at  the  residence  of  a  physician  near 
Jasper,  where  Sam  developed  unsuspected  erudition 
in  the  empiric  sciences.  And  from  first  to  last  a  con- 
tinuous revelation  of  breadth  and  depth  in  his  collo- 
quial capacity  astonished  me,  and  obliged  me  to  infer 
that  he  had  been  an  omnivorous  reader  throughout 
some  protracted  portion  of  his  life. 

!N"ear  Paoli,  the  day  we  took  French  leave  of  the 
slumbering  physician,  we  overtook  a  swarthy,  some- 
what undersized  adventurer  of  middle  age,  in  blue 
cottonade  pants  and  hickory  shirt-sleeves,  with  quick 
eyes  and  movements  and  a  slightly  modernized  Egyp- 
tian piquancy  of  feature,  whom  Sam  introduced  as 
his  friend  Fishing- Jake. 


172  FISHING-JAKE. 

The  latter  was  faring-,  also,  to  the  rendezvous  ;  and 
carried  a  slick,  greasy  canvas  wallet  containing,  on 
top  of  sundry  miscellany,  a  fine  pone  of  light-bread 
which  he  said  he  had  acquired  by  barter,  in  exchange 
for  a  finer  mess  of  fishes.  He  was  just  from  Craw- 
ford County,  where  he  had  been  having  grand  sport 
on  the  streams  in  the  vicinity  of  Wyandot  Cave  ;  and 
had  a  good  deal  to  say  about  the  cavern,  which  Sam 
pronounced  a  baby  grotto,  compared  with  the  Ken- 
tucky phenomenon.  This  slur  led  to  a  controversy, 
that  might  have  l.asted  all  the  afternoon  had  we  not 
come  upon  a  stream  in  which  Jake  thought  there 
should  be  fishes.  He  proposed  to  try  its  pools,  for  our 
supper ;  and  this  being  agreed  to,  he  wandered  about 
in  the  ' '  bottom ' '  until  he  found  some  little  heaps 
of  bluish,  earthy  pellets  near  some  small  holes,  when 
he  told  Sam  and  me  to  tap  the  ground  thereabouts  with 
two  bits  of  drift-wood,  while  he  cut  a  pole.  And 
from  the  way  he  soon  dug  out  worms,  where  we  had 
been  tapping,  and  began  to  toss  us  fish  to  string,  as 
we  followed  him  up  that  creek,  I  concluded  that  Provi- 
dence had  created  him  expressly  to  catch  fishes. 

At  length  he  said  we  had  plenty  for  two  meals, 
and  with  a  match  from  his  wallet  started  a  fire  near  a 
drift-heap;  after  which  he  crossed  a  neighboring 
fence,  into  a  cornfield,  whence  he  returned,  while  I 


HOW  TO  COOK  EISH.  173 

was  filling  my  second  pipe,  with  an  armful  of  shucks. 
I  kept  an  eye  on  the  shucks,  and  another  one  on 
Jake. 

The  latter  sat  down  for  a  bit.  Then  he  chunked 
the  fire.  After  that  he  wrapped  a  number  of  the  un- 
dressed fishes  in  some  of  the  shucks  and  then  buried 
them  in  red  ashes.  He  next  produced  from  the  pro- 
lific bag  the  pone  of  bread  and  a  dusky  rag  contain- 
ing salt.  Finally,  about  sundown,  he  raked  out  sev- 
eral charred  lumps  which  peeled  and  fiaked  into  broad- 
sides of  the  most  deliciously  cooked  fish  I  had  ever 
tasted. 

We  passed  the  night  between  our  fire  and  a  great 
log,  in  just  enough  chill  restlessness  to  cheerfully 
broil  our  breakfast  before  dawn  and  set  out  briskly, 
in  quest  of  comfortable  sunshine,  towards  Little  York. 

For  miles  Sam  delicately  flattered  me  by  a  radical 
change  in  his  conversation,  which  suddenly  degen- 
erated to  vulgar  gossip  addressed  largely  to  our  com- 
panion, who  seemed  to  be  shrewd  rather  than  intel- 
lectual. Sam  sounded  him  as  to  the  secret  of  his 
marvelous  success  in  angling,  and  he  answered  that 
fisherman's  luck  was  a  thing  past  finding  out  —  unless 
fish  have  their  favorite  men,  just  as  men  have  their 
favorite  fish. 

Soon  after  meridian  Sam  and  Jake  began  to  look. 


174 


HINTS   TO   THE   WISE. 


along   the   road,   for  "signs,"   which 

1^ , .  jf^  they  eventually  professed  to  find 

/m/ ,   and   comprehend.     They  were 

wonders    to    me,    being    mere 

,  „„,,,, scratches  on  a  rail.     But  the 

WM 

Yf  Yft  initiated    pair   soon    left    the 

r/S^''road  without  hesitation,  and 

^^  pushed  on  confidently  for  sev- 

^eral  miles  through  a  hilly  forest 

-which  seemed  to  grow  wilder  and 

^l""  more  lovely  in  its  solitude  ',  un- 

^I  '"'^til  we  heard  a  yell  and  saw  in 

) . Ja  little  valley  below  us  sometliing 


very  like  a  guerrilla  bivouac. 

About  a  score  of  as- 
ted  y^ 


^^ 


SIGNS. 


THE  RENDEZVOUS.  175 

ragamuffins  were  lounging  before  a  smoldering  fire 
built  against  the  middle  of  a  prostrate  hickory  tree, 
the  trunk  of  which  extended  across  the  miniature  val- 
ley, from  the  base  of  the  hill  we  stood  on,  to  a  limpid 
creek,  thus  isolating  a  snug  bit  of  the  creek-bottom 
on  the  shore  nearest  to  us.  The  area  thus  enclosed 
on  three  sides,  by  hill  and  trunk  and.  creek,  was  open 
to  easy  access  only  on  the  west,  through  a  gap  be- 
tween a  huge  drift-heap  piled  up  about  a  hundred 
yards  below  the  fallen  hickory,  and  a  jutting  shoulder 
of  the  hill,  where  the  creek  began  to  wash  the  rocky 
feet  of  the  ridge.  The  triangular  arena  thus  seques- 
tered was  sheltered  on  the  north  by  the  wooded  hill, 
and  covered  by  the  dropping  foliage  of  about  a  score 
of  stately  forest  trees ;  and  as  I  glanced  from  the  in- 
dolent groups  of  smokers  and  card-players  to  the 
winding  stream  and  inexhaustible  wood-pile,  all 
within  a  stone's  throw  of  the  famous  back-log,  I  in- 
voluntarily exulted  in  the  recognition  of  a  charming, 
admirably  chosen  camp. 

'^Just  in  time  !  "  cried  the  first  man  we  came  to  ; 
*'  we're  goin'  to  organize  d'rec'ly." 

^^  How  many  are  here?  "  asked  Sam. 

'^  Twenty  odd,  an  still  comin'  in  —  there'll  be  thirty, 
I  reckon,  by  to-morrer  night." 

Sam  and  Jake  introduced  me  to  a  number  of  their 


176  DOLCE   FAR  NIENTE, 

personal  friends,  and  in  two  minutes  I  began  to  feel 
thoroughly  at  home.  Reclining  luxuriously  on  the 
brown  and  yellow  leaves,  in  the  glow  of  the  ash- 
white,  smoldering  log,  surrounded  by  a  unique  assort- 
ment of  utensils  which  doubtless  had  been  ' '  lifted  ' ' 
from  farms  not  many  miles  away,  I  listened  to  the 
hum  of  voices  and  looked  through  the  towering 
limbs  at  the  san-paled  ghost  of  the  gibbous  moon, 
while  a  feeling  of  unmixed,  exquisite  joy  expanded 
within  me.  I  could  easily  understand  how  such  a 
rendezvous  scattered  in  its  dispersion  the  seeds  of  re- 
production. Food,  Sam  told  me,  was  the  responsi- 
bility of  foragers  sent  out  each  afternoon,  to  solicit 
audjind.  Fresh  pork  hanging  on  several  limbs  indi- 
cated that  for  a  day  or  two  the  ' '  finding ' '  had  been 
fair. 

As  soon  as  I  was  well  rested  I  asked  Sam  to  help 
me  start  a  fire  some  distance  down  the  creek,  Jake 
having  mysteriously  disappeared .  When  Sam  learned 
what  I  would  be  at,  he  got  me  a  piece  of  strong- 
smelling  soap,  which  proved  very  useful. 

Wliile  drying  my  skin  and  underclothing,  ghmpses 
of  Jake,  returning  through  the  woods  with  an  im- 
mense bunch  of  fishes,  gave  me,  in  connection  with 
my  bath,  a  fine  feeling ;  which  increased,  presently, 


UNDEE  THE  GKEENWOOD  TREE.  177 

when  through  the  sun-gilded  grove  I  drew  near  the 
noble  elm  under  wliich  mj  messmates,  before  a  leap- 
ing blaze,  were  preparing  to  broil  and  fry.  Jake  had 
lumped  his  huge  catch  with  the  general  stock  and 
drawn  back  half  a  day's  rations  for  three ;  and  he  was 
trying  the  fat  out  of  some  small  ribs,  in  an  iron  pot- 
lid,  while  Sam  mixed  batter  for  pan-cakes,  in  some 
bereft  housewife's  gourd. 

Dinner — or  supper  —  over,  I  stretched  myself 
again  in  the  smishine  on  a  soft  couch  of  leaves,  and 
watched  the  cloud-fleeces  drift  across  the  blue  sky, 
over  the  great  elm  which  seemed  ever  falling,  falling — 
until  my  pipe  slipped  through  my  fingers  and  I  was 
lost  in  drowsy-land. 

After  a  wliile  the  sonorous  voice  of  Sorrowful  Sam 
shot  like  a  thread  of  scarlet  through  the  golden  tissue 
of  my  daydream.  ^ '  Yes, ' '  it  said  ' '  there  is  no  doubt 
that  the  first  poet  was  a  fisherman.  I  think  I  see  him 
now,  sitting  on  a  stray  chunk  of  glacial  drift,  con- 
templatmg  the  ancient  scenery,  and  burning  wdth  im- 
patience to  try  his  new  line  and  astonish  prehistoric 
natives  with  the  imaginative  detail  that  a  truly  gifted 
artist  —  a  man  of  invention,  expert  in  fish-stories,  — 
can  throw  into  versification." 

Here  a  voice  that  changed  Sam  to  Jake  tangled  the 


178  A  POPULAR  EREOR  EXPLODED. 

thread  of  my  vision.  It  said  the  speaker  would  ven- 
ture to  hint  that  he  was  considered  no  slouch  of  a 
fisherman.  To  come  down  to  statistics,  he  was  will- 
ing to  back  his  judgment  and  throw  bait  or  match  lies 
with  anybody ;  but  as  for  building  poetry,  or  taldng 
any  stock  in  lie  highfalutin  poppycock  about  the 
solid  comfort  and  scenery- eating  fun  of  fishing,  he 
had  been  there  with  a  wet  gable  and  lost  hook  too 
often  to  bite  any  of  that  donkey-fodder.  If  a  man 
wanted  to  catch  fish,  he'd  better  get  right  down  to 
the  industry.  Any  idiot  who  would  sit  behind  liis 
bait  to  take  a  rest,  or  look  at  scenery,  might,  mebbe, 
in  time,  pan  out  as  a  fair,  average  perverycater ;  but 
that  was  the  only  way  such  an.  ass  would  ever  favor 
a  regular  built  fisherman. 

Many  voices  here  took  sides,  and,  in  a  visionary 
way,  the  debate  was  becoming  exhilaratmg,  when 
Sam  suggested  that  they  should  refer  it  to  the  way- 
farer in  the  tall  hat  and  claw-hammer  coat,  who  was 
a  gentleman  and  a  scholar  —  if  he  was  slumbering 
through  the  opening  ceremonies  in  an  out-of-the-way 
corner. 

Thoroughly  aroused,  I  sat  up  hastily,  amid  yells  of — 

^^Swaller-tail!"  ''Plug  hat  I"  ''Let's  hear 
from  Claw-hammer  I " 

Sorrowful   Sam   stepped   over   and   hurriedly   ex- 


A  VEXED   QUESTION  179 

plained  to  me  that  it  was  customary  to  enliven  the 
serious  business  of  the  sessions  with  tongue-lore,  ora- 
tory, and  poetry  of  miscellaneous  nature ;  and  that 
the  Convention,  then  just  organized,  was  desirous  of 
ascertaining  my  caliber.  "  Give  'em  a  ten  minute 
speech,  with  poetical  trimmings,"  whispered  Sam, 
with  a  doleful  wink. 

Thus  put  upon  my  mettle,  I  mounted  the  cool  end 
of  the  big  log  and  fired  away  substantially  as  fol- 
lows :  — 

Gentlemen,  Dead-beats  and  Eishekmen  — 

This  is  tlie  proudest  moment  of  my  life.  Not  because  I  stand  here  in 
the  act  of  deciding  a  controversy  that  has  divided  and  estranged  philoso- 
phers for  ages.    No,  sirs! 

About  a  century  ago  George  Washington,  who,  you  may  remember, 
was  a  very  economical  man,  went  out  one  day  and  saved  his  country : 
and  ever  since  he  did  it  his  economical  country  has  been  building  him  a 
monument.  Now,  when  I  become  known  to  fame  as  the  arbiter  of  this 
celebrated  controversy,  they  will  not  build  me  any  monument.  And  that 
is  why  I  am  so  proud.  When  George  and  I,  angels  together,  tramp 
around  in  Paradise,  he  will  envy  me  my  escape  from  the  monumental 
ordeal. 

Here  applause  inundated  my  efforts  for  the  mo- 
ment.    Then  I  resumed :  — 

The  reason  why  philosophers  have  never  been  able  to  agree  upon  the 
ethics  of  angling  is  a  simple  one.  They  happen  to  be  divided  into  two 
classes  —  those  who  angle,  and  those  who  do  not.  Under  these  circum- 
stances it  naturally  follows  that  most  of  the  world's  reliable  information 
of  a  philosophical  nature  about  angling  is  locked  up  in  the  intellects  of 
the  former  class  of  controversialists.    This  ought  to  give  them  a  pro- 


180  THE   ETHICS   OF  ANGLING. 

digious  advantage  in  the  dispute :  and  probably  it  would  do  so  were  it 
not  that  the  opinion  has,  unfortunately,  gotten  abroad  that  the  one  and 
only  thing  an  angler  would  rather  do  than  angle,  is  to  deform  and  devas- 
tate the  truth  concerning  the  details  of  that  engaging  pastime.  And  thus 
it  happens  that  in  the  crisis  of  debate,  whenever  the  former  party  makes 
a  powerful  statement  and  the  latter  cruelly  answers,  "you're  a  fisher- 
man! "  the  reply  is,  to  say  the  least,  embarrassing. 

But,  as  a  reformed  fisherman,  I  feel  confident  of  my  ability  to  impar- 
tially deliver  an  opinion  that  time  will  not  impair.  That  poetic  glamour 
which  from  time  immemorial  has  been  cast  about  the  act  of  angling  is  too 
thin.    It  is  true  — 

There  is  a  pleasure  in  the  pathless  wood, 
By  pebbly  brook,  and  solace  on  its  shore, 

but  the  stress  the  champions  of  angling  lay  upon  this  fact  is  misplaced 
and  irrelevant,  since  that  pleasure  and  solace  would  be  quite  the  same  by 
the  brook,  barren,  as  by  the  one  alive  with  fishes.  It  is,  alas!  too  lucid, 
that  all  that  sort  of  luxury  would  be  quite  as  present  and  pleasing  to  an 
ordinary  man  putting  fishes  into  the  brook,  as  it  can  be  to  a  fisherman 
pulling  them  out.  So  we  must  look  behind  the  fraudulent  appeals  to  na- 
ture and  scenery  for  the  bottom  facts,  which  are  simply  these : 

Of  all  animals,  civilized  man  is  the  most  cruel. 

When  the  blood-thirsty  tiger  lies  in  wait  for  his  prey,  or  the  carnal 
minded  crocodile  goes  on  the  war-path,  or  the  fierce  anaconda  measures 
an  ox  for  his  funeral,  the  consequences  are  commonly  such  as  man  shud- 
deringly  classifies  for  future  reference  as  ferocious;  but,  sanguinary  as 
they  doubtless  are,  there  is  always  this  much  to  be  said  in  their  extenua- 
tion, namely,  the  tiger,  or  crocodile,  or  boa  constrictor  is  hungry,  and  has 
no  other  earthly  way  of  making  a  living.  And  even  so,  when  man,  as  the 
sole  alternative  of  hunger,  slays  to  eat,  the  same  apology  is  equally  ample 
over  him,  also.  On  those  festive  occasions  he  occupies  a  common  level 
with  all  other  predacious  animals,  being  neither  more  nor  less  savagg 
than  other  carnirova.  But  when  he,  the  intellectual  and  moral  apex  of 
evolution,  goes  forth,  with  a  full  stomach,  and  lunch  basket  in  hand! 


A  STRING  WITH  TWO   ENDS.  181 

to  torture  and  slay,  avowedly  for  sport  —  the  pure  fun  of  the  thing !  he 
shows  himself  to  be  possessed  of  a  ferocity  for  which  the  biography  of 
brutes  affords  no  parallel. 

The  fact  that  eloquence  and  poetry  often  have  been  and  are  prosti- 
tuted in  eulogy  of  the  atrocious  act,  proves  nothing,  except  that  men  of 
eloquence  and  poets  are  sometimes,  also,  fishermen.  As  a  fact  it  does, 
however,  vividly  illustrate  man's  innate  barbarity  —  a  barbarity  capable 
of  trying  to  gild  a  diabolical  ferocity  with  sestheticism. 

Hold  up  the  argument  in  defense  of  angling,  and  look  at  it.  What  is 
it?  Stripped  of  sophistry  in  the  form  of  "buncombe  "  about  brooks  and 
scenery,  which  have  no  more  to  do  with  angling  than  they  do  with  look- 
ing for  the  bell-cow,  what  does  the  gauzy  rhodomontade  amount  to? 
Simply,  my  heroes,  to  the  atrocious,  bald-headed  proposition  that  it  is  de- 
lectable sport  —  rare  fun,  to  torture,  terrify  and  do  to  death  pretty  inof- 
fensive fishes  that  never  did  any  human  being  any  harm.  It  is  fun  for 
the  fisherman;  but  what  is  it  at  the  other  end  of  the  string^  And  how 
would  he  enjoy  the  "sport"  if  a  great,  hulking  creature  as  big  and  un- 
feeling as  an  obelisk  should  drop  a  sugar-plum  into  his  mouth  and  yank 
him  off  his  base,  as  high  as  a  shot-tower? 

Of  course,  such  iron-clad  truth  as  this  will  be  unpopular  with  some  — 
the  angling  fraternity,  who  will  not  relish  being  shown  in  the  clear,  close 
mirror  of  logic  just  how  they  look  to  the  unobstructed  eye;  but  that  is  a 
small  matter  to  the  philosopher  —  as  long  as  the  world  is  so  crowded  with 
people  who  never  cursed  a  hook. 

Eoman  society  would  have  felt  precisely  the  same  way  toward  any 
large-minded  person  who  might  have  ventured  to  point  out  with  similar 
perspicuity  that  the  gladiatorial  "sport"  of  the  Coliseum  was  a  barbar- 
ous blemish  on  Roman  civilization.  Perhaps  they  would  have  launched 
him  to  the  lions,  or  crucified  him,  in  high  glee.  But  that  was  two  thous- 
and years  ago ;.  and  the  world  moves  on  in  that  much  time.  How  long  is 
it  since  bear-baiting  was  a  genteel  and  popular  "  sport?  "  Now,  if  you 
bait  a  bear,  you  will  find  out  that  the  biggest  crowd  backs  the  P.  C.  to  A. 
Society.  And  the  time  will  come  when  baiting  bears  or  bulls  and  baiting 
fishes,  for  the  pure  fun  of  the  thing,  will  be  seen  to  be,  by  all  men,  as 
they  are  and  always  have  been,  namely,  "  all  the  same." 


182  INITIATED. 

We  will  close  witli  a  doxology  —  and  all  who  are  pulling  out  their 
Isaac  Waltons  will  get  left.  If  first-class  poetry  proves  anything,  here  are 
some  lines  by  a  man  of  the  name  of  Byron,  who  was  once  a  pretty  fair 
poet : 

"And  angling,  too,  that  solitary  vice, 

Whatever  Isaac  Walton  sings  or  says; 
The  quaint  old  cruel  coxcomb  in  his  gullet 
Should  have  a  hook  and  a  smaU  trout  to  pull  it," 

Sorrowful  Sam  led  the  assembly  in  a  terrific  out- 
burst of  applause ;  and  amid  such  encomiums  as  — 
' '  There' s  stuffin'  in  that  two-storey  hat " — " He  don't 
wear  slick  shoes  or  sharpen  his  coat-tails  for  nothin' ," 
I  was  lifted  from  the  log  and  nominated  by  acclama- 
tion for  immediate  admission  within  the  highest  chap- 
ter of  that  errant  Order  —  known  to  others  as  ^ '  The 
Grand  Lay  Out,"  and  to  itself  as  "  The  Picturesque 
Pilgrims." 

The  Convention  was  then  called  to  order  by  the 
chairman  elect,  for  business. 

The  first  action  was  on  a  motion,  made  and  ably 
advocated  by  Sorrowful  Sam,  that  the  crude  and 
meagre  system  of  wayside  signs  for  the  initiated 
should  be  amplified.  The  mover  eloquently  pointed 
out  how  invaluable  certain  hieroglyphics  would  be, 
at  the  mouth  of  a  lane,  or  on  a  gate-post,  signify- 
ing —  "  Soft  snap  inside  " —  "  Bad  dog  ahead  " — 
"  The  man  is  too  sharp,"  or  ''  Too  stingy  " —  "  Be- 
ware of  the  ax  " — "  Kasty  grub,"  and  so  on. 


TRAMPS  IN  COUNCIL.  183 

After  a  brief,  one-sided  debate  the  measure  was 
unanimously  carried,  and  a  committee  appointed  by 
the  chairman  to  devise  a  system  of  signs  and  ways 
and  means  of  making  the  same  useful  to  the  pedes- 
trian fraternity  at  large. 

The  next  matter  agitated  was  the  desirability  of  a 
Bureau  of  geograpMcal  and  economic  statistics,  based 
on  reports  to  be  kept  in  memorandum  by  the  pilgrims 
and  filed  in  each  Convention.  A  hot  debate  ensued, 
in  the  crisis  of  which  I  was  loudly  called  on  for  mj 
views.  I  briefly  excused  myself,  explaining  that  I 
would  tax  their  time  enough  in  supporting  a  meas- 
ure soon  to  be  debated. 

Fishing- Jake  then  rose,  to  inform  the  chair  that  he 
could  not  write,  and  that  "  whole  families  "  included 
in  the  scope  of  the  proposed  Bureau  were  in  the  same 
fix. 

These  few  remarks  suddenly  killed  that  motion. 

A  compass-legged,  square-bodied  ranger  next  got 
the  nod,  and  pressed  the  anti- wood-pile,  hie-to-the- 
prairie  measure,  with  a  few  feeling  allusions  to  the 
toughness  of  chips. 

This  brought  Sam  into  the  arena,  with  his  superb 
eloquence  and  statistics  on  the  fuel  supply  in  its 
tendency  to  oppression  of  the  poor. 

^Raising  my  hat  on  Jake's  fisliing-pole,  and  thus 


184  THE   'POSSUM  WOULD  WAIT. 

securing  the  chair's  recognition,  I  followed,  hurling 
invective  on  all  cranks  who  would  leave  such  a  Tem- 
ple of  Nature  as  that  camp,  to  be  found,  dead  or 
alive,  on  a  heart-breaking  prairie.  Ending  with  an 
airy  account  of  my  meeting  with  Sam,  and  pausing 
(after  a  thrilling  reminder  that  it  was  to  the  wood- 
pile I  owed  the  pleasure  and  honor,  etc.)  to  wipe  one 
eye,  I  sat  down  in  an  uproar  of  vehement  approba- 
tion. 

The  amendment,  that  cr antes  might  see  a  rainbow 
of  promise  in  coal  smoke  on  a  prairie,  was  overwhelm- 
ingly adopted. 

A  motion  to  adjourn  for  a  'possum  hunt  was  then 
made  and  numerously  seconded.  Before  putting  it, 
the  chairman  announced  that  an  original  poem  had 
been  offered,  as  a  closing  exercise,  by  an  author  who 
modestly  desired  to  remam  unknown. 

The  motion  to  adjourn  was  promptly  withdrawn, 
its  mover  remarking  that  the  poetry  might  evaporate, 
but  the  opossum  knew  how  to  wait. 

It  was  a  powerfully  built  mosaic  in  ten  sparkling 
quatrains,  but  unfortunately  I  made  no  copy  and  re- 
member only  the  refrain,  which  seemed  to  grow  and 
culminate,  like  rolhng  thunder,  until  its  reverberation 
was  sublime.     It  ran : 

"  Who  ever  thought,  or  dreamed,  of  worlc  in  heaven!" 


THE  RENDEZVOUS. 


THE  HOUSE  THAT  JAKE  BUILT.  185 

When  it  had  been  twice  encored  the  session  ad- 
journed. From  the  general  sentiment  of  the  hnes  and 
their  similarity  to  the  ones  I  had  seen  written  on  the 
wary  granger's  wall,  I  inferred  that  I  might  put  my 
finger  on  the  artist. 

On  turning  toward  our  tree  I  found  that  during  my 
last  oration  and  the  poetical  exercise,  Sorrowful  Sam 
and  Fishing-Jake  had  busied  themselves  by  the  early 
moonlight  in  erecting  an  abode  for  three.  It  was 
what  tramps,  sportsmen  and  military  experts  denomi- 
nate a  ^'lean-to,''  because  it  leans  toward  the  fire. 
It  was  a  brush  thatch,  laid  on  poles  that  were  sup- 
ported by  two  forks ;  and  was  needful,  owing  to  the 
coohiess  of  the  N^ovember  evenings  and  the  total  ab- 
sence of  blankets  from  that  encampment.  Under 
this  shelter,  in  a  snuggery  of  crumpling  leaves  that 
curled  toward  the  heat  reflected  on  them  by  the  lean- 
to,  we  slept  warm  and  well. 

The  next  morning,  at  breakfast,  I  broached  my 
purpose  of  moving  on,  that  day. 

Sam  and  Jake  strenuously  opposed  it ;  but  I  was 
firm,  feeling  that  the  life  had  insidious  charms  for  me 
from  which  I  ought  to  flee.  But  I  was  finally  per- 
suaded to  tarry  until  after  dinner.  Sam  entreated  me 
to  remain  longer,  telling  me  that  the  meet  would  hold 
a  week,  unless  sooner  disturbed ;  and  then  break  up 


186  THE  WINTER  QUESTION. 

into  smaller,  drifting  encampments,  which  would 
gradually  scatter  to  the  four  winds. 

After  an  intermittent  breakfast,  which  occupied  the 
several  messes  for  two  hours,  a  new  detail  of  fora- 
gers was  told  off  for  duty  that  p.  m.  ;  and  then  the 
other  business  of  the  day  was  taken  in  hand.  The 
latter,  which  consumed  the  entire  morning,  proved  to 
be  discussion  as  to  the  best  winter  range. 

Several  spoke  earnestly  in  favor  of  the  Sunny 
South.  Others  as  earnestly  contended  that  the  foot- 
steps of  the  negro  made  God's  grass  too  rank  for 
the  white  roamer  to  thrive  on  it. 

Fishing- Jake  said  that  if  it  would  suit  the  united 
Order  to  hibernate  in  Wyandot  Cave,  he  knew  a  pri- 
vate way  into  it,  and  thought  he  could  furnish  fish 
enough  from  the  Ohio  River  to  keep  them  all  ahve, 
if  they  slept  most  of  the  time  and  did  not  exercise  too 
much  in  the  wakeful  moments. 

When  this  motion  had  failed  for  lack  of  one  other 
supporter,  a  weather-beaten  rambler  got  the  grass,  by 
the  formality  of  a  war-whoop,  and  announced  that 
the  advantages  nobly  offered  by  Utah  were  unsur- 
passed. It  was  only  a  pleasant  walk  over  two  or 
three  States,  to  where  the  noble  red  man  and  his 
squaw  rode  free,  by  contract,  on  the  Pacific  Kailway  • 


UTAH  CALLS  IN  VAIN.  187 

and  feathers,  brick-dust  and  a  blanket  —  were  they 
not  a  simple  and  circumv^table  disguise? 

In  Utah,  he  added,  the  towns  were  all  permanently 
placarded  with  the  following : 

NOTICE   TO   ALL. 

If  there  are  any  persons  in  this  city  who  are  destitute  of  food,  let  them 
be  who  they  may,  if  they  will  let  their  wants  be  known  to  the  Presiding 
Bishop  he  will  see  that  they  are  furnished  with  food  and  lodging  until 
they  can  provide  for  themselves.  The  Bishops  of  every  ward  are  to  see 
that  there  are  no  persons  going  hungry. 

This  information,  which  happened  to  be  perfectly 
authentic,  was  received  as  a  bit  of  humor.  And  the 
more  the  speaker  shouted  he  was  not  joking,  the 
more  he  was  laughed  down. 

A  pilgrim  of  unprepossessing  appearance  followed, 
saying  that  the  best  way  he  had  ever  tried  of  worry- 
ing through  the  evil  days  of  winter,  was  to  go  to  some 
first-class  city  that  had  self-respect  enough  to  pro- 
vide decent  sleeping  accommodations  for  its  tran- 
sient poor,  and  pick  up  a  wholesome  livelihood  by 
following  the  early  milk- wagon,  until  he  knew  where 
the  milk  of  the  families  who  keep  late  hours  is  left. 
It  was  true  that  city  milk  might  seem  rather  a  mild 
diet ;  but  he  was  a  living  testimony  that  a  sedentary 
man  could  manage  to  squeeze  through  on  it,  with 


188  THE  PICTURESQUE  PILGRIMS. 

what  could  be  picked  up  otherwise,  for  two  or  three 
months ;  and  he  had  learfled  by  experience  that  fam- 
ilies addicted  to  late  rising,  and,  therefore,  lazy  ser- 
vants, of  which  there  was  always  plenty  for  his  pur- 
pose, would  stand  a  requisition  every  ten  days,  on  an 
average,  without  changing  their  habits  enough  to  in- 
terfere with  his  system. 

Several  spoke  in  favor  of  this  expedient,  consum- 
ing a  good  deal  of  time,  before  it  was  finally  brought 
to  an  issue  and  disposed  of  with  an  amendment,  nu- 
merously seconded,  that  it  was  approved  and  recom- 
mended only  as  a  dernier  ressort. 

It  was  then  time  to  adjourn,  to  give  opportunity 
for  those  exercises  which,  under  the  circumstances, 
were  necessary  preliminaries  of  dinner. 

Around  our  fire  I  found  several  members  of  the 
errant  order,  whom  Sam  had  invited  to  dine  with  me. 
It  was,  I  learned,  the  entire  chapter,  as  far  as  pres- 
ent in  that  encampment,  to  which  I  had  been  admit- 
ted —  an  imposing  conclave  on  which  Fishing- Jake 
seemed  proud  to  lavish  humble  homage  as  cook  and 
general  utihty  man. 

For  the  next  hour  considerable  pressure  was 
brought  to  bear,  to  shake  my  purpose  of  resuming 
my  journey  immediately.     The  Chairman  of  the  Con- 


TAKEN  BY   SUEPEISE.  189 

vention,  a  patriarchal  Pilgrim  iii  a  paiiama  hat  and 
embroidered  dressing  gown  —  both,  like  the  wearer, 
somewhat  the  worse  for  age  and  accumulated  terra- 
queous discoloration  —  in  a  low  voice  assured  me  that 
many  halcyon  days  like  that  we  were  then  enjoying 
would  follow  each  other  in  almost  uninterrupted  suc- 
cession before  winter  began  its  reign  in  earnest ;  and 
that  he  had  mtimations  of  several  excellent  plans,  not 
publicly  mooted,  by  wliich  the  rigorous  aspect  of  the 
approaching  season  might  be  much  softened. 

As  I  presented  an  unyielding  front  to  this  and 
other  cautiously  unfolded  allurements  of  insinuation, 
the  head  of  the  chapter,  a  portly  pedestrian  of  middle 
age,  with  a  bald  forehead  and  a  benevolent  face  that 
made  me  yearn  to  present  him  with  a  clean  shirt  and 
more  respectable  clothing  than  the  dissipated  morn- 
ing suit  he  wore,  took  me  aside  and  tapping  his 
florid  nose,  in  a  confidential  murmur  askqd  me 
whether  I  had  been  vaccinated. 

Taken  off  my  guard,  I  imprudently  shpped  up  my 
left  sleeve  and  showed  him  the  only  scar  I  had  re- 
ceived in  war.  The  indiscretion  cost  me  another  half 
hour  of  argument  on  a  foregone  conclusion  ',  for  the 
amiable  scare-crow  led  me  back  to  the  seat  of  revelry 
and  gravely  nodded  to  the  others,  whereupon  a  sue- 


190  A  VERY  DEMOCRATIC  ORDER. 

cession  of  pleased,  knowing  looks  were  exchanged, 
for  some  moments,  aromid  the  circle.  At  length 
Sam  asked  Fishing-Jake  to  go  some  distance  up  the 
creek  and  fetch  a  pan  of  irreproachable  fresh  water, 
for  dessert ;  and  during  this  errand  I  was  hurriedly 
enlightened  as  to  the  meaning  of  the  mysterious  by- 
play. 

"Ours,"  explained  the  venerable  Chairman,  "is 
essentially  a  very  democratic  Order ;  but,  possessing 
grades  of  rank  and  dignity,  it  must,  of  necessity, 
possess  corresponding  degrees  of  privilege,  since 
without  rewards  there  can  be  no  incentive  or  stability 
to  individual  merit.  Hence  in  ours,  as  in  all  human 
social  organizations,  there  are  certain  arcana  devoted 
to  such  knowledge  and  advantages  as  are  reserved 
for  those  whose  ability  elevates  them  above  the  com- 
mon herd.  And  so,  at  present,  there  is  a  plan  of 
passing  the  crisis  of  the  coming  winter  which  it 
would  not  be  proper,  politic,  or  wise  to  mention  out- 
side of  our  own  particular  chapter.  It  is  to  separate 
into  parties  of  two  or  three  and  sojourn  during  the 
inclement  season  in  the  hospitals  of  those  neighbor- 
ing cities  which  are  provided  with  comfortable  quar- 
antine improvements. 

"It  is  a  curious  fact,  well  known  but  commonly 


AN  AFFECTING  FAREWELL  191 

disregarded  in  the  medical  profession,  that  tartar- 
emetic  ointment  will  speedily  produce  an  eruption  al- 
most indistinguishable,  to  an  expert  physician  on  his 
guard,  from  that  of  variola.  And,  owing  to  the 
prejudice  against  small-pox  that  always  prevails  in  all 
populous  places,  we  have  only  (provided  we  have 
been  well  vaccinated)  to  select  our  city,  annoint  oiu"- 
selves  and  at  the  proper  time  appear  at  the  dispen- 
sary, to  secure  free  quarters  of  a  most  desirable  kind, 
for  an  indefinite  period,  with  the  further  alluring  cer- 
tainty of  receiving  new  apparel  in  which  to  encounter 
the  vicissitudes  of  the  ensuing  season." 

As  the  old  man  concluded.  Sorrowful  Sam  sol- 
emnly winked  at  me ;  and  each  of  my  fellow  digni- 
taries gave  me  some  swift  sign  expressive  of  eloquence 
that  was  restrained  by  the  approaching  whistle  of 
Fishing- Jake. 

Similar  manifestations  of  repressed  fraternity  en- 
livened the  conversation  throughout  dinner,  at  the 
close  of  wliich  I  arbitrarily  announced  that  engage- 
ments which  I  could  not  possibly  postpone  would 
compel  me  to  resume  my  journey  in  fifteen  minutes, 
or  as  soon  as  the  parting  pipe  began  to  snivel. 

The  leave-taking  was  really  affecting.  Our  guests 
first  wished  me  good  speed,  and  then  one  by  one  the 


192  A  LONESOME  WALK. 

whole  encampment,  with  the  exception  of  a  few 
strangers  who  had  come  in  that  morning,  shook  my 
hand,  as,  accompanied  by  Sam  and  Jake,  I  moved 
towards  the  drift-heap  —  several  of  them  detaining 
me  a  moment  to  drop  valuable  hints  relative  to  my 
route  and  its  wayside  facilities.  Sam  and  Jake  to 
the  last  proclaimed  their  sorrow  at  my  obduracy,  and 
wrung  my  hand  only  when  at  a  ford  a  mile  from 
camp  they  put  me  on  a  road  that  I  could  easily  follow. 

As  I  reached  the  first  turning  I  looked  back. 

Sorrowful  Sam  was  gazing  sadly  at  my  receding 
coat-tails;  while  Fisiiing-Jake  was  dexterously  gy- 
ratino;  his  hook  and  line  as  he  unwound  the  latter 
from  the  pole. 

One  wave  of  my  still  comparatively  glossy  hat; 
one  swing  of  two  shapeless  handf uls  of  felt  in  the  hazy 
sunshine,  and  distance  dropped  its  screen  forever  be- 
tween my  way  and  that  of  Sorrowful  Sam. 

And  how  it  has  since  fared  with  Fishing- Jake,  I 
know  not —  but  this  I  know  —  The  hills  are  blushing 
into  their  autumn  glory  as  I  write  ;  and  if  he  is  still 
alive,  he  is  sitting  on  the  margin  of  some  stream,  be- 
side a  greasy  bag,  and,  in  his  own,  inimitable  way, 
fulfilling  his  destiny. 

I  felt  strangely  lonesome  as  I  pushed  on  alone  ;  but 


THE  LAST  NIGHT  ON  THE  ROAD.         193 

I  was  fresh  and  in  fine  condition  for  the  road,  which 
I  heeled  and  toed  with  a  diligence  that  brought  me, 
just  before  sunset,  to  a  cross-road  hamlet  that  I  re- 
membered and  knew  to  be  sixty  miles  from  Cincinnati. 

There  I  found  a  good  natured  drover  who  offered 
me  share  and  share  with  him  at  the  inn,  if  I  would 
help  him  drive  hogs  to  the  railway  on  the  following 
morning. 

We  started  at  daybreak,  and  by  noon  had  driven 
ten  miles  and  penned  the  last  refractory  porker. 
Then,  after  dinner  and  declining  another  overture 
from  my  employer,  I  took  the  road  to  Lawrenceburg, 
with  a  note  from  the  drover  to  a  farmer  living  eighteen 
miles  out,  and  six  hours  to  do  that  distance  in. 

It  was  almost  dark,  owing  to  fresh  trouble  with  my 
neatly  fitting  shoes,  when  I  delivered  the  billet,  to 
find  it  carte  hlanche  for  handsome  entertainment. 
The  letter  must  have  been  a  strong  one,  for  I  was 
treated  as  a  welcome  guest  by  the  farmer  and  his 
blooming  daughter.  And  I  sustained  the  burden  of 
recommendation  to  the  best  of  my  ability,  giving 
careful  attention  to  my  toilet,  and  performing  in  full 
evening  dress  upon  a  piano  in  which  neglected  age 
had  spared  the  noise  and  spoiled  the  tune.  As  a 
tableau,  however,  I  have  no  doubt  that  the  musicale 


194 


FOETUNE  SMILES  AGAIN. 


was,  on  the  whole,  har- 
monious. I  certamly  played 
with  verve,  for  fickle  for- 
tune was  turninc:  her  smil- 


THE    MUSIOAUB. 


EREING  INSTINCT. 


195 


ing  face  to  me  —  and  it  was  my  last  night  on  the 
road! 

I  reached  Newport  the  next  evening  about  dark ; 
and  my  own  mother  ahuost  shut  the  door  on  me. 


CHAPTEE    IX. 


^^r 


N  investigatio:n"  I  found  that  Cin- 
cinnati was  gone  wild  over  the 
small,  circuitous  velocipede ;  no 
visionary  then  dreaming  of  the 
straightforward,  altitudinous 
bicycle.  And  the  Worrell  Sisters 
were  crowding  Wood's  Theater  with  a  spectacular 
hit  known  to  fame  as  "  The  Field  of  the  Cloth  of 
Gold. "  I  at  once  renewed  my  theatrical  associations, 
and  between  rehearsals  gave  most  of  my  time  and 
attention  to  the  mysterious,  two- wheeled  mechanism 
that  was  just  then  making  a  circus  of  the  fast  Re- 
public. And  I  soon  acquired  a  skill  on  wheels  which 
quickly  got  me  an  engagement,  to  display  it  nightly 
in  the  Grand  Tournament  of  the  burlesque  above 
mentioned. 


198  A  NAREOW  ESCAPE. 

But  the  closing  night  too  speedily  left  me  wonder- 
ing in  what  walk  I  was  next  to  tread ;  not  for  long, 
however,  as  I  was  soon  engaged  by  a  bold  operator 
who  had  converted  most  of  his  capital  into  six  veloci- 
pedes and  believed  he  saw  a  fortune  in  traveling  afar 
and  teaching  Young  America  to  gyrate  at  the  rate  of 
half-a-dollar  a  lesson.  I  entered  into  his  employ  the 
more  readily  because  of  cautious  but  searching  in- 
quiry that  had  been  made  for  me  just  before  my  re- 
turn, both  by  a  mysterious  stranger  and  in  the 
personal  columns  of  several  Cincinnati  papers  —  an 
inquisition  that  was  thwarted  by  the  prudence  of  ma- 
ternal instinct  and  foiled  by  the  fact  that  no  human 
being  in  Cincinnati  knew  ought  of  my  whereabouts. 

For  a  while  the  sanguine  expectations  of  my  man- 
ager were  finely  nourished  by  receipts ;  but  toward 
the  middle  of  summer  a  sudden  and  unaccountable 
collapse  of  popular  interest  in  that  sort  of  locomotion 
caused  my  employer,  after  we  had  visited  most  of  the 
cities  and  large  towns  of  Indiana  and  Illinois  south 
of  the  fortieth  parallel,  to  decamp  with  his  rolling 
stock  just  after  dark  on  the  fourth  day  of  our  engage- 
ment in  St.  Louis,  without  the  formality  of  noti- 
fying me.  He  owed  —  and  still  owes  —  me  a  little 
more  than  four  weeks'  wages  ;  but  he  was  thoughtful 
enoui^h  to  settle  both  of  our  hotel-bills,  and  I  avail 


THE   DISMAL   DINNER  QUESTION.  199 

myself  of  this  opportunity  to  publicly  thank  him  for 
that. 

I  was  thus  left  in  a  city  which,  in  despite  of  the 
hard  lines  that  so  often  fell  to  my  lot  in  it,  I  always, 
somehow,  liked  well  enough  to  return  to  it ;  with  a 
plentiful  supply  of  fashionable  apparel  and  a  store  of 
cash  so  small  that  the  dismal  dinner  question  was 
peeping  over  it  in  a  broad  grin,  preparatory  to  star- 
ing me  in  the  face.  It  is  true,  my  friend  the  Inven- 
tor and  a  remunerative  trade  were  both  in  town ; 
but  as  a  school-boy  I  had  contracted  a  deep-rooted 
aversion  to  history  that  made  me  very  reluctant  to 
repeat  myself. 

My  case  was  fast  nearing  a  crisis,  when  Wardwood 
one  day  sent  to  me  a  man  who  possessed  a  patent, 
and  who  had  also  been  so  strangely  fortunate  as  to 
find  capital  having  enough  confidence  m  men  of  that 
ilk  to  undertake  to  fill  cash  orders :  who,  in  his 
great  joy  over  luck  so  phenomenal,  was  willing  to 
sell  me  a  dozen  of  his  ' '  Indestructible  Lamp-Chim- 
neys,"  together  with  the  sole  canvassing  right  of 
the  city,  for  the  nominal  consideration  of  ten  lawful 
dollars. 

I  then  controlled  a  capital  of  seventeen  cents  ;  but 
as  the  summer  was  advanced,  and  promised  to  be 
lasting,  I  at  once  pawned  my  overcoat  and  a  few 


200  A  BOLD  VENTURE. 

other  superfluities  of  my  wardrobe,  and  closed  with 
the  reckless  patentee,  after  amending  his  proposition 
in  a  stipulation  that  left  the  option  of  a  State-right 
open  to  me  at  a  fixed  price  for  three  months. 

The  next  morning  I  went  abroad  with  my  sample, 
and  actually  booked  orders  for  two  dozen  before  fif- 
teen o'clock,  modern  time.  And  before  the  week 
was  out  I  created  an  activity  in  a  new  traffic  that 
gave  me  much  happiness  and  courage,  and  some 
credit  with  the  manufacturer,  who  was  a  Chicago 
man,  and  therefore  not  averse  to  coquetting  with  im- 
moral risks. 

Elated,  I  redoubled  my  exertions,  and  in  three 
months  had  results  in  hand  of  wliich  the  State-right 
of  Illinois  was  but  an  earnest.  I  chose  that  State,  as 
the  one  most  needing  enlightenment,  and  just  before 
Christmas  transferred  my  business  to  Chicago,  in  or- 
der to  be  near  my  manufacturer ;  persuaded  that  I 
had,  at  last,  stumbled  on  a  stepping-stone  to  sub- 
stantial mercantile  prosperity.  And  in  contempt  of 
the  dangers  of  transplanting,  the  business  took  root 
and  began  to  grow  and  flourish  in  a  manner  almost 
miraculous.  This  result,  which  I  attributed  to  a  cer- 
tain ability  and  diligence,  was  no  doubt  partly  due  to 
a  restiveness  which  then  prevailed  in  many  populous 
communities,  under  the  shameless  extortion  of  Gas 


I'USHING   TUK   LAMP, 


LUCK  AT  LAST.  201 

Monopolies.  Not  only  small  consumers,  but  greatly 
to  my  profit,  large  proprietors,  groaning  under  the 
exaction  of  three  and  a  half  and  four  dollars  the 
thousand,  and  stirred  to  frenzy  by  the  fulminations 
of  an  unpropitiated  and  therefore  indignant  press, 
were  only  too  eager  to  rush  into  any  avenue  or  alley 
of  escape  from  an  insolent  oppression  that  was  mak- 
ing life  burdensome  —  too  eager,  that  is,  for  my  re- 
pose, inasmuch  as  large  orders  dropped  like  ripened 
fruit  into  my  astonished  hands,  with  a  rapidity  which 
in  a  few  months  overwhelmed  me  with  the  sweetly 
torturing  embarrassment  of  too  much  business.  In 
an  avaracious  moment  I  had  contracted  on  favorable 
terms  to  push  a  patented  "  N^on-Explosive  Lamp," 
in  connection  with  my  ' '  Indestructible  Chimney ; ' ' 
and  when  the  men  of  many  burners  began  to  send  in 
their  orders  I  soon  saw  that  I  must  have  help,  or  per- 
ish miserably.  So  I  hired  a  cheap  boy  and  a  roomy 
of&ce,  and  labored  to  impress  it  upon  the  young  and 
frivolous  system  of  the  former  that  Chicago  expected 
every  boy  to  do  his  duty. 

In  this  and  other  arduous  occupations  spring 
quickly  melted  into  summer  and  summer  faded, 
flashing,  into  a  dry  and  dusty  autumn.  Before  frost 
kissed  the  first  blushes  mto  the  face  of  October  there 
was  no  longer  a  margin  for  doubt  that  I  was  in  high 


202  A  LAD  AND   HIS   LAMP. 

career  upon  a  royal  road  to  fortune ;  and,  naturally, 
my  youthful  reveries,  in  hours  set  apart  for  their  in- 
dulgence, assumed  an  arabesque  and .  roseate  finish. 
I  had  always  heard  old  rich  men  say  that  the  first 
$1,000  was  the  hardest  half  to  hive,  of  all  their  ac- 
cumulations; and  for  weeks  I  had  held  that  most 
arduous  accretion  well  in  hand.  So  I  began  to  dress 
elaborately,  and  acquire  luxurious  tastes  and  habits, 
and  muse  often  and  romantically  over  a  crude  but 
rather  beautiful  crayon  portrait,  on  the  back  of  which 
I  had  mounted  an  advertisement  which,  over  three 
thrilling"  initials,  entreated  the  young  gentleman  who 
rescued  a  young  lady  from  the  Stonewall  to  make  his 
Avhereabouts  known. 

The  young  gentleman!  What  comfort  may  be 
concentrated  in  a  common  word.  A  ' '  young  gen- 
tleman" with  f5,000,  to  the  good,  gleaned  from  a 
safe  and  growing  business,  may,  in  this  great  and 
glorious  country  sacred  to  the  idolatry  of  Mammon, 
aspire  to  much;  and  who  will  dare  to  hazard  the 
opinion  that  I  was  a  fool,  to  often  cipher  out  the  time 
when  my  bank-book  would  balance  in  four  units  be- 
ginning with  a  5,  caressing  the  resolve  tliat  I  would 
answer  that  advertisement  then?  , 

In  these  beguiling  calculations  I  always  reached 
the  certainty  that  before  the  expiration  of  one  year 


IT  WAS  THE   COW.  203 

from  that  October,  1871,  I  would  realize  my  cher- 
ished dream.  And  thus  meditating,  one  dusty  autumn 
afternoon,  I  drew  two  needful  cheques  ;  one  in  pay- 
ment for  a  large  purchase  of  Lamps  and  Chimneys 
lately  put  in  stock ;  and  the  other,  a  much  smaller  one, 
for  the  residuary  balance  of  my  bank  account,  which 
happened  to  be  about  a  sum  I  wanted,  to  replenish  my 
pockets  and  liquidate  a  number  of  bills  over-due  since 
the  first  of  October,  or  for  a  week. 

^'If  the  bank  breaks  before  Monday,"  I  solilo- 
quized, later,  as  I  put  away  my  receipts,  "let  it 
smash." 

The  bank  did  not  break ;  but  the  following  night 
a  melancholy  cow,  disgusted  with  her  diet,  kicked 
over  one  of  my  non- explosive  lamps  and  shot  it,  after 
the  indestructible  chimney,  into  a  pile  of  hay.  It  was 
Mistress  O'Leary's  cow;  and  by  the  following  night 
Chicago  was  a  mass  of  incandescent  ruins. 

There  was  something  mysteriously  swift  and  hot 
about  that  combustion.  It  burst  out  with  a  super- 
natural suddenness  and  omnipresence,  and  cleaned  up 
its  own  debris,  removing  stone  and  fusing  metal,  all 
as  if  the  very  air  of  heaven  had  suddenly  been  con- 
verted into  the  incendiary  breath  of  hell. 

I  doubt  that  mortals  ever  saw  fire  operate  similarly 
before  or  since,  and  cannot  believe  that  results  I  cer- 


204  GONE. 

tainlj  witnessed  and  wonderingly  investigated  are  sat- 
isfactorily accounted  for  by  the  strong  gale  and  the 
drought  that  had  prevailed  for  three  months. 

When  the  house  in  which  I  boarded  became  sud- 
denly almost  hot  enough  to  melt,  I  hastened  from  it ; 
carrying  most  of  my  daily  apparel  in  my  arms,  and 
finished  dressing  in  the  street.  And  in  my  haste 
my  pocket-book  probably  slipped  from  the  pocket 
whence  I  speedily  missed  it.  Then  I  hurried  through 
fiery  vistas  choked  and  in  places  jammed  with  a 
chaotic  multitude  of  people  and  vehicles,  through  La 
Salle  street  towards  my  office ;  but  before  I  could  get 
to  it  it  was  gone.  After  looking  at  the  place  in  which 
I  had  left  it,  until  a  rush  of  the  crowd  from  some  un- 
seen peril  pressed  me  almost  on  a  bridge,  where  one 
of  the  railings  broke,  precipitating  at  least  a  dozen 
men,  women,  and  children  into  what  fate  I  never  as- 
certained, I  escaped  as  rapidly  as  possible  from  that 
vicinity ;  and,  with  many  headings  off  by  the  heat  and 
turnings  back  from  streets  so  full  of  people  and  all 
sorts  of  mercantile  and  personal  property  as  to  be  im- 
passable, wandered  about  localities  I  was  wont  to 
frequent,  seeking  familiar  objects  and  persons ;  but 
they  were  all  gone.  While  so  exerting  myself,  as  the 
night  of  terror  wore  away  to  morning,  I  saw  sights  in 
the  light  which  seemed  everywhere  as  bright  as  noon- 


THE  DEMON  DANCE.  205 

day  that  I  will  never  forget.  In  many  streets  the 
shops  and  saloons  were  thrown  open  by  the  owners, 
and  the  multitude  invited  to  step  in  and  help  them- 
selves. The  rabble  thus  got  a  first  taste  of  plunder 
and  a  plentiful  supply  of  intoxicating  liquors ;  which 
last  was  widely  disseminated,  being  borne  about  in 
buckets,  pitchers,  and  such  other  vessels  as  were 
readily  obtainable  and  could  be  conveniently  carried 
in  the  hand ;  a  feature  wliich  soon  added  atrocious 
elements  to  the  calamity. 

In  one  street,  before  a  burning  music-store,  I  saw 
a  drunken  miscreant  dancing  on  a  piano,  around  a 
base  di'um  which  he  beat  furiously  at  intervals,  shout- 
ing between  every  three  terrific  blows : 

^*  Hurrah!  Hurrah!  Hurrah  for  the  rich  man's 
fire  and  the  poor  man's  fmi !  " 

A  few  minutes  later,  in  another  street  during  a 
stampede  from  a  shower  of  sparks,  I  saw  a  girl  of 
nine  or  ten  years  run  by,  her  face  distorted  by  a  cry 
I  could  see  but  could  not  hear,  and  her  yellow  hair 
streaming  behind  her,  in  a  blaze.  Just  as  she  was 
disappearing  in  the  crowd  some  one  near  her,  no  doubt 
a  drunken  rioter  and  possibly  with  the  best  of  inebriate 
intentions,  threw  a  quantity  of  spirits  on  the  flame, 
which  instantly  flashed  into  a  pillar  that  seemed  to 
envelop  the  child. 


206  ONCE   MORE  AFOOT. 

All  that  night  and  all  the  next  day  I  wandered, 
where  the  heat  permitted,  among  the  remnants  of  the 
city,  seeking  some  place  in  which  I  might  stay  my 
hunger ;  but  all  such  places  were  gone.  The  second 
night  I  tried  to  find  some  spot  in  the  vicinity  of  the 
desolation  where  I  could  sleep  a  little ;  but  by  that 
time  the  desirable  resting  places,  not  already ' '  taken," 
were  gone.  And  as  I  was  fast  becoming  too  hungry 
and  sleepy  to  enjoy  life  in  a  city  whose  hospitalities 
had  so  utterly  departed  it  seemed  that  the  one  wise  al- 
ternative left  to  me  was  likewise  to  be  go:n'e.  For  I 
viewed  my  case  thus  : 

I  had  not  lost  the  bulk  of  my  recent  earnmgs,  be- 
cause I  had  paid  my  debts  with  them.  iN'or  could  I 
suffer  by  the  predicted  universal  insurance  bank- 
ruptcy, because  I  was  not  one  of  the  unfortunates  m- 
sured.  It  was  clear  that,  saving  two  or  three  dollars 
in  my  vest  pocket,  and  notwithstanding  some  consid- 
erable accounts  against  men  in  my  own  evil  case,  I 
was  a  total,  appetite-encumbered,  irremediable  finan- 
cial wreck.  So,  having  no  premonition  of  Relief- 
Committees,  I  got  me  on  the  railway  lying  along  the 
Lake  Shore  and  faced  my  destiny  once  more  on  foot. 

In  this  prompt  rally  upon  my  own  resources  I  com- 
mitted a  tactical  mistake;  for  after  I  had  slept  off 
my   drowsmess   under   a    sand-bank,   before   I   had 


(^■/i-t:i€  ^(^^  /hyyict'O-i/^  iit^io!-  t'yi^  €Ae-  d-tt^e-e^l^  -u-u^  <i^n^  -u-^e-  y 
^^cyyi-e-/  cyfyC€i4-/   ^^Cyyie/   ^ie£li-r&€-  'CAe-  ^tScd^-nd-  <z^ fn-ii/i/j^M^a- 


AND  THERE  WAS  LIGHT. 


@ln'<H>t^yA  -fie-  li&'Ccl  A-t^jCt^tii-  €ei/m/id^  €e-r  ■n^<!-  d-i/yv'7'te'l  ■u-^i-u4.<ztcl  n^c^nt^ 


'Cyi-  ■oA-ed't  -ta-dA-   €/v€-   -a^^u 


^^-i-^  ft^  €n'€-   mtz^n-t^M-M' li-  li'iHi'C.' 


NOT  THIS  ATTERNOON.  207 

trudged  far  enough  to  find  comfort  for  my  appetite, 
a  train  rolled  past  me  crowded  with  refugees ;  and  if 
I  had  only  lingered  lugubriously  around  the  ruins  of 
my  prosperity  I,  too,  might  have  been  a  guest  of  the 
nation,  instead  of  being  an  eleemosynary  itinerant. 
N^ot  that  I  would  have  made  much  accomit  of  a  walk 
across  the  State  of  Indiana,  if  the  season  had  only 
been  a  little  more  fruitful,  and  first  impressions  more 
pleasmg  than  those  imparted  by  the  sandy  ridges  or 
second  beaches  of  the  lake- shore,  wMch  make  that 
region  so  like  those  portions  of  Sahara  that  are  a  long 
way  from  an  oasis.  But  the  number  of  miles  I  had 
to  tramp  before  I  fell  in  with  a  settlement  opulent 
enough  to  afford  me  a  temporary  reprieve  from  star- 
vation prejudiced  me  against  that  whole  ancient  sea 
bottom ;  so  in  the  middle  of  the  afternoon,  at  a  junc- 
tion called  Liverpool,  I  essayed  to  enter  an  east- 
bound  train,  trusting  that  my  toilet  —  which,  barring- 
some  stams  mcident  to  calamity  and  travel,  was  of  a 
mould  and  texture  of  which  an  aristocrat  or  even  a 
hotel-clerk  might  reasonably  be  proud  —  to  secure  me 
considerate  treatment.  But  the  impartial  person  who 
was  wliirling  the  brake  clapped  on  the  ratchet  and 
asked  to  see  my  pass ;  and  when  I  showed  him  a  pass- 
book, and  a  few  canceled  checks,  which  I  suggested 
vouched  for   my  recent   possession  of   considerable 


208  MY  INFLUENTIAL  FRIEND. 

monies  and  might  aid  him  in  identifying  me  with  the 
prevailing  woe,  he  coldly  answered  that  I  couldn't 
ride  in  that  car  on  any  such  papers. 

^Wliile  vainly  expostulating  with  him,  the  train 
moved  off  leaving  me  gazing  mto  it  as  wistfully  as 
if  it  were  a  telescope  focussed  on  my  salvation.  . 

When  it  had  disappeared  I  turned  away  sorrow- 
fully to  hunt  my  dinner,  determined  to  stay  right 
there  and  energetically  push  my  chances  for  a  ride. 

In  the  first  object  I  easily  succeeded,  for,  spurred 
by  the  electric  wire,  public  sympathy  was  already  be- 
ginning to  run  warmly  with  the  Chicago  sufferers ; 
but  I  experienced  more  difficulty  in  my  experiments 
on  the  closed  doors  and  insolent  menials  of  organiza- 
tions which,  proverbially,  have  no  souls. 

The  first  train  that  passed  after  my  refreshment, 
was  hastening  to  Chicago  with  a  couple  of  fire-engines 
and  a  great  quantity  of  hose.  As  I  had  that  morn- 
ing seen  the  pathetic  remains  of  two  similar  machines 
lying  where  the  latter  had  been  overtaken  and  extm- 
guished  by  the  opposing  element,  I  wondered  whether 
those  passing  were  fully  and  judiciously  insured.  In 
the  next  hour  two  more  trains  passed  the  other  way, 
to  the  conductors  of  both  of  which  I  appealed  in  vain. 

On  the  next  train,  which  was  bound  in,  I  saw 
Mayor  Brown,  of  Cincinnati,  who  knew  me  as  the 


ONE  TOUCH  OF  AUTHORITY.  209 

knight  of  the  velocipede,  and  generally,  I  trust,  as  a 
young  man  of  promise.  Putting  my  face  opposite 
his  window  I  exchanged  civilities  with  him  and  asked 
him  to  advise  me  how  to  act.  As  soon  as  he  under- 
stood my  case  he  said  that  I  was  clearly  entitled,  by 
my  recent  losses,  to  a  share  of  the  Hberal  relief -fund 
raised  by  my  fellow-citizens,  the  more  especially  as 
that  is  the  truest  charity  which  begins  at  home. 

Was  I  not,  he  exclaimed,  their  fellow-townsman ! 

I  felt  that  I  was  —  occasionally,  and  gratefully  ac- 
cepted an  order  for  transportation,  and  a  line  to  Mr. 
Cy.  Keck  that  briefly  formulated  my  paramount  de- 
serts. 

One  touch  of  authority  makes  the  whole  world 
Mn  —  to  a  steep  climb  that  has  been  suddenly  re- 
versed. I  met  with  no  difficulty  whatever  in  entering 
the  next  train,  which  was  uncomfortably  overcrowded. 
And  on  examining  my  irregular  but  high-toned  pa- 
pers the  conductor  was  so  impressed  by  my  claims  on 
common  humanity  that  he  removed  me  from  the  vul- 
gar herd  of  mendicants,  into  a  splendid  coach  re- 
served for  the  elect,  where  I  slept  luxuriously  that 
night  and  awoke  refreshed  for  an  interview  with  the 
relief- committee  in  Cincinnati. 

Finding  that  city  full  to  overflowing  with  the  vic- 
tims of  the  Fire,  and  learning  that  all  the  principal 


210  A  LOST   INDUSTKY. 

"Western  cities  were  in  like  manner  overstocked  with 
men  of  every  calling  forced  to  compete  for  employ- 
ment without  regard  to  pay  or  preference,  I  concluded 
that,  as  the  manufacture  of  the  mica  lamp-chimneys 
had  ceased,  I  could  not  impair  my  fortunes,  if  I  failed 
to  improve  them,  by  transferring  the  nidus  of  my  ac- 
tivity to  the  Atlantic  seaboard.  So  I  notified  the  re- 
lief-committee of  Cincinnati  that  I  would  commute 
my  claims  upon  it  for  twenty  dollars,  a  pass  to  'New 
York  City,  and  a  letter  of  favorable  introduction  to 
the  relief-committee  there. 

As  soon  as  I  could  conclude  this  arrangement  I 
packed  my  valise  and  took  the  fastest  train. 

On  reaching  New  York  I  presented  my  credentials 
to  Mr.  Blan chard  of  the  Produce  Exchange.  He 
gave  me  a  letter  to  Mr.  Wales,  Vice-President  of  the 
Chamber  of  Commerce,  who  paid  me  twenty  dollars 
and  told  me  to  apply  again. 

I  next  established  myself  in  economical  quarters 
near  Broadway  and  Courtland  Street,  where  I  hus- 
banded the  reversion  of  my  late  prosperity  while  try- 
ing to  discover  or  invent  some  way  of  making  myself 
independent.  But  I  soon  found  that  employment  of 
every  kind  was  very  difficult  of  access  to  a  person  in 
my  situation ;  while  my  claims  upon  the  relief-com- 
mittee speedily  dwindled  to  an  imaginary  size. 


THE   HAT  IRONER.  211 

Thus  matters  were  becoming  serious,  when  I 
learned  from  a  mornmg  paper  that  the  Kestaurant 
Eudolphe,  which  I  was  then  patronizing-,  needed  a 
waiter;  and  I  immediately  applied  for  and  secured 
the  place.  My  river  experience  well  qualified  me  for 
the  work ;  and  after  I  had  succeeded  in  persuading 
Mr.  Orcutt  to  give  me  a  trial  I  easily  performed  my 
duties  to  his  satisfaction,  at  the  same  time  pleasing 
many  of  his  constant  patrons  whom  I  regularly 
served. 

In  this  way  I  met  the  designer  of  an  ingenious  in- 
vention which,  owing  to  my  favorable  experience 
with  one  patented  article,  much  interested  me;  es- 
pecially as  it  was  as  yet  virgin  in  the  hands  of  the 
manufacturer. 

By  fixing  ^' The  Toilet  Hat-Ironer  "  on  an  ordi- 
nary gas-burner  for  a  moment  it  was  prepared  to  put 
a  shine  on  the  disordered  nap  of  a  silk  hat  that  out- 
rivaled its  pristine  gloss.  The  simplicity  and  success 
of  the  operation  impressed  me  so  favorably  that  as 
soon  as  the  Irons  were  ready  for  market  I  made  over- 
tures to  the  patentee,  which  within  twenty-four  hours 
resulted  in  my  takmg  off  the  apron  and  embarking 
once  more  in  business  on  my  own  account. 

Equipped  with  a  neat  leather  case  and  half  a  gross 
of  the  toy-like  irons  I  took  my  stand  at  the  east  gas- 


212  RETIEING  ON  A  COMPETENCY. 

burner  in  the  office  of  the  Astor  House,  by  permis- 
sion of  the  Stetson  Brothers,  and  there  sold  irons 
and  ironed  for  the  eddying  pubhc  at  ten  cents  a  head. 
For  several  weeks  I  plied  this  novel  industry  with 
zeal  and  emolument,  selhng  many  gross  of  irons,  and 
polishing  off  the  casings  of  some  of  the  most  distin- 
guished intellects  of  Gotham.  I,  also,  once  more 
exulted  in  a  growing  bank  account  and  inclined  per- 
ceptibly toward  foppishness,  of  course  relapsing  into 
reveries  of  a  romantic  sort.  But,  unfortunately  for 
the  latter,  I  was  not  then  wresthng  with  a  bloated 
monopoly.  Neither  did  I  have  a  vested  interest  in 
the  one  that  was  not  as  yet  old  enough  to  be  puffed 
up.  On  the  contrary,  I  was  only  teacliing  competi- 
tion how  a  slender  capital  could  be  excellently  em- 
ployed. At  first,  opposition  was  stimulating  and 
seemed  really  to  improve  the  traffic ;  but  before  long 
prices  began  to  weaken  and  the  market  to  reveal 
symptoms  of  glut.  I  fought  it  out  manfully  until 
my  average  daily  earnings  dropped  below  the  wage  I 
had  earned  behind  the  garcon's  apron,  and  then  I 
retired  from  business  upon  a  competence  of  between 
four  and  five  hundred  dollars,  cash  in  bank. 

While  reflecting  on  the  mutability  of  human  aff au's 
and  conjecturing  what  adventure  I  would  next  en- 
gage in,  I  one  day  met  a  young  gentleman  whom  I 


A  SEASON  IN   SOCIETY.  213 

had  slightly  kaown  m  Chicago  in  the  heyday  of  my 
large  prosperity.  He,  too,  had  been  driven — home,  by 
the  Fire  which  had  hurled  me  into  exile.  These  cir- 
cumstances were  more  than  enough  to  ensure  a  cor- 
dial meeting ;  and  when  I  told  Mr.  Yan  Yelt  I  was 
in  his  native  city  with  a  reduced  capital,  which  I 
hoped  to  profitably  invest  there,  he  offered  to  intro- 
duce me  to  some  of  his  friends  whose  knowledge  of 
investments  might  be  of  service  to  me,  and  invited 
me  to  dine  at  home  with  him  on  the  following  day. 

These  hospitable  overtures  I  accepted  in  the  same 
liberal  spirit  in  which  they  were  extended.  At  the 
appoijited  time  I  passed  a  delightful  evening  with 
him  in  the  pleasant  places  of  a  household  refined  by 
culture  and  beautified  by  the  presence  of  two  charm- 
ing young  creatures  who  looked  like  high-toned 
houris,  talked  like  intelligent  angels,  and  sang  to  each 
other's  accompaniment  on  the  harp  and  piano  like 
twin  seraphs  of  some  celestial  choir.  If  my  heart 
had  not  been  shielded  all  over  by  the  memory  of  a 
pm^e,  classic  face  floating  on  star-lit  waters  in  an  un- 
dulating billow  of  dark,  luxuriant  hair,  it  would  have 
been  imperilled  by  the  dangerous  witchery  with  which 
the  two  superior  beings  vied  one  with  the  other  in 
making  me  feel  like  the  right  man  in  the  right  place. 
And  when  I  met  the  gentlemen  who  were  the  friends 


214:  MOUNTAIN   SPORTS. 

of  my  friend,  I  enjoyed  the  freedom  from  austerity 
with  which  they  welcomed  me,  and  begged  it  as  a 
favor  that  I  would  make  their  elegant  haunts  my  own 
headquarters. 

Owing  to  an  unfortunate  passion  for  imitation  of 
things  not  American,  the  impression  is  gettmg  afoot 
that  the  aristocracy  of  'New  York  is  a  select  society 
of  snobs ;  an  opinion,  I  believe,  in  which  a  little  harm- 
less truth  is  mingled  with  a  great  deal  of  envious 
malice.  Perhaps  I  got  too  close  to  the  momentous 
question  to  see  it  without  prejudice.  I  can  only  in- 
sist that  as  the  friend  of  a  quite  proper  family,  and 
as  a  capitalist  seeking  investments,  I  was  delightfully 
involved  in  associations  more  agreeable  than  any  I 
had  ever  known ;  and  which  I  am  sure  was  the  society 
of  a  polite,  art-loving  people,  most  of  whom  were  all 
that  could  be  wished,  but  who,  no  more  than  the  ten 
selected  Virgins,  could  not  all  be  wise.  I  certainly 
enjoyed  the  episode,  carefully  concealing  my  defi- 
ciencies and  putting  aside  the  thought  that  I  was 
tempting  another  humiliation  like  that  whose  scar 
would  moulder  in  my  grave. 

So  the  spring  fled  away. 

In  early  summer  I  went  up  to  the  Green  Moun- 
tains as  a  guest  of  one  of  my  new  friends.  Here  I 
staid,  hunting,  fishing,  and  boating,  like  any  born 


PREPARING  FOR  CRITICISM..  215 

swell,  until  aroused  by  the  certainty  that  if  I  did  not 
choose  to  leave  those  parts  on  foot  I  must  be  gone 
without  delay. 

Without  definite  purpose,  other  than  to  get  quickly 
out  of  that  small  State,  I  strapped  my  baggage  and, 
like  the  young  man  in  the  aged  parody,  checked  the 
same  for  Troy. 

There  I  at  once  introduced  a  new  and,  to  this  day, 
most  superior  polish  for  silver,  plate  and  tin.  It  was 
composed  of  sulphate  of  Barytum,  pounded  in  a  mor- 
tar, very  fine.  It  cost  half  a  cent  a  pound,  m  the 
"  tiff,"  or  ore,  and  I  sold  it  at  ten  cents  an  ounce, 
thereby,  after  allomng  for  boxes  and  my  labor,  net- 
ting a  profit  of  thirty  thousand  per  cent.  The  busi- 
ness looked  well  on  paper,  but  after  a  couple  of  weeks 
I  abandoned  it  not  much  ahead  of  the  wolf. 

The  stage  of  the  Globe  Theater  then  happened  to 
need  renovation,  and  l^y  mother  wit,  or  unblushing 
impudence,  I  managed  to  secure  the  job.  The  con- 
tract of  the  curtain  was  first  awarded  me,  on  trial  — 
which  made  it  necessary  to  prepare  for  criticism.  So 
I  painted  consummately  for  the  picturesque,  piling  up 
bold  mountains  and  throwing  my  broad  brush  at  arm's 
length  over  startling  precipices.  Then  I  splashed  on 
a  raging  torrent  here,  and  a  curling  cataract  there, 
working  in  a  shady  grotto  under  the  last,  setting  up 


216  A  STRONG  EFFECT. 

a  few  romantic  rocks  and  some  bunches  of  forest, 
and  finally,  to  tone  the  whole  effect  down  a  little, 
dabbing  in  a  soft  shimmer  of  moonshine  on  the  water, 
in  the  alleged  likeness  of  a  lunar  rainbow. 

For  some  reason  that  is  forever  sealed  up  among 
the  mysterious  results  of  art- criticism  the  party  sec- 
ond to  the  contract  told  me  to  go  on  5  so  I  devoted  a 
few  days  to  the  study  and  execution  of  "  set  pieces," 
such  as  lovely  banks  on  which  romantic  moonhght 
sweetly  slept,  lumps  of  earth  with  trees  on  them, 
rocks  amorously  embracing  *'  set  water,"  and  archi- 
tecture of  various  styles  too  ancient  to  be  fomid  in 
the  books.  All  which,  being  hurried  by  a  stray  sum- 
mer performance,  I  hastily  retouched  while  the  car- 
penter was  driving  the  last  nails,  through  some  water, 
into  a  cliff.  And  in  my  haste  I  upset  my  pot  of 
emerald  hue  upon  the  man  of  blows,  who  was  some 
yards  below,  imparting  to  his  hat  the  aspect  of  a 
stormy  bit  of  foreground  in  a  marine  effect.  Being 
an  Irishman,  he  at  once  defied  me  to  bloody  combat ; 
but  after  a  warm  parley,  which  I  moderated  from  the 
summit  of  the  scaffold,  I  prevented  war  by  promising 
to  buy  him  a  new  hat  and  paint  the  old  one  green  all 
over,  with  a  golden  harp  and  a  red  shamrock  on  its 
principal  exposures,  for  the  procession  of  next  Saint 
Patrick's  Day. 


EEOM  THE  STAGE  TO  THE  STEERING-OAE.     217 

> 

We  completed  our  repairs  in  season  for  the  reopen- 
ing to  evolve  on  time  that  night. 

And  it  was  a  success. 

It  is  true,  the  performance  was  a  failure ;  but  that 
did  not  diminish  the  attention  which  the  house  be- 
stowed upon  the  scenery.  Troy  was  not  then  as 
large  a  city  as  it  has  since  become;  and  in  small 
places,  especially  in  the  duller  intervals  of  summer, 
a  little  sensation  often  goes  a  prodigious  way.  And 
perhaps  the  audience  had  brought  a  quantity  of  ap- 
plause with  them  which  they  scorned  to  lavish  on  the 
performance  and  did  not  care  to  take  away.  What- 
ever was  the  reason,  at  the  last  drop  of  the  curtain 
the  house  sat  still,  and  gazed  at  it,  and  clamored  for 
the  artist ;  and  would  not  be  dismissed  until  I  climbed 
over  the  bass  viohn  and  made  a  speech. 

Next  morning  I  longed,  like  Alexander,  for  more 
scenery  to  make  conquest  of ;  but,  alas  !  like  another 
hero's,  my  occupation  was  gone.  So  I  wandered 
listlessly  to  Whitehall,  and  there  espying  a  fleet  of 
watercraft,  selected  a  large,  rakish  canal-boat  and 
went  impulsively  on  board. 

The  captain  said  he  had  no  job  for  me,  but  he  po- 
htely  invited  me  into  the  cabm,  which  was  also  the 
kitchen.  I  told  him  that  although  my  dress  was  a 
little  nobby  I  was  a  regular  water-rat,  in  my  element 


218 


UNFORTUNATE   SUCCESS. 


anywhere  on  any  craft ;  and  I  begged  Mm  to  let  me, 
just  for  the  fun  of  it,  show  the  Irish  lady  who  reigned 
over  his  cuisine  how  to  compound  the  chowder  she 
was  about  to  convert  into  a  nauseous  mess.  To 
oblige  me  he  assented;  and  I  took  off  my  coat  and 
made  that  Celtic  female  my  implacable,  eternal  foe. 

But,  owing  to  its  author's  variegated  past,  the 
stew  was  so  superb  that  the  skipper  promptly  engaged 
me  as  steersman,  on  the  reflection,  I  suppose,  that  he 
himself  was  a  skilful  pilot,  whereas  good  cooks  are 
mostly  in  Abraham's  bosom. 

As  it  happened,  having  often  stirred  the  Missis- 
sippi from  the  forecastle  of  a  raft,  I  was  equally 
au  fait  over  spoon  or  oar.  But  my  captam  never 
knew  the  whole  value  of  his  green  hand,  for  the  cook, 
with  unfailing  care,  made  life  so  unendurable  that  to 
avoid  jumping  overboard  to  escape  from  her  feminine 
malignity  I  deserted  the  vessel  at  the  end  of  the  first 
voyage ;  wiser  in  the  knowledge  that  hell  hath  no  fury 
like  a  woman —  "  scooped  "  with  her  own  spoon. 


~^ 


'^^^^'J^i;^ 


y^w^ 


CHAPTEE    X. 


WAS  MIDSUMMER ;  and  I  was  once 
more  on  foot,  with  a  light  pocket,  in  the 
great  city  of  'New  York. 

I^ot  wishing  to  re-enter  society  imme- 
'diately,  and  hoping  to  escape  possible 
importunity  of  friends  whom  T  esteemed  too  highly 
to  willingly  disoblige,  I  confined  my  movements  to  a 
remote,  up-town  quarter,  where  I  shortly  began  to 
know  a  local  politician  whose  acquaintance  I  took 
pains  to  cultivate.  My  trip  to  Troy  had  afforded 
enough  experience  of  tramping  in  York-State  for  one 
season,  and  I  was  well  aware  that  earnest,  unbe- 
friended  effort  will  not  always,  everywhere,  win 
bread.  So  I  made  it  a  point  to  be  friendly  with 
Marshal  Conkling ;  and,  at  last,  when  the  pinch  came, 
I,  in  the  dust  under  the  bottom  spoke  of  fortune's 
wheel,  petitioned  him  to  assist  me  with  his  influence, 
to  become  a  common  laborer  on  the  public  works. 


220  A  PLUNGE   INTO  POLITICS. 

At  first  he  treated  the  application  as  a  jest ;  but 
when  I  convinced  him  that  there  was  no  humor  in 
my  mood,  he  procured  a  ticket  assigning  me  to  a 
gang  composed,  of  course,  of  poHtical  constituents 
who  sometimes  worked  a  httle  and  voted  a  good  deal ; 
drawing  each  week  more  wages  than  they  earned 
in  six.  This  system  of  industry  was  as  favorable  to 
me  as  it  was  to  others ;  and  I  was  not  sorry  to  be  ex- 
empt from  arduous  competition  with  the  brawny 
crew  —  though  as  an  American  of  Anglo-Saxon 
lineage,  in  full  blood,  and  a  fair  specimen,  I  never 
doubted  my  abihty  to  hold  my  own  with  any  of  them. 

Wliile  I  was  thus  patiently  investigating  the  lower 
strata  of  Gotham's  society  Marshal  Conkling  did 
not  lose  sight  of  me.  He  often  cheered  me  with 
a  friendly  word  and  other  dehcate  proofs  of  his  con- 
tinuing kindness;  and  he  one  day  showed  me  a 
sealed  letter  addressed  to  the  Chief  Engineer  of  the 
Department  of  Public  Koads,  which  he  said  was  from 
the  Deputy  Commissioner  of  public  works  and  would 
affect  my  fortunes  before  the  expiration  of  the  month. 

The  effect  was  my  prompt  appointment  to  the  po- 
sition of  night-watchman  on  the  road. 

In  this  I  had  to  please  two  superiors  ;  one,  a  man 
of  character  and  conduct  much  above  the  qual- 
ity usually  absorbed    l)y  such  occupations ;  and  an- 


UNNATUKAL  INSECTS.  221 

other,  a  wonderful  man,  one  Mr.  Dooley,  combining 
in  a  single  body  the  intelligent  firmness  of  the  mule, 
the  voluble  self-esteem  of  the  turkey-gobbler  and  the 
conspicuous  breeding  of  the  hog. 

This  I  found  out  during  a  brief  but  memorable 
experience  as  a  boarder  in  the  Dooley  homestead,  at 
Carmansville,  two  miles  and  a  half  from  the  scene  of 
my  nocturnal  vigilance  —  a  daily  walk  I  did  not  ob- 
ject to  so  much  as  I  might  have  done  had  it  not  con- 
tributed, every  pay-day,  to  the  satisfaction  of  a  man 
who  held  the  hammer  over  a  frail  link  of  my  des- 
tiny. 

In  the  bosom  of  his  interesting  family  I  did  not 
fare  so  sumptuously  as  did  certam  pests  of  poverty 
and  indolence  which  made  sumptuous  daily  fare  of 
me ;  in  unscrupulous  contempt  of  that  law  of  nature 
which  is  supposed  to  divide  the  twenty-four  hours 
fairly  between  God's  creatures,  into  alternate  seasons 
of  activity  and  rest.  But  fearing  the  consequences 
of  too  much  independence,  I  bore  my  sorrows  in  pa- 
tient secresy  as  long  as  flesh  and  blood  could  endure 
the  ordeal ;  and  then  I  recklessly  decamped,  leaving 
no  sign  —  except  the  following  lines,  enough  of  which, 
no  doubt,  was  intelligible  to  the  Dooleys,  posted  con- 
spicuously on  my  bedstead : 


222  THE  NIGHT-WATCHMAN  S  DREAAI. 

I. 

In  slumbers  of  daylight  the  night-watchman  lay, 
His  raiment  slung  loose  over  chairs  and  the  floor ; 

All  watch-worn  and  weary  his  cares  fled  away 
And  visions  £esthetical  waltzed  in  the  door. 

II. 

He  dreamed  of  the  style  he  last  season  put  on  — 

Of  the  people  he  met  in  a  "  tonier  "  ward  — 
Of  society  belles,  and  receptions  hon  ton  — 

And  of  treasures  artistic  that  hailed  from  abroad. 

III. 
Then  fancy  her  magical  lantern  slid  wide, 

And  bade  the  gay  dreamer  in  ecstacy  smile ; 
Now  far,  far  behind  him  the  Dooley  walls  glide. 

With  their  snares  of  "turned"  hash,  and  delusions  of  guile. 

IV. 
He  bends  o'er  moist  Ada  with  looks  of  delight, 

Slips  off  his  dress-coat  and  covers  her  o'er; 
And  a  prayer,  cold  but  thrilling,  goes  up  through  the  night : 

"  Great  God!  give  me  warmth,  for  just  ten  minutes  more!  " 

V. 

The  heart  of  the  dreamer  expands  in  his  vest; 

Through  the  arm  'round  the  maiden  warm  torrents  fast  flow; 
With  a  rapturous  squeeze  that  will  not  be  repressed. 

He  shortens  it,  shortens  it,  swimming,  whiles,  slow. 

VI. 
But  what  is  that  horror  that  shatters  the  charm? 

And  whence  the  hot  pang  that  convulses  his  frame? 
'Tis  the  prance  of  a  squadron  —  the  night  bug's  alarm! 

And  the  stab  of  their  bayonets,  fiercer  than  flame. 


AN  AWFUL  AWAKENING.  223 

VII. 
He  writhes  on  his  mattress;  he  kicks  off  the  spread; 

He  slaps  himself  wildly ;  he  reaches  for  gore ; 
Shoves  his  heel  through  his  night-garment;  stands  on  his  head; 

Turns  a  double  back-handspring,  and  lands  on  the  floor. 

VIII. 
Like  devils  the  mashed  anthropophagists  smell : 

In  vain  the  mad  vrretch  gropes  around  for  a  club ; 
They  "  come  on  "  in  battalions,  giving  him  —  well, 

He  rolls  down  the  stairway,  and  lands  in  a  tub. 

IX. 

Oh  night-watchman,  woe  to  thy  dreams  of  delight! 

In  soap-suds  their  joys  are  dissolving  in  smart  — 
Where  now  is  the  style  of  last  summer  so  bright? 

Or  that  grip  on  the  maiden  so  dear  to  thy  heart? 

X. 

Oh  night-watchman,  night-watchman,  never  again 
Will  the  Dooley  bugs  gallop  o'er  thee  to  the  fray  — 

Not  while  there  are  boarding  cribs,  private  but  plain. 
Where  the  eating  is  done,  less  free-lunch — more  for  pay. 

This  inspired  poem,  or  my  change  of  boarding- 
house,  moved  Mr.  Dooley  very  much.  He  first  bore 
down  on  me  with  my  dismissal,  for  gross  neglect  of 
duty  —  of  which  I  was  as  innocent  as  his  bugs  — ; 
and  finally,  after  a  brief  but  spirited  conversation, 
came  at  me  brandishing  a  piece  of  timber  that  Hur- 
cules  might  have  called  a  walMng  cane. 

For  a  moment  it  seemed  to  the  interested  specta- 
tors that  I  was  about  to  be  pounded  to  a  blood-pud- 


224  A  POLITICAL  CLUB. 

ding;  but  that  was  a  biased  view  of  the  situation 
natural  to  rude  minds  habituated  to  awe  of  a  man 
hke  Mr.  Dooley.  As  the  careful  critic  may  remem- 
ber, m  early  youth  I  had  acquired  a  habit  of  quick 
precision  in  the  use  of  primitive  weapons  of  range ; 
and  before  the  ferocious  giant  could  make  a  gory 
example  of  me  he  reeled,  like  Goliath,  with  a  small 
stone  pushing  against  his  forehead .  And ,  like  David , 
I  picked  up  the  weapon  of  the  fallen  adversary; 
not,  however,  to  pound  off  his  head,  but  merely  to 
preserve  it  as  a  partial  restraint  on  the  perjury  I 
expected  to  pursue  me  into  the  police-court.  And 
it  was  fortunate  that  I  did  so ;  for  I  was,  of  course,  ar- 
rested and  incarcerated  for  trial ;  and,  even  with  that 
bludgeon  in  evidence,  I  barely  escaped  the  ^'  Black 
Maria,"  — so  clearly  was  it  proved  that  I  was  an  un- 
trustworthy, quarrelsome,  and  dangerous  citizen. 

As  winter  was  coming  on  apace,  to  secure  winter- 
quarters  that  I  saw  no  better  way  of  engagmg,  I 
contracted  to  drive  a  milk- wagon  very  cheaply  until 
the  vernal  equinox.  The  occupation  supplied  me 
with  much  knowledge  relative  to  the  lower  temper- 
atures of  Gotham's  air  and  water;  and  at  first  per- 
plexed me  no  little,  to  secure  a  **  route  "  whereon  I 
would  not  meet  in  front  of  aristocratic  mansions  at 
early  morn  vivacious  damsels  who  a  short  year  pre- 


PEOWLING  FOE  THE  PKESS.  225 

viouslj  had  been  wont  to  smilingly  admit  me  in  the 
dewy  eve. 

In  March  I  resigned  the  ribbons  and  purchased  a 
strong,  comfortable  pair  of  shoes. 

Before  it  became  necessary  to  pawn  that  investment 
I  was  so  fortunate,  or  unfortunate,  as  to  talk  myself 
into  the  Press-gang,  as  the  Paul  Pry  of  the  ' '  Har- 
lem Reporter."  And  of  all  the  disreputable  tramp- 
ing I  have  ever  done,  that  of  my  dreary  rounds  as  a 
reporter  is  silhouetted  on  memory,  the  least  diver- 
sified with  joyous  or  even  satisfactory  experiences. 
But  I  was  diligent,  and  turned  my  local  and  political 
insight  to  such  account  that  the  reading  public  did 
not  protest ;  and  this  success,  albeit  negative,  led  duly 
to  my  promotion  to  the  staff,  as  local- editor ;  a  posi- 
tion the  dignity  and  emolument  of  which  might  have 
chained  me  to  the  mud-sills  of  the  literary  profession 
for  life  had  not  that  pride  which  runneth  before  a  fall 
tempted  me  to  begin  the  new  year  as  co-editor  and 
joint-proprietor  of  a  weekly  organ  of  much  vivacity, 
known  for  a  season  as  the  "  Saturday  ]^few- Yorker." 
Limited  experience  on  my  part,  and  unlimited  intem- 
perance on  the  part  of  an  experienced  journalist,  my 
partner  in  the  enterprise,  proved  an  equipment  too 
embarrassing  to  be  borne  far  among  the  dragons 
that    have    devoured    such    hetacombs    of    hopes. 


226  ALMOST  AN  EDITOR. 

Debt  soon  raised  its  baleful  head  and  began  to  wind 
its  crushing  coil  around  its  struggling  quarry ;  and, 
before  I  learned  how  to  "  run  a  newspaper,"  alone, 
haying  swallowed  bodily  a  young  but  lively  specimen, 
was  bellowing  lustily  for  more.  Shuddering  with  dis- 
gust over  the  prostrate  carcass  of  my  drunken  part- 
ner I  told  the  compositors  to  drop  their  sticks  and  call 
for  their  wages  in  two  or  three  days.  And  then  I 
sat  down  alone  to  painful  figures. 

Anxiety  to  protect  the  weakest  and  the  shame  of 
owing  debts  I  could  not  pay,  or  some  other,  unknown 
cause,  brought  on  a  serious  illness  in  which  it  would 
have  fared  evil  with  me  if  Providence,  by  the  hand  of 
Dr.  Robert  Taylor,  had  not  succored  me  in  my  hour 
of  sore  and  helpless  need.  That  open-hearted  gen- 
tleman treated  me  skilfully  and  like  a  father,  provid- 
ing for  me  until  I  was  up  and  able  to  provide  for 
myself.     May  his  age  be  old  and  green  ! 

In  the  hours  of  convalesence  I  balanced  my  incli- 
nations at  leisure,  and  found  they  oscillated  persist- 
ently toward  the  wide  and  hospitable  West. 

To  get  there  was  the  problem. 

But  as  soon  as  I  was  able,  and  before  I  was  really 
fit  for  work,  I  solved  its  first  equation  by  shipping  as 
pantryman  on  the  steamship  Cortez^  then  loading  for 
ISTew  Orleans. 


A  CYCLONE  AT   SEA.  227 

The  voyage,  a  novelty  to  me,  was  relieved  of  op- 
pressive tedium  by  a  cyclone  that  caught  us  off  the 
keys  of  Florida  when  we  had  been  six  days  at  sea. 
For  about  an  hour,  that  lasted  like  a  century,  the  hiss- 
ing hurricane,  and  whistling  cordage,  and  cracking 
timbers  made  our  case  seem  so  serious  that  ancient 
mariners  silently  knotted  loose-end  lashings  around 
spare  spars. 

Intent  on  living  my  time  out,  I  mustered  my  little 
store  of  slowly  returning  strength  and  dressed  care- 
fully for  a  protracted  swim.  I  put  on  my  lightest 
underclotliing  and  a  life  preserver,  which,  under  the 
circumstances,  were  sufficient  clothing  for  that  latitude 
in  September.  I  then  filled  a  stout  canvas  bag  with 
a  dozen  cans  containing  oysters  and  concentrated 
soup  •  then,  having  wound  two  fathoms  of  lead- line 
around  my  loins  and  in  this  as  a  belt  thrust  a  small 
sharp  hatchet,  I  took  my  stand  in  the  grisly  night 
on  the  laboring  deck.  The  groaning  ship  lay  shud- 
dering, upon  a  sea  that  writhed  and  impotently  strug- 
gled to  rise  under  the  spurning  feet  of  the  tempest, 
like  a  prone,  quaking  insect  waiting  to  be  trodden 
under :  and  I  stood  beside  the  mizzen-mast,  embrac- 
ing the  boom  with  my  left  arm. 

My  plan  was  to  cut  away  the  fastenings  of  the 
boom,  lash  the  bag  to  it  with  the  lead- line,  and  then 


228 


CHANGEABLE   WEATHER. 


stay  with  that  spar  as  long  as  my  half -strength 
and  the  solid  and  fluid  sustenance  in  the  bag,  by  the 
grace  of  heaven,  permitted. 

But  just  as  I  was  debating  whether  the  moment  was 
'not  at  hand  to  chop,  a  terrific 
burst  of  thunder  split  the  can- 
opy of  night,  and  closely 
following  volleys  of  the  ar- 
tillery of   heaven  quickly  broke 
the  back  of   the  tornado. 
And  then,  as  if  by  mao-ic,  a 
^''^^W^Akx^^^  mighty    change    came    suddenly 
i'iP  "^^^-^  '-"S  ^^y^      over  the  aspect  of  the  deck. 
iii^msL  ->\    y^-^:>^     Where    all  had   so   lately 

'"  *^  "  .^  ,  ,. 

ness,  and 


terror  si- 
lenced by 
an  awful 
voicing  of 
the  e  le- 
mental 
contest, 
s  e  amen 
and  pas- 
sen  efcrs 


THE   FEROCIOUS    REPTILE. 


AN  ILLUSION   OF  YOUTH.  229 

stood  about  on  the  level  deck  in  groups,  under  the  glit- 
terhig  stars,  admiring  the  short,  seething  swell  and 
smilingly  interrogating  one  another,  to  identify  the 
excitable  man  who  was  afraid  ! 

On  the  trip  up  the  Mississippi  I  began  betimes  to 
look  out  with  the  eye  of  faith  for  the  ferocious  rep- 
tile I  had  learned  in  early  life,  from  entertaining  books 
of  travel  and  instruction,  to  associate  with  southern 
waters  and  inverted  Africans. 

At  first  I  could  not  see  him.  But  after  we  passed 
from  the  marshy  region  to  the  "  lower  coast ' '  and  I 
had  learned  to  recognize  his  unobtrusive  profile,  I  was 
indignantly  amazed  to  see  along  the  shores  groups  of 
Africans  of  all  shades  and  sizes,  observing  our 
progress  with  a  sort  of  indolent,  mirthful  interest, 
while  almost  under  their  feet  lay  rapacious  saurians 
of  the  largest  and  most  dangerous  description.  Thus 
in  a  day  was  dissipated  another  of  the  illusions  of 
unsuspicious  youth. 

If  there  is  a  hot- house  in  Hades,  I  trust  his  fervent 
Majesty  is  reserving  a  warm  corner  of  it  for  those 
unscrupulous  authors  and  artists  who  perfidiously  be- 
tray the  innocent  trust  of  childhood.  And  from  this 
category  I  can  not  consistently  exclude  the  whitened 
sepulchres  who  libel  nature  and  paint  her  sublime  face 
falsely  in  mendacious  Sunday-school  literature. 


230  A  NOONDAY  EESOET. 

Arrived  at  the  Crescent  City,  I  committed  the  florid 
indiscretion  of  not  departing-  from  it  by  the  shortest, 
quickest  route. 

And  after  consummating  that  blooming  imbecihty 
I  fell  into  the  radiant,  apoplectic  idiocy  of  wearing 
the  bottoms  of  my  shoes  off  in  a  haughty  quest  of 
genteel  tliird  or  fourth  class  employment  —  instead  of 
husbanding  my  pride  and  returning  vigor  m  a  gentle 
wrestle  with  the  first  light  job  I  could  lay  my  hands 
on.  A  few  months  earlier  it  could  not  so  have  hap- 
pened ;  but  my  debility,  or  recent  editorial  experience, 
had  temporarily  impaired  my  intellect. 

Hunger  ought  to  have  refreshed  my  reason ;  but  it 
didn't:  for  when  it  came,  after  it  had  engulfed  my 
last  picayune,  instead  of  hieing  to  the  wharf  and  there 
feebly  tackling  a  cotton-bale,  I  went  (I  blush  to  re- 
member it)  to  a  noonday  prayer-meeting. 

And  now  it  is  proper,  and  also  polite,  to  notify  all 
interested  that  the  small  remainder  of  this  short  chap- 
ter is  dedicated  to  the  greatest  good  of  the  largest 
number,  without  regard  to  sect  or  prejudice ;  and  will 
not,  therefore,  offend  any  one  who  politely  heeds  the 
courteous  warning  and  does  not  read  it. 

I  had  often  heard  of  "  The  Young  Men's  Chris- 
tian Association,"  and  seen,  sometimes  in  my  urban 
rambles,  chaste  signs  of  that  eminently  virtuous  col- 


THE   INNOCENCY   OF  YOUTH.  231 

lection  of  alleged  immature  specimens  of  the  mascu- 
line gender.  And  in  a  cloudy  way  the  inference  had 
floated  in  my  mind  that  it  was  composed  of  youthful 
men  who  employed  a  large  fund  in  the  special  duty 
of  contmuing  the  work  of  a  Master  whose  most  pow- 
erful preaching  and  practice  reiterate,  to  enjoin : 
"Do  good  to  them  that  do  evil  unto  you  —  If  any 
man  take  away  thy  coat,  let  him  have  thy  cloak, 
also  —  Peed  the  hungry  —  Clothe  the  naked  —  Give 
to  him  that  asketh ;  and  from  him  that  would  borrow 
of  thee,  turn  not  thou  away."  And  an  abundance 
more  of  positive  precept  and  example  full  of  the  same 
cathohc  spirit,  and  overflowing  with  similar  manda- 
tory and  unmistakable  import,  that  God  does  not  make 
men  in  his  own  image  too  base  or  vile  to  be  legiti- 
mate objects  of  zealous  anxiety  to  all  who  love  and 
honor  Jesus. 

In  apology  for  a  simplicity  so  ref resiling  I  can  only 
urge  that  I  was  not  at  that  time  as  well  posted  in  the 
intricacies  of  practical  theology  as  I  have  since  be- 
come. Hence  I  strayed  into  that  prayer-meeting, 
lured  by  a  neatly  printed  and  pressing  invitation  to 
all  men,  and  especially  to  strangers  in  the  city,  to 
walk  right  up  ;  because,  in  the  innocency  of  youth,  or 
the  credulity  of  my  temporary  mental  abberration,  I 
supposed  that  the  young  disciples  congregated  up 


232  AGED  JUVENILITY. 

stairs,  who  could  not  fail  to  see  that  I  was  sick  and 
needy,  distressed  by  hunger  and  sufficiently  naked, 
might,  at  least,  delight  their  Kedeemer  by  giving  my 
famished  stomach  one  good  fill  and  shake- down. 

As  I  entered,  the  spirit  I  anticipated  seemed  to 
move  those  excellent  yoiuig  men ;  for  one,  whose 
bald  spot  mdexed  mature  juvenility,  grasped  my  hand 
and  drew  me  into  a  seat ;  and  another  old  headed 
nursling  rushed  over  and  asked  me  whether  I  loved 
the  Saviour ;  followed  by  a  ripe  young  man  of  uncer- 
tain age,  who  inquired  particularly  after  my  stony 
heart ;  wliile  a  fourth,  who  greatly  to  my  reassurance 
seemed  rather  under  middle  age,  presented  me  with  a 
pamphlet  entitled,  "Milk  For  Babes;"  just  as  an 
unquestionably  young,  slim  saintlet,  in  kid  gloves  and 
golden  spectacles,  volunteered  to  pray  for  me. 

They  were  all  so  Idnd,  and  anxiously  sympathetic 
with  my  obvious  unhealthiness  and  visible  distress, 
that  when  the  near-sighted  young  man  implored  the 
Lord  not  to  let  me  die  in  my  sins  and  added  a  few 
personal  remarks  associating  me  with  the  tliief  on  the 
cross,  I  weakened,  and  laying  my  two  hands  on  the  pit 
of  my  stomach,  groaned  aloud. 

At  this  outburst  of  inward  agony  the  petitioner  re- 
doubled his  earnest  eloquence  ;  and  as  he  prayed  hot 
tears,  or  drops  of  some  sort,  rolled  down  his  cheeks ; 


A  PIOUS  MiSTAio:  233 

while  two  of  his  youthful  brethren  hastened  to  my 
assistance  and  comforted  and  strengthened  me,  by 
telhng"  me  that  if  I  died  in  my  existing  condition 
I  would  certainly  be  damned,  and  warning  me  to  flee 
in  terror  from  the  wrath  to  come. 

And  there  is  where  they  made  a  mistake  —  resorting 
to  language  that  sounded  profane  and  threatening ; 
for  if  I  was  hungry,  and  for  the  time  being  a  little 
' '  off  ' '  in  intellect,  I  was  familiar  with  profanity ;  and 
had  demonstrated,  when  but  a  tender  stripling,  at  the 
cannon's  mouth,  that  I  was  game. 

The  very  idea  of  any  one  but  women  and  children 
being  frightened  into  heaven  made  me  feel  quite  in- 
dignant and  worldly  minded ;  so  much  so  that  wliile 
the  young  man  with  the  obstructed  vision  saw  his 
whole  duty  as  a  Christian  dude  in  appealmg  feelingly 
to  Jesus  to  bmd  up  the  broken  hearted,  and  temper 
the  wind  to  the  shorn  lamb,  I  wickedly  took  a  men- 
tal inventory  of  all  that  exuberant  piety,  and  thought, 
like  a  flash,  of  a  wayside  confidence  of  Sorrowful 
Sam.  Sam,  so  he  then  confided  to  me,  had  once 
been  an  exemplary  ornament  to  the  Methodist  con- 
gregation ;  but  since  he  took  to  tramping,  he  inimit- 
ably admitted,  he  had  not  industriously  attended  to 
the  interests  of  his  immortal  soul.  His  mortal  stom- 
ach, he  solemnly  explained,  presented  such  pressing 


234  A  TRAMP'S  VIEW  OF  IT. 

claims  on  all  his  leisure  that  there  was  no  alternative 
but  to  let  his  immortal  soul  stand  back  and  wait. 
Yet,  he  earnestly  protested,  he  had  not  back-shded, 
or  ceased  to  think  often  and  yearningly  of  the  life 
and  example  of  the  wise  founder  of  Christianity,  who, 
like  the  lily,  did  not  toil  or  spin,  or  follow  the  car- 
penter's trade  any  great  length  of  time;  but  just 
rambled  about  with  his  itinerant  disciples,  without  any 
regular  where  to  lay  his  head  —  making  the  wayside 
pleasant  with  delightful  conversation,  and  the  halts 
pleasanter  with  miracles  of  wine  and  loaves  and  fishes. 

''  By  Jucks  !  Mr.  Wagtail,"  he  concluded,  ''  if  he 
had  only  waited  a  couple  of  thousand  years,  nary  con- 
stable's posse  would  ever  have  got  within  ten  miles 
of  him  ;  for  every  dog-gone  tramp  out  of  jail  would 
have  forsaken  all  and  followed  him,  till  Gehenna 
froze  over." 

While  wickedly  digressing  in  the  wake  of  this  rem- 
iniscence I  did  not  decline  any  of  the  well  meant  at- 
tentions the  devout  young  males  were  lavishing  on 
me.  On  the  contrary,  as  prayer  alternated  with  ex- 
hortation some  of  the  phraseology  employed,  such  as 
casual  allusions  to  the  bread  of  life  and  elegant  rai- 
ment and  regular  supper  and  expensive  side-walks  of 
the  New  Jerusalem,  made  my  mouth  water.  For  the 
first  time  I  duly  realized  how  profoundly  the  men 


A  POWEKFUL  PKAYEE.  235 

who  compiled  the  common  vocabulary  of  worship 
were  versed  in  the.  sublime  cravings  of  the  human 
heart. 

At  length  it  seemed  time  to  one  of  them  to  ask  me 
how  I  felt,  then;  and  when  I  said,  '' Pretty  bad," 
he  inquired  whether  I  thought  I  would  feel  any  better 
if  I  was  to  pray. 

I  said  I  thought  I  would. 

Then  they  all  knelt  together,  for  the  first  time,  to 
augment  the  weight  of  my  petition,  I  supposed ;  and 
I  stood  up  and  poured  out  my  inward  agony  in 
prayer. 

I  regret  my  inabiHty  to  report  that  prayer  in  detail. 
It  went  up  from  the  bottom  of  my  heart,  or  some 
deep  organ  in  the  same  vicinity ;  but  the  only  notes 
preserved  of  it  are  those  of  the  recording  angel.  I 
still,  however,  retain  a  vivid  recollection  of  its  gen- 
eral plan.  It  began  in  earnest  by  informing  the  Lord 
that  I  was  a  miserable,  starving  sinner,  adrift  in  a 
strange  city,  without  a  cent  to  my  name,  or  a  hole, 
or  a  nest,  or  even  a  corn-row,  in  which  to  lay  my 
head.  And,  in  view  of  these  pressing  circumstances 
I  begged  him,  for  Christ's  sake,  to  send  a  fast  and 
rehable  angel  with  a  whole  pan  full  of  the  livest  sort 
of  coals,  unto  some  sinful  Dives  or  excellent  Samar- 
itan, to  melt  his  granite  imitation  of  a  heart  —  until 


236  FEOZEN  PIETY. 

he  saw  the  pomt  and  hastened  to  feed  one  of  God's 
stray  black  lambs. 

In  another  inspired  moment  I  dwelt  thrillingly  upon 
the  sacred  passage  beginning,  ' '  Inasmuch  as  ye  did 
it  not  unto  one  of  the  least  of  these,"  and  wliich  ends 
in  graphic  allusion  to  outer  darkness.  I  also  enlarged 
impressively  on  the  final  destiny  of  the  sorrowfully 
departing  good  young  man,  who,  unfortunately  for 
the  poor,  had  great  possessions.  In  short,  I  had 
been  a  sprightly  Sabbath-scholar  at  a  period  of  life 
when  impressions  are  deep  and  lastmg,  and  I  followed 
a  retentive  memory,  praying  as  I  went,  exhaustively. 

When  I  opened  my  eyes  to  sit  down  I  at  once  saw 
that  I  had  powerfully  impressed  that  prayer-meeting. 
It  was  a  warm  September  day ;  and  when  I  began, 
the  atmosphere  of  the  hall  was  sultry ;  but  when  I 
said  amen,  it  was  pervaded  with  a  crisp  and  bracing 
coolness.  Perceiving  that  no  young  man  present 
seemed  in  a  frame  of  mind  to  point  out  that  the  prac- 
tical prayer  of  the  needy  tramp  left  that  meeting  no 
alternative  save  to  crucify  their  Lord  afresh,  or  else 
take  up  an  immediate  collection,  in  a  flattering  si- 
lence I  silently  withdrew.  And  as  I  descended  to  the 
street  I  reflected  that  although  I  had  tramped  over  a 
good  bit  of  American  territory  I  had  never,  in  the 
country,  either  got  so  close  to  starvation  as  I  then 


AE   AETIFICIAL  ELOWEE.  237 

was,  or  seen  anytliing  resembling  a  *'  Y.  M.  C  A." 
And  then  I  marveled,  wondering  if  the  well  known 
fact  that  God,  Avho  made  the  country,  never  made  a 
city  in  his  life,  had  anything  to  do  with  it. 

Although  seemingly  seed  cast  upon  stony  ground, 
my  prayer  was  not  wasted ;  for  it  softened  my  stub- 
born heart,  melting  all  its  pride  into  humility,  and 
opened  my  eyes  so  that  I  once  more  saw  things  quite 
clearly. 

As  the  scales  dropped  off  I  hastened  to  a  ship  that 
was  receiving  cargo,  and  manipulated  bales,  boxes 
and  barrels  to  such  effect  that  within  two  hours  I 
had  earned  enough  to  satisfy  my  hunger. 

By  III  p.  M.  on  the  ensuing  day  I  was  entitled  to 
the  substantial  sum  of  two  dollars  and  seventy-five 
cents ;  and  as  a  prudent  man  can  subsist,  in  a  pinch, 
on  that  amount,  for  three  or  four  weeks,  in  September, 
I  called  for  a  settlement  and  repaired  on  board  the 
steamer  Bismarh ;  where  I  sought  the  chief  mate  and 
told  him  that  I  was  a  river  man,  used  to  cabin  work, 
but,  as  my  clothes  were  rather  _passe'  for  that,  I  would 
like  to  work  my  passage  to  St.  Louis  in  any  capacity. 

He  said  the  first  bell  had  rung  and  he  was  very 
busy  stowing  the  late  freight,  but  if  I  would  wait  a 
while  he  would  listen  to  me. 


238  AN   UNCONVERTED   SINNER. 

While  waiting  I  got  out  my  portfolio  and  made  a 
fast  sketch  of  a  bit  of  the  shore,  including  more  care- 
fully worked  portraits  of  the  mate  and  master.  .  Pres- 
ently that  pair,  passing  me  in  coming  on  board, 
noticed  my  occupation  and  looked  over  my  shoulder. 

''  What  boats  have  you  run  on?  "  asked  the  mate. 

I  named  half  a  dozen. 

Then  the  subordinate  officer  explained  my  applica- 
tion to  his  senior. 

"  Pass  him,  free,  on  deck,"  said  that  unconverted 
sinner  authoritatively,  without  betraying  any  curiosity 
as  to  the  solidity  or  softness  of  my  heart,  or  the 
chances  I  was  taking  on  my  own  salvation. 

After  the  boat  backed  out  I  gave  my  study  to  the 
mate ;  and  at  once  began  a  half -life  vignette  of  the 
commander.  At  dark  I  laid  it  by  reluctantly,  and  at 
sunrise  resumed  my  labor  on  it.  I  threw  my  whole 
soul  into  the  effort,  as  fervently  as  I  had  done  in  that 
of  the  prayer-meeting,  taking  no  note  of  any  tiling 
afloat  or  on  shore  except  my«  task  and  the  original 
it  represented.  And  as  the  work  grew  under  my 
grateful  hand  I  was  astonished  at  the  hkeness,  for 
although  I  had  not  attempted  a  ffiiished  portrait  with- 
in two  years,  and  was  somewhat  out  of  practice,  I 
never  had  succeeded  half  so  well  before. 


TEUMPING  THE  ACE.  239 

By  noon  of  the  first  meridian  under  weigh  it  was 
complete ;  and  the  mate,  who  had  attentively  followed 
its  development,  hastened  with  it  np  stairs. 

In  a  few  minutes  he  came  down  empty  handed, 
saying-  the  '^  old  man  "  wanted  me,  at  the  office. 

Ascending,  I  found  my  work  in  the  hands  of  a 
group  of  not  over  exacting  critics. 

^'I  want  this  for  my  desk,"  said  the  chief  clerk, 
addressing  me  as  I  paused  near ;  ' '  what  will  you  take 
for  it?" 

I  proudly  answered  that  it  was  not  for  sale,  for  the 
reason  that  I  had  executed  it,  as  well  as  I  knew  how, 
to  present  it  to  the  captain  as  the  only  acknowledg- 
ment in  my  power  to  make,  of  his  kindness  to  me  on 
the  previous  day. 

^^  Give  him  a  key,"  said  the  smiling  sinner  to  his 
clerk;  then,  turning  to  me,  "  Young  man,  you  have 
trumped  my  lead,  hut  I'll  be  damned  if  it  isn't  my 
turn  now  !  Bring  up  your  traps,  and  eat  at  the  first 
table." 


CHAPTER     XL 


uiTE  aware 
h  ow  to 
make  mj 
single  pair 
o  f  dollars 
do  me  most 

good  in  St.  Louis,  I  walked  from  the  BismarJc  to  the 
vicinity  of  Sixth  and  Olive  Streets,  and  there  fully 
explained  myself  to  the  host  of  an  inexpensive  host- 
lery  kept  on  the  European  plan,  with  such  address 
that  I  secured  a  room  upon  the  noble  basis  of  sym- 
pathy and  confidence  between  man  and  man. 

I  then  went  forth  in  quest  of  experience ;  and  was 
soon  challenged  by  the  legend,  ''Agents  for  a  News- 
paper Wanted,  Upstairs." 

Being,  to  some  extent,  an  experienced  journalist, 
I  walked  up,  and  learned  that  the  want  was  fejt  by  a 


242  DEOPPING  IN   "TO   SEE  A  MAN," 

modest,  weekly  organ,  so  weakly  that  I  without  much 
effort  enrolled  myself,  at  my  own  risk,  as  its  forlorn 
hope.  I  then,  according  to  confirmed  habit,  entered 
upon  a  new  calling  with  hopeful  energy. 

But  by  the  time  I  had  changed  the  last  fragment 
of  my  'New  Orleans  earnings  I  found  the  canvass  so 
heavy  that  I  began  to  despair  of  carrying  it  forward 
to  any  great  extent.  Just  then,  however,  it  led  to 
one  result  worth  recording. 

One  day,  while  eagerly  waiting  on  the  success  or 
failure  of  an  eloquent  effort  to  secure  an  advertise- 
ment of  a  second-class  saloon,  and  wishing  I  could  get 
$10  ahead  of  my  enormous  appetite,  so  that  I  might 
without  shame  call  on  my  friend,  the  Inventor,  I 
pensively  took  up  a  bit  of  chalk  that  lay  invitingly 
near  my  hand  on  the  round  table  before  me,  and 
sketched  upon  the  smooth  walnut  a  rude  portrait  of 
the  man  whose  ultimatum  I  was  insiduously  coaxing*. 

The  likeness  soon  excited  the  admiration  of  the 
compounder  of  cheap  beverages  ;  and  when  it  began 
to  come  out  strong  he  anxiously  inquired  whether  I 
could  do  that  well  on  glass,  in  soap. 

I  did  not  know  whether  I  could  or  not ;  but  aware 
that  one  of  the  wisest  uses  of  language  is  conceal- 
ment of  human  ignorance,  I  discoursed  fluently  upon 
the  saponaceous  evolution  of  art  on  glass,  —  which 


A  SUCCESS  IN  SOAP.  243 

I  suddenly  remembered  was  just  then  agitating  the 
society  in  which  my  eager  hstener  moved  —  ;  and  by 
way  of  peroration  insinuated  that  I  might  astonish 
him  if  he  would  bring  me  a  small  bar  of  soap. 

While  he  was  procuring  the  dainty  pencil  I  hur- 
riedly chose  a  subject ;  and  in  a  space  of  time  wliich 
he  pronounced  wonderful  for  brevity  I  affixed  the 
final  flom'ishes  to  a  facetious  Bacchus  who  tickled 
with  one  of  two  julep-straws  a  somnolent  Silenus, 
beside  the  legendary  wine- skin,  which  I  modernized 
into  a  portly  cask. 

My  pleased  patron  at  once  paid  for  a  displayed 
''  ad ;"  and  within  a  few  days,  after  a  transient  cus- 
tomer unveiled  to  him  the  classic  spirit  of  the  decora- 
tion, the  delighted  dram-seller  bestowed  a  friendship 
on  me  which  soon  blessed  me  with  an  order  for  four 
portraits,  from  a  friend  of  his,  known  as  Smith  the 
pawn-broker —  a  matter  of  great  moment  to  me ;  not 
only  because  it  enabled  me  to  eat  a  few  hearty  meals, 
once  more;  and  again  enjoy  communion  with  my 
droll  philospher  and  friend,  the  Inventor;  but  also 
because  it  was  the  first  adventure  wherein  I,  in  the 
regular,  professional  manner,  yoked  art  and  emolu- 
ment to  the  triumphal  chariot  of  existence. 

After  booking  this  unprecedented  commission  I 
forthwith,  once  more,  abandoned  the  bohemian  alley 


2M  HAPPY  HOURS. 

of  journalism,  to  ramble  iii  a  more  agreeable  thor- 
oughfare of  that  catholic  order.  And  for  a  few 
weeks  I  managed  to  live  like  a  poor  prince,  on  the 
small  margin  between  cheap  art  and  its  necessities. 
Happy  hours  —  how  I  envy  myself  their  possession  ! 

But  one  October  morning  I  woke  with  the  present- 
iment that  I  was  approaching  another  crisis  in  my 
life.  I  was  without  dues  to  collect,  or  labor  to  per- 
form ;  and  the  emptiness  of  my  purse  was  fast  yield- 
ing the  palm  of  vacuity  to  the  void  in  my  stomach. 

After  vainly  tramping  over  the  busiest  portion  of 
the  city,  sohciting  patronage,  I  moped  down  to  the 
levee,  on  the  chance  of  seeing  some  river  acquaint- 
ance who  might  invite  me  to  a  steamboat  dinner. 
But  no  such  luck  was  there  for  me ;  and  after  visiting 
every  boat  I  returned  sadly  to  Fourth  Street,  and 
was  deploring  the  alternative  of  getting  again  in  debt 
to  Wardwood,  when  I  saw  a  gentleman  I  knew,  who 
was  then  the  keeper  of  the  Everett  House.  He  was 
a  man  of  feeling,  kind  enough  to  manifest  friendly 
concern  and  hospitality  when  I  frankly  confessed  my 
strait  and  invited  myself  to  diue  with  him.  ^o  doubt 
he  quickly  forgot  the  little  amenity ;  but  memory  will 
be  feeble  and  recreant  to  a  grateful  heart  when  I  for- 
get how  that  feast  made  the  whole  world  seem  sud- 
denly improved  and  beautified.     It  seemed  too  good 


STEANGER  THAN   FICTION.  245 

a  world,  as  I  stepped  forth,  caressing-  with  sated  lips 
my  friend's  hospitable  cigar,  to  be  made  by  me  the 
theater  of  imposition  on  mine  host  of  the  other 
House ;  so  I  began  to  commune  with  all  sorts  of 
oblong  trips  announcing  furnished  rooms  for  rent. 

Late  that  afternoon  I  came  down  out  of  a  large 
public  building,  three  steps  at  a  time,  immensely 
elated. 

There  was  reason ;  for  I  had  just  engaged  an  ele- 
gant, luxuriously  furnished  apartment  for  two  months, 
and  (I  almost  fear  the  amazing  truth  will  savor  of 
fiction)  paid  the  rent  in  a  contract  to  execute  my  first 
fifty  dollar  portrait. 

That  the  veracity  of  these  chronicles  may  be  as 
the  reputation  of  Mrs.  Julius  Caesar  ought  to  have 
been,  I  will  explain  a  fact  too  natural  to  deserve  sus- 
picion. The  author  of  my  elation,  a  quiet  young  man 
of  ready  action,  had  recently  abandoned  a  large  and 
profitable  business,  upon  the  novel  theory  that  money- 
getting,  for  the  sordid  sake  of  accumulation,  is  vexa- 
tion and  vanity,  inasmuch  as  the  only  good  dollars 
mortals  handle  are  those  got  honestly  and  rationally 
spent.  Firmly  persuaded  that  they  are  but  gaudy 
monomaniacs  who  grub  for  more  lucre  after  they 
have  got  enough,  this  phenomenal  man  relinquished 


246  A   MAN  WE   FAILED   TO   KILL. 

PROFITS,  in  order  to  act  wisely,  and  especially  to  com- 
mand more  time  for  the  indulgence  of  literary  and 
philosophic  habits.  And,  of  com^se,  it  was  common- 
place in  such  a  man,  to  install  a  needy  votary  of  art  in 
voluptuous  state,  and  find  full  compensation  in  giving 
the  needy  one  his  first  royal  commission. 

I  need  not  labor  to  unveil  an  air  of  truth  in  the 
statement  that  I  wrought  out  that  portrait  for  poster- 
ity, with  all  the  crude  sldll  then  at  my  command. 

Wlien  I  had  ascertained  that  he  was  one  of  the  too 
few  survivors  of  that  little  company  of  renowned, 
albeit,  perhaps,  misguided  heroes  whom  I  had  enjoyed 
the  privilege  of  trying  to  slay  in  war,  I  often,  won- 
dering, asked  myself,  how  many,  in  that  lamentable 
slaughter,  slew  the  men  who  would  else  have  proved 
their  friends  in  need. 

I  had  not  been  long  settled  in  my  elegant  studio 
when  that  son  of  Genius,  the  Inventor,  came  in  contact 
with  my  one  regular  sitter.  The  inevitable  collision 
was  made  effective  by  two  fortuitous  circumstances. 
The  latter  had  just  published  a  magazine  essay  on 
aerostatics,  entitled  '^  Man  Volant.^''  The  former 
had  spent  five  years  of  his  ingenious  life  in  experi- 
menting with  flying- machinery ;  and  expressed 
amazement  at  the  facility  with  wliich  the  essayist,  by 


TWO  PHILOSOPHIC  MINDS.  247 

purely  logical  processes,  reached  results  identically 
those  arrived  at  m  patient  and  unremunerative  experi- 
ment. 

Their  first  interview  my  guests  devoted  to  the  task 
of  becoming  acquainted  with  each  other,  after  the 
manner  of  prudent  men  whose  thoughts  are  given  to 
deviation  from  beaten  paths. 

On  subsequent  occasions  they  contributed  largely 
to  my  education  by  dissecting  in  my  presence  such 
subjects  as  naturally  invite  the  attention  of  philo- 
sophic minds.  And  although  often  lost,  I  was  never 
weary  of  following  them  in  their  intellectual  excur- 
sions, for  there  was  always  a  pleasing  absence  of  con- 
ventional formula  and  a  sparkling  play  and  friction 
of  originality  in  their  discourse,  that  was  ever  fresh 
and  edifying  to  me.  And  toward  the  close  of  each 
sitting,  by  way  of  contrast,  as  ye  olden  farce  whilom 
relieved  ye  antient  tragedy,  or  as  the  greatest  Mas- 
ters were  wont  to  balance  with  a  splash  of  paint  the 
chromatic  anomaly  of  their  great  compositions,  my 
visitors  invariably  sei-ved  up  reminiscences  of  personal 
experience  that  would  have  spread  a  smile  all  over  a 
graven  image  of  my  saturnine  friend.  Sorrowful  Sam. 
Both  being  men  of  fecund  imagination,  this  tourna- 
ment of  invention  in  the  masquerade  of  biography 
progressed  competitively,  night  after  night,  along  a 


248 


THIRSTING  FOR  BLOOD. 


verge  of  startling  absurdity  that  regularly  fascinated 
me ;  the  more  engagingly  as  it  was  obvious  that 
each  accepted  the  sayings  of  the  other  as  gospel 
truths  or  else  both  were  too  well  bred  to  betray  by 
any  outward  manifestations  the  existence  of  a  con- 
trary suspicion.  Many  a  night,  after  they  had  left 
me  to  my  own  reflections,  did  I  collapse  and  pass  the 
midnight  hour  in  quiet  fits  of  laughter. 

But  by  day  I  was  not  just  then  excessively  liilari- 
ous ;  for  on  completion  of  my  fifty-dollar  con- 
tract I  found    twenty-five  and  even 
fifteen-dollar  ones  so  difiicult  to  ob- 
gtain  that  I  soon  began 
to  feel  out  of  harmony 
with    m  y    elegant 
surroundings.     In- 
deed,     such 
were  the  dis- 
courage- 
ments   un- 
der   which 
I  began  my 
earnest  co- 
quetry   with 
art,   that    for 
many  weeks  I 

A  LIFE  FOK  A   LIFE.  J 


NIGHTLY  DREAMS.  249 

fought  and  barely  foiled  starvation  by  going  daily  to 
the  shambles  and  drinking  blood  Avarm  from  the 
slaughtered  bullock ;  and  many  a  night  the  opportune 
arrival  of  the  Inventor,  who  was  a  great  lover  of 
extempore  junketing,  spared  me  the  unpleasant  al- 
ternative of  retiring  to  my  luxurious  French  bed  sup- 
perless. 

At  the  expiration  of  two  months  my  landlord, 
perceiving  something  of  my  strait,  requested  me  to  re- 
main in  charge  for  another  month  without  considera- 
tion :  and  thus  by  the  kindness  of  two  large-minded 
men  I  was  saved  from  being  driven  by  want  far  from 
the  easel,  until  the  approach  of  Christmas  filled  me 
with  home  longings,  and  luck  threw  me  up  against  an 
old  acquaintance  who  had  been  a  railroad  man  and 
kindly  got  a  pass  for  me. 

During  the  remainder  of  that  winter  X  plied  my 
unstudied  art  in  Cincinnati  to  such  purpose  that  in 
addition  to  wiping  out  all  debts  I  laid  up  some  money. 
But  with  every  stroke  of  the  pencil  I  felt  more  and 
more  the  need  of  technical  training ;  and  tliis  feeling 
took  the  form  of  daily  thoughts  and  nightly  dreams 
of  Paris. 

Having  duly,  and  for  me  most  deliberately,  reflected 
on  it,  in  the  early  spring  I  began  preparations  to  re- 
turn, as  the  first  stage  toward  Europe,  to  New  York ; 


250  A  CARD   IN  THE  HEEALD. 

determined  to  get  over  the  water  in  some  way,  at  all 
hazard,  and  disport  upon  the  other  side  that  summer, 
if  I  had  to  tramp  it. 

I  reached  the  Empire  City  early  in  April ;  and 
there  secured  without  much  difficulty  work  enough 
to  more  than  recoup  the  past  expenses  of  my  hazard- 
ous undertaMng. 

Tliis,  as  far  as  it  went,  was  very  encouraging; 
but  it  was  difficult  to  decide  what  was  the  best  step  to 
be  next  taken.  I  had  almost  made  up  my  mind  to  ship 
in  any  capacity  on  some  foreign-bound  vessel,  when 
I  saw,  early  one  mornmg,  an  advertisement  in  the 
Herald,  for  an  active,  intelligent  young  man,  of  re- 
spectable antecedents,  who  could  give  satisfactory 
references  as  to  character  and  fitness  for  the  duty,  to 
take  care  of  an  elderly,  invalid  Englishman,  about  to 
sail  for  Liverpool. 

I  at  once  wrote  an  application,  stating  that  I  was 
a  young  artist  in  straightened  circumstances,  anxious 
to  visit  Paris  in  the  interests  of  my  profession ;  and 
inviting  the  advertiser's  attention  to  the  standing  of 
the  several  gentlemen  I  named  as  references,  and  also 
to  the  photograph  of  myself  which  I  enclosed.  Earn- 
estly sohciting  a  thorough  investigation  of  my  quali- 
fications for  the  place,  I  clenched  the  overture  by 
adding  in  a  postscript  that  rather  than  miss  an  oppor- 


WAITING  IN  SUSPENSE.  251 

tmiity  so  favorable  to  economy,  I  would  take  the 
place  at  any  wages,  or  even  at  none,  if  necessary. 

This  missive  I  immediately  dehvered  In  person  to 
the  desk  clerk,  at  the  Herald  office.  Then,  making 
up  my  mind  to  abide  the  issue  forty-eight  hours  with- 
out impatience,  I  called  on  two  of  my  influential 
acquamtances  and  pointing  out  the  advertisement 
begged  them  to  do  me  the  great  kindness  to  drop  a 
line  in  season  to  the  address  given. 

At  noon  the  following  day  the  postman  brought 
me  a  letter,  which  proved  to  be  from  the  invalid,  and 
in  three  lines  requested  me  to  call  at  his  lodgings  at 
III  p.  M.  that  day.  I  could  make  notliing  more  of  the 
precise,  long  stemmed  English  calligraphy,  which 
might  have  been  that  of  a  clerk  or  a  member  of 
Parliament,  excepting  that  it  was  just  a  trifle  too 
crabbed  for  the  first  and  in  about  the  same  degree  too 
legible  for  the  last :  so  I  restrained  my  curiosity  un- 
til the  appomted  time. 

I  found  Mr.  Wintercross  in  an  elegant  suite  of 
apartments  near  Madison  Square,  reclining  on  a  low 
lounge,  propped  up  with  cushions,  and  looking  more 
like  an  epicurean  gymnast  undergoing  arduous  train- 
ing, than  a  confirmed  invalid. 

I  discreetly  obeyed  his  command  to  sit  down ;  and 
meekly  listened  to  his  remarks,  confinmg  myself  to 


252  AN  EPICUEEAN   INVALID. 

straightforward  answers.  I  thus  gleaned  tliat  he  was 
the  invahded  'New  York  representative  of  a  Liverpool 
exporting  house,  about  to  return  home  and  unwilling 
to  make  the  voyage  unattended,  o^ving  to  certain  mys- 
terious spells  to  which  he  was  liable.  After  listening 
to  him  half  an  hour  I  experienced  doubts,  which  time 
has  not  entirely  dissipated,  whether  the  spells  he 
alluded  to  spelled  a  dislike  of  hob-nobbing  with  his 
shadow,  or  a  haunting  dread  lest  he  might  suddenly 
find  himself  alone  with  snakes  or  other  unpopular  in- 
gredients of  natural  history.  He  certainly,  as  I 
have  reason  to  beheve,  loved  a  sociable  glass,  and 
hated  to  handle  it  alone.  Otherwise  he  bore  the 
appearance  of  a  jolly  old  buck,  as  hearty  as  a  gray 
headed  sybarite  of  sixty  could  reasonably  expect  to  be. 

He  said  it  was  evident  in  his  morning  mail  that  I 
had  influential  friends  on  whose  good  will  I  might 
safely  rely,  but  I  seemed  unused  to  severe  physical 
exercise  and  he  had  his  doubts  whether  I  could  hft 
him,  should  there  be  occasion. 

"  I  will  show  you,"  I  quickly  answered,  kneeling 
beside  him  on  my  right  knee  and  sliding  the  lounge 
over  the  other,  and  then  closely  embracing  the  whole 
burden,  at  least  two  hundred  weight,  as  I  rose  to  a 
half  erect  position. 

"  That  will  do  !    That  will  do  !  "  he  cried  energeti- 


NO   SONS  OE  TEMPERANCE   NEED  APPLY.  253 

cally,  as  I  stiffened  my  spine  and  tenderly  began  a 
supplementary  elevation. 

"IS'owthen,"  he  resumed,  after  I  had  gently  re- 
stored the  couch  to  its  foundations,  "What  church 
do  you  belong  to?  " 

''  I  have  not  joined  any  —  as  yet,"  I  answered,  sur- 
prised into  untimely  hesitation. 

"Are  you  a  member,  in  good  standing,  of  any  tem- 
perance society?  " 

"I^o  sir,"  I  replied,  striving  hard  to  hold  the 
presence  of  mind  I  had  partially  recovered. 

"  Well,  if  we  can  agree  on  pay  I  think  you'll  do. 
If  five  pounds  for  the  passage,  and  three  pounds  a 
week  for  the  time,  not  over  a  week  or  two,  I  may  re- 
quire your  services  after  we  get  over,  clear  of  first 
class  expenses,  will  suit  you,  you  may  report  here  day 
after  to-morrow  at  nine  A.  m.,  and  help  me  pack  up." 

I  at  once  closed  the  negotiation  and  deferentially 
retired. 

Then  I  treated  myself  to  a  royal  supper;  and 
passed  the  evening  blowing  smoke-wreaths  aloft,  be- 
tween lines,  while  writing  a  hat-full  of  farewell  letters. 

The  next  day  I  spent,  principally,  in  looking  in 
upon  my  acquaintances  to  let  them  laiow  that  they 
were  about  to  miss  me  for  a  season,  and  in  making 
a  few  purchases  for  my  valise  and  portfoho.    When 


254  A  TRIFLE  THE  WORSE  FOR  IT. 

I  had  paid  the  last  bill  I  mentally  calculated  that, 
allowing,  say,  a  week  in  England,  I  would  land  in 
Paris  with  something  over  one  hundred  dollars  ;  which 
would  keep  me  alive  three  or  four  months,  anyhow. 

At  nine  o'clock,  precisely,  on  the  following  morn- 
ing I  shook  a  spray  of  raw  mist  from  my  hat  and 
sent  up  my  card  to  Mr.  "Wintercross.  He  received 
me  in  bed,  a  trifle  the  worse,  he  said,  for  having 
been  out  with  the  "boys"  since  I  saw  him.  He 
told  me  to  empty  the  larger  of  two  trunks  that  I 
would  find  in  the  next  room,  and  pack  into  it  the  ar- 
ticles lying  folded  on  the  table,  chairs,  and  lounge. 

Before  I  had  carried  out  these  directions  he  joined 
me,  in  dressing  robe  and  slippers,  and  continued  the 
stowage. 

When  I  had  handed  him  the  last  article  and  drawn 
the  last  strap,  he  bade  me  order  his  breakfast  sent 
up  from  a  neighboring  restaurant,  and  return  with 
a  carriage  in  one  hour  —  all  which  instructions  I 
obeyed  faithfully,  before  noon,  in  an  unpleasant 
drizzle. 

"  To  the  Brevoort  House,"  said  my  master  to  the 
hackman,  as  the  latter  pitched  up  the  last  little  box 
and  reached  for  the  reins. 

After  a  detention  of  ten  or  fifteen  minutes  at  the 
Brevoort,  we  proceeded   to    an  importing  house  in 


SOLVING   A   MYSTERY.  255 

Broad  street,  where  an  outlandish    looking  wicker 
hamper  was  added  to  the  top-load  of  the  coach. 

Then  we  were  driven  rapidly  to  Pier  45,  I^orth 
River;  arriving  just  as  the  crew  of  the  City  of 
Chester  were  coiling  down,  preparatory  to  casting  off. 

While  stowing  the  light  luggage  in  our  stateroom 
I  asked  my  employer  to  enumerate  my  duties,  so 
that  I  might  discharge  them  with  intelligence  and 
punctuality.  He  said  he  expected  me  to  attend 
him  constantly,  especially  at  night,  when  I  was  to 
remain  faithfully  in  the  top  berth  and  wake  him, 
should  it  at  any  time  seem  proper. 

During  the  day,  he  would  inform  me  whenever  he 
wished  any  particular  services.  He  then  opened  a 
cubical  leathern  convenience,  which  I  had  supposed 
might  contain  his  armament,  offensive  and  defensive, 
and  producing  therefrom  a  dark,  square  bottle  and 
two  plain,  heavy  silver  tankards,  proposed  that  we 
should  drink  to  a  quick  voyage  and  a  jolly  one. 

Having  ascertained  that  I  had  not  deceived  him 
in  regard  to  possible  temperance  affiliation,  he  again 
filled,  saying : 

^'  We  will  now  pledge  one  more  sentiment,  if  you 
approve  it — " 


256  ^N  ORTHODOX  TOAST 

"  Here's  to  Beelzebub  —  damn  him !  " 


"  The  same  to  his  angels  !  "  I  echoed,  fervently. 


A  DISGUSTED  PASSENGEE  257 

As  the  swirl  of  the  screw  at  that  moment  began  to 
agitate  the  timbers  around  us,  I  asked  whether  he 
was  going  up  to  have  a  last  look  at  the  Bay.  He 
answered  that  he  preferred  to  remember  it  as  he 
had  often  seen  it  in  sunshme,  rather  than  as  it 
would  appear  thi^ough  such  a  beastly  rain  as  that 
then  pattering  overhead ;  but  that  as  I  was  an  artist 
and  might  learn  something  worth  knowing  by  iin- 
dergomg  the  infliction,  he  would  not  consider  me  a 
maniac,  provided  I  did  not  stay  above  board  longer 
than  fifteen  minutes.  Thanldng  him  for  the  latitude 
of  the  quahfication  I  went  forward,  through  the 
smoking  cabin,  lighted  a  havana  and  ascended. 

It  was  a  dreary  afternoon,  dark,  saturating,  gusty, 
and  with  every  presage  of  what  the  sea  dogs  aptly 
call  a  dirty  night.  Castle  Garden  was  already  a 
blur,  astern;  and  Long  Island  and  Jersey  land 
loomed  dismally.  Little  was  to  be  seen,  over  the 
bulwarks,  and  that  little  was  not  like  anything  that 
persons  afflicted  with  the  disease  of  morbid  curiosity 
travel  or  suffer  twice  to  see.  About  a  dozen  de- 
jected passengers  were  dripping  in  isolated  groups 
of  two  and  three  among  the  covered  boats  and 
cunning  cock-lofts  of  the  after  deck;  and  half  as 
many  others  were  scurrying  in  shivers  toward  the 
companion-way. 

Ugh!    I  meditated,  as   the  noxious  effluvium  of 


258  ROLLING   ON   THE   BAR. 

damp  tobacco  began  to  pollute  my  tongue ;  man  is  the 
only  warm-blooded  animal  on  earth  that  would  choose 
this  in  preference  to  a  dry  cushion  in  the  cabin. 
And  with  this  reflection  I  followed  the  wise  minor- 
ity, and  finished  my  cigar  while  leisurely  and  com- 
fortably studying  the  physiognomy  of  the  silent 
voyagers  for  some  inscrutable  reason  congregated 
in  the  smoking-room.  Of  the  half  score  none  were 
smoking,  until  my  entrance  caused  a  tall,  light- 
haired,  handsome  and  remarkably  well  dressed  man 
of  perhaps  five  and  thirty  years  to  produce  a  large 
cigar  and,  after  vainly  tapping  an  inverted  silver 
pocket  match-box,  politely  ask  me  for  a  light.  It 
looked  like  a  good  cigar ;  but  before  its  first,  long 
ash  fell  he  threw  down  the  sweetest  end  of  it  and 
disappeared  suddenly. 

He  was  followed  at  intervals  by  all  the  others, 
except  a  raw-boned,  sallow  gentleman  in  ill  fitting 
black  broadcloth,  whom  I  set  down  as  a  Methodist 
clergyman  traveling  to  renew  his  appetite  for  poul- 
try ;  and  a  short,  beefy,  flashily  dressed  younger  man, 
who,  I  decided,  must  be  a  hotel  clerk  on  leave,  or  a 
commercial  rover. 

The  vessel,  rusliing  rapidly  through  the  troubled 
waters  of  the  lower  bay,  was  beginning  to  moan 
and  roll  uneasily. 


CHAPTER  XII. 


WING  TO  a  rash  vow  made 
|when  this  pen  began  to 
chronicle  events  that  would 
inevitably  be  diversified  by 
sea- faring  episodes,  it  will 
be  necessary  to  drop  the 
curtain  over  the  first  three 
days  at  sea,  which  were 
'tempestuous  ones.  Hav- 
ing never  fallen  in  with  a  descriptive  narrative  of 
amateur  ocean  travel  that  did  not  fondly  yearn  over 
one  deep,  stiiTuig  emotion  that  usually  stands  out 
prominently  among  first  impressions  of  the  bounding 
billow,  I  swore  by  my  beard,  and  the  bare  spot  that 
is  making  h^oc  of  the  scenery  on  the  summit  of  my 
head,  that  this  book  should,  at  least,  possess  so  much 
striking  originality  as  could  be  compressed  into  a 
total  absence  of  animadversion  on  the  conventional 
topic. 


260  THE   MIEROR  IN  THE   MAST. 

At  an  early  hour  of  the  third  day  of  the  voyage, 
according-  to  the  astronomical  fiction  wliich,  on  ships 
and  in  observatories,  requires  the  docile  day  to  begin 
itself  at  noon,  arrivmg  late  to  luncheon  I  found  the 
tables,  for  the  first  time,  sociably  full ;  and  I  was  un- 
folding my  napkin,  preparatory  to  requiting  tardi- 
ness in  dispatch,  when  turning  my  eyes  to  a  bright 
something,  which  proved  to  be  a  mirror  paneled  in 
the  mast  around  which  the  table  before  me  was  con- 
structed, I  beheld  in  that  luring  reflector,  looldng 
earnestly  into  my  own  in  the  oafish  manner  peculiar 
to  glances  so  intercepted,  the  luminous,  dark  eyes  of 
Ada. 

In  a  horrible  shock  my  heart  stood  still ;  and  I  sat 
dizzy,  with  a  buzzing  in  my  head,  staring  at  the  pale, 
startled,  and  therefore  preternaturally  carved  image ; 
not  doubting  that  I  was  exchanging  astonished 
glances  with  an  apparition. 

Even  when  the  electrifying  eyes  suddenly  dropped, 
and  the  exquisite  mouth  daintily  opened  to  bewitch  a 
fork,  I  stared  at  the  spectacle,  inert,  —  until  another 
reflection,  that  ghosts  do  not  often  ^at  in  pubfic, 
jerked  my  heart  into  a  rapid  trot  that  miseated  my 
appetite  and  threw  me  into  a  pitiable  condition. 

Fortunately  it  was  not  an  occasion  of  hearty  or 
prolonged  festivity  j  so  no  one  but  the  obsequious 


PREPAEING  FOR  THE  INEVITABLE.  261 

waiter  whom  Mr.  Wintercross  had  prodigally  tipped, 
paid  much  embarrassing  attention  to  my  abrupt  with- 
drawal from  the  table ;  but  the  distress  of  that  mer- 
cenary young  man  seemed  almost  equal  to  his 
amazement. 

Overcome  by  loss  of  appetite  and  an  intense  desire 
for  solitude  I  hurried  to  my  berth,  to  commune  with 
myself,  and  prepare  for  the  inevitable. 

After  an  miknown  time  my  reflections  were  dis- 
persed by  a  knock  at  my  door ;  and  opening  I  stood 
face  to  face  with  the  well  dressed  gentleman  who  had 
lighted  his  cigar  with  mine  three  days  before.  He 
handed  me  a  card  hthographed  "  Y.  C.  Staefield  ;" 
and  then  two  others,  one  of  them  Ada's. 

"  Those  ladies,"  he  said,  "  my  wife  and  her  sister, 
have  recognized  you  and  commissioned  me  to  say 
that  they  will  be  pleased  to  see  you  any  time  after 
the  siesta.  And  permit  me,  for  myself,  to  say  that 
I  have  heard  of  you  often,  and  am  very  glad  to  meet 
you." 

I  heartily  grasped  the  frankly  extended  hand,  and 
drew  my  visitor  in,  to  a  seat. 

A  few  minutes  later  Mr.  Wmtercross  walked  in, 
and,  on  introduction,  proposed  that  we  should  cele- 
brate the  social  commencement  of  the  voyage  by  ex- 
orcising the  spirit  of  the  cubical  bottle. 


262  A  MAIDEN,  FAIR  TO   SEE. 

My  master  seemed  impressed  with  the  first  glean- 
ings of  the  ensuing  conversation,  to  which  he  con- 
tributed mainly  by  listening,  apparently  pleased  to 
learn  that  his  man  was  on  good  terms  with  a  party 
represented  by  our  guest.  I  gradually  grew  restless ; 
and  was  glad  when  the  pair,  the  one  having  been  a 
Colonel  of  Confederate  cavalry,  and  the  other  being 
still  an  unblushing  British  sympathizer,  became 
quite  friendly.  As  soon  as  civility  permitted  I  left 
them  deep  in  discussion  of  the  armed  peace  of  Europe, 
and  after  a  mouthful  of  inspiriting  air  on  deck  and 
repeated  consultation  of  my  Chicago  watch,  recently 
freed  from  a  burden  of  debt  in  Cincinnati,  I  stepped 
below  and  sauntered  toward  Sandy  Hook. 

I  found  her  sitting  on  a  soft-bosomed  locker,  in  a 
tender,  down-sprinkled  light,  with  the  latest  Scribner 
in  her  lap.  She  met  me  quietly,  with  a  firm  clasp  of 
the  hand,  and  a  high-bred  self-possession  that  was 
forbidden  to  seem  formal,  by  certain  out-peeps  of  that 
frank  friendliness  which  I  remembered  as  her  om- 
nipotent girlish  charm.  I  thought  she  was  a  least  bit 
handsomer  than  she  had  seemed  in  the  morning  sun- 
shine of  October ',  although  pale,  with  a  nebulous  blur 
of  delicately  warm,  fresh  color  playing  around  each  fu- 
gitive ghost  of  a  dimple  that,  since  the  days  oi  the  Dar- 
ling, had  stealthily  haunted  my  heart  and  her  cheeks. 


SWEET  EEPEOOF.  263 

For  a  few  moments  I  was  at  loss  how  to  speak  or 
act.  But  when,  after  tellmg  me  that  her  sister,  who 
was  still  sleeping,  had  charged  her  to  detain  me,  she 
began  to  inquire  why  and  whither  I  was  expatriating 
myself,  and  to  gravely  reprove  me  for  my  elusive 
conduct  since  our  last  parting,  her  allusions  to  the 
past  were  so  simply  direct  and  ingenuous  that  I  soon 
felt  less  like  an  outcast  trembling  in  the  presence  of 
an  angel,  and  more  like  a  man  basking  in  the  beauty 
of  a  woman  who  had  once  pulled  his  hair,  and  almost 
smothered  him  in  the  wave-tangled  meshes  of  her 
own. 

She  imparted  a  little  history  of  the  emissary  and 
paragraph  inquisition  I  had  so  wonderfully  escaped ; 
and  I  told  her,  in  an  ostensibly  humorous  way,  how 
I  had  clambered  and  stumbled  along,  on  the  rugged 
foot-hills  that  surround  the  airy  eminence  of  Art,  di- 
vine. She  seemed  pleased  with  the  trifling  yet 
appreciable  elevation  in  the  world  to  which  I  had 
persistently  attained,  but  censured  me  for  turning 
my  back  on  friends  whose  duty  and  pleasure  it  should 
be  to  make  some  of  the  roughest  places  smooth.  On 
which  I  spake,  and  proclaimed  my  inflexible  deter- 
mination never  to  permit  mistaken  theories  of  duty  or 
pleasure  to  diminish  in  the  least  the  lien  chance  had  as- 
signed me,  on  her  permanent  good  will  and  gratitude. 


264:  A  POSTPONED  DISCUSSION. 

At  this  she  smilingly  inquired  whether  it  was  chiv- 
alrous, or  even  proper,  to  treat  her,  as  I  had  done  at 
Yancil's  Ferry,  like  a  pauper ;  and  then  heap  outrage 
on  the  indignity  by  refusmg  to  let  her  treat  me  as  an 
almoner  and  friend. 

Fortunately  the  opening  of  a  door  and  appearance 
of  her  sister  relieved  me  of  the  task  of  answering  this 
straightforward  question  otherwise  than  by  a  hurried 
suggestion  that  we  should  postpone  discussion  of 
matters  private  and  personal  between  us,  until  a  more 
favorable  moment. 

Mrs.  Starfield  renewed  her  acquaintance  with  me 
in  a  manner  very  soothing  to  feelings  that  had  long 
been  sensitively  sore.  And  I  enjoyed  the  ministra- 
tion so  much  that  I  unmtentionally  reveled  in  it  to 
excess ;  or  until  I  was  reminded  of  proprieties  by  the 
tinkle  of  the  preparatory  dinner-bell.  Hastily  apolo- 
gizing for  my  unceremonious  sociability  I  withdrew, 
to  put  myself  in  order  for  stealthy  contemplation  of 
the  mirror  in  the  mast. 

That  evening,  the  weather  being  perfect,  most  of 
the  passengers  assembled  in  groups  on  the  upper 
deck ;  the  merriest  of  which  was  that  of  five  persons 
seated  between  the  cabin  sky-lights,  under  the  stayed 
spanker-boom.  And  the  life  of  that  little  party  was 
a  young  person  who  appeared  more  lovely  than  ever 


THE  WAYS   OF  A  PEETTY  WOMAN.  265 

in  the  mellow  moonlight,  and  whose  vivacity  seemed 
much  stimulated  by  the  drolleries  of  an  elderly  invahd 
who  anon  affirmed  that  a  little  more  mirth  distilled 
from  that  salt  moonshine  would  surely  either  kill  or 
cure  him. 

From  the  moment  that  Colonel  Starfield  brought 
Mr.  Wintercross  aft  and  introduced  him,  Ada  left  me 
to  the  compassion  of  her  sister  and  the  former  gen- 
tleman, addressing  all  her  consummate  art  to  the  en- 
thrallment  of  the  elderly  Lothario ;  entangling  him 
in  a  barefaced  flirtation  which  she  audaciously  elab- 
orated in  a  promenade  of  much  circuitous  length, 
around  the  mizzen-mast  and  sky-lights.  And  later, 
during  some  sleepless  hours,  I  puzzled  over  that  vol- 
atile conduct,  until  I  dropped  asleep,  while  vainly 
trying  to  dismiss  the  matter  from  my  mind  and  trace 
forward  the  new  thread  the  Fates  were  spinning  into 
my  destiny. 

The  days  that  swiftly  followed  were  so  like,  in  their 
delicious  monotony,  that  I  will  not  hazard  enlarging 
on  the  only  variety  I  f  omid  in  them ;  a  variety  by 
which  the  engaging  damsel  at  one  time  would  qualify 
me  to  swear  that  she  was  the  one  entirely  amiable 
and  modest  maid  among  a  thousand  •  and  at  another 
time  would  instigate  me  to  profane  reflection  that  she 


266  A   STARTLING  ANNOUNCEMENT. 

was  a  more  heartless,  unblushing  jilt  than  Albion's 
royal  Virgin. 

Under  influence  of  one  of  the  latter  moods  I  retired 
a  little  early  to  my  berth,  one  evening ;  disgusted  with 
a  promenade  then  at  full  swing,  in  mid-ocean,  about 
a  foot  away  from  me,  immediately  above  my  head ; 
and  wishing  I  might  live  one  windy,  eventful  night 
over  again,  for  the  sole  purpose  of  having  a  few  mo- 
ments' cool  conversation  with  the  young  gentle- 
woman. As  I  thought  how  ironically  I  would  ask  her 
what  amount  of  mortal  risk  the  life  of  a  flirt  was  worth, 
anyway,  I  chuckled  so  grimly  and  audibly  that  Mr. 
Wintercross,  who  just  then  unexpectedly  stepped  in, 
exclaimed : 

^^  Hello,  runaway !  I  thought  you  were  asleep  by 
this  time.  What  in  the  dickens  are  you  lying  up 
there,  laughing  at?  " 

"  I  am  laughing,"  I  like  a  hair-trigger  responded, 

"  at  that  touching  remark  of  Miss  F ,  about  her 

veneration  of  everything  ancient  and  English." 

"  Heard  that,  did  you,  you  young  villain?  "Well, 
why  didn't  you  wait  a  little  longer,  and  hear  the  witch 
cozen  me  into  promising  to  exchange  pictures  with 
her?" 

"Exchange  pictures  !  "  I  gasped,  starting  up,  and 
bumping  my  head  excruciatingly. 


AN  ENLIGHTENED   JESTER.  267 

*^Fact,  by  Jove!"  caroled  the  old  beau;  "and 
then  she  coolly  informed  me  that,  having  used  up  her 
supply  of  cabinets  before  sailing,  she  intended  to  sit 
for  her  portrait  to  the  artist  on  board,  and  expected 
me  to  do  hkewise." 

"And  what  did  you  say  to  that?  " 

* '  I  said  that  she  should  not  outdo  me  in  the  ex- 
travagance of  a  present,  though  I  had  no  doubt  she 
would  distance  me  in  the  little  matter  of  sitting  to 
the  artist." 

"Mr.  Wintercross,"  I  said  abruptly,  "you  are  a 
big-hearted  man,  and  I  will  tell  you  somethmg :  I 
am,  as  you  know,  a  poor  devil ;  and  that  young  lady 
belongs  to  a  high-headed  family.  I  once  offended 
her,  past  forgiveness,  by  wounding  her  pride  of  caste ; 
and  the  next  time  I  met  her  there  was  a  burning 
wreck,  from  which  I  got  her  to  the  shore,  through 
three  miles  of  chilly  water.  This  will  explain  the 
kindness  with  which  I  am  treated  by  the  party." 

"  ]S^ever  mind,  my  lad,"  whispered  the  enlightened 
jester,  gently ;  "  she  is  a  sound-tempered,  clear- witted 
girl,  and  I  will  make  the  beastly  blunder  all  right  to- 
morrow." 

On  the  port  quarter,  just  off  the  rail  and  aft  of  the 
arc  of  the  spanker-boom,  a  boat  hung  at  its  davits, 
securely  griped  to  the  rail,  and  open,  to  dry  its  can- 


268  AT  SEA  IN  A  BOAT. 

vas  housing  after  the  gale.  Bemg  something  of  a 
knotter  and  splicer  I,  with  one  fall  of  the  boat-tackle 
and  some  tarred  rope-yarn,  to  the  astonishment  of 
the  captain,  rigged  a  short  shroud  of  four  ratlines, 
from  the  rail  to  the  stern-sheets. 

On  this  firm,  miniature  ladder  Ada,  with  my  help- 
ing hand,  easily  ascended  into  the  boat ;  and  there, 
by  sufferance  of  the  gallant  skipper  who  was  as  wax 
in  the  hands  of  his  fair  passenger,  I  passed  a  goodly 
portion  of  the  last  half  of  the  voyage,  studying  the 
sunsets  and  sea  scenery  and  falling  more  hopelessly 
in  love  than  ever  with  the  sweetheart  of  my  boyhood. 

And  here  let  me  record  the  fact  that  the  immense 
majority,  who  look  back  on  "  Love's  young  dream" 
self-pityingly,  as  they  do  upon  the  whooping-cough 
and  ear-ache,  never  having  renewed  the  youth  of  that 
first  love  in  maturer  years,  may  well  pity  them- 
selves —  for  having  lived,  as  far  as  any  knowledge  of 
love's  sweetest  ecstacy  is  concerned,  in  vain. 

Those  were  golden  hours,  passed  between  two 
worlds,  amid  the  smiling  elements,  with  the  being 
who  as  girl  and  woman  would  equally  have  made  the 
barest  bit  of  space  an  elysium  to  me  —  hours  too 
bright  not  to  be  fleeting,  and  too  precious  not  to  be 
hoarded,  and  told  over  with  miserly  exactitude,  when 
swept  by  time  into  the  treasure-house  of  memory. 


LAND   HO!  269 

One  delicious  June  afternoon  the  captain,  with  his 
wonted  impressiveness,  informed  the  passengers  at  the 
dinner  tahle  that  the  ship  had,  at  meridian,  completed 
a  day's  run  of  368  geographical  miles  ;  at  which  rate, 
according  to  his  splendid  observation,  we  ought  to 
weather  Lands'  End  and  sight  the  Irish  coast  before 
dark. 

I  was  so  incensed  at  Erin,  and  all  terra  fir  ma  ^  that 
I  felt  persuaded  I  would  not  lift  a  finger  to  save  them 
from  another  deluge.  And  to  add  to  my  disquietude, 
Ada,  who  had  been  so  like  her  old,  girlish  self  since 
I  began  my  two  sea-background  portraits,  seemed 
suddenly  less  frank  and  companionable  than  she  had 
ever  been  before  upon  the  ship. 

As  soon  as  politeness  permitted  after  dinner,  I  sent 
a  note  to  her,  asking  if  it  would  be  agreeable  to  her 
to  pass  the  hour  of  sunset  once  more  aloft. 

I  awaited  the  result  with  anxiety,  for  during  the 
last  three  meals  my  eyes  had  vainly  lingered  for  hers 
in  the  mirror,  a  trysting  place  another,  doubtless, 
had,  at  last,  discovered.  But  to  my  great  relief  she 
quickly  answered,  assenting ;  and  I  took  her  out  of 
the  noisy  cabin,  to  the  after  deck  •  away  from  the 
popular  lounging  places,  into  the  eyrie  in  which  I  had 
studied  her  fine  face  and  womanly  completeness  of 
figure  for  so  many  unstinted  hours. 


270  IN  THE  SUNSET  GLORY. 

Having  placed  her  comfortably,  where  the  cloud- 
sifted  sunset  glory  illumined  her  to  my  satisfaction, 
and  so  that  she  could  recline  in  perfect  safety  against 
the  taut  tackle  of  the  forward  davit,  I  said : 

' '  It  will  be  too  late  to-morrow ;  so  I  wish  you  would 
tell  me,  now,  why  you  have  changed  so  since  yester- 
day." 

She  sat,  holding  her  left  hand  in  her  right,  silent 
and  still ;  looking  over  the  blue,  heaving  sea ;  through 
the  low,  level  sunshine ;  across  the  glowing  bars  of 
the  horizon. 

One  minute ;  two  ;  three ;  went  slowly  between  us, 
over  into  the  insatiable  past;  and  yet  she  did  not 
speak  or  stir. 

Then  I  stood  up,  and  griping  a  rope  until  the 
hemp  complained,  slowly  continued  : 

^'  It  is,  as  you  know,  possible  for  me  to  hold  life 
cheap  in  your  service.  Tell  me  what  I  can  do  to 
serve  you ;  and,  then,  if  I  falter,  heap  glaciers  of  re- 
serve on  me." 

She  moved  her  lips  for  a  moment,  uttering  no 
sound ;  then  she  turned  her  face  away  and  buried  it 
in  the  running  ropes  that  rose  rigid  from  the  ring- 
bolt. And  the  rough  cordage  sparkled  with  rolling 
tear  drops. 

"  Miss  Ada !  "  I  groaned,  sitting  down  on  a  cross- 


BETWEEN  TWO  WORLDS. 


TESTIMONY  OF  TEAES.  271 

guy,  close  beside  her;  ^'will  you  not  speak  to 
me?  " 

The  tackle  shivered  slightly  for  some  seconds,  and 
then  she  sobbed : 

' '  Yes —  But  —  I  —  I  am  unhappy  and  you  can  not 
help  me  —  I  —  I  can  not  tell  you." 

"Listen,"  I  said,  instinctively  clutching  a  fold  of 
her  dress  and  firmly  holding  it,  as  if  to  prevent  her 
from  escaping  from  me  into  the  lambent  sunset ; 
'^  there  is  just  one  day  left,  and  if  chaos  is  beyond  it, 
for  God's  sake,  let  us  be  for  that  day  as  we  were  yes- 
terday." 

I  waited  patiently  while  she  sobbed  in  silence,  half- 
consciously  following  with  my  eyes  the  movements  of 
a  solitary  sea  gull  that  was  glistening  in  the  last  sun- 
Hght,  as  it  rose  and  stooped  far  away  in  the  direction 
of  the  French  coast. 

When  she  finally  moved  I  looked  around,  and  she 
met  the  look  with  a  feeble  smile  and  in  an  uneven 
voice  asked : 

"  When  will  you  be  in  London?  " 

I  answered  that  I  did  not  know,  as  it  depended  on 
how  long  Mr.  Wintercross  detained  me,  on  an  indefi- 
nite engagement  for  a  week  or  two  after  our  arrival 
at  Liverpool. 


272  BITTER-SWEET. 

' '  Will  you  please  let  me  send  pa  your  Paris  ad- 
dress? " 

"  Hush !  "  I  exclaimed,  peremptorily ;  "  that  mat- 
ter has  been  settled  often  enough." 

*'But,"  she  persisted,  "he  says  there  is  a  whole 
lot  of  money  in  his  hands  that  belongs  to  you  —  the 
money  I  used  at  Van  oil's  Ferry,  and  interest  on  it." 

"That  was  thirty  dollars,"  I  answered;  "and 
when  I  need  it  I  will  draw  for  it." 

"  But  pa  says  it's  more  —  ever  so  much  more." 

"  I  am  not  acquainted  with  your  pa,"  I  rejoined, 
attempting  to  smile  incredulously,  "  but  when  you  see 
him  tell  him  I  say  he  is  a  benevolent  prevaricator." 

And  thus  we  drifted  into  a  ghastly  imitation  of  the 
old  light-heartedness,  exchanging  ghostly  smiles  over 
the  melancholy  fraud  we  were  perpetrating,  until  it 
was  time  to  descend  to  sujDper. 

That  evening  Ada  chose  to  remain  in  the  cabin ; 
and  seeing  that  she  was  pressing  a  diversion  against 
constraint,  by  occasional  salhes  from  the  piano,  and 
that  Mrs.  Starfield  intended  to  exhaustively  enjoy  the 
excellent  instrumental  and  vocal  music,  I  withdrew 
to  my  stateroom  at  an  early  hour. 

The  last  half-day  of  a  trans- ocean  voyage  is  never 
pleasant.     In  the  bustle  of  preparation  to  separate, 


THE   CASTLED   CKAGS   OF  CARNARVON.  273 

the  friends  so  sympathetic  a  few  hours  ago  are  ab- 
sorbed in  cares  which  odiously  ignore  the  recent 
community  of  feehng  and  emphasize  its  ephemeral 
illusiveness ;  and  the  little  remnants  of  a  peculiar  so- 
ciability are  rudely  intruded  on  by  mysterious  appar- 
itions of  those  voyagers  who  enter  their  berth-rooms 
on  one  side  of  the  ocean  and,  apparently,  emerge 
from  them  only  at  the  other. 

After  I  had  attended  to  the  baggage  under  my 
charge  my  friends  were  so  engaged  by  similar  re- 
sponsibilities, that  I  saw  little  of  any  of  them  until 
luncheon.  A  little  later  Mr.  Wintercross  and  I  once 
more  escorted  the  ladies  to  the  deck ;  for  telescopic 
views  of  the  Welsh  coast  past  which  the  ship  was 
rapidly  edging.  Under  the  starboard  bow  the  surf 
was  bre'aldng  on  Holyhead,  splashing  up  around  the 
light-house;  while  abeam,  a  group  of  towers  and  a 
distant  peak,  which  Mr.  Wintercross  pointed  out  as 
Carnarvon  Castle  and  the  tip  of  Snowdon,  were  dis- 
appearing behind  the  isle  of  Anglesey ;  and  astern,  a 
fine  prospect  of  mountains,  towns,  and  castles  was 
fast  blending  with  a  promontory  which  our  cicerone 
said  was  the  north  headland  of  Cardigan  Bay.  I 
tried  to  revel  in  the  sunlit  aad  novel  panorama,  but 
failed  so  utterly,  that,  after  fleet  hours  of  rapid  scene- 
shifting,  it  was  a  relief  when  approach  to  the  first 


274  A  CUSTOM  OF  THE  COUNTRY. 

mooring  in  the  Mersey  brought  the  end  —  a  few  rap- 
idly spoken  farewells  and  hasty  shaking  of  hands. 

The  home  of  Mr.  Wintercross,  whither  we  at  once 
proceeded,  was  a  fine  old  mansion  in  the  suburbs, 
surrounded  by  a  high  stone  wall  that  concealed  all 
excepting  a  turreted  roof  and  several  acres  of  hand- 
some tree-tops.  Perceiving  that  similar  walls  were 
much  in  vogue  I  asked,  as  we  rolled  through  the  mas- 
sive gate-way,  whether  their  purpose  was  utility  or 
ornament. 

My  master  laughed  and  replied  that,  as  well  as  he 
could  remember,  it  was  only  a  custom  of  the  country. 

He  then  handed  me  a  sealed  envelope  bearing  my 
address ;  which  he  said  a  lady  had  handed  to  him  for 
me,  and  which  would  reconcile  me  to  the  solitude  of 
my  chamber  while  waiting  for  dinner  time. 

As  soon  as  I  was  alone  I  tore  open  the  enclosure 
and  found  within  it  the  following  communication : 

At  Sea,  June  13tli,  1875. 
Mr. , 

Dear  Sir  :  —  I  have  anxiously  considered  whether  I  might  leave  this 
letter  nnv^ritten,  wishing  my  judgment  would  assent  to  that ;  but  have 
been  unable  to  view  this  task  otherwise  than  as  an  unpleasant  duty 
which  should  not  be  evaded  because  of  my  reluctance  to  perform  it. 

It  is  distressing  to  me  to  approach  the  subject,  and  especially  so,  to 
communicate  with  you  in  what  you  may  deem  an  ungracious  spirit;  but 
I  will  try  to  acquit  myself  so  that  you  will,  on  reflection,  understand  that 
it  was  as  painful  to  me  to  write  these  lines  as  it  may  be  to  you  to  read 
them. 


A  MESSAGE   FROM  THE   SEA.  275 

I  am  sure  that  you  are  f oud  of  Ada ;  and  I  fear  she  is  not  insensible  to 
influences  that  your  past  and  present  conduct  place  around  her.  This 
gives  me  much  concern,  because  she  is  now  under  my  care ;  and  the  same 
considerations  which,  I  know,  powerfully  influence  her,  compel  me  to  com- 
bine the  utmost  frankness  with  the  kindest  flrmness  in  saying  that  I  can 
not  countenance  the  imprudence  beyond  this  ship.  In  my  responsible 
position  I  must  view  the  matter  wholly  from  her  standpoint,  leaving  your 
feelings  out  of  the  question,  except  as  they  are  necessarily  involved  in 
possible  consequences  to  her.  Granting  that  your  affections  are  involved, 
and  that  you  may  involve  hers,  to  what  consequences,  if  you  abandon 
yourself  to  the  temptation  of  such  an  unfortunate  passion,  does  the  im- 
prudence point? 

The  alternatives  to  her  must  be,  either  the  blight  of  a  hopeless  attach- 
ment, or  the  remorse  of  having  sacrificed  to  it,  in  addition  to  much  else, 
the  happiness  of  those  she  has  always  loved.  And  I  ask  you,  as  a  man 
whom  I  know  to  be  chivalrous,  is  either  of  these  alternatives  the  one  you 
would  deliberately  select  as  your  heart-offering  to  the  woman  you  love? 

Hoping  you  wUl  entertain  these  questions  as  loyally  to  her  as  I  ask 
them ;  and  that  you  will  never  doubt  that  I,  in  common  with  my  sister 
and  parents,  am  and  ever  will  be  anxious  to  act  towards  you  as  earnest 
friendship,  to  say  nothing  of  common  gratitude,  dictates,  I  remain, 

Very  Sincerely,  Your  Friend, 

Lucy  Starfeeld. 

When  I  finished  the  first  perusal  of  this  missive,  I 
gave  way  to  a  hot  desire  to  resent  it  in  a  few  indig- 
nant lines  —  lines  eloquent  of  the  self-abnegation  in 
which  I  had  wrestled  with  my  hopeless  love  for  years ; 
and  bristling  with  the  fortuity  of  the  ordeal  in  which 
I  had,  at  last,  struggled  so  vainly ;  and  barbed  with 
the  assurance  that  though  born  to  poverty,  I  came  of 
an  humble,  sturdy  stock  from  which  I  inherited  just 


276 


SECOND  THOUGHT. 


SO  much  pride  as  would  prevent  me  from  ever  marry- 
ing any  woman  in  opposition  to  the  wishes  of  her 
parents.  But  in  a  second  perusal,  while  searching  in 
vain  for  some  unfounded  aspersion  on  which  to  hinge 
other  resentful  phrases,  I  perceived  the  simple,  ap- 


V(3S^2-^ojlj.  v^\^-  elo-t70|j-  /©Vf'  b)/A'ir^ 


MASTER  AND    MAN.  277 

pealing  candor  and  kindness  of  the  letter.  And 
when  I  reflected  that  Mrs.  Starfield  probably  knew, 
as  I  had  confessed  it  to  Ada,  how  I  happened  to  be 
on  the  Stonewall;  and  by  I'eason  of  that  precedent 
feared  I  might  act  rashly  during  the  stay  of  her  party 
abroad,  I  felt  that  she  had  ground  for  anxiety,  and 
had  only  discharged  a  difficult  and  unpleasant  duty 
as  delicately  and  Mndly  as  the  nature  of  the  case  per- 
mitted. Having  convinced  myself  that  it  was  a  de- 
velopment of  destiny  with  which  I  had  no  reason  to 
quarrel,  I  carefully  burned  the  two  letters ;  and  after 
a  few  hasty  preparations  followed  a  footman  down 
the  broad  stairway,  and  joined  Mr.  Wintercross  in  the 
dining-room,  where  we  ate  in  lonely  state. 

While  I  was  unpacking,  after  the  protracted  meal, 
my  master-host  came  in  and  told  me  he  had  just  re- 
ceived a  telegram  that  would  take  us  to  London  on 
the  following  day;  and  under  his  direction  I  re- 
packed such  articles  as  he  wished  to  take  with  him. 
In  this  occupation,  while  turning  over  the  contents  of 
the  larger  trunk,  I  saw,  to  my  surprise,  the  portrait 
I  had  rather  hastily  executed  of  him  on  ship -board. 
I  natm^ally  asked  how  it  happened  to  be  there ;  and 
after  laughing  softly  and  quizzing  me  a  little,  he  told 
me  it  was  owing  to  a  league  and  covenant. 

He  explained  that  in  the  first  fervor  of  the  maritime 


278  AN  ARTFUL   COQUETTE. 

flirtation   Miss   F had  coquettishly  unfolded  a 

scheme  of  art-patronage,  wherein  he  was  to  order  two 
portraits,  and  she  to  pay  for  them ;  and  although  he 
at  once  assured  her  of  his  entire  willingness  to  co- 
operate on  his  own  account,  she,  in  order  that  I 
might  have  no  reasonable  grounds  for  dealing  with 
the  commissions  otherwise  than  in  a  professional  man- 
ner, insisted  on  carrying  out  her  program  of  ostensi- 
ble exchange. 

The  successful  execution  of  this  artful  plot  left  her 
in  possession  of  the  other  portrait,  over  which  I  had 
loitered  and  worked  so  faithfully. 

On  our  arrival  in  London,  when  I  had  seen  Mr. 
Wintercross  comfo-rtably  fixed  at  Morley's,  I  went 
out  to  look  at  the  town.  Wishing  to  inspect  it  leis- 
urely, in  my  own  way,  I  walked  to  Holborn  Hill  and 
thence,  through  Cheapside  by  way  of  the  Temple 
and  Somerset  House,  back  to  Charing  Cross. 

That  tramp  satisfied  me  that  I  could  not  leisurely 
inspect  all  the  strange  places  that  seemed  so  familiar 
to  me  ;  so  to  make  the  most  of  limited  opportunity  I 
com23iled  a  long  list  of  the  names  that  most  readily 
put  in  vibration  certain  chords  of  sensibility  within 
me,  and  then  arranged  with  a  cabby,  by  the  hour,  for 
those  days  when  Mr.  Wintercross,  occupied  with  his 
own  affairs,  gave  me  half- holiday. 


HALF-HOLIDAYS. 


279 


After  more  than  a  week  of  this  exploration  my 
master  began  to  speak  of  our  return  to  Liverpool. 
Then  I  reminded  him  that  my  engagement  was  quite 
fulfilled,  and  urged  my  anxiety  to  get  on,  to  my  des- 
tination. 

With  some  demur,  after  two  days'  procrastination, 
he  dismissed  me ;  and  having  put  him  safely,  bag 
and  bottle,  on  the  train,  I,  in  the  same  cab,  trans- 
ferred myself  and  my  valise  to  the  Havre  packet. 


CHAPTER   Xin. 


OTWITHSTAKDrN"G    a   stif- 

fish  breeze  the  trip  was 
pleasant,  especially  after 
I  had  broken  the  ice  of 
acqnaintance  with  one 
Jules  Guenadon,  a  fat, 
jovial  Frenchman  in  a 
conical,  broad  brimmed  hat  that  seemed  to  slouch  it- 
self diligently  after  a  sly  fashion  over  one  or  the  other 
of  his  rollicking  eyes,  to  lend  a  covert  to  the  shrewd 
smile  that  was  ever  lurking  in  one  of  the  four  corners 
by  nature  set  in  order  about  the  base  of  his  promi- 
nent but  extremely  handsome  nose.  He  was  fat,  al- 
most to  oiliness,  and  yet  there  was  no  suggestion  of 
grossness,  corporeal  or  mental,  in  the  mould  of  either 
his  portly  person  or  his  intelligent,  droll,  attractive 
face.  It  was  a  comely,  honest  face,  marked,  without 
blemish,  across  the  cheek  by  a  scar  which  I  at  once 
recognized  as  the  seam  of  a  saber-cut,  and  which,  I 


282  A  BONA  FIDE   BOHEMIAN. 

subsequently  learned,  was  the  souvenir  of  a  Uhlan 
who  perished  at  Sedan. 

When  I  ascertained  that  this  magnetic  man  was  a 
Parisian  journalist  —  a  hona  Jide  l^ohemism,  whose 
lair  lay  in  the  Latin  Quarter,  I  began  to  rise  to  the 
alluring  baits  of  his  manner  and  the  absurd  medley 
of  French  and  English  that  issued  fluently  from  be- 
tween his  artistically  clipped  mustache  and  beard.  It 
is  probable  that  I  did  this  half  recklessly  because  I 
was  anxious  to  escape  from  a  reflection  that  had  been 
disturbing  me  for  several  days;  there  being  little 
doubt,  as  my  Southern  friends  were  due  in  London, 
that  there  had  been  recent  personal  communication 
between  them  and  Mr.  Wintercross.  At  any  rate 
the  intimacy  progressed  so  rapidly  that  long  before 
port  was  sighted  it  was  arranged  that  I  would  follow 
the  ex-cuirassier  to  a  pension  opposite  the  Garden  of 
the  Luxembourg ;  and  before  the  ropes  were  tightened 
he  picked  up  his  luggage,  like  my  own  planned  with 
a  war-got  wisdom,  and  led  me  to  the  Station,  there 
to  begin  to  teach  me  how  to  journey  with  comfort 
and  economy  in  France. 

It  was  late  one  July  afternoon  when  we  stepped 
down  and  out,  into  Paris  —  Paris !  the  Mecca  of 
modern  art  and  neplus  ultra  of  my  hopes.  My  com- 
rade chose  di,  fiacre,  and  soon  we  were  rolling  through 


PAEIS!  283 

the  imposing  boulevards,  and  past  the  Grand  Opera, 
and  the  ruins  of  the  Tuileries,  and  across  Pont  !N^euf , 
into  alabjrinth  of  narrow,  crooked  streets,  to  emerge, 
at  length,  upon  a  busy  thoroughfare  and  alight  before 
a  stately  park  and  massive  pile  3  when  I  again  fol- 
lowed, down  a  shallow  descent,  into  a  small,  cheerful 
cafe  that  burrowed  under  four  stories  and  a  mansard. 

I  placed  my  vahse  on  the  floor  and  myself  in  a 
chair,  wliile  my  leader  said  something  confidential 
and  evidently  flattering  about  me  to  a  man  shorter 
and  fatter  than  himself,  whom  he  soon  formally  in- 
troduced as  M.  Martin,  the  landlord;  who  at  once 
insisted  on  sitting  down  with  us  at  a  small  table, 
around  a  flagon  of  absinthe,  opposite  a  partly  open 
door  through  which  I  viewed  portions  of  several 
snowy  table-cloths  and,  near  the  remote  wall,  the 
whole  of  a  starchy  gargon  who  was  flourisliing  an 
astonishing  loaf  of  bread  about  three  inches  thick 
and  a  full  clothyard  long,  over  an  oval  and  tastily 
garnished  table. 

Desiring  to  lave  before  the  impending  repast,  I 
asked  my  friend  Jules  to  conduct  me  to  the  inexpen- 
sive but  comfortable  chamber  he  had  spoken  of  as 
lying  on  the  first  floor  next  his  own. 

When  we  had  ascended  three  or  four  flights  of 
stairs  I  inquired  how  he  computed  the  elevation. 


284  VOILA! 

' '  En  descendant,  mon  ami,  ze  firs  yon  vrom  ze 
sky,  voila!  " 

Throwing  open  a  door  he  ushered  me  into  what 
proved  to  be  his  own  den,  remarking : 

' '  Mebbe  ze  savon  an'  wattare  not  een  your  cham- 
bre,  aujourdui." 

And  what  a  room  it  was. 

Gray-green  walls,  spotted  in  the  curtained  obscu- 
rity with  dimly  seen  paintings,  etchings  and  busts ;  in 
the  centre  a  long  black-baise-inlaid  tabe,  rounded  at 
the  corners  and  strewn  with  pipes,  pamphlets,  books, 
writing  implements,  manuscripts,  and  such  trifles  as 
a  mask  with  green  goggles  on  it,  a  wicker-covered 
bottle,  a  bouquet,  a  flute,  a  cockscrew,.  a  box  of  bon- 
bons and  a  small  lace-edged  handkerchief.  Three 
easy  chairs,  each  of  a  different  antique  and  seductive 
fashioning,  stood  about,  on  the  pattern  of  a  large, 
soft,  faded  rug ;  and  in  a  deep  window-recess,  behind 
a  smaller,  brighter  rug,  an  infirm  sofa  reposed  on 
three  short,  slender  legs  and  a  squat  pillar  built  of 
sundry  books.  The  bed  was  in  a  corner  so  dim  that 
I  first  noticed  it  after  I  had  almost  fallen  across  the 
footboard,  on  my  way  to  a  ridiculous  washstand  that 
reminded  me  in  the  obscurity  of  a  basin  set  on  stilts. 

After  a  hasty  toilet  we  descended  half  a  mile  or 
so,  it  seemed,  to  dinner,  and  took  chairs  that  had 


AN  EYE  FOE  BEAUTY. 


285 


been  turned  up  for  us  at  the  oval  table.  There  were 
about  a  score  of  eaters  present,  seven  of  whom  were 
seated  at  our  table.  Why  my  friend  preferred  those 
particular  seats  I  did  not  know.  But  remembering  his 
omnipresent  propensity  for  fun,  I  had  my  suspicion 
when,  while  stirring  the  pottage,  I  noticed  directly 
opposite  me  a  piquant  fair  one  of  uncertain  age  who, 
in  addition  to  a  mouth  like  a  catfish,  possessed  a  nose 
that  curved  and  tapered  to  a  climax  gracefully,  like 
the  extremity  of  a  handsome  powder-horn,  and  also 
an    eye    that  Ai^^^SfllW  flashed  about 

the  table  inces        ^^^^p^m.  santly,  while 

the  organ  theo         wMKi^^^  retically   corre- 

sponding to  it         l^^^^fe/  ^^^  attentively 

fixed  on  me.  .^^^H^^^^,  Unable,  owing 
to  the  persistent  ^^B^^^^^^^fc  composure  of 
that  steadfast  ^^^B^^^^^^^mi  ©ye,  to  swal- 
low the  hot  ^^^^^^^^^^^L  soup,  I  coughed 
spasmodically,  ^^^^^^^^^w  ^^^^  requested 
M.  Guenadonto  the  etb.  P^-ss  the  wine. 

He  was  looking  out  of  the  slyest  corner  of  his  own 
most  convenient  eye  at  me,  and  slowly  drawing  his 
napkin  across  his  mouth  in  a  way  that  concealed 
what  was  occurring  in  the  other  expressive  corners 
of  his  face. 

I  filled  a  fair  sized  glass  with  vin  ordinaire  and 


286  THE  PICTURESQUE  BOARDER. 

dispatched  it  at  a  blow ;  after  which  mj  courage  rose 
and  tempted  me  to  attack  Si  fricassee  and  gaze  further 
afield. 

To  my  left,  beyond  Jules,  sat  a  small,  dark-faced, 
slightly  hump-backed,  oldish  man;  beyond  him  was 
a  younger  man  with  sandy  hair  and  a  simian,  freckled 
face,  whose  toilet  was  pitched  an  octave  too  high  to 
harmonize  with  the  background  I  saw  at  the  other 
tables,  which  seemed  to  be  composed  of  students  and 
clerks  of  tradesmen. 

To  the  right  of  the  Eye,  as  I  next  observed,  sat  a 
young  man  of  rather  picturesque  appearance,  ob- 
viously fond  of  salad,  who  was  violently  afflicted  with 
reminiscences  of  Vandyck;  for  around  a  Yandyck 
face  brown,  Yandyck  hair  was  carefully  arranged, 
with  Yandyck  negligence,  over  a  Yandyck  collar,  the 
corners  of  which  disappeared  in  the  sleeves  of  a  Yan- 
dyck coat. 

Beyond  this  esthetic  vegetarian,  past  two  vacant 
chairs,  my  roving  eyes  were  finally  arrested  by  a  vis- 
ion that  it  was  equally  impossible  for  them  to  pass  or 
shun.  Excepting  only  one,  I  thought  I  had  never 
seen  such  a  cleanly  carved,  harmoniously  composed, 
bewildering  face.  It  was  of  a  type  entirely  yet  rarely 
French.  Black,  luminous  eyes ;  a  low  forehead ; 
dainty  but  sti*aight  and  exquisitely  moulded  nose ;  a 


A  BEAUTIFUL  CREATUKE.  287 

softly  rounded,  oval,  dimpled  chm  j  black,  rippling 
hair ;  and  a  smooth,  delicately  bleached  chamois  skin 
without  speck  or  blemish,  warmed  in  the  ear  and 
cheek  to  a  rich,  fruity  bloom. 

I  ambushed  my  eyes  behind  a  large  bouquet  that 
stood  on  the  table  near  me,  and  from  that  covert 
bushwhacked  this  face,  which  belonged  to  a  mature 
and  shapely  woman  of  about  eighteen  or  twenty 
years  —  until  the  beautiful  creature  rose  and  floated 
out  of  the  room ;  after  which  I  lost  interest  in  the 
repast,  and  slid  about  in  my  seat  until  Jules  tossed 
his  napkin  on  the  table  and  pushed  his  own  chair  back. 

As  soon  as  we  were  comfortably  alone  in  the  upper 
regions  I  asked  my  entertainer  who  and  what  the 
charming  young  woman  was. 

He  exercised  his  stalwart  shoulders,  waved  his 
hands  in  a  gesture  expressive  of  much  scope,  either 
of  mind  or  else  of  matter,  and  luminously  replied ; 

^' Cela  depend.  She  eez  vat  you  call  zhack  of 
plentee  trade  —  danseuse ;  prima  donna  in  ze  opera 
bouffe ;  sho  f eegare  in  ze  shop  for  deesplay  ze  belle 
costume ;  amanuensis ;  needle  voman  artistique ;  and, 
sometime,  modele.  She  eez  one  bonne,  honnete 
femme,  and  haf  ze  name  Estelle  Lamont." 

"  Does  she  live  in  this  house?  " 

"  Yraiment  ]  you  haf  room  ze  door  vis  a  vis." 


288  A  SIMPLE  ATFAIK. 

"  And  you  say  she  poses  as  model?  " 

' '  Sometime  —  for  von  belle  f emme  antique  een 
drape  —  ze  Eve,  Helene,  Cleopatre,  et  tout  cela." 

"Do  you  know  her  well  enough  to  —  to  introduce 
a  friend?  " 

"Ah,  ha !  you  vish  alreddy  to  be  acquaint !  Vel, 
eet  eez  one  affair  trez  seemple.  You  are  artiste ;  she 
eez  sometime  modele  —  you  take  your  carte  and  on- 
dare  ze  nom  rite,  Artiste  Americain,  and  peen  eet  on 
ze  door  left  to  mine.  She  say,  zis  artiste  mebbe  he 
sometime  vant  modele  —  I  shall  like  to  no  heem ;  and 
she  vil  zen  make  you  ze  nod  en  passant." 

"  Without  any  introduction?  " 

"Oh,  zat  eez  nosseeng.  She  eez  bonne  Bohe- 
mienne.  Eef  she  like  you,  or  vant  beeznees  viz  you, 
she  speek  verra  queek." 

Profoundly  interested  I  plied  Jules  with  questions 
as  to  the  status  granted  by  the  Parisian  code  to  a 
beautiful  young  woman  combining  in  one  person  so 
many,  to  me,  diversified  vocations ;  and  after  giving 
me  a  httle  badinage  he  gravely  informed  me  that 
there  were  in  that  great  and  gay  metropolis  all  sorts 
of  women  in  every  sphere  of  life,  but  if  any  of  them 
were  entitled  to  cast  stones  at  Estelle  Lament,  those 
who  best  knew  the  latter  had  not  found  it  out. 
Said  he : 


A  FUNNY  THING.  289 

'^  Ze  shame,  vat  you  call  ze  modeestee,  eet  eez  von 
fonnej  sing.  Some  haf  eet  outside,  vare  eet  git  rub, 
and  rub,  til  eet  rub  off ;  but  some  haf  eet,  like  ze 
yong  duck  haf  penchant  for  ze  puddle,  eenside,  een 
ze  blood  —  zat  sort  of  femme  eez  Estelle." 

I^ot  to  lose  any  time  in  forming  the  acquaintance 
of  so  interesting  a  young  person  I  drew  my  chair  up 
to  Jules'  table  and  cutting  a  piece  of  card-board  wrote 
my  name  and  title  according  to  directions.  I  then 
went  out  and  impaled  it  on  the  door  opposite  the 
room  next  to  Jules. 

In  two  hours  and  ten  minutes,  by  the  small  clock 
on  Jules'  mantel,  fairy  footsteps,  heralded  by  a  noisy 
clatter  of  diminutive  heels,  passed  down  the  corridor 
and  finally  entered  the  door  I  had  recently  orna- 
mented. 

^'All  rite!"  quoth  Jules,  chucklmg.  "  I^ow  she 
haf  eet,  raon  brave;  and  you  shall  see  to-morrow." 

And  to-morrow  I  did  see. 

As  it  was  already  an  hour  past  midnight  I  retired 
to  my  own  chamber ;  which  I  found  was  smaller  than 
Jules',  and  more  simply  furnished,  but  on  the  whole 
neat,  comfortable  and  sufficiently  commodious.  The 
west  wall  was  manifestly  a  partition  which  if  removed 
would  convert  Jules'  room  and  mine  into  a  long  salle. 
It  was  neatly  painted  in  some  grayish  neutral  tint, 

19 


290  A  NATIONAL  TRAIT. 

uncertain  in  the  candle-light,  and  banded  at  the  top 
and  bottom  with  a  handsome  gilt- an d-crimson  car- 
touche border.  The  bare  floor  was  smoothly  waxed, 
and  the  sheets  were  snowy,  and  the  bed  elastically  soft. 

The  next  morning  I  arose  early  and  went  forth  for 
a  stroll  in  the  inviting  grounds  of  the  Luxembourg ; 
where  I  became  so  much  interested  in  several  things 
I  saw  that  I  returned  to  the  pension  very  late  to  the 
first  breakfast:  when,  with  that  genuine  French  po- 
liteness the  arcliitecture  of  which  perpetually  fills  the 
foreign  mind  with  awe,  M.  Martin  apologized  for  the 
deficiencies  of  the  table,  due  wholly  to  my  excessive 
dalliance  with  certain  stone  ladies  of  the  Luxembourg ; 
and  seemed  overwhelmed  with  joyful  gratitude  when 
I  magnaminously  forgave  him.  He  served  me  en 
gargon,  himself ;  and  as  he  skipped  about  in  earnest 
efforts  to  make  life  endurable  to  me,  I  eyed  him 
critically  between  bites,  concluding  finally  that  his 
contrition  was  spontaneous  if  not  altogether  guileless. 

Having  settled  this  matter  to  my  satisfaction  I 
went  aloft  prepared  to  make  unlimited  engagements 
for  Eves,  or  Cleopatras,  or  anything  that  would  as- 
sist me  to  forget  the  coy  beauty  of  one  woman  in  the 
full  dazzle  of  less  sequestered  charms.  Li  this  hu- 
mor I  approached  my  apartment  humming  an  aria 
from  the  latest  London  operetta  —  and  ceased  sud- 


A  HOEEIFYING  SURPEISE.  291 

denly  to  be  musical  when  in  the  subdued  light  of  the 
corridor  I  saw  and  scented  a  small,  fragrant  billet, 
transfixed  on  my  door  with  a  black  pin. 

I  quickly  wrecked  the  envelope  and  unfolded  a 
dainty  sheet,  from  which,  after  mnch  perplexity  over 
preposterous  verbs  and  adjectives,  I  gleaned  from 
the  first  three  lines  that  the  writer  had  received  my 
card,  and  would  call  on  me  at  eleven  o'clock. 

My  watch  informed  me  that  it  then  lacked  just 
nine  minutes  to  that  hour ;  and  spurred  by  the  thought, 
without  wrestling  further  with  French  idioms,  I 
shpped  the  note  in  my  pocket  and  hastily  began  to 
jerk  my  room  into  some  sort  of  order.  As  it  was 
not  so  profusely  encumbered  with  personal  prop- 
erty as  Jule's  I,  while  debating  whether  it  should  be 
an  Eve,  Helen,  or  Lady  Godiva,  arranged  almost 
everything  to  my  mind  before  a  gentle  tap  at  my 
slightly  open  door  summoned  me  thither  in  a  grace- 
ful ghde  I  had  acquired  during  my  brief  connection 
with  the  stage.  Laying  my  hand  upon  the  knob  I 
drew  it  calmly  past  my  diaphragm,  and  then  recoiled 
like  a  long  neglected,  overloaded  musket  —  for  bow- 
ing and  smiling  in  the  door  frame,  and  flashing  her 
fascinating  glances  on  me,  stood  the  piquant  virgin  of 
the  remarkable  eye  and  nose  a  la  powder-horn. 

I  receded ;  but  the  sprightly  damsel  followed  me 


292  THE   WRONG  DOOR. 

up,  drew  forth  my  card  and  in  elegant  French  as- 
sured me  that  she  was  havmg  the  much  grand 
pleasure  to  make  of  one  brave  American  artist  the 
acquaintance. 

I  tried  to  participate  in  her  urbanity,  but  the  ef- 
fort was  a  transparent  failure.  In  a  cold  sweat  I 
clawed  at  my  most  available  French  and  stammered 
that  there  must  be  some  faux  pas  horrifique  and 
sacre  bleu  malhereuse,  as  that  card  had  been  intended 
for  the  other  young  lady. 

The  Eye  flickered  for  a  perceptible  fragment  of  one 
moment ;  then,  true  to  the  national  trait,  it  politely 
smiled,  backed  out  around  my  table,  laid  the  unlucky 
piece  of  pasteboard  thereon  and  then  sailed  away  be- 
yond my  vision. 

But  after  the  door,  with  a  vigorous  click,  closed 
on  it  I  fancied  I  could  feel  the  organ  boring  into 
the  mathematical  center  of  the  middle  panel,  while 
its  fellow  described  around  it  a  scintillating  circle. 

I  also  fancied  I  heard  spasmodic  gasping  through 
the  partition  ;  and  rushing  to  see,  I  found  Jules  in  a 
fit  on  the  infirm  sofa.  When  I  had  with  some  diffi- 
culty partially  revived  him  I  learned  that,  according 
to  his  opinion,  I  had  impaled  my  card  on  the  wrong 
door. 

"  You  disportive  devil !  "  I  howled,  throttling  him 


*■  A  FRIENDLY   CONFERENCE.  293 

until  there  was  genuine  gasjjing ;  ' '  promise  to  in- 
troduce me  before  the  moon  rises,  or  VWpin  you  to 
the  right  spot,  and  show  you  a  Yankee  improvement 
on  French  practical  jocosity  !  " 

''^ Mon Dieuf''  he  gurgled,  "Vat  a  greep  you 
haf !  I  vil !  I  vil !  I  shvare  heem  —  !N^ow  laissez 
moi  breethe  a  leetel !  " 

"When  we  had  both  smoothed  some  of  the  mirth  off 
our  faces  I  laid  my  necessities  and  hopes  before  my 
companion,  and  asked  him  to  help  me ;  as  I  knew  he 
could  and  would,  for  Paris  was  a  soft  nut  to  Mm, 
and  in  the  affinity  of  the  Order  we  were  already 
close  friends,  addressing  each  other  on  the  shortest 
plan,  except  that,  owing  to  the  absence  of  W  from 
his  vernacular,  he  wasted  some  breath  m  calling  me 
Yeal. 

He  soon  satisfied  me  that  it  would  be  hard  to  beat 
that  pension,  for  comfort  seasoned  with  economy; 
and  as  for  schools,  the  Latin  Quarter  abounded  with 
them,  where  such  instruction  as  that  of  M.  Fleury, 
or  Cabanel,  or  Julien,  or  Jerome,  and  all  else  need- 
ful, were  to  be  had  for  a  monthly  assessment  of  20 
to  25  francs.  He  said  that  M.  Adolphe  Tesson,  the 
Yandyck  day-boarder,  was  a  pupil  of  M.  Julien,  in 
a  class  connected  with  the  Ecole  des  Beaux  Arts ; 
and  we  could  question  him.     He  bid  me  rest  easy, 


294  "VY  FOR?"  * 

as  Paris  was  the  Paradise  of  poor  artists  and  mem- 
bers of  the  Brotherhood. 

''  Ze  Eengleesh!  "  he  exclaimed,  "  patron  ze  art 
viz  von  grand  leebaralitee ;  mais  ze  artiste  Francais  no 
go  to  London.  An'  vy  for?  Becoz  he  no  zare  eez 
not  von  sho  for  heem.  'No  sare !  Een  London  he 
shall  queek  perish  of  faim;  mais  een  Paris,  eef  he 
haf  von  beet  art  een  heem,  he  eezy  sell  zee  work  of 
fue  days  for  feefty,  honderd,  couple  hondcrd  francs." 

In  his  enthusiasm  he  exhumed  an  ancient  easel 
from  a  closet,  and  showed  me  an  unplastered  but  well 
lighted  attic,  just  beyond  my  room,  at  the  end  of  the 
corridor,  saying  he  would  answer  for  M.  Martin,  that 
I  might  use  it  as  a  private  studio,  whenever  I  pre- 
ferred it  to  my  chamber,  as  a  workroom. 

At  dinner  I  perceived  that  the  Eye  had  taught  it- 
self to  shun  me ;  but  scarcely  had  I  felicitated  my- 
self on  the  discovery,  ere  I  was  thrown  into  a  slow 
fever  by  the  other  one,  that  M'lle.  Lamont  was  quietly 
and  skilfully  taking  an  inventory  of  my  personal  ap- 
pearance. No  doubt,  I  thought,  this  fat  rogue  at 
my  elbow  has  been  telling  her,  God  knows  what, 
about  me. 

It  then  occurred  to  me  that  the  Societe  Hippo- 
jpTiagigue  had  made  horse  flesh  a  staple  Parisian 
viand,  and  that  I  had  heard  the  Yicksburg  "John- 


i 


V 

V 
\ 


"^ 


rK,^^99?:S^'^fm^'9-'tiSfii(^<ff;Sf'^t^^'9*''T''!:^'  ^ 


JULES. 


THE   MODEL   AT   HOME.  295 

nies  "  praise  mule  meat  mistintedly.  Query:  was 
the  soup  I  had  just  enjoyed  so  much,  m  fact,  potage 
de  Chevalf 

While  afraid  to  ask  Jules,  I  was  too  experienced 
a  traveler  to  permit  such  a  doubt  to  mar  my  enjoy- 
ment of  a  dinner  so  good  and  well  served  as  that 
before  us. 

Wlien  our  meal  was  ended  Jules  introduced  me, 
over  a  handful  of  cheroots,  to  M.  Tesson;  who 
seemed  a  good-looking',  conceited  young  man  of 
twenty-five,  the  pride,  perhaps,  of  some  bumptuous 
village  of  the  provinces.  Thmking  he  would  do  bet- 
ter than  no  company,  in  my  walks  to  and  fro,  I  en- 
couraged Jule's  evident  willingness  to  arrange  with 
Adolphe  to  take  me  to  his  class  on  the  morrow. 

Dexterously  ending  the  interview,  Jules  led  me  to 
his  den,  and  told  me  to  prepare  to  follow  him  into 
temptation,  as  he  had  an  appointment  to  call  with  me, 
on  a  lady,  in  twenty- seven  minutes. 

Punctual,  to  a  tick,  he  knocked  at  the  door  I  had 
failed  to  locate ;  and,  responsive  to  a  melodious 
"Entrez,"  we  walked  into  a  hijou  of  a  nest,  my 
earliest  recollections  of  wliich  were  luxurious  of  lace, 
ebony,  velvet,  snowy  pillows  in  an  alcove,  bits  of 
good  art,  dainty  bric-a-brac,  a  bewildering  presence 
and  a  faint,  exquisite  odor  of  violets. 


296  THE   FAILURES   OF  A   MASTER. 

I  soon  noticed,  eyeing  me  superciliously,  a  mag- 
nificent Angola  cat,  who  ceased  licking  his  golden 
fur  and  took  a  little  trot  and  leap  when  our  hostess 
irresistibly  intoned  ^'Malnot!''^  Long  before  Jules 
rose  to  go  I  was  led  to  believe  that  the  young  woman 
supported  that  cat  in  luxurious  indolence,  expressly  to 
hold  him  in  her  lap  and  by  dainty  endearments  in- 
flame her  masculine  visitors  with  an  inordinate  desire 
to  commit  catricide.  If  not,  she  certainly  possessed 
a  marvelous  power  of  arousing  intense  emotions  un- 
intentionally. At  a  later  time,  when  Malnot  began 
to  manifest  a  lively  jealousy  of  me,  I  gradually  learned 
to  like  him ;  but  it  was  fortunate  for  his  posterity  that 
I  did  not  meet  him  early  in  our  acquaintance  on  the 
roof  or  in  the  com^t-yard,  alone  by  moonhght. 

It  is  with  keen  regret  that  the  pen  is  now  restrained 
from  at  attempt  to  fill  with  delicate  touches  the  un- 
satisfactory outlines  it  has  already  carefully  laid 
around  the  beauty  of  Estelle.  Artistic  longing  yields 
to  the  recollection  that  the  happiest  attempts  of  mas- 
ter hands,  to  convey  in  words  approximate  ideas  of 
personal  appearance,  are  monumental  illustrations  of 
the  impotence  of  the  pen  and  the  infatuation  of  au- 
thorship. Even  that  grand  painter  of  the  universe, 
the  Sun,  when  he  attempts  portraiture,  too  often  — 
as  all  familiar  with  the  gross  libels  and  flatteries  of 


PIDGIN  ENGLISH.  297 

photography  must  know  —  fails  to  picture  people  as 
they  are ;  and  a  little  philosophical  meditation  on 
those  failures  might  disencumber  descriptive  litera- 
tiu"e  of  a  vast  burden  of  verbiage  that  conveys  no 
conception  to  any  one,  or  a  different  impression  to 
everybody. 

Madamoiselle  Lamont  was  what  a  poet  of  the  es- 
thetic school  might  mention  as  a  nocturne  in  delicate 
crimson  and  pale  gold.  She  was  a  dark,  shapeful 
beauty,  whose  clear,  smooth  skin,  tempered  with  a 
rare  mingling  of  ripening  red  and  dehcate,  whitened 
sun-glint,  seemed  even  fair ;  and  whose  full,  medium 
proportions,  as  if  in  vindication  of  Burke's  postulate 
that  diminutiveness  is  an  indispensable  element  of  the 
beautiful,  seemed  in  their  symmetry  dehghtfully 
small :  but  there  were  imperative  visible  reasons  why 
no  one  would  remember  her  as  either  small  of  mould 
or  dark  in  coloring. 

In  a  dove-like  way  she  spoke  very  piquant  pidgin 
English,  an^  accomplishment  acquired,  as  I  soon 
learned,  during  a  recent  ballet  season  in  London,  in 
which  she  had  contributed  to  sustain  the  reputation 
of  the  Gymnase  abroad  and  at  the  same  time  illus- 
trated the  poetry  of  her  sun-ripened  Basque  shape  to 
the  distraction  of  more  than  one  glazed  and  gilded 
swell  of  that  metropolis.     And  yet,  notwithstanding 


1^98  A  MATTER   OF  PACT  ARRANGEMENT. 

this  and  other  enlightening  episodes  in  her  diversified 
life,  there  was  a  distinct  trace  in  her  large  hlaek  eyes 
of  that  fearless  ontlook  upon  things  mundane  which 
is  so  noticeable  in  an  unsophisticated  child.  And  she 
was  full  of  those  sudden,  kittenish  airs  and  move- 
ments that  must  remain  inconceivable  to  all  except 
the  fortunate  few  who  have,  for  a  time  at  least, 
known  intimately  some  deliciously  unceremonious, 
mercurial,  petite  Francaise. 

After  a  pleasant  conversation,  that  dealt  principally 
with  affairs  of  London,  Paris  and  America,  Jules  in 
a  most  matter  of  fact  way  remarked  that,  being  an 
artist,  I  might  need  her  services  occasionally,  as  model. 

"  C'est  bien,"  she  returned,  quietly,  turning  her 
earnest,  unfaltering  eyes  full  on  mine;  "  Ven  Mon- 
sieur pleece,  I  shall  haf  plashure  to  pose  at  heem." 

In  withdrawing,  as  if  suddenly  overtaken  on  the 
threshold  by  an  important  recollection,  Jules  stepped 
back,  closed  the  door,  and  in  a  most  absurd  manner 
of  speech  and  action,  rendered  his  version  of  my  ad- 
venture with  Mademoiselle  Marcelle  Vignaux,  the 
possessor  of  the  remarkable  nose  and  eye. 

I  expected  to  see  my  prospective  model  go  into  a 
convulsion  similar  to  that  in  which,  just  after  the 
event,  I  had  found  Jules ;  but  all  that  ensued  was 
one  wild,  quickly   smothered  shriek;   and,  shaking 


FI!    FI!    MON  AMI.  299 

her  finger  archly  at  M.  Guenadon,  "Fi!  Fi!  moii 
ami." 

Over  our  pipes  Jules  explained  that  the  two  were 
staunch  comrades,  Estelle  liking  Marcelle,  perhaps 
for  her  piquant  ugliness  ;  and  the  other  adoring  Es- 
telle for  ohvious  and  also  other  reasons,  including  a 
mother's  care  during  a  long  and  serious  illness.  If 
Jules  was  a  good  authority,  Estelle  Lamont  was  not 
the  woman  to  snatch  a  sister  Bohemian  from  the 
grave's  mouth,  and  then  assist  in  burying  her  m  ridi- 
cule. 

I  encouraged  my  friend  to  converse  about  our  two 
remarkable  neighbors ;  but  all  he  could  or  would  tell 
me  about  M'lle.Yignaux  was  that  she  was  a  skilful 
and  much  prized  proof-reader,  Owing  to  the  facility 
with  which  The  Eye  bored  mto  the  proof,  while  its  fel- 
low roamed  over  the  copy.  Whether  this  was  matter 
of  fact,  or  another  of  his  inscrutable  pleasantries,  I 
never  fully  determined. 

Of  Estelle,  he  vouchsafed  the  following  meager 
biography :  — 

Her  father,  a  Basque,  for  years  a  music  composer, 
had  been  slain  at  Gravelotte,  leaving  Estelle  an  or- 
phan at  twelve,  without  heritage,  or  kindred  willing 
and  able  to  provide  her.  For  two  years  she  was  kept 
and  taught  as  a  ward  of  the  people,  in  the  Covent  de 


300  OVEE  OUR  PIPES. 

Sacre  Coeur.  Then,  dissatisfied  with  her  anomalous 
situation,  she  took  herself  away  from  it  and  began 
her  battle  with  the  world  as  a  flower-girl  at  the  The- 
atre Francais.  There  she  soon  fixed  the  attention  of 
several  reputable  artists,  who  first  patronized  her  lib- 
erally and  next  induced  her  to  pose  as  a  model.  A 
constantly  increasing  value  in  this  vocation  inclined 
her  to  follow  it  more  and  more,  until  she  was  offered 
a  place  in  the  ballet  of  the  Gymnase,  at  sixteen,  since 
which  she  had  posed  less,  but  never  wholly  abandoned 
that  calling. 

On  the  stage  her  fast  developing  beauty  soon  filled 
a  prominent  operator  on  the  Bourse  with  an  infatua- 
tion that  became  at  once  the  bane  and  shield  of  her 
exposed  existence.  He  first  urged  her  to  leave  the 
stage,  and  live  as  she  pleased,  at  school,  or  otherwise, 
under  his  protection ;  and  failing  to  persuade  her,  be- 
came so  prodigal  of  presents  and  devotion  that  en- 
vious rivals  in  the  Corps  set  on  foot  a  scandal  which 
so  incensed  the  innocent  girl  that  she  canceled  her 
engagement  at  the  theater  and  began  to  turn  her  nat- 
ural  advantages  of  beauty,  grace  and  taste  to  account, 
as  best  she  could,  in  ways  of  earning  a  livelihood  less 
tedious  and  repugnant  than  constant  posing.  Her 
impetuous  lover  tried  to  repair  the  evil  his  imprudence 
had  wrought,  begging  her  to  accept  from  him  her 


r 


ESTELLE. 


THE  BASQUE   ORPHAN.  301 

regular  ballet  stipend,  and  in  his  love-tempered  con- 
trition even  urging  her  to  marry  him  immediately. 
But,  moved  perhaps  by  pride,  or  possibly  by  other 
womanly  feeling,  she  responded  to  all  his  importunity 
by  demonstrating  her  ability  to  provide  for  herself, 
eking  out  occasional  earnings  as  model  with  those  of 
an  artistic  skill  in  needlework,  and  of  desultory  en- 
gagements as  singer  at  the  Bouffes  Parisiens,  lay- 
figure  in.  fashionable  shops  of  the  Boulevards,  and  as 
amanuensis. 

]S"ext,  her  repulsed  lover  was  suddenly  taken  ill, 
and  in  the  crisis  of  his  malady  called  her  name  so 
constantly  that  the  physician  went  to  her  and  told 
her  that  she  held  in  her  hand  the  only  remaining  hope 
of  a  recovery. 

Without  hesitation  she  asked  the  physician  to  re- 
turn in  half  an  hour,  and  when  he  did  so,  accom- 
panied him  to  the  patient's  bedside  and  remained 
there  until  the  doomed  man  died. 

Finally,  learning  that  he  had  left  some  speculations 
open  which  involved  his  affairs  so  hopelessly  that  his 
sister  was  likely  to  become  needy,  the  soldier's  orphan 
put  away  one  plain,  gold  necklace  with  a  small  dia- 
mond-encrusted cross,  and  sent  all  the  other  gifts  of 
the  brother  to  the  unfortunate  sister.  The  neck- 
lace  she   kept  in  a  little  strong-box,  on  a  console 


302  VIRTUE  IS  ITS   OWN  REWARD. 

near  her  pillow,  so  closely  that  Jules  had  seen  it  only 
once,  just  after  she  came  to  that  pension,  about  eigh- 
teen months  before  my  arrival,  when  the  gossip  w^as 
rife,  and  fresh  enough  to  follow  her ;  or  when  the 
malevolent  creatures  who  regarded  her  as  an  intrusive 
rival  tried  to  revive  the  old  scandal  —  and  ignomini- 
ously  failed. 

A  year  later  she  had  again  engaged  with  the  Gym- 
nase,  to  go  to  London  in  the  ballet ;  since  which  time 
she  had  danced  regularly  until  the  expiration  of  a 
six  months'  contract.  And  during  his  recent  visit  to 
London  Jules  had  learned  of  a  malicious  revival  of 
the  old  slander  in  that  city,  in  the  on  dit  that  all  Paris 
knew  she  had  been  the  mistress  of  a  man  who  gave 
her  a  diamond  necklace  !  and  after  two  years  died  in 
her  arms. 

Such  were  the  outlines  of  a  life,  on  which  I  pondered 
after  supper  that  night,  when  I  had  locked  myself 
into  my  chamber  fresh  from  another  and  more  careful 
scrutiny  of  Estelle.  And  my  meditations  affected 
me  like  the  down-look  from  a  dizzy  elevation,  which 
tempts  the  sane  man  to  cast  himself  headlong. 

Every  memory  of  the  woman  I  intensely  loved  was 
edged  with  grim  despair ;  and  why  should  I  not  turn 
my  back  upon  a  hopeless  past  and  plunge  recklessly 
into  the  unknown  future? 


CHAPTER    XIY. 


AELY  the  next  fore- 
noon I  accompanied 
M.  Tesson  to  his 
class,  in  the  Passage 
du  Havre,  and  was 
^presented  to  the  pro- 
fessor and  three 
American  pupils. 
The  former  received  me  very  affably,  and  having 
conversed  with  me,  as  well  as  he  was  able,  for  a  few 
minutes,  directed  me  to  prepare  a  sketch  m  figure 
and  show  it  to  him  as  soon  as  convenient. 

When  he  released  me  I  wandered  about  in  a  noisy 
fog  of  tobacco  smoke  until  I  sighted  one  of  my  new, 
American  acquaintances,  who  loomed  up  at  his  easel, 
before  a  crooked  tree  which  he  was  making  crookeder 
with  his  left  hand. 


304         ENCOUEAGING  THE  OTHER  HAND. 

I^oticmg  my  interest  in  his  devastation,  he  pleas- 
antly remarked  that  he  conld  build  better  scenery 
than  that,  but  was  testing  a  theory  of  his,  that  by 
working  with  the  left  occasionally  he  could  encourage 
the  other  hand. 

Returning  presently  to  the  pension,  I  sat  down 
alone  and  rubbed  my  head  until  it  was  settled  that  I 
should  pose  my  symmetrical  model  as  Phryne  before 
her  Judges.  Hastening  to  her  door,  I  explained; 
whereupon  she  cut  a  pas  seul  in  the  corridor,  expres- 
sive of  her  joy  at  being  cast  for  a  new  part. 

"  Yich  vay  shall  I  drap  —  a  la  Helene? "  she 
panted. 

"  ]!^ — o.  We  must  see  about  that.  Let's  wake 
up  Jules." 

But  the  author,  poet  and  critic  was  not  at  home ; 
and  the  impatient  maiden  fled  into  her  bower,  crying, 
' '  Yait-y  meenit !  "  as  she  shut  the  door  and  locked  it. 

In  an  incredibly  short  time  she  glided  into  my  attic 
studio,  draped  to  the  bare  instep  in  pale  red  silk, 
overlaid  with  a  filmy  lace  coverlet,  her  abundant  ebon 
hair  rippling  around  her  brow  and  temples,  into  a 
massy  coil  behind  her  pretty  ears. 

"Bravo!"  from  the  artist,  between  slaps  of  his 
palms.  "  The  costume  is  a  revelation  of  becoming- 
ness,  and  the  hair  perfect ;  but  I  am  not  sure  the 


NO  DOUBT  WELL  REHEARSED.  305 

mode  is  the  one  that  was  abroad  in  Athens  in  the  days 
of  Praxiteles." 

All  the  afternoon  I  awaited  the  return  of  our  critic 
with  restlessness. 

"Yeal,"  he  said,  after  some  reflection,  when  I 
waylaid  him  at  his  door,  full  of  my  dilemma,  ''zat 
eez  Yon  bon  idee,  eef  you  york  up  eento  heem.  I 
haf  alreddy  ze  fort  noshun  zat  Phryne  viz  her  advo- 
cat  make  on  zem  Zhudges  vat  you  applez  von  poosh 
up  zhob.  Een  my  opeenyone  zat  denouement  so 
dramateek  haf  been  bien  rehearse.  !N^ow  eef  ve  vant 
effeck,  voila  !  Ye  no  care  zat!  (snapping  his  finger) 
for  la  mode ;  and,  tout  le  meme,  Phryne  no  care  for 
it,  too.  Ko  sare !  You  zhoost  put  on  Estelle  von 
draperie  blanc,  viz  ze  loose  cestus,  so  ven  she  thro 
heem  off,  viz  ze  coup  de  bras  majestique  and  ze 
beau,  confiant  regard,  he  fall  low  ovare  ze  loose  zone ; 
and,  by  gar,  you  make  von  ten  heet." 

These  suggestions  inspired  me  with  such  enthusi- 
asm that  I  hastened  to  my  model's  door  and  imparted 
the  critic's  views  through  a  long,  narrow  aperture. 

^'C'est  charmant,"  she  mumbled,  through  a 
mouthful  of  her  disheveled  hair ;  ^ '  I  shall  to-night 
practeese,  and  to-morrow  you  shall  see." 

I  am  afraid  I  did  not  profit  much  by  the  class  ex- 
ercises of  the  ensuing  day.     It  was  too  smoky ;  and 

20 


306  THE   DEAPED   MODEL. 

the  students  seemed  noisier  than  ever  over  their  pipes 
and  tools.  And  then  I  could  not  get  the  afternoon 
exercises  oiit  of  my  head. 

At  last,  after  careful  arrangements  with  impromptu 
screens,  so  that  I  could  control  the  strong  light  of  the 
window,  I  was  alone  with  my  tools  and  my  model  in 
the  low,  raftered  attic  room. 

Phryne  was  as  calm  and  fresh  and  bright  as  a  May 
morning.  Her  coiffure  was  that  of  the  preceding 
day,  slightly  improved  by  the  addition  of  a  breezy 
looseness  here  and  there ;  a  plain  white  mantle,  soft 
and  billowy,  and  cunningly  puffed  and  draped  at  the 
hips  over  a  silvery  silken  cord,  covered  her  from  chin 
to  floor. 

"Are  you  ready?  "  I  asked,  bracing  my  nerves  for 
calm,  critical  observation. 

"  Oui,  mon  artiste,"  she  answered  quietly,  poising 
her  head  and  projecting  a  proud,  self-conscious  gaze 
into  the  middle  of  the  rough  wall-space  between  the 
window  and  the  easel. 

"  Then  tenez  le  coup,"  I  said,  glancing  nervously 
at  the  point  of  my  sharp  crayon. 

With  a  graceful  upward  movement  she  curved  her 
arms  forward  until  they  seemed  an  oval  frame,  draped 
with  the  wavy  folds  that  followed,  covering  them; 
through  which  a  bust   portrait  peeped  out  coquet- 


CHOOSING  THE  MOMENT.  307 

tishly :  and  then,  with  a  slow,  downward  coup  of  the 
extensor  muscles,  she  brought  her  hands  on  spiral 
S  curves  to  her  girdle,  crossing  them  there,  and  so 
gathering  the  snowy  mass  that  followed,  in  collapsing 
billows  aromid  her  elbows :  then,  while  envious  dis- 
trust of  mj  ability  to  perform  my  part  as  well  as  she 
did  hers  almost  discouraged  me,  she  quickly  raised 
her  hands  and  stood  covered  from  chin  to  heel . 

Three  times  I  outlined  as  many  phases  of  the  pose, 
while  she  repeated  the  action  as  slowly  as  possible ; 
getting  results  that  filled  me  with  contempt  of  that 
poverty  of  art  wliich  begs  "  the  moment,"  impotent 
to  express  aught  but  an  insinuation  of  such  exquisite 
movement. 

After  much  comparison  I  finally  chose  the  moment 
of  the  second  sketch,  wherein  the  arms  began  to  ex- 
press the  downward  cast  while  yet  suggesting  the 
upward  movement.  I  then  carefully  laid  in  the  prin- 
cipal figure,  on  the  easel ;  and  when  I  had  done  this 
to  my  satisfaction,  adjourned  the  standing,  to  confer 
with  Jules  concerning  alternatives  of  composition. 

Between  us  it  was  in  time  decided  to  support 
Phryne's  triumphant  air  with  as  much  explanatory 
story  as  I  could  work  into  Hyperides  and  the  Judges 
without  sacrificing  unity  to  this  purpose  of  making 
the  subordinate  figures  help  to  explain  the  motive  of 


308  DELIGHTFUL   INTEERUPTION. 

the  group.  I  wished  to  draw  every  face  from  life; 
and  persuaded  Jules  to  stand  for  Hyperides,  and  aid 
me  in  getting  effective  sitters  for  the  other  figures. 

When,  at  length,  the  work  began  to  stand  out,  my 
model  manifested  an  agreeable  interest  in  it;  and, 
after  I  had  abjured  retouching  Phryne,  often  came 
into  the  attic- room,  followed  by  Malnot,  to  watch  its 
growth  and  delay  it  by  the  hour.  But,  in  compen- 
sation for  the  loss  of  time  occasioned  by  this  lively 
interest,  she  often  made  excellent  suggestions,  and 
sometimes  brought  a  needle  and  put  in  numerous 
elegant  stitches  where  they  did  much  good. 

"Wait,  mon  artiste,"  she  smiled  one  day,  while  I 
was  working  an  oratorical  expression  into  Jules'  sym- 
metrical nose,  "until  ze  wintare  come,  bimeby; 
and  I  shall  take  you  often  to  ze  ballet  and  bal 
masque.     You  haf  not  yet  to  see  me  dance." 

"Estelle,"  I  answered,  measuring  my  words  off 
between  stipples,  "I  believe  you  are  a  dangerous 
coquette.  Last  winter  you  almost  spavined  M.  Tes- 
son,  trotting  him  about  after  you ;  and  now  you  are 
scarcely  civil  to  him,  and  are  planning  to  make  a 
cripple  of  me  —  just  because  I  am  young  and  foolish 
enough  to  prefer  your  society  to  that  of  M'Ue  Vig- 
naux." 

"  Haf  M.  Tesson  tell  you  zat?  "  she  asked,  look- 


A  WITCH  IN  A  BOTTLE.  309 

ing  quickly  up  from  the  sport  of  Maliiot  with  her 
needlework,  while  a  red  spot  burned  in  each  cheek 
and  her  black  eyes  for  the  moment  wore  a  corre- 
spondmg  fiery  look. 

^^  'Never  mind  who  told  me;  I  keep  a  witch  hi  a 
bottle,  to  tell  me  some  things  I  want  to  know ;  and 
she  says  you  are  a  very  harmless  young  person  — 
when  you  are  fast  asleep." 

''Ask  your  vitch  vy  for  I  vas  not  aujourdui  good 
friends  viz  M.  Tesson,  zen,"  she  retorted,  bending 
over  the  cat ;  ' '  and  mebbe  you  shall  fine  dout  eef  I 
am  coquette." 

''And  what  did  he  do,  ma  mignonette, —  drop  his 
chair-leg  slyly  on  Mahiot's  tail;  or  squeeze  your 
waist  too  high  up  under  your  elbow?  " 

"  Mon  artiste  !  "  she  answered  rismg  quickly,  and 
greatly  to  his  amazement  spillhig  Malnot  on  the 
floor ;  "I  shall  not  to  be  good  frens  viz  you,  eef  you 
queet  to  be  von  brave  bonhomme  viz  me." 

And  meeting  my  close  but  furtive  scrutiny  with  a 
regretful  look  she  turned  with  the  grace  and  dignity 
of  a  grieved  countess  and  followed  Malnot  across 
the  corridor. 

For  the  next  two  weeks  I  would  have  been  home- 
sick if  Jules,  who  seemed  to  understand  that  I  had 


310        LONG  EAMBLES  AND  SHORT  RESTS. 

reasons  for  feeling  lonesome,  had  not  taken  me  in 
hand  and  showed  me  a  great  deal  of  Paris  in  a  short 
time.  He  often  in  a  single  afternoon  pointed  out 
more  in  the  Louvre  worthy  of  attention  than  I  would 
have  discovered,  without  some  equally  efficient  help, 
in  a  week's  wandering;  and  he  frequently  enticed 
me  into  long  rambles,  broken  by  pleasant  halts  to  try 
a  pipe  with  one  and  another  of  his  friends  to  whom 
he  wished  to  introduce  me.  In  this  way  I  soon  be- 
came intimate  with  a  number  of  artists  of  reputation 
and  several  journalists ;  among  them,  M.  Carolus 
Duran,  not  then  so  well  known  to  the  artistic  world 
as  he  now  is,  as  the  head  and  founder  of  a  great, 
popular  school.  He  seemed  to  like  me  well  enough 
to  tolerate  me,  because  I  was  an  American  and  suf- 
ficiently unsophisticated  in  art  to  admire  his  much 
criticised  originality :  and  I  liked  him  still  more,  be- 
cause he  was  always  Idnd,  and  made  it  seem  as  if  I 
was  conferring  the  favor  when  he  taught  me  things 
about  the  craft  I  never  had  opportunity  to  learn  else- 
where than  in  his  studio. 

On  the  14th  of  July  Paris  dressed  gaily  for  its 
great  fete. 

Soon  after  breakfast  Estelle,  exquisitely  bedecked 
in  a  delicately  flowered  white  muslin  and  a  delicious 


THE   DAY   OF   THE   BASTILE.  311 

little  bonnet  of  natural  flowers,  flashed  through  the 
corridor  and  out  of  the  pension,  nodding  provok- 
ingly  as  she  fragrantly  flitted  past  my  open  door. 

About  an  hour  later,  or  a  little  past  noon,  Jules 
walked  in  while  I  was  scratcliing  viciously  on  a  dark 
spot  of  my  Phryne,  and  said  a  victoria  was  waiting 
for  us  below. 

As  I  had  never  seen  the  site  of  the  Bastile  we  first 
turned  into  the  Boulevard  Saint  Germain  and  crossed 
the  river  to  the  column  France  has  erected,  to  uphold 
her  statue  of  Liberty  and  commemorate  her  Inde- 
pendence Day.  Then  we  drove  through  the  brill- 
iantly arrayed  thoroughfares  of  new  Paris,  past  the 
Bourse  and  the  Grand  Opera  and  the  Madeline,  in 
sight  of  the  fountains,  statues  and  tall  limes  of  the 
Garden  of  the  Tuileries,  to  the  thronged  seats 
under  the  noble  horse-chestnuts  of  the  Avenue  du 
Bois. 

Here  Jules,  prompted  by  the  stirring  life  and  pa- 
geantry around  us  and  the  brilliant  transparency  of 
the  atmosphere,  proposed  that  we  should  ascend  to 
the  summit  of  the  Arc  de  Triomphe  and  look  down 
upon  the  fete. 

The  climb,  owing  to  the  immense  crush  of  sight- 
seers, was  trying,  but  the  scene  from  the  top  was 
amply  compensating.    At  a  glance  I  understood  why 


312  ON  L'  ETOILE. 

the  Communists  had,  at  prodigious  pains,  hoisted 
heavy  artillery  upon  that  pile. 

Aroimd  us  radiated  the  ten  grand  avenues  carved 
from  a  city's  vitals,  not  exactly  to  lend  sweep  to  the 
ordnance  of  insurrection,  but,  such  is  the  irony  of 
fate,  to  give  range  to  Louis  l^apoleon's  cannon  — 
avenues  all  aimed  directly  at  us,  and  loaded  with  life 
and  color  such  as  can  be  seen  only  in  Paris  on  such 
a  day.  At  our  feet  lay  the  teeming  length  and 
breadth  of  the  Champs  Elysees ;  to  the  left,  down 
a  short  vista,  nestled,  like  a  morsel  of  Eden,  a  bit 
of  the  beautiful  Pare  Monceau;  and  as  we  slowly 
worked  our  way  around  the  balustrade  the  eye  soared 
from  the  tip-top  of  Mont  Yalerien  to  the  breezy  crest 
of  Montmartre ;  alighting  successively  on  the  slender 
shaft  of  the  Column  Yendome,  the  twin  turrets  of 
]^otre  Dame,  the  stately  round-top  of  the  Pantheon, 
and  the  glittering,  gilded  dome  of  the  Hotel  des 
Invalides. 

After  many  lingering  looks  at  a  myriad  of  bewil- 
dering details  we  descended  and  drove  around  Mont 
Yalerien,  in  sight  of  the  tiled  roofs  and  quaint  spires 
of  the  nestling  suburb  of  ISTanterre ;  and  on,  back  to 
the  Luxembourg,  in  the  lengthening  shadows  and  last 
sunshine  that  blazed  on  the  f agades  fronting  towards 
the  west.    And  I  made  quick  use  of  the  vanishing 


LAMENTED  FOLLY.  313 

daylight  to  take  out  some  of  the  sombre  shadows  of 
my  picture. 

Thanks  to  Jules  and  the  Day  of  the  Bastile,  I 
escaped  makmg  a  gloomy  study  of  that  subject ;  for 
I  had  been  depressed  by  the  ill  success  of  little  efforts 
to  reinstate  myself  m  the  good-comradeship  I  had 
so  lightly  jeopardized  with  Estelle.  'Not  that  she 
resented  my  fatuous,  experimental  freedom  with  any 
of  the  airs  by  which  women  of  usual  quality  make 
known  to  man  the  existence  of  a  breach  that  must  be 
mended  by  penitence  before  the  repairs  can  possibly 
be  strengthened  with  a  kiss.  On  the  contrary,  she 
always  gave  me  a  pleasant  nod  or  smile  in  passing ; 
but  she  no  longer  came  tripping  and  tapping  to  my 
door,  or  hngered  at  her  own  to  gossip  with  me,  or 
left  it  on  the  long  summer  afternoons  delightfully 
ajar :  and,  worst  of  all,  she  seemed  to  have  entirely 
lost  her  recent  lively  interest  in  the  picture. 

When  it  was  finished  I  carried  it  to  my  preceptor, 
who  criticised  it  freely  and  then  gave  me  a  line  to  M. 
Laporte,  a  dealer  in  the  Boulevard  Montmartre,  which 
influenced  the  latter  to  put  it  in  his  window  for  sale. 

And  then  the  afternoons  ui  which  Jules  was  ab- 
sent from  his  den,  or  locked  in  with  his  MS.  became 
so  tedious  that  I  often  regretted  that  I  had  not,  on 
setting  forth  upon  my  foreign  travels,  violated  my  ex- 


314  ONE   OF  JULE'S  JOKES. 

cellent  rule  never  to  encumber  my  journeyings  with 
my  banjo.  But  I  soon  remembered  that  I  had  once 
been  a  mechanic ;  and  by  a  little  industry  and  the 
outlay  of  a  few  francs  for  tools  and  materials  I  at 
length  perfected  a  small  but  rather  pretty  and  really 
fuie-toned  instrument.  Then,  waiting  until  I  next 
heard  Jules'  mellow  flute  catch  up  a  lively  air  that 
Estelle  was  warbling  to  Malnot,  I  slid  into  the  concert 
on  my  new  banjo  with  a  taste  and  touch  that  ere  long 
produced  silence  on  one  side  of  the  corridor  and  en- 
ergetic applause  on  the  other. 

The  soothing  influence  of  music  exalted  me  into 
a  happier  mood,  in  which  I  translated  one  of  Jules' 
literary  jokes,  hammering  it  into  this  shape  : 

A  NIGHT   IN  JUNE. 

I. 

It  is  the  hour  when  ou  the  nest  the  warbler's  throat  lies  hushed  and  still; 

When  in  the  bosom  of  the  blowing  rose  the  dew  lies  chill ; 
When  leaf  and  bud  and  blossom  nod  in  drooping  sleep  on  stem  and  vine, 

And  all  the  din  of  day  is  lulled  in  Nature's  soft  recline. 

II. 
Into  the  west,  whence  the  last  paling  glint  of  gold  and  gray  has  fled, 

The  vesper  hymn  of  Night's  shrill  choristers  has  followed  far, 
Chanting  to  other  changeling  skies  with  ever-fleeing  sunset  red, 

The  anthem  weird  in  welcome  of  the  blazing  evening  star. 

III. 
O'er  the  dark  deep  of  heaven  unnumbered  tinier  stars,  in  glittering  crowds. 

Are  strownlike  showers  of  flickering  sparks,  amid  dun,  drifting  clouds: 
Far  in  the  east  a  silvery  gleam,  warming  to  pearly-amber  glow, 

Slow  widening  from  hill  to  hill,  the  loitering  moon  doth  show. 


THE   WAY  TO   SEE   PARIS.  315 

IV. 
On  the  south  wind  a  faint  perfume,  exhaled  by  dewy  new-mown  grass 

And  flower,  is  borne  in  billowy  puffs  that  seem  to  sigh,  Alas ! 
That  cruel  death  exacts  such  utter  cost  from  every  herb  and  flower 

Which  yields  its  sweetest  to  the  wooing  wind  for  one  short  hour. 

V. 
Thus  far  had  I  propelled  the  plaintive  pen  in  this  idyllic  frame. 

When,  through  the  swelling  curtain  stirred  by  sobs  of  fragrant  air, 
Swish!     Fluff!     ^er^op.'  a  festive  June-bug  waltzed  into  my  flame, 

And,  jigging  'round  the  floor,  returned  to  skirmish  in  my  hair. 

VI. 

O  airy  insect!  why  art  thou  so  fresh  (condemned)  in  balmy  June? 

Why  can't  you  run  without  a  head-light  when  the  moon  is  bright? 
Your  sociability  has  knocked  ray  inspiration  out  of  time  and  tune  — 

Until  there's  not  a  jingle  left  in  it,  except  Good  night ! 

As  soon  as  the  completion  of  my  picture  left  me 
a  lot  of  leisure  I  devoted  it  to  the  recreation  of  seeing 
Paris.  The  ways  of  seeing  Paris  are  many.  The 
one  I  first  chose  —  a  pleasantly  effective  one  —  was 
to  look  about  me  from  the  tops  of  the  tram-cars. 
But  a  president  of  an  American  street-railway  incor- 
poration would  not  enjoy  it.  He  would  blush  him- 
self into  an  apoplectic  fit  in  a  few  hours.  And  if  he 
survived  the  fit  he  would  feel  small  enough  to  enjoy 
hiduig  himself  in  a  coal  cellar  for  a  season.  For  the 
protean  superiority  of  the  Parisian  street-car  is  sar- 
castic on  American  intelligence. 

Imagine  a  large   omnibus  on  low,  broad  wheels. 


316  A  FLEA  IN  YOUR  EAR. 

From  the  left  side  of  the  rear  platform  a  spiral  stair- 
way and  railing  curl  around  the  corner  of  the  car,  to 
railed  seats  on  the  roof.  Tliis  is  the  "Imperial,'' 
where  one  revels  for  half  fare  !  The  track-rail,  broad, 
flat  and  flush  with  the  street,  does  not  incommode 
carriage  wheels  a  bit.  By  means  of  a  fifth,  or  guide 
wheel,  adjustable  to  a  narrow  groove  in  one  rail,  the 
driver  can  follow  or  abandon  the  track  at  will.  The 
blockade-fiend  has  no  detention  or  impudence  for 
him ! !  Last,  but  not  least,  to  a  tired  man  suspended 
by  a  strap,  each  ticket,  good  by  "correspondence" 
on  any  line,  entitles  the  holder  to  a  measured  seat. 
As  often  as  all  seats  are  full  the  Law  hangs  out  the 
hmt,  "  Complet;  "  and  while  that  legend  waves  no 
mortal  can  crowd  iuto  that  car ! ! ! 

Truly  my  countrymen  are  patient  asses,  on  which 
fat  corporations  ride. 

Returning  one  July  afternoon  from  an  imperial 
tour  with  Jules,  I  left  him  at  a  door  in  the  Rue 
Soufllot  and  ascended  heavenward,  to  find  our  angel 
in  colloquy  with  a  male  mortal  near  my  door.  Ap- 
proacliing  from  the  dark  end  of  the  passage  I  could 
not  see  distinctly,  but  when  the  man  put  forth  his 
hand  and  spoke  I  recognized  the  hearty  action  and 
address  of  Colonel  Starfield. 

Though  disconcerted  I  was  very  pleased  to  see  him 


A  EECEIPT  IN  FULL.  317 

there,  and  soon  drew  him  into  my  den.  He  said,  as 
he  sat  down,  that  he  had  been  in  Paris  a  week,  and 
had  surmounted  Alps  of  difficulty  in  finding  me  — 
indomitably,  having  business  of  importance  with  me. 
So  saying  he  handed  me  a  letter,  addressed  to  him- 
self, which  proved  to  be  from  his  father-in-law, 
Mr.  F . 

It  covered  a  clerkly  document  in  which  was  elab- 
orately set  forth  how  my  thirty  dollars  had  in  four 
and  a  half  years  grown,  ^aW^asszt  with  active  pa- 
ternal capital,  into  $147.40;  for  which  there  was 
Sterling  exchange,  to  my  order. 

As  there  was  no  perceptible  error  in  the  compli- 
cated figures,  and  as  the  punctilious  Colonel  would 
heed  no  expostulation  obstructive  to  literal  execution 
of  his  orders,  I  pocketed  the  draft  and  proceeded  to 
spread,  on  the  bottom  of  the  statement,  my  receipt 
in  full  of  demands  and  dues  of  every  kind,  to  date. 

Meanwhile  the  Colonel  turned  over  a  pile  of  my 
studies,  among  them  an  unsatisfactory  beginning  of 
Phryne.  This  he  laid  down,  to  inspect  the  voucher 
I  duly  handed  him ;  and  then  he  pointed  out  that  the 
letter  hinted  at  other  and  larger  claims. 

I  quietly  responded  that  it  was  against  my  princi- 
ples to  hold  open  old  claims  that  were  doubtful. 


318  SELF  TORTURE. 

My  visitor  eyed  me  sharply  for  a  moment;  then, 
taking  up  the  rejected  Phryne,  said  he  would  like  to 
purchase  it,  if  I  would  finish  it. 

I  suggested  that  he  had  better  look  in  M.  Laporte's 
window,  and  see  how  he  would  like  my  finish,  before 
he  placed  the  order. 

"By  the  way,"  he  resumed;  "my  wife  is  so 
pleased  with  Ada's  portrait  that  she  wants  me  to  sit 
to  you,  while  we  are  here,  —  so  name  the  hour  for  a 
beginning." 

"Do  you  solemnly  swear  that  you  would  rather 
have  the  portrait  than  the  price  of  it?  " 

"I  do.  And  now  that  detail  is  disposed  of,  let's 
ride  over  and  have  a  look  at  the  other  picture." 

On  the  way,  I  galled  myself  afresh  by  extracting 
from  my  companion  confirmation  of  the  suspicion  that 
there  had  been  reunions  of  an  ocean  party,  minus 
one,  in  London. 

^ '  Where  is  the  chef  cf  ceuvre  .^  "  I  asked ,  as  soon  as 
I  had  introduced  the  dealer  to  the  Colonel. 

The  bland  proprietor  led  us  to  a  crayon  that  looked 
familiarly  strange  and  agreeable,  in  a  showy,  becom- 
ing frame. 

"  Make  out  the  bill  —  I  will  take  it,"  was  the  sole 
comment  of  the  Colonel. 


NEVER  TOO  LATE.  319 

M.  Laporte  bowed,  smiled  as  only  a  French  pur- 
veyor to  Parisian  caprice  can  smile,  and  tragically 
articulated : 

*'Yer-ray  sor-ree  —  non!  non !  "  (bowing  over- 
whelmingly to  me) ,  ' '  boot  I  haf  the  grand  plaisir  to 
spik  zat  she  eez  baut." 

"  Bought !  "  I  echoed,  "  for  how  much?  " 

' '  Deux  —  hondre  —  f ourtee  francs . ' ' 

^'I'll  give  four  hundred  for  it!"  exclaimed  the 
Colonel. 

' '  Impossee-ble  !  trop  tard,  monsieur ;  I  haf  ze  re- 
cette  vat  you  call  —  pre-zent." 

To  a  casual  observer  it  would  have  seemed  that  I 
was  the  only  person  present  not  affected  to  profound 
regret.  I  was  not  sorry  —  by  a  number  of  francs  ; 
and  I  would  rather  have  had  it  sold  to  Paris  for  a 
hundred  of  them,  than  to  patronage  for  a  thousand. 

"I  want  that  picture,"  persisted  the  Colonel; 
''  and  there's  nothing  impossible  about  it.  Tell  your 
customer  that  an  American,  who  can  not  wait,  will 
give  him  five  hundred  francs  for  liis  bargain ;  and  let 
him  order  a  duphcate." 

"  Cest  bien !  trez  bien!"  chuckled  M.  Laporte, 
unconsciously  rubbing  my  friend's  card  between  his 
hands,  in  intense  admiration  of  the  American  method 
of  transacting  business. 


320  PLACID  EMOTIONS. 

At  supper  that  evening,  and  later,  I  waited  for 
Jules,  wondering  what  had  become  of  him ;  impatient 
to  share  my  placid  emotions  with  some  chosen  and 
sympathetic  companion. 

I  had  refilled  my  favorite  pipe,  and  was  computmg 
the  whole  volume  of  the  day's  business,  when  I  heard 
Estelle,  in  sharp  tones,  upbraiding  Malnot  for  glut- 
tonous indolence.  By  the  timbre  of  the  extraordinary 
appeal  to  naked  truth  I  knew  that  she  must  be,  for 
once,  in  a  bad  humor. 

Struck  by  the  novelty  of  the  affair,  in  sheer  excess 
of  importunate  joy,  I  opened  my  mouth  and  emitted 
a  hideous  war-whoop  that  I  had  mastered  in  the  army. 
It  was  scarcely  all  out  of  me  when  the  face  of  my  fair 
neighbor,  pale  and  serious,  appeared  in  my  half  open 
door.  Seeing  me  ahve  and  apparently  happy  she 
soon  smiled,  and  said : 

"  BoQ  jour,  mon  ami !  " 

"Entrez!"  I  cried,  throwing  my  pipe  at  a  bad 
"  sea-scape  "  and  pushing  the  softest  chair  around  in 
front  of  mine. 

' '  Ma  mauvaise  enfan§on,"  I  warbled,  when  she  had 
settled  in  her  crisp,  collapsing  envelopment,  "  I  have 
sold  you  to  some  bald-headed  old  rooster  for  forty- 
five  dollars  and  sixty  cents,  less  the  discount  any  one 
would  naturally  expect  on  such  a  purchase." 


'"'M*^-  :^'' 


'  Mi' 


iill^' 


fli^     J-     .  E-      at    iL      lb  .       -a*^      *      , 


/#./i« 


SOLD.  321 

'  Sold  ! —  me?''''  she  cried,  opening  lier  great,  black 
eyes  in  faltering,  comical  perplexity. 

' '  Yes,  you  —  la  Phryne ;  comprenez  vous?  ' ' 

' '  Oui !  oui !  —  mais  cet  —  zem  dollairs  —  combien 
eez  zat  for  francs ! " 

"■  Two  hundred  and  forty  francs,  less  commission." 

''  C'est  bien,"  she  laughed,  "  nest  ce  pas?  " 

^'  Yes,  pretty  bien,  ma  bonne  fille.  !N^ow,"  I 
added,  looking  at  her  quizzically,  "  shall  we,  to-mor- 
row, begin  a  Helen,  an  Eve,  or  a  Cleopatra?  " 

''As  you  pleece,"  she  answered,  putting  a  good 
deal  of  professional  starch  into  the  quiet  intonation 
of  an  unusually  French  English  idiom. 

"  N^o,"  I  resumed  in  a  more  natural  manner  j  ''  our 
next  pose  shall  be  —  let  me  see  —  yes,  the  Queen  of 
Sheba,  making  soft  eyes  at  Solomon." 

"  Yat  a  drole  you  could  be,  ven  you  shall  try," 
she  pouted,  tapping  her  small  boot  audibly  on  my 
smooth  floor.  "  Mon  petit  frere,"  she  abruptly 
asked,  "  vich  vas  ze  gentleman  com  here  to-day?  " 

''  Oh,"  I  replied,  nonchalantly,  as  if  it  was  a  mat- 
ter of  course,  ''one  of  my  American  patrons.  He 
came  to  order  his  portrait  for  his  wife,  who  has  fallen 
in  love  with  one  of  my  master-pieces." 

"  Yas  eet  von  coup  hereux?  " 

Obeying  a  sudden  impulse  I  got  my  portfolio  f roir. 

21 


322  BEAUTY  AND  THE  BEAST. 

its  corner  and  drew  forth  a  half-length  crayon  of 
Ada,  on  which  I  had  put  much  careful  labor  at  odd 
times. 

^' It  was  a  half-hfe  vignette  after  that  model,"  I 
said  carelessly. 

Estelle  looked  the  softly  finished  face  and  figure 
over  intently,  then  looked  at  me  thoughtfully,  and 
finally  returned  the  picture  without  comment. 

After  musing  a  few  moments,  she  fixed  her  open 
gaze  on  me  and  said : 

''•  You  haf  know  her  in  Amerique?  " 

Perceiving  that  I  had  blundered  I  reluctantly  owned 
that  there  was  truth  under  her  sagacious  inference, 
and  tried  to  divert  the  conversation  into  some  other 
channel ;  but  she  adhered  to  allusion  to  the  picture  so 
persistently  that  I  was  constrained,  at  length,  to  de- 
fend my  own  frontier  by  carrying  the  war  into  Africa. 

"  Estelle,"  I  interposed,  "  my  witch  told  me  last 
night  that  you  have  a  strong-box  in  your  alcove  in 
which  you  keep  a  diamond  necklace." 

If  the  devil,  himself,  had  suddenly  pocketed  me 
and  sat  down  in  my  chair  she  could  not  have  been 
more  cruelly  disconcerted.  Her  eyes,  already  fixed 
on  me,  quickly  dilated  with  a  piteous  pain,  which 
filled  me  with  self -upbraiding  as  it  swiftly  dissolved 
in  tears. 


FEMININE  PERTINACITY.  323 

Intensely  ashamed  of  my  complete  success  in  over- 
whelming her  I  tried  to  alleviate  the  distress  wrought 
by  the  brutal  blow.  I  told  her  that  I  knew  there  was 
no  diamond  necklace  —  that  it  was  all  a  wicked  lie ; 
and  declared  that  if  she  did  not  stop  crying  I  would 
knock  my  dastardly  head  against  the  wall. 

But  she  had  her  cry  out,  nevertheless. 

And  when  she  became  a  little  composed  I  reaped 
the  fruits  of  my  imprudent  aggression ;  for  she  grew 
pertinacious  in  skilful  efforts  to  find  out  what  I  knew 
about  the  gossip  of  the  necklace  ;  and  how  I  had  ob- 
tained the  information  I  evidently  possessed.  To 
satisfy  this  anxiety  without  betraying  Jules  to  her 
displeasure  was  a  necessity  that  perplexed  me,  until 
a  London  book-seller's  catalogue  on  my  table  re- 
minded me  of  a  letter  in  my  pocket,  which  I  exhibited 
just  sufficiently  to  persuade  her  that  what  little  I  con- 
fessed to  knowing  had  been  learned  from  some  Lon- 
don correspondent. 


CHAPTEE     XV. 


OLONEL  Starfield  de- 
clared that  he  was  in  no 
hnrry,  when  he  came  for 
his  first  sitting.  And  as  I 
was  then  almost  done  pos- 
ing Estelle  for  drapery  in 
the  Queen  of  Sheba,  and 
as  that  young  woman  was 
all  that  could  be  expected 
of  a  royal  belle  bedecked 
in  semi-barbaric  Oriental  splendor,  I  did  not  doubt 
that  my  patron  meant  all  he  said. 

After  I  dismissed  my  model,  he  informed  me  that 
he  was  the  possessor  of  Pliryne  Yictrix;  and  that  his 
wife,  at  first  rather  coy  of  the  motive,  was  beginning 
to  enter  into  the  spirit  of  the  treatment  and  evince  a 
proneness  to  display  the  picture.  But  A —  (a 
friend  who  often  dropped  in,  he  hastily  interpolated) 


326  A  SIMILAR  RESERVE. 

thought  the  model  entirely  too  Frenchj  for  classic 
style  —  that  is,  if  she  really  looked  like  that  Phryne. 

The  Colonel  imparted  this  intelligence  with  a  droll 
gravity  that  made  me  laugh  myself  into  a  brown 
study,  as  I  worked  out  the  first  hues  of  his  portrait. 
I  laughed,  at  first,  because  it  pleased  me  to  see 
that  my  chivalrous  patron  was  not  m  any  league 
against  mej  and  then  I  became  serious  on  remem- 
bering the  reserve  with  which  Estelle  had  in- 
spected Ada's  picture ;  reflecting  that  it  might  have 
been  the  polite  reservation  of  similar  disapprobation  ;• 
and  wondering  what,  in  certain  cases,  might  be  the 
ultimate  consequences  of  making  faithful  portraits  of 
beautiful  young  women. 

Fortunately  everybody  did  not  perceive  the  national 

blemish  Miss  F had  detected ;  for  before  I  had 

half  finished  the  Colonel's  commission,  M.  Laporte 
ordered  a  replica  of  the  other  picture  ]  and  mentioned 
that  he  would  be  pleased  to  offer  another  specimen  of 
my  work.  And  with  three  pictures  on  the  easel  what 
was  left  of  the  summer  flitted  by  in  a  close  procession 
of  Sundays  and  half-holidays,  linking  together  hours 
monotonous  of  class  and  studio.  With  the  denizens  of 
the  pension  I  mingled  little,  except  at  meal  times,  out- 
side of  a  small  circle ;  but  Jules  indef  atigably  planned 
outings,  to  the  parks,  vineyards  and  forests,  of  which 


OUTINGS  IN  THE   ENVIRONS.  327 

a  certain  M'lle.  Franciiie  Hortez  was  invariably  part ; 
and  Estelle  sometimes  induced  M.  Martin  to  join  our 
more  extended  excursions,  in  the  capacity  of  caterer 
and  escort  of  M'lle.Vignaux.  In  this  way  I  became 
familiar  with  the  environs  to  which  Paris  largely  owes 
its  fame  as  the  Beautiful  City. 

On  our  first  drive  in  the  Bois,  even  then  restored 
by  the  lavish  and  cunning  hand  of  nature,  from  the 
ruthless  ax  of  war,  we  alighted  near  the  cascade; 
and  Jules  and  Francine  rambled  up  the  stream,  above 
the  cavern,  while  I  watched  Estelle  pull  grass  and 
divide  it  impartially  between  the  astonished  horses. 
I  was  noticing  how  very  becoming  to  her  were  the 
glow  of  stooping  exei:cise  and  act  of  tenderly  slap- 
ping the  nose  of  the  greedy  animal,  when  I  heard  a 
muffled  patter  and,  turning,  saw  two  ladies  and  a 
gentleman  floating  toward  me  on  a  tidal  wave  of 
dust.  I  first  ran  to  our  straggling  span  and  pulled 
it  well  as  ward  \  and  then  hurried  around  the  pole,  to 
see  how  Parisiennes  ride.  Just  then  the  gentleman, 
already  past  me,  reined  short,  and  exclaiming  '•'•Lucy! 
Ada!''''  wheeled  and  extended  his  hand.  Then, 
while  the  ladies  reined  about,  and  shook  hands  with 
me,  the  Colonel  gallantly  rode  around  the  landau  and 
saluted  Estelle,  as  she  stood  on  the  turf  like  a  painted 
statue  of  Beauty  petrified  by  Surprise. 


328  THE   COLONEL   SHOWS   CLEAN   HANDS. 

The  situation  was  too  complicated  to  detain  per- 
sons of  breeding-  beyond  a  moment;  but  in  that 
moment  the  two  young  women  identified  each  other 
in  a  swift,  comprehensive,  critical  survey,  such  as  is 
completed  on  earth  occasionally,  when  under  excep- 
tional circumstances  two  charming  young  gentle- 
women happen  to  meet.  And  then  Estelle  and  I 
stood,  lookmg  over  a  rolling  cloud  at  as  pretty  a  sight 
as  they  who  never  fail  to  gaze  after  neat  riding  would 
ask  to  see. 

My  comrade  put  on  her  gloves,  and  stepped  into 
the  carriage  without  waiting  for  a  helping  hand ;  but 
she  did  not,  then  or  thereafter,  ask  who  those  ladies 
were. 

A  few  days  later  Colonel  Starfield  walked  into  my 
attic  studio  one  afternoon  and  bluntly  said  he  would 
not  let  any  woman  or  combination  of  women  involve 
him  in  shabby  conduct  toward  his  fellow  man.  On  a 
recent  ride  out  of  the  Bois,  he  added,  it  had  first  be- 
come known  to  him  that  two  ladies  were  seditious ; 
and  he  had  at  once  risen  in  his  stirrups  and  assumed 
command.  This  exercise  of  authority,  he  made  clear 
to  me,  was  attributable  to  the  fact  that  on  ship- 
board he  had  been  induced  to  practically  coerce 
me  into  association  with  his  party.  Having  proved 
himself  to  be  a  reliable  gentleman,  he  left  me  with 


AN  UNMITIGATED  CONFESSION.  329 

a  note  signed,  "Lucy  Starfield,"  which  gave  me 
the  freedom  of  a  private  parlor  at  the  Grand 
Hotel. 

Of  course  any  modern  young  man  of  experience 
would  have  gone  straightway,  and  convinced  the 
critical  young  lady  that  she  was  accurate  in  discern- 
ing that  Phryne  was  too  ' '  Frenchy : ' '  and  it  would  be 
romantic  to  swear  by  all  the  gods  and  demons  to  an 
enormous  misrepresentation;  but  Truth's  ^N'emesis, 
with  flaming  sword,  extorts  the  abject  confession  that 
I  was,  at  that  trying  moment,  very  much  consumed 
within  by  the  old  flame,  and  not  a  little  scorched, 
externally,  by  a  new  one.  It  is  an  unmitigated  con- 
fession; and  he  or  she  who  is  at  the  same  time 
shocked  and  without  interior  consciousness  of  simi- 
lar sin,  may  shie  the  first  expiatory  brick-bat. 

Such  being  the  deplorable  condition  of  my  suscepti- 
ble feelings,  instead  of  acting  like  a  sane  young  man, 
I  first  ascertained  that  my  Southern  friends  would 
depart  for  Italy  about  the  middle  of  September,  and 
then  informed  the  Colonel  that  I  would  certainly  call, 
to  make  my  adieus,  before  that  time. 

In  this  way  I  fancied  I  was  properly  maintaming 
my  dignity.  But  there  were  times,  before  the  event, 
when  I  felt  less  than  satisfied  with  the  irrevocable 
appomtment.     And  Estelle,  laying  aside  a  temporary 


330  HOMESICK. 

reserve,  called  me  into  her  boudoir  one  afternoon,  to 
find  out  what  was  the  matter  with  my  usually  soaring 
spirits. 

When  I  told  her  I  was  homesick  for  a  tramp  in  the 
then  ripening  autumn,  through  the  boundless  forests 
of  my  native  "West,  she  said  she  thought  the  Bois, 
and  Montmorency,  and  Saint  Gervais,  and  Fontaine- 
bleau  were  big  and  beautiful  enough;  and,  I  fear, 
was  skeptical  when  I  submitted  that,  o^ing  to  bo- 
tanical differences,  American  woodland  is  more  beau- 
tiful in  autumn  than  any  old-world  forest. 

For  ten  days  I  looked  forward  to  a  date  I  had  fixed 
upon,  with  mixed  emotions  of  pride,  regret,  impa- 
tience and  anticipation.  But,  like  most  things  much 
looked  forward  to,  the  interview  passed  away  disap- 
pointingly. By  command,  no  doubt,  of  the  punctil- 
ious Colonel,  I  had  unstinted  tete  a  tete  with  Ada ; 
but  it  was  not  a  happy  one.  Miss  F was  viva- 
cious, and  frank  as  ever,  but  her  frankness  displayed 
a  hearty,  self-possessed  incisiveness  that  I  had  never 
noticed  in  it  before. 

As  often  as  I  attempted  to  drag  the  conversation 
around  a  corner  where  I  could  perspicuously  give  her 
to  understand,  without  exactly  saying  so,  that  my 
heart  was  a  cinder  of  consumed  love,  she  adroitly 
pulled  it  around  an  opposite  one,  by  nicely  timed  in- 


FATE  OF  THE  POT  BOILEE.  331 

quiry  as  to  when  I  would  begin  another  figure-pic- 
ture —  how  often  I  went  out  driving  —  and  how  I 
thought  the  beauty  of  Parisian  women  compared  with 
that  of  the  women  of  ^ew  York  and  Baltimore.  And 
in  this  persistent  fencing  she  had  me  at  great  advan- 
tage; for  though  I  could  honestly  swear  I  wor- 
shipped the  morsel  of  space  she  occupied,  I  was  too 
honest  to  deny  that  I  entertained  a  lively  admiration 
and  certain  fondness  of  Estelle.  So  the  barren  in- 
terview hastened  forward  to  its  conclusion,  and  I  re- 
turned to  the  pension  feeling  so  wretchedly  lonesome 
that  I  took  down  my  banjo,  crossed  the  corridor  and 
spent  the  hour  before  the  six  o'clock  dinner  in  giving 
a  promised  first  lesson  to  my  model. 

On  the  following  morning  I  was  consoled,  after  a 
fashion,  by  learning  that  the  Queen  of  Sheba  had 
been  sold  for  130  francs.  Although  there  was  fair 
wage  in  such  queens  at  those  figures,  I  was  piqued 
sufficiently  to  promise  myself  that  I  would  put  no 
more  pot-boilers  on  the  market  while  I  could  help 
myself. 

Early  in  November,  in  a  delicious  return  of  sun- 
shine, hailed  by  Estelle  and  Jules  as  "  Saint  Martin's 
Summer,"  just  after  a  polar  wave  swept  over  France, 
the  latter  spirited  me  off  to  a  charming  little  inn, 
near  a  colony  of  Bohemian  artists  who  were  living 


,S32  IN  THE    GLINT   OF  EVENING. 

almost  alfresco  in  the  noble  forest  of  Fontainebleau. 
Having  so  lately  trembled  in  the  embrace  of  winter 
we  reveled  in  the  mellow  sunshine,  among-  old  oaks, 
and  stately  pines,  and  silvery  birches,  and  fragrant 
junipers  :  and  in  the  glint  of  evening,  when  the  pov- 
erty of  variant  color  was  concealed  in  gilded  shadow, 
the  roll  of  unpruned  woodland,  and  vistas  of  unkept, 
sandy  road,  seemed  so  familiar  that  I  could  almost 
persuade  myself  that  in  the  sylvan  huts  of  the  gj^^sy 
artists  I  would  find  prototypes  of  Fishing-Jake  and 
Sorrowful  Sam. 

From  this  vagabondage  I  returned  to  the  Latin 
Quarter  to  confront  a  formidable  rival;  for  during 
our  absence  Estelle  had  signed  again,  at  the  Gym- 
nase ;  and  seemed  always  locked  up  with  some  exas- 
perating problem  of  step  or  make-up.  She  had  a  way 
of  permitting  nothing  to  interfere  with  duty,  highly 
commendable  in  so  young  a  w^oman,  which  incited 
me  to  such  enmity  with  her  profession  that  I  too  often 
acted  like  a  mule  when  she  amiably  made  straight  the 
way  for  me  to  escort  her  to  and  fro. 

But  sometimes  I  could  not  resist  the  temptation  to 
act  like  a  man  ;  and  after  seeing  her  on  the  stage  I 
understood  the  jealousy  that  had  maligned  her ;  for 
while  many  of  the  Corps  danced  better,  technically, 
there  were  but  two  or  three  who  competed  with  her 


A   SUNNY  LASSIE.  333 

in  elegance  of  movement,  and  not  one  that  satisfied 
the  catholic  eye  as  well. 

If  my  sweet  neighbor  had  been  a  thorough-bred 
Parisienne  she  would  probably  have  found  an  anti- 
dote for  my  perversity  in  some  alternative  cavalier 
more  exasperating  than  the  homely  hunchback ;  but 
she  was  Parisian  only  by  naturalization,  with  a  sunny 
patience  unclouded  by  resentment;  and  that  may 
have  been  why  there  seemed  such  witchery  in  her 
ways,  to  me.  She  was  full  of  the  national  fondness 
of  pleasure,  and  could  be  as  impulsive  and  imperious 
as  any  of  her  countrywomen.  And  she  had  full 
share  of  the  self-reliance  and  practical  sagacity  for 
which  Parisian  women  of  the  middle  class  are  justly 
celebrated ;  but  she  was  not  headstrong,  or  mascu- 
line, or  frivolous,  or  mercenary.  She  was,  in  truth, 
an  extraordinary  daughter  of  that  remarkable  race 
which  claims  descent  direct  from  Adam  and  Eve  and 
calls  its  vernacular  language  the  mother-tongue  of 
'Noah  —  undefiled  by  the  confusion  of  Babel — ;  a  race 
for  which  ethnology  finds  many  possible  cradles, 
from  the  land  of  Gog,  or  Magog,  to  the  lost  conti- 
nent of  Atlantis.  Amid  much  conjecture  it  is  at 
least  certain  that  the  Basques  are  an  ancient,  phe- 
nomenal people,  whose  origin  is  hidden  under  the 
hoary  ruins  of  empires,  races  and  traditions.     As  far 


334  THE  ORPHAN'S  HERITAGE. 

back  as  man's  knowledge  of  mankind  extends  they 
appear,  in  the  glimpses  of  the  past,  always  the  same 
unique  race;  conspicuous  among  the  peoples  sur- 
rounding them  for  simple  habits  of  industry  and  love 
of  dance  and  song ;  the  men  noted  for  rugged  inde- 
pendence, honesty  and  courage ;  and  the  women  fa- 
mous for  domestic  virtues  and  their  lithe,  shapely 
comeliness  and  luxuriant  tresses.  And  in  some  old 
strain  of  this  archaic  stock,  perhaps  the  same  whence 
came  her  strange  stability  in  severest  ordeal  as  une 
femme  jolie  et  lionne'te,  Estelle  inherited  a  brave  yet 
beseeching  gentleness  that  issued  from  every  cranny 
of  a  volatile  deportment  and  ran  like  a  graceful,  blos- 
soming vine  over  her  salient  semi-frivolous  traits, 
adorning  while  almost  concealing  them.  It  was  to 
me  a  perpetual  pleasure  to  enlarge  my  mind  by  study- 
ing her  piquant  inconsistencies ;  and  throughout  the 
winter  Paris,  at  its  gayest,  was  often  dull  when  her 
conscientious  fidelity  to  the  obligations  of  her  en- 
gagement interfered  with  my  habit  of  doing  so. 

One  day  in  December  Estelle  presented  billets  for 
the  first  Bal  Masque  to  Jules  and  me ;  and  late  the 
next  Saturday  night  she  rustled  into  my  room,  brush- 
ing the  noisy  litter  over  the  waxed  floor  with  her  long 
pink  domino,  and  startling  me  by  a  partial,  momen- 
tary unveiling  of  a  horrible  Ethiopic  face.     At  the 


THE   QUEEN   OF   SHEBA.  335 

front  door  of  the  pension  stairway  we  found  Jules, 
who  threw  down  his  cigarette  to  tuck  us  into  the  vic- 
toria and  make  a  rendezvous  for  iii  A.  m.,  in  the 
foyer. 

Around  the  corner  we  then  whirled,  over  the  Pont 
des  Arts,  and  through  the  blazing  Avenue  de  1' Opera, 
to  the  public  carriage  adit,  whence  Estelle  pulled  me 
through  the  throng,  tossing  my  billet  to  the  half- 
crushed  door  keeper,  over  the  heads  of  a  queue  of 
impatient  people;  and  then  she  rushed  me  up  the 
magnificent  stairway,  to  an  open  box. 

There  she  threw  off  her  domino  and  through  a  dia- 
bolical black  mask  which  made  her  melodious  voice 
sound  hollow,  exclaimed : 

''  Yoila  !  la  Eeine  de  la  Seba  !  " 

Under  the  atrocious  face  I  beheld  a  full  tunic  of 
ruby  velvet;  open  from  the  girdle  upward,  over  a 
cloud  of  chemisette ;  and  edged  with  gold  lace  and 
bright  bell  buttons  of  frosted  silver;  and  finished  with 
a  narrow,  gold-embroidered  collar  of  stiff  lace  and 
narrow  cuffs  of  similar  lace.  StocMngs  of  dark 
bronze  silk  showed  at  the  ankle  and  through  the  bars 
of  gilt  sandal  slippers.  On  a  massy  coil  of  hair  she 
wore  a  tiara  of  gold  and  brilliants ;  and  a  filmy  scarf  of 
delicate  salmon  silk  twined  like  a  rich  yellow  creeper 
from  shoulder  to  sandal  around  her  supple  figure. 


336  PAY,  VEESUS  PLEASUEE. 

"  Kow,  mon  ami,"  she  said,  pretending  not  to  no- 
tice my  astonished  stare,  ' '  ve  shall  descend  to  ze 
parterre  and  make  one  promenade." 

"  Jnles  and  Francine  could  not  suspect  me,"  she 
laughed,  seizing  my  arms  when  we  arrived  on  the 
stage,  and  whirling  me  off  my  resolve  into  the 
maelstrom  of  impious  revelry. 

It  was  so  decidedly  Sunday  morning  that  vestiges 
of  youthful  orthodoxy  soon  constrained  me  to  gently 
but  firmly  insist  that  I  would  stand  back  out  of  the 
vortex,  and  observe  how  she  enacted  her  role. 

"  Yraiment,"  she  laughed,  ''  I  can  more  eezyplay 
ze  gran  queen  een  ze   pose  zan  een  ze  pirouette." 

By  the  time  the  reckless  little  Sabbath-breaker  had 
changed  a  goggled-eyed  frog  for  a  one- smiled  China- 
man I  began  to  see  that  she  had  come  thither  for 
fun,  and  was  thoroughly  quahfied  to  extract  her 
share  of  that  from  the  orgie. 

"  Zhust  one  autre  polka  "  —  waltz  —  or  gallop  — 
she  panted,  again  and  again ;  until  I  showed  her  my 
watch  and  said  we  must  not  keep  Jules  waiting  in 
the  foyer. 

"  How  you  hke  cela?  "  she  cried,  leaning  against 
a  magnificent  column  with  the  grace  of  a  goddess 
and  fanning  her  flushed  face  with  her  mask. 

''  Once  is  enough,"  I  answered  in  a  confident  tone. 


NOEL!  337 

' '  Quel  hermeet !    Fi !    c' est  charmant !  delicieux ! ' ' 

*^  You  little  gosling!"  I  retorted,  ''don't  you 
dance  enough  at  the  theatre?  " 

''  Oui,  monsieur ;  mais  zat  eez  for  pay,  and  zis  eez 
for  plaisir." 

While  I  was  revolving  in  my  mind  the  profound 
moral  of  this  human  paradox  Jules  softly  stole 
up  behind  us,  with  Fran  cine :  and  when  all  had 
laughed  sufficiently  at  Estelle's  unaffected  jump  I 
showed  the  joker  thirty  francs  and  bade  liim  conduct 
us  to  the  c«/e'  in  which  they  would  do  the  most  good. 

"  Cafe'  GaiUonl  "  he  called,  to  the  cocker,  as  he 
followed  us  into  a  double  victoria. 

I  was  not  a  little  scandalized,  when  Christmastide 
arrived,  to  hear  the  good  people  of  Paris  call  it 
"  Noel !  "  and  see  them  pass  it  by  without  other  cer- 
emony. But  I  forgave  them  when  they  began  to 
carol  ' '  Le  Jour  de  An !  ' '  and  prepare  the  boule- 
vards for  booths  and  illumination. 

From  Jules  I  learned  that  people  of  fashion,  and 
their  imitators,  would  look  on  life  as  a  failure  if  they 
did  not  begin  the  year  by  gorging  the  post  vdth 
cartes  —  tons  of  them — ,  exchanged  in  great  part 
between  persons  who  never  met  but  once,  perhaps 
years  before,  and  were  not  likely  to  ever  meet  again. 
And  everybody,  large  and  small,  seemed  to  make  the 

23 


338  COMICAL  CLOCKS. 

beginning  a  happy  one  by  giving  and  receiving 
presents.  All  classes,  also,  rioted  in  the  dissipation 
of  ' '  seeing  the  old  year  ont  and  the  new  one  in ;  " 
which  pastime,  owing  to  a  remarkable  circumstance, 
struck  me  as  having  a  comical  side.  For  although 
Paris  is,  jpar  excellence,  the  city  of  clocks  —  clocks  of 
many  sorts  and  sizes  that  are  admonished  daily  by 
the  solar  gun-clock  of  the  Palais  Royal  Garden  —  no 
two  of  the  myriad  that  marked  time  in  that  capital  at 
midnight  of  December  31st,  1875,  were  synchronous. 

When  my  watch  reached  up  with  both  hands  to 
catch  the  last  moment  of  the  departing  year  I  turned 
back  in  the  Avenue  de  1' Opera,  toward  the  Luxem- 
bourg, and  for  a  mile  or  two  along  my  way  heard  big 
clocks  and  little  clocks,  aristocratic  clocks  and  ple- 
beian clocks,  shrill  clocks  and  sonorous  clocks,  in- 
dustriously hammering  twelve  strokes  all  around  me 
as  I  walked.  It  was  very  striking ;  but,  as  a  solemn 
ceremony,  hearing  the  old  year  out  in  Paris  is  too 
protracted  for  first-rate  serious  effect. 

During  the  winter,  when  weary  of  class  and  easel 
I  usually  vibrated  between  the  studios  of  certain 
American  artists  and  that  of  M.  Duran,  reserving 
Jules  for  the  evenings,  when  I  bored  him  without  re- 
morse. But  the  red-tinted  days  were  those  which 
brought  me  fleeting  opportunity  to  perfect  my  knowl- 


A  GEEAT  SOURCE  OF  COMFORT.         339 

edge  of  the  ways  of  one  natural  yet  extraordinary 
Frenchwoman.     And  I  made  the  utmost  of  them. 

One  great  source  of  comfort  I  found  in  studiously 
occasioning  frequent  pretty  piques,  and  then  affecting 
to  take  umbrage  at  them.  On  such  occasions,  when 
I  sometimes  rose  to  formally  emphasize  my  feigned 
resentment  by  departure,  she  would  lay  hold  upon 
that  extremity  of  my  raiment  which  offered  the  most 
handy  clutch,  and  detain  me,  a  willing  captive,  while 
she  tested  the  soothing  charm  of  one  of  the  numerous 
banjo  melodies  I  had  taught  her,  or  one  of  Offen- 
bach' s  wildest  chansons.  Or  perhaps  she  would  mus- 
ically laugh : 

*^  You  petit  frere!     You  com  back  here  !  " 

And  when  I  submissively  turned  back,  she  would 
comfort  me  capriciously  —  sometimes  by  blowing  a 
merry  mockery  of  a  kiss  and  saying  I  might  go,  now, 
if  I  wanted  to. 

I  in  my  limited  experience  thought  this  the  French- 
est  sort  of  behavior ;  and  even  Malnot  would  often 
rise  from  plethoric  ease  on  his  own  rug,  hoist  his 
arch  of  golden  fur,  and  then  sit  down  and  stare,  as 
if  amazed  at  such  proceedings.  And  when  I  threat- 
ened to  talk  to  her  like  a  hig  brother,  she  only 
made  bewildering  little  moues  at  me  —  when  it  was 
not  practicable  to  shut    the   door  suddenly,  in  my 


340  A  DEEP  SUBJECT. 

face,  while  shaking  her  small  fist  in  formidable 
menace. 

One  Sabbath  afternoon  in  February,  Estelle  being 
somewhere  in  the  Rue  Feron  with  some  of  her  own 
snowy  linen  and  other  last  comforts,  where  one  of  the 
ballet  girls  lay  dying,  I  forced  Jules'  door ;  which  he 
unlocked  with  a  smile,  and  faced  me  with  a  look  of 
benevolent  compassion  as  I  dropped  into  his  easiest 
chair. 

Wet  MS.  lay  on  his  table;  so,  to  gain  time,  I 
asked  what  practical  joke  he  was  perpetratmg  on 
paper. 

He  joyously  answered  that  it  was  a  theoretically 
humorous  essay  on  the  national  traits  that  render  it 
so  difficult  for  Frenchmen  to  govern  themselves. 

Aware  that  my  jovial  friend  was  somewhat  cynical 
in  his  philosophy,  and  suspecting  there  was  much 
depth  in  the  subject  he  had  selected,  I  requested  him 
to  unfold  the  fun  to  me ;  but  he  replied  that  good 
things  come  only  to  those  who  wait.  Meanwhile,  he 
suggested,  I  might  do  worse  with  some  of  my  super- 
fluous time,  than  accompany  Mm  occasionally  to  the 
ginguettes  of  the  faubourgs,  to  study  the  proletarian 
Frenchman  at  his  pleasures. 

To  this  intrusion  I  owe  much  of  what  I  know  about 
Paris  and  the  Parisians. 


LK   VREMIEK  PKINTEMl'S. 


SPRING  YEAENINGS.  3J:1 

After  several  chilly,  crisp,  and  some  milder,  muggy 
days,  Palm  Suinday  and  the  Ginger-bread  Fair  came 
forward,  harbingers  of  brighter  hours.  On  the  Sun- 
day named  Jules  drove  Estelle,  Francine  and  me,  for 
miles,  through  streets  green  from  pave  to  cornice  with 
leafy  branches,  chiefly  of  the  Box-tree. 

The  first  of  April  dawned,  one  of  those  exquisite, 
balmy  days  that  Kature  carefully  prepares,  to  recon- 
cile man  to  his  lot  and  fill  him  with  rejoicing  that  he 
has  lived  to  hail  another  Spring.  Full  of  a  great,  im- 
portunate joy  I  sat  in  my  room  just  before  noon, 
deprecating  the  contumely  mankind  has  conspired  to 
heap  upon  the  Spring  Poet,  as  I  felt  that  I  absolutely 
must  forthwith  begin  some  beautiful  picture  —  when 
in  at  my  ever  and  anon  slowly  swinging  door  floated 
the  voice  of  a  young  person  who  was  talking  to  and 
laughing  at  Malnot,  which  I  thought  was  a  very  ab- 
surd manner  of  trifling  away  her  precious  life. 

I  stepped  across  the  corridor  softly  and  looked  in 
at  the  half  open  door.  She  was  sitting  under  the 
arch  of  the  alcove,  in  one  of  the  fauteuils,  warbling 
something  from  La  Belle  Helene  to  the  cat,  which 
he  pretended  to  appreciate,  by  promenading  to  and 
fro  and  rubbino;-  his  head  and  ribs  ag-ainst  a  resistful 
f ulhiess  of  her  becoming  robe  de  chambre. 


342  HE  THOUGHT  SO,  TOO. 

I  tapped  a  modest  little  tap,  and  then  stepped 
aside,  out  of  sight. 

'^  JEntrez,'^''  sang  a  clear,  sweet  voice,  in  uninter- 
rupted time  and  tune. 

As  I  obeyed  she  sprang  up,  whelming  Malnot  un- 
der a  dainty  avalanche  of  drapery,  and  danced  toward 
me,  exclaiming : 

^'Oh,  mon  ami!  I  vas  crazy  of  plaisir,  zis  beau 
jour!" 

By  the  simple  process  of  closing  one  eye  and  wink- 
ing the  other,  while  he  crooked  the  extremity  of  his 
tail,  Malnot  insinuated  that  he  thought  so,  too. 

"And  what  are  you  so  happy  about?  " 

' '  Zat  eez  von  secret  —  mais  seet  doun  and  I  tell 
you." 

Malnot  rubbed  his  closed  eye,  which  seemed  to  be 
weeping ;  rolled  his  paw  over  one  ear,  that  happened, 
in  the  late  catastrophe,  to  get  turned  down ;  and  pre- 
pared to  listen.  Not  that  he  cared  a  straw  about 
such  human  trash  as  the  revelation  was  likely  to  con- 
sist of ;  but  because  he  realized  that  he  had  been  run 
over,  and  his  feelings  were  wounded,  and  he  longed 
for  the  voice  of  consolation. 

"I  am  happy,  now  ze  printemps  haf  com,  zat  my 
contrat  eez  complet,  and  I  shall  go  no  more  tout  les 
jours  to  ze  ballet." 


LE   PREMIER  PRINTEMPS.  343 

*^And  happiness  is  so  becoming  to  you  that  you 
are  the  very  inspiration  for  the  picture  —  Le  Premier 
Printemps  —  that  I  am  crazy  to  begin.  Allons  !  ma 
modele." 

She  arose  with  a  suddenness  that  put  Mahiot's  back 
up  ]  but  when  he  saw  she  was  receding  he  stretched 
himself  languidly,  and  then  sat  down  and  watched 
her  until  she  vanished  into  the  passage,  when  he 
trotted  after  her,  to  see  what  she  was  going  to  do 
next. 

The  party- wall  between  Jule's  privacy  and  mine 
was  painted  in  deep  lavender  on  my  side,  and  as  this 
neutral  tint  just  suited  my  purpose,  I  recalled  her 
from  the  unplastered  studio,  while  tacking  my  paper 
at  a  convenient  height,  and  placed  her  so  that  a  light, 
to  be  found  in  Paris  and  only  a  few  other  places  on 
a  magnificent  spring  day,  played  effectively  over  her 
fine  face  and  beautiful  black  hair. 

She  sat  still  as  a  stone,  while  I  put  in  shade  after 
shade,  until  I  had  fixed  the  fresh,  joyous  expression 
to  my  heart's  delight.  And  just  as  I  was  adding  a 
crisp  shadow  under  one  of  the  soft  ripples  of  massy 
hair,  Malnot  stepped  in  between  the  artist  and  the 
sitter,  where  he  looked,  first  at  the  life-size  head, 
and  then  at  Estelle.  Gravely  repeating  the  panto- 
mime, he  mewed,  and  then  coldly  turned  his  hand- 


3M  A  rRAGMENTARY   HINT. 

some  tail  towards  the  counterfeit  and  walked  care- 
lessly away.  It  seemed  evident  that  he  admitted  the 
likeness,  but  didn't  intend  to  flatter  me  by  any  fur- 
ther criticism  of  my  work. 

''Ah,  Monsieur  Malnot!  "  I  cried,  while  Estelle 
screamed  with  laughter,  ' '  wait  until  it  is  finished  on 
canvas,  and  you  come  before  it  suddenly  some  fine 
day  —  You  will  not  then  walk  away  from  it  so  fast." 

Throughout  April  and  May,  while  others  were  talk- 
ing and  thinking  of  little  else  than  the  Salon,  I  often 
crossed  the  way  with  Estelle  toward  sunset ;  to  sit  on 
the  long  green  benches  behind  the  Luxembourg  Pal- 
ace, under  the  clipped  trees  through  which  Prussian 
shells  had  whilom  flitted  with  other  than  bird-music ; 
or  to  walk  among  flower  beds  where  great  herds  of 
kine  and  bullocks  had  so  lately  clashed  the  horn ;  or 
over  terraced  paths  along  which  dainty  dames  and 
maidens  had  then  tripped,  to  quaff  the  warm,  foam- 
ing sustenance  that  gallant  Gardes  Mobile  milked 
into  silver  tankards. 

When  the  bright,  busy  weeks  of  the  Salon  were 
past,  M.  Martin  took  me  aside,  one  zephyry  morning, 
and  in  fragmentary  but  feeling  English  referred  to 
our  excursions  of  the  previous  autumn.  He  said  the 
weather  was  then  cool  and  fine,  and  that  if  the  rest 
would  but  say  the  word  he  was  ready  and  anxious  to 


EXTENDED  EXPLORATIONS. 


34:5 


fill  a  hamper  with  the  best  viands  and  vintage  of  the 
pension's  store,  and  follow  us  to  the  woods  again. 
In  this  hint  orig- 
inated a  series 
of  wide  explora- 
tions, which  dis- 
covered in  one 
direction  the 
distant  abbey- 
ruin  and  crack- 
ed dove  cote  of 
Port  Eoyal; 
and  in  another, 
the  pretty  vil- 
lage of  Chatou, 
with  its  breezy 
terraces  and  charming  outlook  on  the  Seine. 

One  morning,  having  gradually  woke  to  con- 
sciousness of  obstinate  combat  with  a  strong-minded 
fly,  I  remembered,  with  a  shock,  that  the  end  of  June 
and  my  last  day  in  Paris  had  come. 

At  my  request  Jules  rose  and  anon  accompanied 
me  in  a  farewell  visit  to  the  Louvre.  Estelle,  who 
had  sat  the  flowers  to  sleep  in  the  Luxembourg,  with 
me,  the  day  before,  excused  herself,  after  a  private 
interview  with  Jules ;  calling  over  the  banister  her 


346  MYSTERIOUS  BEHAVIOE. 

reiterated  injunction  to  be  sure  to  come  back  early, 
and  conducting  herself  generally  with  a  mystery  and 
capricious  indifference  to  the  outing  that  I  did  not 
like.  But  as  there  was  a  modicum  of  solace  in  the 
parting  words  I  followed  Jules  without  remark. 

I  had  often  perplexed  myself  in  the  Louvre,  won- 
dering why  the  combined  art  and  science  of  an  age 
phenomenal  for  ingenuity  could  not  unravel  the  mys- 
tery whereby  so  many  pieces  in  those  halls  are  famous 
in  despite  of  conspicuous  demerits.  It  is  a  puzzling 
riddle,  propounded  to  the  present  by  the  past,  which 
perhaps  some  future  age  will  solve.  For  the  last  time 
I  gave  it  up,  and  asked  Jules  what  he  thought  of  the 
modern  theory  that  much  of  the  excellence  seen  in 
the  work  of  the  old  masters  is  accidental  merit  at- 
tributable to  age. 

For  answer  he  led  me,  first  to  several  of  the  hazy 
landscapes  of  Poussin,  and  asked  how  many  centu- 
ries of  decay  and  dirt  would  create  that  noble  ex- 
pression of  nature's  most  poetical  aspects  —  that 
magical  ssrial  perspective  —  those  wonderful  cloud- 
portents,  and  mysterious  forest  shadows  :  then  taking 
me  to  the  rosy  salle  of  the  Yenus  of  Milo,  he  pointed 
out  the  technical  faults  which  prove  the  piece  to  be 
but  the  stammering  interpretation  of  a  yet  grander 
revelation,  and  said:  — 


THERE  WERE   GIANTS  IN  THOSE   DAYS.  347 

"  Yen  I  shall  see  von  modarn  stone  zat  speek  also 
fort  et  doux  like  zees  von,  zen  I  shall  beleaf  mebbe 
art  haf  not  lose  some  gran  secrets." 

And  while  we  passed  out  to  the  river  nnder  one 
of  the  fine  arches  of  the  court-yard,  I  felt  that  skep- 
tical criticism  would  never  undermine  the  old-fash- 
ioned opinion  that  there  were  giants  in  those  days. 

As  we  soared  into  the  high  places  of  the  pension 
I  saw  that  the  door  opposite  mine  was  on  the  swing  • 
and  fearing  lest  some  envious  zephyr  might  give  it  a 
slam,  I  stepped  over  and  knocked. 

Estelle  was  standing  before  her  dressing  case, 
twisting  her  superb  torso  to  inspect  the  back  fit  of  a 
handsome  and  very  becoming  dress  I  had  never  seen 
before.  She  smiled  over  her  exquisite  shoulder,  at 
my  image  in  the  mirror,  and  bidding  me  enter  sur- 
veyed herself  with  evident  satisfaction  for  a  moment 
or  two  ere  she  turned  and  gave  me  both  her  hands. 
Then  leading  me  to  the  sofa  she  composedly  revealed 
that  she  had  spent  most  of  the  morning  dressing  for 
a  dinner  party,  at  which  Jules  wished  her  to  meet 
him  and  me  at  iv  p.  m. 

This,  she  explained,  was  why  she  did  not  accom- 
pany us  to  the  Louvre.  In  sooth,  true  to  the  femi- 
nine instinct,  she  had  unhesitatingly  sacrificed  that 


848  AN  EMBARRASSING  QUESTION. 

pleasure  to  the  more  important  one  of  bedecking  her 
beauty  in  new  finery. 

The  arrangements  for  my  departure,  until  then  un- 
known to  me,  were  a  pleasant  manifestation  of  the 
uniform  kindness  I  had  experienced  at  the  hands  of 
my  two  chosen  comrades. 

When  we  sat  down  on  the  sofa  Estelle  retained  my 
left  hand  in  one  of  hers  and  with  as  artless  earnest- 
ness as  ever  dwelt  in  the  breast  of  a  child,  asked  why 
I  was  going  away  —  why  I  did  not  remain  in  Paris, 
the  Paradise  of  artists,  instead  of  gomg  back  to  the 
barbarous  comitry  where  the  untamed  savage  still 
scalps  the  unprotected  soldier  and  the  provincial  citi- 
zen. She  put  the  question  so  compactly  that  I  was 
at  a  loss  how  to  explain  my  proposed  conduct  in  any 
way  at  all  consistent  with  artistic  or  even  the  com- 
monest kind  of  sense.  Like  all  intelligent  Europeans, 
Estelle  read  and  thought  more  or  less  about  America, 
the  freshest  current  reading  matter  concerning  which 
then  chanced  to  be  much  enlivened  by  details  of  re- 
cent military  exploits  of  the  noble  red  man,  in  the 
teeth,  or  rather  the  tomahawk,  of  which  it  was  hope- 
less to  argue  to  or  from  abstract  propositions  of 
comparative  geography.  Pressed  for  an  answer  I 
hesitated,  until  a  happy  thought  supplied  me  with  a 
very  effective  one. 


NEARER  THAN  I  KNEW.  349 

"  Ah,  petite,"  I  sighed,  "  is  it  you,  an  orphan  of 
France,  that  asks  me?  How  can  I  skulk  here  when 
my  people  are  at  war,  and  perhaps  the  savages  are 
sharpening  the  knife  to  scalp  my  mother? 

* '  Mon  Dieu ! ' '  she  shuddered,  ' '  I  forget  zat 
Mais,"  she  resumed,  after  a  moment  of  profound 
meditation,  ''You  could  go  back  and  revenir,  viz 
your  mere  —  nest  ce  pas?" 

"  Yes,  ma  bonne,  I  could  do  that." 

"  Mais  veel  you  do  eet?  Ah !  you  laf  !  C'est  une 
plaisanterie  —  you  not  nevar  com  back." 

"  If  I  live  long  enough  I  will,"  I  answered  in  all 
seriousness,  laying  my  right  hand  on  hers  and  meet- 
ing her  serious  gaze  with  one  as  honest  if  not  as 
open. 

I  was  deeply  moved  by  her  simple,  earnest  manner ; 
and  even  nearer  than  I  then  knew  to  putting  my  arms 
around  her  and  swearing  I  would  never  leave  Paris 
until  she  did.  Why  I  did  not  do  so,  is  one  of  the 
verities  of  real  life  that  are  stranger  than  fiction.  It 
was  because  I  was  m  that  dilemma  of  love,  in  which 
most  men  sooner  or  later  find  themselves,  but  which 
few  are  borne  brave  and  candid  enough  to  publicly 
confess  to,  wherein  I  was  enamored  of  two  women 
so  sincerely  that  I  could  not  find  it  in  my  heart  to  be 
false  to  either. 


350  FROM   GRAVE  TO   GAY. 

Looking  at  the  one  before  me  I  saw  and  felt  that 
the  one  three  thousand  miles  away  was  not  more  win- 
ning, womanly,  or  beautiful ;  but  without  suspecting 
it  I  mingled  with  the  passion  for  the  first  love  of  my 
youth  a  worship  of  the  idol  I  had  so  bitterly  and  of- 
ten cursed,  —  the  Moloch,  Caste,  —  and  cherished  it 
because  the  worth  and  beauty  that  inspired  it  were 
patrician. 

While  the  twin  passions  wrestled  in  my  heart  Es- 
telle  looked  into  my  eyes  steadily.  At  length,  as  if 
her  vision  were  that  of  a  sybil,  she  shook  her  beauti- 
ful head  and  turned  her  gaze  pensively  to  the  floor. 
Then  rising  abruptly,  she  said  in  a  weary,  positive 
tone :  * 

"IN^o  —  I  shall  not  see  you  nevar  once  more." 
Then  instantaneously  assuming  an  arch  attitude,  she 
exclaimed  with  startling  vivacity : 

''How  you  nice  my  new  dress  f^^ 

As  soon  as  I  could  master  my  astonishment  I  an- 
swered that  I  liked  it  very  much  indeed ;  whereupon 
she  sat  down  quietly  and  crossed  her  hands  in  her  lap. 

Just  then  a  stir  in  Jules'  room  reminded  me  that  I 
was  to  dine  with  him  at  iv,  and  had  yet  to  pack  up. 
I  asked  Estelle  to  help  me ;  and  when  she  for  the 
last  time  followed  me  into  the  attic  studio,  I  presented 
her  with  the  banjo  and  a  life-size  oil  portrait  of  Mai- 


THE   ANAGRAM.  351 

not.  The  picture  was  a  surprise-  and  had  I  pos- 
sessed the  purse  with  which  Satan  used  to  purchase 
souls,  I  could  not  have  elicited  more  gratifying-  man- 
ifestations of  delight.  She  ran  with  it  into  her  snug- 
gery, and  quickly  reappeared,  swingmg  on  one  finger 
a  kaleidoscopic  wheel,  which  proved  to  be  a  superbly 
wrought  silk  pouch,  lined  with  soft,  undressed  kid 
that  exhaled  a  faint,  exquisite  odor  of  Estelle's  one 
perfume  of  violets.  She  said  she  had  made  it,  every 
bit,  because  she  wanted  me  to  remember  her  as  often 
as  I  did  my  dearly  beloved  pipe. 

' '  Yen  you  rite  to  me,"  she  whispered,  mysteriously, 
"on  ze  onvlop  you  put  E s telle  Lamont ;  mam  een- 
side  you  shall  rite,  not  Estelle,  mais  cela!  —  and  tell, 
not  one,  zat  eez  votre  amie  Estelle." 

So  saying  she  turned  down  the  lining  and  showed 
me,  under  the  cord,  very  prettily  embroidered  in 
black  hair,  Violette  Malnot. 

"  Look  !  "  she  cried,  picking  up  a  point  and  writ- 
ing the  two  names  on  a  bit  of  paper,  "  eet  eez  all  one 
same  —  Lamont  —  Malnot. ' ' 

Having  demonstrated,  by  canceling  the  correspond- 
ing letters,  that  the  one  was  an  anagram  of  the  other, 
she  explained  that  the  danseuse,  model,  etcetera,  was 
Estelle  Lamont,  but  that  the  Basque  orphan  was 
Yiolette  Malnot. 


J52 


BAFFLED   INGENUITY. 


It  was  soon  obvious  that  our  combined  ingenuity 
and  efforts  could  not  persuade  or  force  all  my  belong- 


ings  into  one  valise.  For  the  first  time  since  I  learned 
how  to  walk  I  had  sat  under  the  same  roof  for  a 
year;  and  the  accumulation  of  impedimenta  was,  to 


THE  FIKST  WRENCH.  353 

a  tourist  of  my  habits  and  prejudices,  appalling. 
There  was  some  comfort  in  knowing  that  my  large 
portfolio,  stuffed  with  most  of  my  precious  things, 
had  already  gone  forward  to  l^ew  York  under  cover 
of  M.  Laporte's  contribution  to  the  Centennial.  So 
without  compunction  I  tossed  all  the  valise  would 
not  contain  into  a  corner,  telling  Estelle  to  help  her- 
self and  endow  Jules  with  the  rest. 

A  little  after  three  o'clock  Jules'  hearty  voice  filled 
the  corridor,  announcing  that  the  carriage  was  wait- 
ing, below.  All  was  bustle  for  a  few  moments ;  and 
then  came  the  first  wrench  of  parting,  at  the  top  of 
the  stairway,  as  I  wrung  the  hand  of  M'lle.  Yignaux. 
At  the  bottom,  beside  the  carriage,  we  found  Mes- 
sieurs Martin,  Tesson  and  Chenot,  waiting  to  shout 
bon  voyage  after  us  as  we  rolled  away  on  our  last 
ride  out  of  the  Kue  Yaugirard. 

Jules'  destination  proved  the  Palais  Eoyal,  where 
we  found  a  table  garnished  for  us  in  a  private  salle  of 
the  restaurant  Yef our.  And  when  the  second  course 
appeared  I  charged  Estelle  to  scold  Jules  for  his 
prodigality,  at  a  more  fitting  moment ;  but  she  simply 
answered : 

^'  Eef  Jules  did  depart  to  Amerique,  vould  ve  not 
gif  him  one  jolie  fete,  aussi?  "  which  I  understood  to 

23 


354  TWO   AND    ONE. 

mean  that  if  Jules  was  to  be  rebuked,  I  would  have 
to  see  to  it  myself. 

It  was  a  cheerful,  but  not  a  hilarious  banquet. 
Jules  contributed  his  full  usual  share  of  entertain- 
ment, but  the  efforts  of  his  comrades  were  not  at- 
tended with  average  success.  We  sat  long  over  the 
dessert,  because  there  was  spare  time,  trying  to  realize 
that  ' '  parting  is  such  sw^eet  sorrow ; ' '  but,  for  my 
part,  I  found  the  sweetness  so  sparingly  compounded 
with  the  other  ingredient  that  I  have  not  had  much 
confidence  in  the  great  bard's  report  of  a  private  con- 
versation since  that  afternoon. 

Finally,  to  my  intense  relief,  the  moment  came  to 
hasten  the  remaining  ceremonies ;  for  having  surplus 
time  we,  of  course,  enjoyed  *it  a  few  moments  too 
leisurely. 

All  sat  silent  as  we  spun  through  the  thronged 
boulevards,  —  gayer  and  shorter  than  usual  they 
seemed,  in  that  final  moment,  —  until,  on  emerging 
from  the  more  crowded  thoroughfares,  Jules  insti- 
gated the  cocker  to  a  race  with  the  time-table. 

"  Good  bye!  Good  bye,  Jules  —  take  good  care 
of  la  petite  ! ' ' 

"A  la  mort  I  Good  bye,  Yeal !  "  shouted  the  big- 
hearted  Frenchman,  as  the  train  moved,  turning  his 


A  LA  MORT! 


355 


ample  shoulders  so  that  his  companion  might  brush 
her  eyes  without  constraint  behind  them,  between  the 
flutters  of  her  tiny  handkerchief. 


CHAPTEE    XYL 


I  HEN  THE  last  glimpses 
of  Paris  had  vanished  I 
made  myself  as  com- 
fortable as  possible  in 
the  third-class  compart- 
ment to  which  a  closely  estimated  need  of  economy 
restricted  me ;  and  after  a  critical  survey  of  my  sur- 
roundings I  turned  my  attention  inward,  seeking  to 
beguile  the  temporary  unpleasantness  of  frugality  by 
reviewing  and  analyzing  my  impressions  of  the  famous 
Capital. 

Only  a  few  moments  before,  I  had  seen  it  at  its 
best,  in  that  glamour  which  embellishes  the  parting 
view  of  everything  associated  with  pleasant  hours  and 
strong  personal  attachments ;  and  yet  I  was  not  in 
sympathy  with  that  enthusiasm  which  is  echoed  in  such 
familiar  sentiments  as  ''  see  Paris  and  die,"  or  "  Good 
Americans,  when  they  die,  go  back  to  Paris." 


358  A  BIZARRE  AND  TAWDRY  CITY. 

My  appreciation  of  the  unique,  attractive  and  some- 
what gaudy  metropolis,  though  profound  and  exhila- 
rating, was  of  a  more  qualified  and  less  transcenden- 
tal sort.  Paris,  I  reflected,  is  a  vast  repository  of 
almost  everything  that  goes  to  make  up  a  complete 
assortment  of  human  happiness  and  misery ;  and  for 
that  reason  it  is  a  favorable  habitat  for  three  varieties 
of  the  species,  namely,  moral  philosophers,  men  of 
fortune,  and  adventurers.  But  all  other  sorts  of 
mortals  will  do  wisely  to  see  Paris,  and  then  depart 
from  it  as  soon  as  possible,  devoutly  praying  that 
when  they  die  they  may  be  numbered  among  the 
men  aforesaid,  or  else  go  to  some  other  place.  For, 
with  all  its  art,  antiquity  and  pretentious  glitter,  Paris 
is,  on  the  whole,  an  inharmonious,  bizarre  and  taw- 
try  city. 

Having  obtained  my  own  unhesitating  assent  to 
this  bold  sentiment,  and  frankly  admired  its  striking 
originality,  I  hastened  to  indulge  in  further  reflections 
which  clothed  themselves  in  silent  words  about  as 
follows  — 

I  know  of  no  spectacle  more  disenchanting  to  pre- 
possession than  Paris,  as  I  have  sometimes  seen  it, 
when  its  monotonously  ostentatious  avenues  look  out 
of  their  sleepy-eyed,  ostentatiously  monotonous  fa- 
gades,  over  the  closed  shop-fronts,  not  on  vistas  of 


FRANK   SARCASM.  359 

raiiibow  coloring,  and  panoramas  of  bustling  gaiety, 
but  on  the  puny,  peak-faced  blouse- brigade,  and  the 
grewsome  sweeping-macliine,  and  the  sprightly  mar- 
chand-fourgon.  That  the  Parisians  themselves  are 
aware  of  the  equivocal  nature  of  their  city's  charms 
may  be  inferred  from  the  unanimity  with  which  they, 
in  their  satrical  candor  that  never  scruples  to  enjoy 
a  pungent  sarcasm,  even  though  it  be  at  their  own 
expense,  have  gravely  adopted  for  showy  nicknacks, 
cheap  jewelry,  and  all  those  trifles  of  use  or  ornament 
combining  much  display  with  little  intrinsic  value,  the 
name.  Articles  Paris  ! 

In  this  review  I  do  not  include  the  region,  fifty 
leagues  in  circumference,  of  which  Paris  is  the  center ; 
too  well  remembering  how  in  summer  and  autumn 
the  novelty  of  the  broad,  shady  boulevards,  and  of 
the  cosmoramic  anachronism  of  architecture,  bor- 
rowed a  striking  piquancy  from  the  beauty  of  peer- 
less environs,  such  as  the  Bois  and  other  outlying  for- 
ests, the  vales  of  Montmorency  and  Port  Poyal,  and 
suburbs  such  as  Yersailles,  Sevres,  St.  Cloud,  St. 
Germain  and  Charenton ;  to  say  nothing  of  that  art- 
treasure  deposited  over  the  whole  area,  the  gigantic 
plunder  of  ages  —  all  which  so  pleased  and  bewildered 
me  that  I  for  a  time  uncritically  invested  the  streets 
and  walls  of  the  city  proper  with  the  whole  charm 


360  WITHIN  THE   WALLS. 

that  fascinated  me.  But  in  I^ovember,  when  the  city 
itself  is  beginning  to  be  gay,  while  I^^atnre  puts  on 
her  sober  patch- work  cloak  of  brown  and  gray,  which 
she  changes  only  for  an  equally  monotonous  white 
mantle ;  and  when  the  bare  trees  of  the  suburbs,  like 
sentinels  of  a  besieging  host,  confine  Paris  within  its 
walls,  and  those  of  the  boulevards,  tossing  their 
stripped  arms,  wail  over  the  beauty  that  Winter  has 
ravished,  then,  in  the  full  blush  of  its  gaiety,  the  fa- 
mous city  is  so  like,  and  yet  so  different  from  any 
other  showy  metropolis,  built  closely  and  cheaply  in 
pseudo-imitation  of  classic  models,  that  I  will  set  my- 
self the  task  of  finding  out  wherein  the  difference 
lies. 

And  this  was  my  conclusion :  — 

The  difference  lies,  not  in  the  places,  but  in  the 
peoples  that  inhabit  them.  The  Parisians,  each  and 
every  one  able  to  do  so,  devote  their  time,  thoughts 
and  energies,  as  do  no  other  people,  to  the  purpose 
of  display  and  the  pursuit  of  pleasure.  And  in  re- 
sult it  is  as  if  an  entire  population,  being  agreed  that 
the  most  rational  aim  and  j^urpose  of  human  effort  is 
enjoyment,  should  emulate  one  another  in  making 
life  as  nearly  a  perpetual  holiday  as  possible  :  hence 
those  who  go  to  Paris  from  places  where  existence  is 
a  routine  of    compromise  between   social  restraints 


UNEAETHING  THE   MYSTERY.  361 

and  individual  propensity,  experience  suddenly  an 
astonisliing  delight  akin  to  that  with  which  an  irked 
urchin  would  escape  from  school  into  some  happy 
valley  where  he  saw  everything*  his  soul  desu'cd,  and 
could  perform  a  boy's  whole  duty  and  win  universal 
approbation  by  following  his  own  devices. 

There  is  no  other  place  in  civilization  where  social 
custom  and  immunity  allow  equal  latitude  to  the  in- 
dulgence of  human  mclination.  And  on  arriving 
there  the  visitor  finds  himself  in  an  immense  empo- 
rium of  opportunity,  surrounded  by  a  profusion  of 
the  finest  art  and  nature  that  the  world  contains, 
where,  so  long  as  the  purse  is  plethoric  in  due  pro- 
portion to  desire,  he  can  enjoy  himself  pretty  much 
as  he  pleases,  without  protest  either  of  conscience  or 
propriety,  according  to  the  custom  of  the  country. 
In  fine,  if  Paris  were  depopulated  and  re-stocked 
from  an  English,  German,  Russian,  American,  or 
even  Asiatic  race,  the  world  would  speedily  cease  to 
hear  of  its  elysian  enchantment. 

I  arrived  in  London  on  the  first  day  of  July ;  and 
walking  in  Piccadilly  that  night,  elbowed  by  inebri- 
ated young  men  with  staggering  street-walkers  in 
tow,  and  put  to  the  blush  of  a  cheeky  tramp  by  the 
sociability  and  thirst  for  gin  of  the  droves  of  Cy- 
prians through  wliich  I  had  to  rmi  the  gauntlet,  I 


362  BORN  THIRSTY. 

concluded  that  when  Paris  becomes  a  Sodom,  Lon- 
don will  be  a  cooled  cinder,  shivering  with  refrigera- 
tion. 

The  unquenchable  thirst  for  alcoholic  beverages 
that  seems  to  be  born  in  the  unsophisticated  Briton 
is  a  trait  which,  fortunately  for  the  future  of  the  En- 
glish-speaking races,  is  largely  modified  by  climate 
when  transplanted  beyond  the  seas.  In  another  cen- 
tury or  two  America  will  look  back  on  her  youthful 
inebriety  with  the  same  half  resentful  and  wholly 
thankful  shudder  in  which  she  must  ever  contemplate 
her  experience  with  other  endowments  forced  on  her 
by  the  mother  country  with  the  strong  hand  —  such, 
for  example,  as  national  autonomy  and  negro-slavery. 
And  when  the  philosophical  'New  Zealander  sits  on 
the  riparian  ruin,  he,  if  a  genuine  philosopher,  will 
not  fail  to  sympathize  with  the  young  outcast  that 
was  expelled,  like  Joseph,  in  bonds  of  slavery,  to 
achieve  wealth  and  greatness  and  shed  lustre  on  the 
name  of  the  unnatural  brethren.  Nor  will  he  fail  to 
philosophize  upon  the  proverb  that  opportunity,  which 
knocks  once  at  every  door,  hammered  in  vain  at  En- 
gland's in  1776.  If  her  statesmen,  he  will  reflect, 
had  then  begun  to  transplant  the  national  wealth  and 
power  and  energy  to  the  virgin  soil  of  !N^orth  America, 
taking  a  century  to  do  so  without  shock  or  waste, 


LONDON  IN  A  NEW  LIGHT.  363 

what  a  chapter  in  universal  history  might  tliat  of  the 
"  British  Empire  "  have  been  ! 

To  one  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  breed,  whose  lineag-e 
has  helped  to  make  London  what  it  has  been,  it  is 
pathetic  to  look  at  it  as  it  now  is,  realizing  that  its 
grandeur,  and  the  greatness  and  glory  it  typifies,  have 
culminated  on  their  meridian  and  are  now  inevitably 
careering  in  declension.  Unwelcome  as  the  reflection 
must  be  to  every  true  scion  of  the  sturdy  stock,  it  is 
no  less  true  that,  according  to  the  day  and  genera- 
tion of  Aryan  nationality,  England  is  already,  beyond 
reassuring  precedent,  full  of  years.  A  glance  at  the 
longevity  of  the  most  enduring  European  nations  for 
thirty  centuries  discloses  this  pregnant  fact.  Greece, 
reckoning  from  the  expulsion  of  the  Tyrants  to  the 
Peloponnesian  war,  or  from  her  national  birth  to  her 
national  suicide ,  lived  less  than  two  centuries .  Rome , 
beginning  to  be  a  nation  by  the  conquest  of  Italy  in 
the  middle  of  the  third  century  B.  C,  yielded  her 
prestige  to  the  Groths  in  A.  D.  250,  and  was  finally 
dismembered  by  barbarians  after  living  five  centuries 
and  dying  of  senihty  during  another  hundred  and  fifty 
years.  France  became  a  petty  kingdom  in  the  tenth, 
a  power  in  the  thirteenth,  and,  as  a  kingdom,  perished 
in  the  eighteenth  century.  Russia  and  the  Germany 
of  modern  speech  are  young,  growing  nations,  not 


364  A  GREEN  OLD  AGE. 

yet  developed  past  the  rapidly  changing  age.  Wliile 
England,  reckoning  only  from  the  IS^orman  Conqnest, 
has  attamed  the  relatively  ripe  age  of  over  eight  hun- 
dred years.  For  centuries  this  phenomenal  longevity 
depended  wholly  on  her  insular  situation,  the  skill  of 
her  seamen,  and  the  consequent  invincibility  of  her 
fleets.  But  steam  changed  the  whole  maritime  prob- 
lem ;  and  from  that  day  a  gallant  nation,  for  gen- 
erations miwillmg,  because  unable,  to  cope  with 
European  armies  in  the  fortuitous  field,  has  been 
gamely  grappling  with  the,  to  herself,  fateful  secret, 
namely,  that  whereof  the  next  great  naval  contest 
will  break  the  seal,  which  of  the  great  armed  powers 
of  Europe  is  most  masterful  in  mechanics  and,  there- 
fore, mistress  of  the  sea. 

Having  received,  on  my  arrival  at  Morley's,  a  let- 
ter from  Mr.  Wintercross,  urging  me  to  hasten  on 
and  help  him  celebrate  the  terrible  Fourth,  I  divided 
two  days  into  hurried  pilgrimages  to  Westminster 
Al^bey,  South  Kensington  Museum,  the  Tower  and 
the  Turner  gallery.  In  the  latter  I  saw  some  of  the 
most  perishable  and  fantastic  coloring  that  ever  per- 
mitted an  artist  to  become  famous.  Among  impos- 
sible landscapes  and  canvasses  that  were  nnintclligible 
by  reason  of  great  patches  from  which  the  pigments 
had  dropped,  like  ripened  scabs,  I  saw  some  comprc- 


I 


EVANESCENT  AET.  365 

hensible  and  excellent  work;  but  I  withdrew  per- 
suaded that  the  fame  of  the  artist  would  not  rise  to 
enduring  eminence  beyond  the  boundaries  of  Great 
Britain.  Then,  after  a  last  look  at  London,  I  took 
the  Midland  night  express,  for  Liverpool. 

About  III  o'clock  the  next  afternoon  I  rode  in  a 
cab  to  the  Wintercross  homestead ;  and  once  within 
the  wall  its  air  of  solid  comfort  was  more  agreeable 
than  ever,  in  contrast  to  the  gay  glitter  of  corres- 
ponding establishments  in  the  Parisian  suburbs. 
Wliile  I  ascended  the  broad  steps  the  massive,  carved 
door  swung  open,  as  if  by  its  own  volition,  and  the 
well  disciplined  lacquey  whom  I  found  behind  it  ush- 
ered me  through  the  high,  spacious  hall,  into  the 
library,  where  I  found  my  old  employer  reclining  in 
a  luxurious  arm-chair,  behind  a  copy  of  the  Times 
that  had  probably  come  on  the  train  that  brought  me. 

He  was  looking  very  contented  for  a  valetudinarian, 
a  little  heartier,  I  thought,  than  he  had  seemed  when 
I  studied  his  physique  professionally  in  mid-ocean. 
Having  greeted  me  warmly  he  touched  a  bell  beside 
him,  and  when  the  lacquey  who  had  admitted  me  si- 
lently appeared,  gave  two  orders,  of  which  the  only 
one  I  comprehended  was  that  requiring  a  footman  to 
take  my  check  to  the  railway  station  and  exchange  it 
for  my  one  item  of  baggage.     Obediently,  no  doubt. 


366  A   HEARTY   INVALID. 

to  the  other  order,  the  automaton  quickly  reappeared 
with  a  salver  irradiate  of  cut  glass  ]  and  as  my  host 
removed  the  stopper  from  a  dark  decanter  and  pushed 
the  latter  toward  me  a  subtile,  never-to-be-forgotten 
fragrance  assured  me  that  it  contained  the  identical 
vintage  of  the  square  bottle  associated  in  my  mind 
with  the  widow's  cruse  and  a  cubical  leathern  case. 

' '  You  see  I  haven't  forgotten  your  favorite  tipple," 
he  smiled,  pouring  himself  out  a  modest  bumper. 
And  if  there  had  been  need  I  could  conscientiously 
have  sworn  he  hadn't. 

"Here's  to  Paris!"  he  continued;  "hoping  you 
enjoyed  it  as  much  as  I  used  to  when  I  was  about 
your  age." 

He  plied  me  with  inquiry  relative  to  the  changes 
wrought  by  time,  and  the  war;  in  the  course  of  which 
his  topographical  remarks  about  the  city  developed 
how  easily  one  may  go  from  ^NTotre  Dame  to  Liver- 
pool and  learn  a  number  of  things  about  the  fau- 
bourgs. 

At  dinner  I  for  the  first  time  met  the  family  that 
looked  to  the  bachelor  invalid  as  its  head.  It  con- 
sisted of  a  lady  past  middle  age,  the  widow  of  his 
brother  —  a  stately  matron  who  was,  indeed,  the  mis- 
tress of  the  manse,  —  and  two  accomplished  and 
passably  comely  daughters. 


SUGGESTIVE  MOONSHINE.  367 

Although  so  recently  from  the  Capital  of  Europe 
I  was  not  sufficiently  aufait  in  the  conventionalities 
of  foreign  society  to  properly  enjoy  the  meal ;  so  I 
was  glad  when  it  was  ended  and  Mr.  Wintercross  led 
me  from  the  dining  room  to  a  pleasant  veranda  that 
overlooked  a  handsome  lawn  before  the  library. 
There  we  sat  and  talked  in  the  moonlight,  over  a 
vase  of  excellent  cigars,  until  bed  time.  Then,  while 
the  automaton  stood  waiting  with  our  lights,  the  mas- 
ter detained  me  to  assist  Mm  in  an  indispensable  cer- 
emony. 

^' This  moonlight,"  he  said,  "reminds  me  of  our 
voyage  ]  and,  if  I  am  an  old  cripple,  I  wouldn't  mind 
taking  that  trip  over  —  Here's  to  the  Colonel  and 
his  whole  family  —  and  the  Fourth  of  July,  in  the 
morning !  " 

When  I  woke  the  next  day  the  young  man  who 
brushed  my  clothes  informed  me  that  the  house  knew 
no  fixed  morning  hours,  but  that  breakfast  would  be 
served  for  me  whenever  I  chose  to  appear  at  the  table. 

I  was  never  a  lazy  man,  or  much  given  to  slug- 
gardly  indolence,  but  I  have  known  times  when  it 
was  delicious,  beyond  all  rewards  of  early  or  sys- 
tematic rising,  to  nestle  down  in  luxurious  inertia  for 
just  another  unstinted  nap ;  and  I  always  did  see 
more  than  most  Americans  seem  to  in  the  fact  that 


368  A  LOST  INHERITANCE. 

Omnipotence,  while  working  on  six  common  days, 
reserved  the  best  one  it  had  planned,  to  rest  in.  I 
am  persuaded  that  it  is  deserving  to  be  greatly  de- 
plored that  the  charming  breakfast  customs  of  old 
England  were  not  brought  over  in  the  Mayflower, 
even  though  a  few  copies  of  Blue  Laws  and  disserta- 
tions on  Witchcraft  and  Quakerism  had  of  need  been 
tossed  overboard,  to  make  room  for  them. 

I  breakfasted  about  nine,  and  then  rambled  over 
the  widow's  well  kept  grounds  with  a  cigar  and  a  so- 
ciable greyhound,  until  the  coachman  followed  me  to 
say  that  his  master  and  the  carriage  were  waiting. 

Mr.  Wintercross  took  me  through  a  charming 
comitryside,  to  a  fine  mixed  pile  in  a  noble  park  of 
some  two  square  miles  area,  where  I  had  the  unex- 
pected pleasure  of  passing  an  hour  in  the  gallery  of 
Knowsley  Hall,  the  seat,  for  centuries,  of  the  Stan- 
leys and  Earls  of  Derby.  The  collection  contains 
many  interesting  originals  of  Rubens,  Rosa,  Correg- 
gio,  Rembrandt  and  Yandyck. 

Returning  by  a  circuit  to  the  city  we  lunched  at  a 
club  and  then  made  the  purchases  needful  to  our  cel- 
ebration, reaching  our  starting  point  after  six  hours 
absence,  or  just  in  season  to  rest  a  bit  before  prepar- 
ing for  the  serious  business  of  dinner. 

From  the  table  we  salUed  to  the  grounds  before  the 


DOING  PENANCE.  369 

house,  whence  we  duly  astonished  the  neighborhood 
in  celebrating  the  100th  anniversary  of  the  first  Con- 
federate States  rebellion,  by  a  profuse  consumption  of 
fireworks,  to  the  accompaniment  of  Hail  Columbia, 
God  Save  the  Queen  and  —  at  the  host's  especial 
command  —  Dixie,  all  rendered  with  much  taste  and 
spirit  by  the  young  ladies  in  the  drawing-room. 

The  next  morning  I  set  about  making  a  portrait  of 
Mr.  Wintereross,  m  apology  for  the  one  I  had  shame- 
fully slighted  under  the  misapprehension  that  it  was 
to  be  the  possession  of  a  frivolous  young  lady.  Ap- 
plying myself  steadily  through  the  many  hours  of 
summer  daylight,  in  a  conscientious  effort  to  do  jus- 
tice to  an  inviting  physiognomy,  I  completed  the  pic- 
ture on  the  6th,  satisfactorily  to  myself  and  to  the 
pleased  surprise  of  my  sitter. 

Then,  having  no  desire  to  overtax  a  hospitality 
which  I  highly  appreciated,  on  the  8th,  in  a  dense 
fog,  after  a  parting  libation,  I  entered  a  pony-phseton 
kindly  placed  at  my  service  and  started  for  the  train , 
371  route  to  Queenstown,  to  catch  the  White  Line 
Steamer. 

At  the  last  moment  Mr.  Wintereross  handed  me  a 
neatly  tied  parcel,  which  he  said  was  a  book  he  had 
selected  from  his  library,  to  beguile  me  when  the  voy- 
age began  to  be  intolerably  tedious ;  and,  in  order 

24 


370  A  "TURQUOISE   SEA  AND   A  SAPPHIRE  SKY." 

that  it  might  be  efficacious  in  that  awful  hour,  he  ad- 
vised me  not  to  dip  into  it,  or  even  look  at  its  title, 
until  the  crisis  had  come.  Thanking  him  appropri- 
ately I  slipped  the  volume  into  the  outside  pocket  of 
my  valise  and  thought  of  it  no  more  until  I  was  seven 
hundred  miles  at  sea. 

I  saw  only  through  much  fog,  dimly,  until  beyond 
the  Irish  Channel,  on  the  liner,  and  passing  out  of 
sight  of  the  Cove  of  Cork.  Then,  for  some  hours, 
the  dull,  throbbing  ague  of  the  vessel,  every  shiver  of 
which  was  shunting  me  rapidly  toward  my  native 
land,  filled  me  wdth  profound  content.  But  gradually 
the  serene,  monochromatic  prospect  of  a  calm,  blue 
sky  and  a  calmer,  bluer  sea  surfeited  my  appetite  for 
that  sort  of  scenery.  Blue  is  my  favorite  color,  but 
in  that  unvarying  blue  circle,  under  an  unchangeable 
azure  dome  —  affected  somewhat,  it  may  have  been, 
by  the  circumstance  that  for  imperative  reasons  I  was 
traveling  second  class  —  my  impressions  grew  stereo- 
typed, orbital  and  overburdened  with  the  prevail- 
ing hue. 

Then  my  recalcitrant  soul  found  temporary  relief 
in  the  composition  of  a  poem  full  of  concrete  ridicule 
of  all  the  gushers  who  ever  slopped  over  in  panegyric 
referable  to  a  turquoise  sea  and  a  sapphire  sky,  or  the 
slvimbering  beauty  of*  the  blue  rolling  deep.     But  in 


HOMEWARD  BOUND. 


A  PUNY  CUEIOSITY.  371 

a  day  or  two  this  relaxation  began  to  pall.  And  then, 
in  despair,  happening  to  kick  my  valise  as  I  reached 
under  my  bunk  in  pursuit  of  a  gigantic  cockroach,  I 
thought  of  my  book.  I  did  not  wish  to  read.  In 
fact  my  mind,  burdened  by  a  persistent  wonder  of 
how  long  I  would  have  to  rough  it  in  'New  York  be- 
fore I  could  earn  money  enough  to  move  me  to  Cin- 
cinnati, had  tripped  and  sprawled  over  the  pages  of 
several  excellent  books  that  day ;  but  for  lack  of 
healthier  exercise  my  thoughts  began  to  play  with  a 
pmiy  curiosity  as  to  what  manner  of  literature  my 
convivial  friend  had  so  sagaciously  wrapped  up, 
against  the  very  emergency  in  which  I  was  then  wal- 
lowing. He  was,  I  laiew,  a  man  of  such  catholic 
humor  that  it  might  be  most  anything,  for  the  fun  of 
it,  from  Gil  Bias  to  Dean  Swift's  sermons.  Revolv- 
ing this  certainty  in  my  mind  until  the  uncertainty 
involved  m  it  became  miendurable,  I  pulled  out  my 
baggage  and  extracted  what  proved  to  be  a  handsome, 
profusely  illustrated  copy  of  Thackeray's  Paris  Sketch 
Book.  And  instantly  I  became  eager  to  know  just 
how  novelties  yet  fresh  in  my  memory  had  impressed 
a  satirist  of  keen  artistic  perception.  I  began  to  read, 
and  reluctantly  closed  the  book  at  nightfall.  And 
early  on  the  following  morning  I  resumed  the  read- 
ing, faltering    not    until  I  reached  the   143d  page, 


372  THE  MEASURE  OF  HAPPINESS. 

which  turning  I  came  upon  an  illustration  that  electri- 
fied me. 

It  was  a  full  length  picture  of  a  robust  young 
woman  in  scant  attire,  on  a  bill  of  exchange  for  ten 
pounds  Sterhng,  drawn  by  a  Liverpool  on  a  New 
York  banker ;  and  on  a  slightly  attached  slip  of  pa- 
per, in  the  unmistakable  handwriting  of  my  late  host, 
was  written  :  ' '  This  is  the  difference  in  market  value 
between  American  and  Parisian  art." 

Had  I  been  a  millionaire  the  sudden  acquisition  of 
a  sum  so  paltry  would  not  have  raised  a  ripple  akin 
to  the  great  tidal  wave  of  happiness  that  floated  my 
whole  being  when  I  pocketed  that  bit  of  paper —  and 
contmued  to  float  it  buoyantly  throughout  the;  i-e- 
mainder  of  the  voyage.  Hence  it  is  clear  that  my 
happiness  was  due,  not  to  that  ten  pounds  Sterling, 
but  merely  to  the  circumstance  that  I  was  not  just 
then  rich  enough  to  measure  ten  pounds  by  an  in- 
variable standard.  And  from  the  self-evident  fact  it 
follows  that  the  real  measure  of  human  happiness  is, 
contrary  to  universal  theory,  not  what  the  creature 
possesses,  but  that  which  he  or  she  does  not  possess! 
This  discovery  is  worthy  of  wide-spread  attention, 
for  it  illumines  a  profound  question  upon  which  the 
great  mind  of  humanity  is  in  error  —  an  error  which 
may  be  correctly  described  as  the  snare  and  stumbling 


A  NOVEL  EMBARRASSMENT.  373 

block  of  mortal  happiness.  Paradoxical  as  it  may 
seem,  it  is  solid  to  the  core,  and  the  only  possible 
foundation  on  which  happiness  built  up  of  possess- 
ions can  ever  rest. 

I  tarried  in  ISTew  York  only  long  enough  to  cash 
my  exchange  and  inform  a  few  of  my  acquaintances 
that  I  would  return  shortly  and  open  a  studio  in  that 
city.  It  was  my  intention  to  make  a  flying  visit  to 
Cincinnati,  but  when  I  got  there  one  thing  after  an- 
other detamed  me  until  I  no  longer  had  money  enough 
to  get  away.  This  was  peculiarly  embarrassing,  be- 
cause my  shoulders  were  beginning  to  feel,  for  the 
first  time,  that  burden  of  pride  which  is  so  grievous 
to  the  impoverished  back.  I  was  equally  loth  to  com- 
pete with  the  paltry  remuneration  of  my  earlier  art, 
or  to  return,  even  temporarily,  to  any  of  the  pursuits 
which  I  had  found  lucrative  in  humbler  moods,  or  to 
raise  a  self-consuming  loan  upon  my  watch.  In  this 
dilemma,  by  carrying  my  head  high  and  conversing 
at  a  corresponding  attitude,  I  so  impressed  those 
around  me  with  a  due  sense  of  my  professional  im- 
portance that,  one  day,  while  I  was  wondering  what 
I  would  do  the  next  week  for  pocket-money,  I  re- 
ceived application  on  behalf  of  a  young  man  I  had 
long  known,  to  take  him  East  with  me  as  my  pupil ! 
I  was  thus  instigated  to  effect  an  arrangement  that 


374  PKOFESSOR  AND  PUPIL. 

enabled  me  to  return  to  'New  York,  a  few  days  later, 
in  possession  of  six  dollars  and  some  cents  with  which 
to  found  a  school  of  art. 

I  chose  an  economical  location  remote  from  the 
City  Hall,  set  up  a  plain  easel,  bought  on  credit,  and 
waited  for  commissions  to  come  in. 

But  they  did  not  begin  to  come. 

The  day  devoted  to  monthly  settlements  arrived 
punctually,  however;  and  with  an  humbled  spirit  I 
pawned  my  watch.  Having  thus  dealt  personal  pride 
and  professional  dignity  a  black  eye,  each,  I  girded 
my  loins,  and  gat  me  out  into  the  highways  of  the 
metropolis,  with  samples  of  my  art.  I  thus  encom- 
passed one  commission  in  a  roundabout  journey  of 
six  days ;  the  people  I  bothered  being  too  busy  watch- 
ing the  far-reaching  effects  of  the  great  panic,  and 
calculating  now  long  they  could  afford  to  stay  with 
the  Centennial,  and  what  they  could  spare  to  the 
public  necessity  of  jockeying  Mr.  Tilden,  to  extend 
much  encouragement  to  unbranded  art. 

And  just  when  I  began  to  foresee  uncertainties  in 
my  plan  of  establishing  myself  that  season,  my  pupil 
fell  into  such  ways  that  I  was  in  duty  bound  to  abol- 
ish my  academy  by  shipping  him  home.  Then ,  aware 
that  I  must  either  give  up  the  battle  or  lead  the  for- 
lorn hope,  I,  with  a  nerve  that  now  sometimes  sud- 


OPERATING  ON  A  MARGIN.  375 

denly  startles  me,  moved  into  a  handsome  studio  on 
Broadway  near  Astor  Place,  on  the  cash  basis  of  a 
small  margin  sold  out  in  my  pawned  watch.  And 
there  for  many  months  the  rent  bills  were  as  reliable 
as  the  resources  for  their  liquidation  were  uncertain. 

Soon  after  I  moved  into  my  imposing  atelier  my 
old  friend  the  Inventor  walked  into  it  one  day,  and  an- 
nounced that  he  was  adrift,  without  plans  for  the 
winter.  Owing  to  a  disagreement  with  the  firm  that 
had  been  backing  his  patents,  he  had,  with  the  eccen- 
tric dignity  of  genius,  abandoned  both  the  connection 
and  results  to  which  he  had  been  experimenting  for 
years.  He  was  now,  he  said,  ready  to  perfect  his 
flying  machine ;  or  exercise  his  fertile  ingenuity  in 
some  other  line  of  invention. 

Throughout  that  winter  we  fraternized,  defying  the 
scowls  fortune  was  just  then  lavishing  on  both  of  us 
to  affect  our  good  comradeship.  In  the  privacy  of 
certain  regular  hours,  when  my  door  was  fastened 
against  all  intrusion,  we  cracked  our  jokes  and  cooked 
our  meals,  many  of  which  last  were  too  simple 
to  agreeably  exercise  our  culinary  ingenuity.  Had 
there  been  but  a  pipe  of  tobacco  to  be  passed  between 
us  we  would  have  had  our  jest  over  it,  all  the  same. 

Those  days  are  all  passed,  and  some  of  them  were 
rough  enough,  but  I  can  not  look  back  to  them  with- 


376 


TREADING   THE   WINE   PRESS. 


out  experiencing  an  absurd  and  melancholy  regret 
that  I  shall  never  see  their  like  again :  and  sometimes, 
when  I  fall  to  thinking 


of  them  over  my  pipe  and 
palette,  I  do  not  kiiOAV  whether  it  is  the  smoke  or  an 
atom  of  pigment  that  -makes  my  eyes  soften  and 
smart  so. 

To  love  art  thoroughly  one  should  suffer  for  it ; 
since  nothing  else  tests  and  toughens  the  fiber  of  an 


WOOING  IN  EARNEST. 


377 


affection  too  strong  to  snap  in  the  ordeal, 
like  the  prolonged  agony  of  physical  dis- 
comfort.    For  months  and  years  I  clung 
to  the  feet  of  my  mistress,  often  shiver- 
ing, sometimes  famishing,  but  always 
refusing  to  be  repulsed  into  any  of 
the  numerous  ignobler  call- 
ings in  which  I  had  never 
known    either 
hunger  or  pri- 
vation. 


I 


CHAPTER   Xyil. 


ECLINING  in  my  easi- 
est chair  in  agreea- 
ble revery  over  a 
steady  income  of 
orders,  and  what  I 
I  should  have  for  break- 
fast,  I  was  falling 
into  a  delightful  phase  of  mind  when  a  sensational 
dramatist  of  some  success,  commonly  known  to  his 
familiars  as  "  The  Marquis,"  pushed  open  the  door  I 
had  incautiously  unlocked,  and  unceremoniously  en- 
tered. 

It  was,  of  course,  all  right,  since  histrionic  people 
are  privileged  to  act  pretty  much  as  they  please  —  or 
at  least  often  take  the  liberty  of  doing  so. 

"  My  son,"  he  said  dropping  on  my  lounge,  "I 
am  hungry.     How  do  you  feel?  " 

^'  Squgee  —  only  a  little  thirsty,"  I  replied,  lifting 
my  guest's  hat  and  pitching  it  jauntily  askew  on  a 


380  A  TKEACHEROUS  VIAND. 

plaster  bust  of  Harriet  Beecher  Stowe  which  a  cranky 
predecessor  who  fancied  himself  a  sculptor  had  aban- 
doned in  that  studio. 

'  ^  So  am  I !  "  exclaimed  the  sociable  author,  rising 
suddenly ;  ^'  and  since  we  are  so  harmonious,  suppose 
we  pitch  in  and  knock  up  a  banquet." 

I  readily  assented ;  and  as  he  said  something  about 
liver- sausage,  allowed  him  to  go  forth  in  quest  of 
that  delicacy. 

He  soon  returned,  with  a  black  bottle,  a  loaf  of 
bread,  and  about  an  ell  of  the  most  Teutonic  sort  of 
sausage ;  laying  which  supplies  on  my  table  he  re- 
quested me  to  hurry  up.  As  the  bottle  seemed  all 
right,  and  the  loaf  was  real  Vienna,  I  forgave  him 
his  gluttonous  impatience  and  partiality  for  an  un- 
known viand  which,  if  nothing  more  treacherous,  was 
probably  hashed  horse. 

The  culinary  exercises  were  simple.  For  utensils, 
there  was,  to  begin  with,  a  convenient  oyster-can  in 
which  I  usually  heated  water  for  toddies  and  other 
important  purposes,  that  answered  excellently  for 
coffee ;  and  I  knew  where  to  find  a  cracked  color- 
mortar  wherein  unnumbered  eggs  had  been  success- 
fully scrambled.  The  potatoes  roasted  themselves 
under  the  coal-basket ;  and  as  for  the  tomatoes,  they 
could  not  refuse  to  be  stewed  in  their  own  can.    But- 


SIMPLE  EXERCISES.  381 

ter  and  cream  were  luxurious  afterthoughts  of  my 
visitor,  which  he  atoned  for  by  another  excursion  into 
the  by-ways. 

As  the  table  was  not  a  very  large  one,  when  set- 
ting it,  after  spreading  down  an  ample  sheet  of  snow- 
wliite  paper,  I  cut  off  a  foot  or  so  of  sausage  and 
hung  the  remainder  of  the  coil  over  the  end  of  the 
mantel  piece.  For  everytliing  else  I  found  or  made 
sufficient  room. 

Meanwhile  The  Marquis  had  managed  to  get  one 
of  his  fingers  into  the  simmering  tomato-can,  and 
suddenly  began  to  dance  upon  the  hearth,  imploring 
his  Creator  to  consign  his  immortal  essence  to  a  place 
where  he  would  be  hkely  to  get  even  more  distress- 
ingly burned. 

''^ow,  then,"  I  laughed,  pouring  out  the  trans- 
lucent, aromatic  Mocha  and  helping  both  plates  to 
scrambled  eggs,  "when  you  get  through  asking  that 
blessing,  bring  on  your  tomatoes  and  fall  to." 

The  repast  proceeded  rapidly  in  silence,  The  Mar- 
quis from  time  to  time  sticking  out  his  tender  fore- 
finger, the  more  conveniently  to  skin  one  end  of  the 
ambiguous  relish  —  which,  by  the  way,  I  found  to 
taste  pretty  good.  After  several  vain  attempts  to 
season  hospitality  with  sweet  communion  I  waited  a 
bit,  and  then  ventured  to  remark : 


382  AN   IDEA. 

' '  These  fragments  remind  me  that  I  have  an 
idea." 

"You  don't  say!"  exclaimed  my  guest,  laying 
down  his  knife  and  fork  and  staring  at  me  with  an 
air  of  mingled  amazement  and  increduhty  that  was 
very  exasperating. 

Perceiving  that  my  guest  was  not  in  his  most  sunny 
humor  I  let  him  have  his  way  until  six  inches  of  his 
handful  of  sausage  had  comforted  him ;  and  then, 
when  our  mutual  interest  in  the  feast  began  to  flag, 
I  resumed : 

"Come,  old  Asperity  !  fill  that  egg-pipe,  and  smoke 
the  rats  out  of  your  garret.  I  didn't  say  it  was  an 
original  idea.  It  is  to  give  a  genuine  Bohemian  sup- 
per, and  see  if  we  can't  found  a  Club  on  its  ruins. 
And  I  want  you  to  help  me  organize  it." 

"  Who  will  you  organize?  " 

"  Well,  we  don't  want  quite  a  milHon  —  there's 
Barlow,  to  begin  with." 

"  Good  enough,  as  far  as  he  goes,"  said  The  Mar- 
quis. 

Barlow  was  a  fat,  little  fellow  who  sometimes 
earned  wages  by  spoiling  fine  stone  with  a  chisel. 

"Who  else  is  in  town  now,  that  will  do?  "  I  asked 
reflectively. 

"  Why,  —  let  me  see,  —  there's  —  well,  Toiotr,  if 


THEY   WERE   SEVEN.  383 

we  catch  him  hard  up  enough  to  be  in  one  of  his 
sober  fits  ;  and  what  do  yo  say  to  Devoe?  " 

''Good!  And  there's  Nevin;  and  George  the 
Count." 

''Yes  !  and  Crapsey ;  and  Hartman,  —  that's  how 
many?  Two  —  four  —  six  -—  seven,  besides  our- 
selves." 

"And  that's  plenty,  and  a  very  good  set,  to  begin 
with." 

"Yes;  Hartman' s  rather  slow  and  top-heavy,  but 
we  ought  to  have  a  musician,  and  he  is  as  good  as 
any  I  know  of." 

"  O,  he'll  do,  first  rate,  — for  a  background." 

"  Take  that  blue  point  and  lay  off  a  summons  re- 
turnable next  Friday  night  at  eight  o'clock,  sharp." 

"All  right!  "  cried  The  Marquis  excitedly,  reach- 
ing for  the  pencil  and  pushing  his  debris  aside,  to  get 
a  fair  shake  at  the  table  cover. 

In  a  few  moments  he  covered  about  a  square  foot 
of  the  same  with  an  inscription  which  he  alleged  to 
read  as  follows : 

You  are  hereby  notified  that  your  presence  is  required  in  this  studio 
on  Friday  evening  next,  at  eight  o'clock  precisely,  or  one  hour  before  the 
doors  close  for  supper. 

You  are  also  commanded  to  bring  with  you  "a  friend"  (in  the  strict 
Bohemian  sense  —  say  anything  from  a  shrimp  to  a  hat-full  of  potatoes)  ; 


384  PERFECT,  FOR  PUNCTUALITY. 

thus  contributing  to  your  own  welfare  and  the  general  festivity  of  the 
occasion. 

P.  S.  —  If  you  are  sick  and  can't  come,  send  jonr  friend,  all  the  same, 
anyway. 

N.  B.  —  No  stuffed  turkeys  or  barbecued  buffaloes  admitted. 

The  Marquis  cut  this  production  out  m  a  neat 
square  and  set  it  up  on  the  easel,  where  we  both  could 
admire  it.  Then  I  got  out  a  handful  of  stationery, 
and  in  something  over  half  an  hour  we  engrossed  and 
directed  seven  copies.  It  was  then  past  noon,  and 
The  Marquis  hurriedly  left  me,  stuffing  the  biddmgs 
in  his  pocket,  saying  he  would  deliver  them,  with  ap- 
propriate exhortation,  in  person. 

The  next  I  saw  of  him  was  on  the  following  Fri- 
day evening  near  the  stroke  of  viit.  I  had  built  an 
extension  to  the  table,  made  a  few  purchases,  and 
was  wondering  whether  any  one  would  come,  when 
he  suddenly  popped  in  and  told  me  to  shove  under 
the  potatoes  he  poured  on  the  hearth  from  a  paper 
bag. 

In  another  moment  IN'evin  strolled  in,  under  a  stove- 
pipe hat  and  a  large  cylindrical  burden  that  almost 
eclipsed  his  somewhat  minimum  proportions.  He 
gravely  put  this  down  on  end  at  one  extremity  of  the 
table  and  informed  us  that  Barlow  was  somewhere  on 
the  way  up  stairs,  having  parted  company  with  the 


A  NOBLE   OFFERING.  385 

speaker  on  the  first  landing,  to  sit  down  to  wait  for 
his  second  wind.  In  the  opinion  of  I^evin,  if  no  un- 
likely accident  occurred  he  would  arrive  at  the  studio 
within  fifteen  minutes;  so  we  might  as  well  knock 
off  the  stairway  and  mark  him  perfect,  for  punctu- 
ality. 

Presently  Tower  and  Crapsey  strode  in,  each  ac- 
companied by  a  friend  indeed.  They  said  they  had 
passed  Barlow  on  the  stairs,  where  he  was  nursing  a 
big  bundle ;  and  while  they  were  mentioning  it  we 
heard  a  puffing  outside  which  gradually  drew  near, 
until,  after  we  had  listened  to  it  some  moments,  the 
loiterer  tripped  briskly  in  and  proudly  deposited  his 
contribution  —  a  bulky  one  that  proved,  when  he  had 
unswathed  it,  to  be  an  immense  boiled  ham. 

At  sight  of  this  noble  offering  Nevin  unwrapped 
his  tall  parcel  and  rolled  out  a  huge  can  hand- 
somely advertised  in  green  and  red  to  contain  devilled 
turkey. 

We  waited  five  minutes  for  Hartman,  and  ten  more 
for  Devoe;  and  then  agreemg  that  we  would  no 
longer  postpone  preliminaries  for  George  the 
Count —  even  though  he  were  on  the  stairway  and 
a  king — ,  we  instructed  The  Marquis  to  compile  an 
inventory  of  our  materials ;  which  he  duly  scheduled 
as  follows : 

25 


386 


A   SCHEDULE. 


^      A      A      A 


J i i L  A     ^     A i_  A     A 


-13) 


'"^^ 


T     7     ?     T 


'B^ 


-r  V   V   V   V 


T^r~T 


-ui^e. 


Represented  by 


Little  Barlow,  and  a  Big  Ham. 


^ 


\CiAA\\\''n<%. 


Represented  by 

Nevin,  and  1  Devilled  Turkey  in  a  Tall  Can. 

Tower,  and  1  Buffalo   Tongue — Immense. 

Our  Host,  and  Bread,  Milk,  Butter,  Cheese,  Eggs,  Tomatoes 

and  Sundries. 

Represented  by 

Hartman,  and  1  Half-Box  Cigars. 

Represented  by 

Devoe,  and  1  Keglet  of  Pig's  Feet. 
The  Marqms  and  1  Peck  Potatoes;  Item,  1  Can  Lobster. 


Represented  by 

Crapsey,  and  1  Semi-Demijohn  —  Very  Fine. 

While  I  put  the  potatoes  under  the  fire,  The  Mar- 
quis locked  the  door,  and  then  appropriated  the  color- 
mortar  for  his  Welsh  rare-bit. 

His  formula,  he  averred,  was :  MllJc  and  ale,  1 
pint,  half  and  half;  a  jiound  of  yellow  cheese;  the 
yolks  of  four  eggs;  j^l^^nty  of  mustard.     The  whole 


EVEEY  MAN  TO  HIS  TRADE.  387 

well  stewed  and  stirred  and  jjoured  out  rich  and  yel- 
low over  crisp  toast. 

Many  practiced  hands  made  light  work.  Barlow 
carved  the  ham ;  Tower  toned  the  coffee ;  Hartman 
and  N^evin  composed  the  tahle ;  while  Devoe  stalked 
guard  around  the  demijohn ;  and  I  laid  in  the  pota- 
toes and  entrees,  and  kept  The  Marquis  from  burning 
himself. 

When  the  bustle  of  preparation  finally  subsided 
into  the  minor  music  of  festivity,  it  became  possible 
to  hear  something.  But  for  a  goodly  interval  all 
were  too  intent  on  using  the  tongue  in  beastlier  fash- 
ion to  exercise  their  voices  edifyingly.  At  length, 
however,  the  calm  began  to  pass  away,  and  the  small 
demijohn  to  make  its  presence  felt. 

From  my  end  of  the  table,  over  remains  of  the 
turkey,  I  signaled  to  The  Marquis  at  the  other  end, 
over  the  color-mortar  without  any  remains,  that  the 
moment  had  come  for  him  to  rise  and  deliver  his  set 
speech.  With  the  handle  of  my  fork  I  rapped  on 
the  table  as  he  hiccoughed  loudly  and  in  an  unsteady 
dignity  arose. 

Several  of  the  company  diligently  hammered  the 
table  with  the  butt- ends  of  their  gastronomic  imple- 
ments, to  promote  silence. 

Crapsey  got  out  his  faber  and  tablet. 


388  THE  AWFUL   MOMENT  OF  PREPARATION. 

Barlow  prepared  to  listen  by  scooping  into  his 
hand  the  black  intestines  of  a  loaf  of  German  bread, 
which  sustenance  he  then  moistened  with  rye  and 
profoundly  kneaded  into  a  stiff  mass. 

Tower,  probably  disapproving  of  such  use  of  that 
fluid,  hid  the  demijohn  under  the  table,  and  began  to 
do  something  mysterious  with  a  spoon,  in  his  plate. 

Silence  having  been  thus  established,  the  orator 
grasped  the  corner  of  the  table  eloquently  and 
plunged  into  his  discourse. 

He  first  volubly  thanked  those  present  for  their 
prompt  attention  to  a  somewhat  imperative  and  ex- 
traordinary demand  upon  their  time  and  resources. 

He  then  began  to  thank  them  over  again,  with  a 
fervor  that  Devoe  hoarsely  wMspered  to  IN^evin  was 
slightly  a-rye. 

During  the  mild  sensation  caused  by  this  comment 
Hartman  softly  sang : 

"  Olt  Yo,  keekin  op  pehint  un  pefo; 
Un  dot  y oiler  kal  a  keekin  op  pehint  olt  Yo!  ^^ 

As  the  orator's  Christian  name  was  Marquis  De 
Lafayette,  which  possesses  only  a  meager  similarity 
to  Joseph,  the  point  of  this  interruption  was  not 
seriously  felt. 

With  contemptuous  dignity  th(3  speaker  placed  the 
fingers   of   his  other  hand  on  the  table,  to  further 


LOSING  THE  THEEAD.  889 

steady  it  under  him,  and  once  more  cordially  thanked 
the  respondents  for  having  so  punctually  and  nobly 
responded.  Then,  making  a  vigorous  spurt  around 
the  next  corner  of  his  mental  memoranda,  he  rapidly 
announced  that  the  object  of  our  revelry  was  to  lay 
broad  and  deep  the  f omidations  of  a  Bo  —  Bo  (Jiic) 
mian  Club.  He  positively  stated  that  such  Clubs  had 
been  f oun-ded  before;  but,  after  a  season,  had  sel- 
dom been  found,  dead  or  alive,  any  more,  owing  to 
excessive  absence  of  the  right  sort  of  cooperation. 
But  gazing  proudly  at  the  materials  around  him  he 
felt  that  they  were  miscellaneous  enongh  to  promise 
better  things.  For  example,  his  fiiend  Tower  was 
ambitious,  but  uncertain ;  while  Barlow  was  modest, 
and  reliable  enough  for  two.  And  so  on,  all  through, 
the  ingredients  at  hand  averaged  well. 

At  this  poiat  the  eloquent  dramatist  seemed  to  lose 
the  thread  of  his  discourse ;  and  as  a  rye-o-tous  spirit 
seemed  to  be  rapidly  entering  into  the  assembly,  I 
rose,  when  Lafayette  imploringly  gazed  at  me  and 
sat  down,  to  urge  upon  our  guests  the  importance  of 
quickly  disposing  of  the  principal  business  of  the  oc- 
casion. But  I  concluded  I  would  reserve  the  appeal 
a  moment,  to  find  out  why  Crapsey  was  so  much  in- 
terested in  the  proceedings  of  Barlow,  who  sat  oppo- 
site him. 


390  "SCULPIN  A  STAT." 

"  What  are  you  doing?  "  asked  the  Argus  of  the 
Press,  looking  hurriedly  to  his  notes. 

''  He's  sculpin?  "  cried  N^evin. 

*'I'm  sculpin  a  stat,"  answered  Barlow,  whose 
red  pug  nose  was  blooming  with  the  effort  of  apply- 
ing the  handle  of  the  mustard  spoon  so  as  to  bring 
out  the  cheeks,  develop  the  nose  and  impart  a  little 
more  crookedness  to  the  legs  of  a  monstrosity  he  was 
modeling  out  of  his  rye  mash. 

Upon  this  confession  all  eyes  turned  instantly  to 
the  Sculptor  and  the  work  of  his  spoon. 

Taldng  the  lobster  can  for  a  pedestal  Barlow  tri- 
umphantly mounted  the  manikin,  and  lo !  there,  in 
the  character  of  Hamlet  giving  his  advice  to  the 
players,  stood  The  Marquis. 

With  the  utmost  gravity  this  work  of  art  was  passed 
around  the  board  for  inspection  and  criticism. 

Kevin  handed  it  to  Devoe  with  the  comment : 

"  A  hit ;  a  very  palpable  hit !  Take  it  for  all  in  all,  I  shall  not  look  upon 
its  like  again." 

Devoe,  as  being  a  stage  tramp  in  duty  bound, 
selected  a  yet  more  intricate  sentiment  from  the  im- 
mortal tragedy,  transferring  the  gem  and  the  chal- 
lenge to  Tower,  declaiming : 

"  Yea,  this  solidity  and  compound  mass, 
With  tristful  visage,  as  against  the  doer, 
Is  thought  sick  at  the  deed." 


SATISFIED.  391 

The  latter  turned  his  plate  bottom  up  and  looking 
at  the  study  profoundly  for  a  moment,  pushed  the 
game  back  across  the  table  to  Hartman,  sighing: 

*' You'll  nose  him  as  you  go  up  stairs  into  the 
lobby." 

While  the  phlegmatic  Hartman  was  wrestling  with 
his  soul  in  order  to  think  of  something  appropriate, 
Crapsey  humanely  extended  his  long  arm  and  clutched 
the  lobster  can. 

**  Thou  mixture  rank  of  midnight  waste,  collected 
With  hellish  craft,  thrice  mingled,  thrice  perfected!" 

he  apostrophized ;  and  then  he  impressively  delivered 
it  into  the  right  hand  of  its  original ;  who  placed  it 
before  him,  wept  over  it,  and  then,  returning  it  to 
Crapsey,  moaned : 

' '  Report  me  and  my  cause  a-rye-ty  to  the  unsat- 
isfied—  I'm  satisfied." 

The  statuette  was  then  ostentatiously  erected  in 
the  center  of  the  board,  additionally  elevated  on  an 
empty  sardine- box  —  as  some  one  remarked  —  to  give 
it  an  antique  and  fish-like  savor. 

Then,  before  I  could  begin  my  suspended  appeal, 
The  Marquis  got  on  his  legs,  with  the  assistance  of 
Tower  and  Crapsey,  and  to  my  consternation  an- 
ounced  that  I  had,  concealed  in  my  clothes,  some- 


392  A  CHINESE   MANUSCRIPT. 

where,  a  poem  composed  expressly  for  delivery  on 
that  occasion. 

While  Tower  lowered  my  colleague  into  his  chair 
I  vehemently  denied  the  last  statement;  but  the 
whole  company  as  vehemently  clamored  for  poetry,  in 
a  spirit  that  satisfied  me  I  must  temporize  with 
them  —  and  be  quick  about  it  —  if  I  was  to  be  heard 
to  any  purpose  in  the  more  important  matter.  So 
without  hesitation  I  fumbled  in  my  pockets,  pulled 
out  a  showy  wash  receipt,  from  a  neighboring  Chinese 
laundry,  and  began : 

THE   RAMBOLIEE. 

'Mid  cyclones  and  sausages, 
Though  once  doomed  to  roam  — 

^'  O,  come  !  "  cried  Barlow,  winking  inebriately  at 
Crapsey,  "  That's  flat  burglary;  and  a  mighty  slim 
one,  at  that,  on  ^  Sweet  Home.'  " 

Scowling  at  the  interruption,  I  repeated : 

'Mid  cyclones  and — 

^'  'Dlike  t'  see  him  ro(ho)ming  through  one  of  his 
cy (hi) clones,"  injected  the  irrepressible  Sculptor; 
nudging  Nevin,  who  smiled  feebly  and  tried  to  bal- 
ance his  head  steadily  while  he  exercised  the  muscles 
on  the  front  of  it. 

I  resumed : 

Though  once  doomed  to  roam  — 


POETIC  LICENSE.  393 

^' Yes,  we  all  know  you  were  once  doomed  that 
way,"  murmured  Tower,  chuckling  at  his  own  wit  — 
or  something  which  he  saw  in  his  plate,  which  he  sys- 
tematically hid  from  the  prying  curiosity  of  Devoe 
and  The  Marquis. 

*'  Go  on !"  cried  a  voice  that  found  several  echoes. 

Though  once  doomed  to  roam, 
I  ne'er  shall  forget  — 

"  He's  gointosay,  there's  noplace  like  Home;  jus 
waitansee  fee  isn't !  "  cried  Barlow,  triumphantly. 

I  raised  the  Celestial  manuscript  on  high,  and  then 
slapping  it  down  vigorously  on  my  free  hand,  re- 
cited: 

I  ne'er  shall  forget 
That  Barlow'' s  a  hum! 

All  who  were  sober  enough  smiled.  The  others, 
excepting  Barlow,  sagaciously  grinned.  When  the 
agitation  had  partially  subsided  the  latter  indignantly 
protested : 

''  'Dlike  tono  how  you  make  bumrymith  roam!  " 

^' It  doesn't,"  I  remorselessly  answered,  "for  I 
have  just  substituted  rum  in  the  manuscript,  to  fit  Bar- 
low's case." 

"  Good!  "  cried  The  Marquis,  who  was  privately 
down  on  Barlow  for  the  plastic  portrait.  Just  then 
Tower,  with  the  self-possession  peculiar  to  old  hands 


894  IN  SECRET  SESSION. 

at  the  bottle,  rose  from  his  chan%  walked  straight  as 
a  diill-sergeant  to  the  hearth,  and  pushed  his  plate 
under  the  neglected  grate.  This  remarkable  be- 
havior was,  however,  but  vaguely  noticed  by  the  ma- 
jority. 

"Bretheren!"  I  cried,  "before  this  thing  goes 
any  further,  let  us  transact  our  business ;  and  when 
we  are  through,  and  ready  to  adjourn,  I  will  read  you 
some  verses  that  are  not  wanting  in  symmetrical  and 
peculiar  appropriateness  to  this  occasion.  I  alluded 
to  some  lines  in  my  portfoho,  which  Sorrowful  Sam 
had  "  thrown  off"  and  given  to  me  one  day. 

If  every  man  present  had  been  weaned  on  poetry 
the  effect  could  not  have  been  more  gratifying. 

"Order!  Order!  Busmess !  "  chorussed  every 
one  but  Barlow. 

As  the  Society  was  a  secret  one  it  is  necessary  to 
drop  the  veil  of  privacy  over  the  occurrences  of  the 
next  half  hour. 

'No  sooner  was  the  matter  of  organization  disposed 
of  than  Tower,  as  if  suddenly  struck  by  a  reminis- 
cence, ran  to  the  fire-place,  whirled  out  his  plate, 
dropped  it  hastily,  and  finally  taking  it  up  with  the 
tongs,  carried  it  around  among  the  partly  sobered 
initiated,  showing  it  to  them  one  by  one. 

What  they  saw  was,  a  portrait  of  little  Barlow  in- 


A  FASCINATING  EESEMBLANCE.  395 

ebriated,  disgustingly  faithful.  Crapsey,  who  some- 
times inspired  awe  in  the  public  mind  as  an  art- critic, 
pronounced  it  a  fine  bit  of  pungent  realism  —  a  spicy 
nocturne  in  red  and  brown .  N^evin  called  it  a  piquant 
landscape  of  Barlow's  face. 

The  manner  of  treatment  was  as  follows  : 

The  hair,  eyebrows,  beard,  and  portions  of  the 
eyes  were  laid  on  in  Worcester-sauce.  The  complex- 
ion was  rendered  in  tomato  ketchup,  shghtly  tem- 
pered here  and  there  with  mustard.  The  nose  and 
segments  of  the  eye-lids  were  executed  wholly  in 
ketchup  and  cayenne  pepper. 

The  likeness  was  fascinating.  The  Marquis  said 
it  made  him  want  to  sneeze,  "  Howdy,  Barlow,"  to 
look  at  it.  Under  the  neglected  grate  the  moisture 
had  slowly  evaporated,  leaving  the  colors  dry  on  the 
plate. 

''  Plate  —  O,  thou  reasonest  well !  "  said  Devoe  in 
tones  of  thrilling  huskiness,  as  with  an  uncertain 
hand  he  projected  it  in  experimental  lurches  towards 
Hartman.  The  latter  finally  got  hold  of  the  tongs, 
already  held  by  Tower  and  Devoe ;  and  among  them 
the  plate  dropped  on  the  floor.  Hartman  dived  after 
it,  and  by  a  series  of  cautious  caresses  ascertaining 
that  it  was  only  rather  warm,  deliberately  raised  it 
and  at  the  same  time  cleared  his  reputation  from  a 


396 


SAVING  A  REPUTATION. 


cloud  of   suspicion  that    had  for   some  years  been 
gradually    gather 
wittily  exclaim 

^'Wat    a 
Shina!" 

Hartman 
this  thought 
through    his 
which    was 
face.       Tower 
tion  to  the  fact 
like  a  lion  on  a  brass 

' '  I  beg  pardon,"  said  Crap 
at   the    disheveled   musician 
' '  shall  I  put  that  down  as  a 
tongue,  or  as  a  premeditated 

The  latter  stared  at  his  graved 
helplessly,  while  a  gentle  ripple' 
went  around;  in  the  midst  of 
sonorous  bell  deliberately   struck 

Wlien  Tower  had  impressively 
aloud  the  twelve  strokes,  in  a  pro 
silence  I  rose  and  informed  the  awe- 
revelers  that  the  time  had  come  for  me  to  redeem 
my  promise  to  read  them  a  few  rhymes,  the  fit  and 


ing    aromid  it,  by 
in  a-: 

in  ol t 

delivered 

as  he  rose, 

long     hair, 

all  over  his 

called  atten- 

that  he  looked 

knocker. 

sey,  looking  up 

from  liis  notes  — 

lip   of    the 

joke?" 

catechist 

of   mirth 

which    a 

midnight. 

counted 

found 

stricken 


HANDWRITING  ON  THE  WALL.  397 

jiiigle  of  which  were  surpassed  only  by  their  appropri- 
ateness as  a  finale  to  that  occasion.  And  if  any 
Bohemian  present,  I  solemnly  added,  discovered  a 
moral  in  them,  while  staggering  down  the  dark 
stairway,  that  person  would  understand  why  I  pro- 
posed to  have  the  poem  printed  in  bold  type,  under 
a  flaming  finger,  and  hung  conspicuously  on  the  wall 
in  all  our  subsequent  revelries. 

With  this  explanation  I  unfolded  a  yellow  manu- 
script and  in  appropriate  elocution  rendered : 

THE   EAVIN^G. 

Once  upon  a  midnight  eerie,  while  I  brooded  blinking,  beery, 
Over  many  a  quaint  and  queer  revolving  antic  of  the  floor  — 
While  I  pondered  o'er  the  puzzle,  suddenly  I  heard  a  rustle, 
As  of  some  soft,  stealthy  bustle  at  my  pirouetting  door. 
"Some  eaves-drop  (hie)  er,"  I  muttered,  "lis(hic)tening  at  the  door!  " 
And  internally  I  swore. 

I  remember,  and  with  reason,  it  was  in  the  summer  season; 
And  the  moonlight  through  the  trees  and  curtain  danced  upon  the  floor. 
Eagerly  I  longed  to  borrow  soberness  of  the  to-morrow. 
For  a  moment,  to  the  sorrow  of  that  listener  at  my  door  — 
Steadiness  enough  to  softly  open  suddenly  the  door, 
And  kick  squarely;  nothing  more.  ' 

But  the  curious  commotion,  undulate  as  orient  ocean. 
Prevalent,  confirmed  a  notion  other  sprees  had  left  in  store ; 
So  I  soothed  my  spirit's  yearning  by  a  few  reflections  burning: 
' '  S  (hie)  ome  one  —  lis  (hie)  tening !     Yessir !  lisningamydoor ! 
Wishiwas(hic)hafwaysober,  and  on  (hie)  deck,  at  that  door, 
Jusbehineyou ;  nothing  more." 


398  THE  MAN. 

Then  my  soul's  indigaant  riot  seemed  the  scenery  to  quiet: 
"Madam,  Sir,  or  Miss,"  said  I,  "it  is  with  feeling  I  deplore 
Your  regret;  but  I  have  caught  you,  tightly  where  the  hair  is  short,  you 
Key-hole-watching,  scandal-hatching  prowler  at  my  virtuous  door! 
Let  me  gloat  on  thee  one  moment!  "    Here  T  open  flung  the  door  — 
And  caught  black  darkness;  nothing  more. 

Deep  into  that  darkness  gazing,  sobered  by  the  fact  amazing, 
Suddenly  I  thought  of  days  in  which  I  delved  in  ghostly  lore; 
Vacancy  appeared  mysterious ;  and  such  ebon  silence  serious,  — 
Viewed  through  aperture  as  eerie  as  that  quickly  opened  door; 
I  receded,  when,  like  echo  bounding  from  the  closing  door, 
Came  this  greeting:  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 

Back  into  my  chamber  hieing;  all  the  beverage  in  me  dying ; 
Soon  I  heard  another  trying  rustle,  plainer  than  before ; 
Heard  a  similar  soft  bustle ;  had  a  brief,  exciting  tussle 
With  my  roused  imagination,  ere  I  hastened  to  explore 
The  foundations  of  a  mystery  so  recondite  to  explore, 
"With  its  curious  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 

Open  then  I  fixed  each  window,  so  that  nought  should  moonlight  hinder; 
And  Avas  navigating  indolently,  gently  to  the  fore, 

When  with  flap  of  pinions  slightly  shook,  in  flopped  a  thing  unsightly ; 
Fluttered  to  a  bust  of  Bacchus  fixed  on  high  above  the  floor; 
Perched  thereon,  in  ghostly  moonlight,  high  above  the  shimmering  floor. 
Croaking  harshly,  ^^  Drunk  once  more!  " 

Tiling  it  was ;  for  it  was  either  bird  or  beast ;  or  both ;  or  neither ! 
Eyes  it  had,  so  red  to  see  their  redness  tinged  that  chamber  o'er  — 
Staring  two  eyes,  in  its  tail  egregious,  flat  and  forked  and  scaly; 
Triple  wings,  all  horned,  a  horrid  silhouette  cast  on  the  floor; 
Wings  whose  hairy,  feathered  shadow  moved  in  cadence  on  the  floor 
To  its  dismal  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 


TPIE    MONSTER.  399 

Head  it  had  not;  save  amid  the  hairy,  feathery  mass  half  hid,  the 
Necks  of  serpents  writhed  and  slid,  revealing  mouths  and  fangs  a  score ; 
And  those  throats,  agape,  upstarting,  hideous  in  their  graceful  darting, 
Seemed  to  hiss  the  hellish  croak  that  chilled  my  marrow  to  its  core ; 
The  harsh  and  hateful  sibilation  icy  in  my  marrow's  core ; 
The  unearthly  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 

Much  it  moved  me  this  unsightly  thing  to  hear  converse  so  tritely, 
Apropos,  and  unpolitely,  on  a  subject  to  me  sore ; 

For  I  could  not  cease  from  gleaning  from  the  facts  a  certain  meaning  — 
A  coincidence  unpleasing,  which  I  pondered  o'er  and  o'er: — 
That  such  an  object,  on  a  bust,  should  wink  red  eyed,  and  o'er  and  o'er 
Repeat  that  baleful  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 

So  it  sat,  and  winking  coarsely,  to  all  queries  answered  hoarsely 
That  one  speech,  as  if  of  course  the  fact  had  ne'er  been  guessed  before. 
Nothing  further  did  it  mention,  but  bestowed  its  whole  attention 
To  the  steadfast  stare  and  winking  of  its  tail,  described  before  — 
Its  bifui'cous,  scaly,  leering,  red-eyed  tail,  described  before  — 
And  to  croaking:  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 

Long  I  sat  in  rapt  reflection;  noticing  with  circumspection 
Its  remarkable  complexion,  tinging  everything  like  gore —        [ment  me? 
"Thing!  "  I  shrieked,  "what  fury  sent  thee,  thus  to  wink  at  and  tor- 
If  you  are  a  prophet,  tell  me  news  —  I  knew  a  girl  of  yore ; 
Will  I  once  more  furnish  her  ice  cream  and  sweet  gum,  as  of  yore?  " 
Quoth  the  Monster:  "  Drunk  once  more!  " 

"Mocker!     Red-eye!     Thing  of  Evil!     Bird  or  reptile,  beast  or  devil! 
Answer  me  one  question,  civil,  ere  I  rise  and  smite  thee  sore : 
Tell  me,  while  I  am  undaunted  —  is  this  —  Am  I  jim-jam  haunted'} 
In  that  hell  of  horrors  planted?    Tell  me,  humbly  I  implore, 
Is  there  any  balm  in  Gilead  I  may  yet  of  heaven  implore?  " 
Croaked  the  creature :  ^^  Drunk  once  more! " 


400 


THE   MORAL. 


"Be  that  jeer  our  separation-sigual,  fiend!  — Hell  axd  damnation! 
"Why  chose  I  that  bust's  location  so  remote  above  the  floor? 
If  you  did  not  roost  so  high,  or  I  had  a  ladder,  I  would  fire 
Out  your  carcass,  bruised  and  broken  —  But  your  pardon  I  implore! 
Heed  not  Vernal,  rythmic,  ravings,  gentle  goblin,  I  implore!  " 
Croaked  the  goblin,  ^^  Drunk  once  more!  " 

And  that  spectre,  ever  near  me,  never  weary,  still  doth  jeer  me; 
Winking  where  it  need  not  fear  me,  high  above  the  crimson  floor; 
Still  its  stare  my  soul  doth  harrow;  still  its  croaking  chills  my  marrow; 
While  the  moonlight,  cold  and  dreary,  marks  its  shadow  on  the  floor ; 
While  my  madness,  often  wrestling  with  that  shadow  on  the  floor, 
Shrieks  in  concert:  "Drunk  once  more!  " 


CHAPTER    Xyill. 


UnrN'G  THE  summer  of  1881,  af- 
fected, perhaps  by  the   severe 
drouth,  or  possibly  by  the  evil 
.  omened  prophecy  of  Mother 
Shipton,  I  became  possessed 
by  an  intense  desire  to  roam. 
'I  had  received  no  friendly 
letters  from  Europe  for 
several  years ;  and  in  ad- 
dition to  a  laudable  anxiety 
on   that  account,  I  knew 
that  French  and  German  art 
had  undergone  a  development 
within  five  years  which  made 
a  visit  to  Paris,  and  another 
to  Munich,  desirable. 
In  a  paroxysm  of  an 
old  but  almost  forgotten  habit  I  chafed  at  unavold- 

26 


402 


ENLIGHTENED   PATRIOTISM. 


able  delays  throughout  the  remamder  of  the  year,  and 
then,  on  the  23d  of  March,  1882,  I  abandoned  the 
struggling  Bohemian  Club  to  its  fate  and  sailed  from 
]N"ew  York  in  the  Hamburg  steamer  Suevia. 

The  voyage  was  unseasonably  pacific,  and  there- 
fore painfully  uninteresting.  The  dozen  cabin  pas- 
sengers were,  by  a  large  majority,  Germans  revisiting 
their  Fatherland,  with  enlarged  and  private  views  of 
several  of  its  institutions.     The  romantic  exception 

ded  French  cou- 
of  which  p  os- 
sein ation 
much 
and 
have 
cised 
t  1  e 
t  u  d  e 
main- 
And,  by 
one    of-!f^K       WW^  ^wJM^.   ■'     '''^^^^*®^  chance's 
strange   coin  ^^^^^|V^^-^|%s^^S^  the 

only  other  lady  ^5^^^s^^^-^S^S^  on  board  was  an 
affectionate  yungfrau,  also  enjoying  the  honeymoon. 
Without  other  particulars  all  familiar  with  the  con- 
nubial customs  of  Continental  Europe  will  compre- 


was  a  newly  wed 

pie,  the  bride 

sessedafa 

that  ran 

to  eye, 

must 

exe  r 

no  lit 

f  orti 

in    its 

taining. 


VERY  FINE.  403 

hend  that  these  pairs  contributed  hberally  to  the 
small  fund  of  amusement  en  voyage;  and  all  who 
have  not  seen  Cupid  on  that  Continent  may  safely 
imagine  that  the  fun  darkly  hinted  at  was  very  fine. 

On  the  twelfth  day,  at  breakfast,  the  captain  in- 
vited us  all  on  deck  to  see  the  Lizard  emerge  from 
the  ocean.  A  few  hours  later  we  ran  behind  the 
Eddy  stone  Light-house,  to  touch  at  Plymouth ;  and 
at  bed  time  the  lights  of  Cherbourg  were  dimly  visi- 
ble over  the  starboard  bow.  The  weather  was  mag- 
nificent, and  the  Channel  only  a  bit  frisky,  like  a 
playful  virgin  of  unmentionable  age.  In  the  night 
watches  a  warm,  intoxicating  breeze  stole  down  the 
Rhine ;  and  the  sun  rose  on  a  crinkled  mfinity  of  com- 
mingling fleecy- white  and  emerald  glints. 

It  was  the  most  satisfactory  day  of  the  voyage  to 
me ;  for  hour  after  hour  the  quivering  keel  launched 
me  on  through  the  clear  April  sunshine,  over  the 
sunken  continent  once  roamed  by  a  gigantic  fauna 
and  watered  by  that  nameless  river,  the  confluent 
Rhine  and  Thames.  And  on  the  right  hand,  as  if 
rising  from  a  grave  of  waters  to  denounce  the  ra- 
pacity of  the  sea,  lonely  spectres  which  the  cap- 
tain's powerful  glass  fashioned  into  wind-mills  and 
light-houses,  marked  the  coast  line  of  the  wonder- 


404 


HAED   TO   BEAT. 


fill  country  by  man's  indomitable  industry  recon- 
quered from  the  conquest  of  ocean  and  fortified 
against  the  fiat  of  Nature's  most  universal  and 
tremendous  law.     When  all  has  been  boasted  of  hu- 


THE    SUNKEN    CONTINENT. 


man  achievement,  from  the  first  stroke  of  the  hammer 
at  the  Pyramid  to  the  last  one  on  the  Pacific  Railway, 
or  throughout  the  whole  period  of  history's  six 
thousand  years,  the  thing  most  wonderful  and  least 
wondered  at  is  the  persistent  industry  by  which  Hol- 
land has  been  added  to  and  kept  upon  the  habitable 
earth  —  an  achievement  worthy  of  a  nobler  homage 
than  that  conceded  to  it  in  the  fiippant  and  seldom 
comprehended  proverb,  "  Well,  it  beats  the  Dutch  !  " 


ON   THE   ALSTER.  405 

Soon  after  entering  the  Elbe  at  Cuxhaven  the  Sue- 
via  wallowed,  grounded,  for  an  hour,  in  a  region 
composed  of  dreary  marshes  and  unmteresting  islands, 
and  inhabited  principally  by  water-fowl.  Then,  for 
twelve  miles  below  Hamburg,  the  left  bank,  becom- 
ing less  amphibious,  shortened  the  closing  hour  of 
the  voyage  with  a  prospect  full  of  handsome  villas 
and  other  evidences  of  man's  pride  and  acquisitive- 
ness. 

As  soon  as  the  ship  was  moored  I  transferred  my- 
self to  the  Victoria  Hotel ;  where,  while  waiting  for 
noon  luncheon,  I  stepped  out  on  the  ' '  Jungf  ernsteig, ' ' 
or  Maiden's  Walk,  to  take  a  second  and  leisurely 
view  of  the  novel  scene  on  the  lake  formed  by  the 
river  Alster,  where,  in  the  midst  of  quaint  and  stately 
buildmgs,  it  expands  into  a  little  harbor  about  the 
size  of  Central  Park.  The  water,  surrounded  on 
three  sides  by  the  spacious  promenade  which  the 
maidens  amiably  share  with  their  fellow  creatures, 
was  enlivened  by  a  busy  flitting  of  small  craft,  and 
at  that  hour  faintly  mirrored  masses  of  Gothic, 
Lombard  and  Florentine  architecture .  Around  it  clus- 
tered the  principal  hotels,  and  from  it  radiated  hand- 
some streets  wliich  I  subsequently  learned  were  the 
finest  of  the  city.  To  my  right,  near  the  lake,  was 
a  pretty  fringe  of  trees  just  budding  into  that  tender 


406  TOO  EARLY  IN  THE  SEASON. 

haziness  which  so  exquisitely  blurs  the  perspective 
tracery  of  aligned  tree  tops  in  bursting  spring.  To 
my  left,  apparently  on  the  water,  but  in  fact  on  piles, 
as  if  to  remind  me  that  I  was  not  in  fairyland,  stood 
a  large  frame  structure  with  an  oblong  mansard  roof, 
in  which  a  host  of  thirsty  Hamburgers  were  imbibing 
beer.  Having  much  knowledge  of  the  national  pas- 
sion for  arboreal  conviviality  I  was  puzzled,  why  the 
tables  in  the  building  were  not  scattered  under  the 
mazy  trees  ;  but  it  afterwards  occurred  to  me  that  it 
was  too  early  in  the  season. 

I  had  letters  to  Herr  J.  C.  Julius  MoUer,  one  of 
the  solid  men  of  the  quaint  Hanse  Town ;  and  in  the 
native  goodness  of  two  hospitable  hearts  that  gentle- 
man and  his  amiable  other  half  made  red  the  let- 
ters of  three  days,  in  which  I  saw  much  of  the  canals, 
bridges  and  massive  antique  and  curious  tumble- 
down architecture  of  the  commercial  capital  of  Ger- 
many .  I  reahzed  the  indebtedness  a  few  hours  after 
the  parting,  when  I  sat  gazing,  lonesome  enough, 
out  of  a  window  of  the  Hotel  Ober  Bolhnger,  upon 
the  capital  of  the  eccentric  King. 

Before  I  saw  much  in  Munich  I  heard  from  some 
students  I  fell  in  with  that  my  friend  Tom  Koble,  of 
the  McMecldn  Art  School  in  Cincinnati,  was  a  pupil 
of  Pelloti.     And  the  man  who  has  felt  friendless  in  a 


"TAKE   OFF  YOUR  HAT!'  407 

strange  land  will  understand  the  emotions  with  which 
I  wrote  down  the  direction,  and  took  that  alien 
straightway  by  surprise. 

His  first  noble  deed,  after  introducing  me  to  the 
famous  beer  of  Bavaria,  was  to  remove  me  to  a 
wonderful  gast  house,  where  an  attentive  landlady 
brushed  my  clothes  and  boots  daily  and  entertained 
me  with  much  homely  hospitality  —  all  for  a  reward 
nominal  in  comparison  with  the  charges  of  the  ho- 
tel ;  and  then  he  gave  himself  up  wholly  to  showing 
me  those  things  of  Munich  which  it  behooved  me  as 
an  inquisitive  and  aesthetic  tramp  to  see. 

While  he  was  thus  engaged,  one  day,  just  as  we 
were  skirting  Maximilian  Square,  he  suddenly  ex- 
claimed : 

^'Takeoff  your  hat!" 

For  reasons  that  will  presently  appear  I  hesitated, 
between  a  native  impulse  to  be  polite  and  another 
powerful  emotion,  until  I  saw  Tom  in  the  act  of  bow- 
ing to  a  portly  elderly  lady  wlio  was  passing  rapidly 
in  an  open  carriage  ;  then  I  hastily  joined  my  chum 
in  the  salutation,  which  the  lady  returned,  very  gra- 
ciously. 

•^^  Who  is  your  civil  friend?  "  I  asked. 

*'I  don't  know  her  full  name,  exactly,"  ^oble 
answered,   "  She  is  the  mother  of  the  King.'' 


408  QUAKER  PREJUDICE. 

It  was  my  first  and  last  meeting  witli  royalty  ;  and, 
notwithstanding-  the  feeling  last  referred  to,  it  was  so 
far  satisfactory  that  I  would  have  been  glad  to  meet 
her  majesty  in  our  walks,  and  receive  a  bow  so  cour- 
teous, every  day. 

I  had  then  been  in  the  Fatherland  about  four 
weeks ;  and  for  three  parts  of  that  time  had  been 
haunted  by  the  suspicion  that  there  might  be  a  wild 
strain  of  Quaker  breeding  in  my  veins,  owing  to  the 
sensations  that  waxed  strong  within  me  as  often  as  I 
gave  heed  to  the  everlasting  hat-doffing  that  prevailed 
on  every  side.  As  a  child  I  often  wondered  at  the 
strange  repugnance  of  the  Friends  to  being  seen  bare- 
headed :  but  before  I  had  been  in  Germany  a  week  I 
divined  that  Quakerism  was  of  German,  or  next  door 
to  German  origin,  and  understood  the  perversity ,  and 
sympathized  with  it. 

Whenever  a  king,  or  queen,  or  any  tiling  that  may 
possibly  contain  or  typify  royalty,  comes  near  him, 
the  German  citizen  takes  off  his  hat ;  and  as  often  as 
a  German  who  is  the  associate  of  royalty  encounters 
one  not  so  entitled  to  honor,  the  latter  unhesitatingly 
takes  off  his  hat.  On  entering  a  shop  above  the 
commonest  class  the  ordinary  German,  who  has  no 
quartering  or  brevet  of  nobility,  instinctively  pulls  off 
his  hat.     Whether  Germans  of  any  quality  take  off 


LIVING  AND  LEARNING.  409 

their  hats  when  it  thunders,  or  when  they  smell  Lim- 
burger,  is  one  of  the  unwitnessed  wonders  of  the  Old 
World  which  in  my  saddest  moments  fill  me  w^ith  in- 
tense yearning  to  once  more  roam. 

At  first  I  attributed  this  extraordinary  custom  of 
hat  manipulation  to  an  exaggerated  development  of 
politeness  perfumed  with  loyalty ;  but  that  inference 
was  jostled  when  I  learned  how  many  Germans  are 
annually  imprisoned  for  rudeness  to  royalty ;  and  was 
finally  shattered  by  evidence  that  came  before  me,  at 
the  last  moment,  just  as  the  ship  in  which  I  was 
homeward  bound  turned  its  stern  toward  Europe ;  at 
which  juncture  a  sturdy  German,  who  was  evidently 
well  drilled  in  the  hat-exercise,  went  through  the  cer- 
emony impressively  over  the  waist  bulwark,  bowing 
towards  his  Fatherland  and  inviting  Kaiser  William, 
and  the  Crown  Prince,  and  all  the  little  Princes  and 
Princesses  to  do  something  which,  in  the  language 
of  the  coy  sensational  journalist,  "  is  unfit  for  publi- 
cation." 

I  duly  learned  that  Koble  intended  to  visit  Paris, 
to  see  the  Salon :  and,  one  day,  while  returning  from 
a  sunset  view  of  "  Isar  rolling  rapidly,"  item  of  the 
Tyrolese  Alps  (which  Tom  and  the  guide-book  said 
were  sixty  or  seventy  miles  away) ,  it  was  agreed  that 
whenever  I  had  seen  enough  of  Munich  we  would  set 


410  SUDDEN  PRODIGALITY. 

forth  together ;  and  make  of  it  a  luxurious  bohemian 
excursion. 

The  more  I  thought  upon  that  project,  the  less  I 
saw  in  Munich  of  interest  sufficient  to  allure  me,  and 
the  more  impatient  I  became  for  the  departure. 

On  a  breezy  spring  morning  we  set  out  for  Augs- 
burg, the  first  halting  place  of  the  loitering  we  had 
planned.  The  distance  being  not  quite  two  hours, 
Tom  vetoed  my  vote  to  make  it  two  days,  and  tramp 
it ;  and  bought  third-class  tickets,  loudly  lamenting 
that  there  were  not  several  more  classes  arranged  in 
the  same  graduation  of  cost  and  comfort  from  first 
to  last. 

Before  we  could  have  much  luxuriated  in  a  coach 
of  any  class  my  friend  pushed  me  out  and  led  me  to 
"The  Three  Moors."  He  said  he  preferred  that 
first-class  hostelry  because  it  was  the  oldest  hotel  in 
Germany,  dating  from  thirteen  hundred  and  some- 
thing. As  he  had  been  in  Augsburg  once  or  twice 
before,  I  followed  him  wonderingly,  pondering  on  a 
sudden  prodigality  which  would  riotously  dissipate 
many  marks  besides  those  economized  in  our  tickets. 
The  riddle  was  read,  however,  as  we  sat  at  meat,  un- 
der the  deft  arms  of  a  delicious  peasant  maiden  who, 
Tom  whispered,  was  Swiss. 

Leaving  me  to  assimilate  that  fund  of  information, 


SUNSET   ON   THE   ISAK, 


A  WELL  WATERED  TOWN.  411 

he  began  to  flirt  exasperatingly  with  the  litiie  moun- 
taineer, as  his  puny  diffidence  and  monopoly  of  the 
limited  supply  of  German  in  our  outfit  enabled  him  to 
do  with  impunity. 

I  could  scarcely  get  him  away  from  the  hotel  to 
show  me  why  he  had  so  highly  recommended  the 
place  as  our  first  objective  point.  It  was  certainly 
old  enough ;  and  well  watered,  for  we  crossed  two 
hundred  and  thirteen  different  bridges  while  roaming 
around  for  portions  of  two  days.  That  is  a  large 
number  for  an  inland  town ;  but  I  counted  them,  ex- 
pressly to  be  prepared  for  O,  ye  of  little  faith. 

Most  of  them  were,  no  doubt,  erected  in  the  mys- 
terious past,  when  Augsburg  was  the  metropolis  of 
Germany.  It  was  not  without  emotion  that  we 
passed  on,  after  a  venerable  man  of  parables,  whom 
we  left  fishing  on  one  of  the  oldest  of  them,  had  in- 
formed us  that  his  grandfather  died  leaving  behind 
him  the  impression  that  he  had  seen  the  day  when 
every  bridge  had  more  business  than  it  could  attend 
to,  owing  to  the  volume  of  traffic  and  style  which 
then  forsook  the  four  quarters  of  Christendom,  to 
riot  upon  the  bridges  of  Augsburg. 

They  are  now  probably  kept  in  repair  for  military 
reasons ;  for  we  saw  a  company  of  infantry  march 
over  one  of  them,  on  the  second  day.     It  was  a  small 


412  A  DOSE   OF  DISCIPLINE. 

company ;  commanded  by  three  commissioned  offi- 
cers, in  full  uniform,  including  eye-glasses,  which, 
owmg  to  some  special  order,  or  to  a  defective  vision 
that  prevents  them  from  seeing  little  things  as  others 
see  them,  German  subalterns  in  regalia  always  wear. 

The  rank  and  file  of  the  company  drilled  well,  con- 
sidering the  conduct  of  the  presiding  officer,  who 
delivered  himself  of  the  words  of  command  in  an 
acrobatic  outcry  that  leaped  out  as  an  imprecation, 
slipped  up  in  a  mumble,  and  finally  jumped  up  into 
a  shriek.  But  one  file-closer,  failing  to  follow  an 
extraordinary  contortion  of  language,  was  a  fraction 
of  a  second  slow  in  execution  ;  and  just  as  I  was  se- 
cretly admiring  the  promptness  with  which  he  dis- 
covered and  rectified  his  misapprehension,  the  lieuten- 
ant behind  him  doubled  his  fist  and  planted,  just  in 
front  of  the  delinquent's  right  ear,  a  blow  that  brought 
him  instantly  into  line  and  the  position  of  a  soldiei*. 
To  my  companion's  intense  anxiety  to  drag  me  from 
the  field  of  Mars,  out  of  harm's  way,  I  shouted  to 
the  stricken  veteran  —  ' '  Take  off  your  hat ! ' ' 

My  friend  always  said  the  men  in  eye-glasses  would 
have  done  something  formidable  to  me,  had  any  of 
them  happened  to  catch  my  meaning.  But  he  was 
such  a  blooming  interpreter  that  I  always  marked  his 
heavy  communications  down  a  large  per  cent. 


TUEiMAlD   OK   THREE   MOORS. 


A  LENTEN  LUXURY  413 

After  an  early  dinner,  served  expressly  for  us  by 
the  maid  of  the  inn,  and  no  little  difficulty  in  pre- 
venting my  infatuated  responsibility  from  being-  left, 
we  departed  from  Augsburg;  and  within  the  hour 
were  racing  with  tantalizing  glimpses  of  the  blue 
Danube.  For  twenty  miles  we  watched,  for  flashes 
of  the  upper  reaches  of  that  romantic  river;  and 
then  we  stepped  off  at  Ulm  to  obtain  a  more  satis- 
factory view  of  it. 

This  frontier  town,  made  interesting  to  mankind  by 
the  genius  of  the  great  Napoleon  and  the  mediocrity 
of  General  Mack,  still  holds  the  fort  at  the  head  of 
a  navigation  somewhat  impeded  by  shallows  towards 
Ratisbon.  Its  curios  are :  the  position  Mack  sur- 
rendered, the  aspect  of  which  I  observed  with  the 
self-sufficiency  of  a  connoisseur  who  has  charged  his 
breastwork  in  his  day;  a  fine  old  Gothic  Minster, 
around  which  we  walked  at  divers  times,  failing  always 
to  get  inside;  and  a  snail- nursery,  the  product  of 
which  we,  of  course,  partook  of  sufficiently  to  qualify 
ourselves  to  emulate  other  rovers  in  boasting  of  the 
flavor  of  exotic  fruit,  "juicy-ripe,  from  the  stem." 
We  ate  our  snails  roasted,  picking  them  one  by  one 
from  the  shell ;  and  from  that  hour  became  full  of  a 
proud,  contemptuous  pity  for  all  who  know  not  what 
exquisite  succulence  there  is  in  the  worm. 


4:14  SEEDS   OF  DISSENSION. 

From  Ulm  to  Stuttgart,  not  quite  two  hours,  we 
missed  the  Danube,  and  beguiled  time,  between  flit- 
ting views  of  magnificently  shaded  roads,  and  old 
towns  the  tile-roofs  of  which  were  just  visible  above 
the  mural  barriers,  by  comparing  our  hasty  notes  of 
travel  —  a  pastime  which  sowed  tares  over  many 
miles  of  the  excursion. 

Tom's  grievance  was  an  alleged  offensive  super- 
ciliousness wherewith  my  note-book  assigned  him  the 
second  fiddle  of  that  frolic ;  and  I  resented  a  certain 
absurd  egotism  with  which  he  had  privately  assumed 
an  advanced  position  in  the  procession.  In  vain  each 
protested  that  what  the  other  took  umbrage  at  was 
only  a  delicate  play  of  genial  humor.  We  both,  in- 
deed, admitted  the  play ;  but,  unfortunately,  could 
not  ''  see  it "  in  the  same  book. 

"When  we  arrived  at  Stuttgart,  either  because  he 
was  still  sulky,  or  else  because  he  knew  no  more 
than  I  did  which  way  to  deviate,  I^oble  stood  silently 
staring  at  the  diminishing  rear  of  the  third  class 
coach ;  while  I  strayed  moodily  about  the  platform 
before  the  bahnhof  until  an  affable  stranger,  who 
spoke  German  like  a  native,  took  possession  of  me, 
and  led  me,  Tom  following  afar  off,  to  the  Hotel 
Garni. 

It  proved  to  be  a  clean,  wholesome  house  ;  and  so 


UNLIMITED   CANDLES.  415 

cheap  that  the  humorists  became  reconciled  and  em- 
braced each  other  over  the  bill  for  the  first  meal. 
And  from  that  moment  we  consumed  beer  and  candles 
recklessly,  to  prevent  a  revival  of  the  shame  that 
overwhelmed  us  at  sight  of  that  account. 

Our  room  was  a  phenomenon  of  inexpensive  com- 
fort and  neatness ;  the  fare  was  novel  and  good ;  and 
our  windows  opened,  over  a  handsome  street,  upon  a 
pleasant  park  that  consorted  with  a  palace.  It  is 
scarcely  necessary  to  add  that  we  exhausted  the  nu- 
merous dissipations  of  the  city,  dehberately,  and 
thoroughly. 

"We  soon  found  that  it  was  set  in  an  agreeable  val- 
ley; for  walk  which  way  we  would  we  eventually 
discerned  athwart  our  route  a  low  hill,  crowned  with 
an  orchard,  or  a  vineyard,  or  a  grove ;  m  every  case 
beautiful  in  the  delicate  bloom  or  tender  greens  of 
spring.  Through  the  midst  of  the  city,  past  parks 
and  pleasant  loitering  places,  ran  a  magnificent  drive, 
between  great  old  trees  grander,  if  less  ancient,  than 
their  neighbors  of  the  Schlossgarten  which  have 
stood  in  that  old- castle  garden  since  the  sixteenth 
century.  The  palace  garden  was  studded  —  let  the 
name  of  the  city  (stud-garden)  authorize  the  expres- 
sion —  with  colossal  equestrian  statues :  steeds  of 
metal ;  also  men  cast  in  heroic  mould  —  whatever  his- 


416  THE   CHEAPEST  SPOT  IN  EUROPE. 

tory  may  have  to  add  about  the  size  and  outline  of 
the  shadows  cast  by  their  deeds  upon  the  past.  The 
art  gallery  was  closed ;  but  with  a  mark  we  pried  a 
door  open  far  enough  for  us  to  slip  in :  and  we  passed 
half  a  day  in  the  interior. 

When  we  had  seen  everything  else  we  could  hear 
of  we  went  out  to  the  springs  of  Cannstatt ;  a  fa- 
vorite resort  of  the  citizens  at  all  seasons  and  a  gay 
watering  place  in  summer,  not  quite  an  hour's  walk 
from  the  outskirts  of  the  city.  And  then,  reluctant 
to  leave  our  compensatory  beer  and  candles,  and 
having  no  other  excuse  for  tarrying  a  moment  longer, 
we  called  on  the  American  Consul ;  who  proved  to  be 
a  capital  fellow,  and  kindly  supplied  us  with  sufficient 
reasons  for  remaming  another  day. 

On  the  morn  of  parting  heaven  dropped  a  few 
sympathetic  tears  over  our  meeting  with  two  of  those 
blood-thirsty  beings  one  reads  so  much  about  in  vol- 
atile literature  that  alludes  to  Heidelberg. 

I  was  dozing  off  my  discontent  with  a  dripping  sky 
and  sticky  earth  that  had  hurried  us  to  the  next  train 
after  an  outlandish  dinner  and  a  short  wade  in  Carls- 
ruhe,  when  I  was  roused  to  eager  attention  by  the 
wliisper :   "  Students!    See  the  tig  one's  scars  f"* 

Diagonally  across  the  compartment  two  young 
philosophers  were  fast  veiling,  in  a  fog  of  blue,  ill- 


A  FIGHTING  MAN.  417 

smelling  smoke,  as  finely  patched  a  visage  as  a  good 
hater  could  wish  his  worst  enemy  to  wear. 

I  gazed  at  the  imposing  spectacle  until  it  grew 
dim  in  the  nauseous  haze ;  when  I  suddenly  opened 
our  window,  to  get  a  little  respirable  air.  Then,  as 
soon  as  I  felt  better,  I  fixed  myself  comfortably  for 
another  doze. 

Scarcely  had  I  subsided,  however,  when  he  of  the 
scars  rose  quickly  and,  without  a  symptom  of  hesita- 
tion, rushed  past  me  and  shut  our  window  with  a 
slam. 

That  being  a  slam  on  me,  I  hastily  got  up,  think- 
ing that,  perhaps,  he  would  next  take  off  his  cap. 
But  perceiving  no  civil  demonstration  whatever,  I 
laid  my  grip  on  his  heroic  shoulders  and  projected 
him  across  the  car,  so  vigorously  that  he  struck  the 
opposite  door  with  a  bounce,  just  as  I  opened  the 
window  with  a  bang. 

For  a  second  I  fancied  he  was  about  to  come  over ; 
but  it  was  probably  only  a  last  wobble ;  for  he  sat 
dovni,  and  glared  at  me. 

I  smiled,  took  off  my  hat,  laid  it  on  my  seat,  and 
showed  my  raft  fist  to  him. 

That  ended  the  skirmish ;  until  the  guard  looked 
in  at  the  next  station,  when  Tom  informed  me  a  strong 
effort  was  in  progress  to  bring  about  official  interven- 

27 


4:18  EXHAUSTING   THREE   LANGUAGES. 

tion.  The  conversation  was  so  rapid  that  all  I  could 
comprehend  was  the  frequent  repetition  of  "Z>er  ver- 
damter  Englander  !  ' '  and  the  melancholy  smile  with 
which  the  guard  reiterated,  '■''Das  macht  niclitsl''''  as 
he  shook  his  head. 

About  half  an  hour  later  the  polite  young  savants 
left  us  to  enjoy  once  more  undisturbed  possession  of 
the  compartment ;  and  the  remainder  of  the  ride  to 
Strasburg  was  uneventful. 

We  unceremoniously  put  up  at  the  hotel  nearest 
to  the  depot;  where  we  supped  and  slept  without 
any  discomfort  worth  remembering ;  and  whence  we 
sallied  after  breakfast  to  see  the  city. 

Our  morning  ramble  took  us  first  to  the  market ; 
after  leaving  which  Tom  asked  the  next  man  we  met, 
a  small,  fashionably  dressed  gentleman,  with  a  Celtic 
nose,  to  direct  us  to  some  ancient  church  that  didn't 
contain  any  extraordinary  time-piece. 

There  was  some  difficulty  in  making  the  stranger 
comprehend  the  question. 

I^oble  tried  it  in  two  languages  and  fragments  of 
a  third ;  and  we  were  about  to  give  it  up,  when  I  hap- 
pened to  remark : 

u  Try  the  galoot  in  Rye  Romany." 

^'See  here!"  exclaimed  the  natty,  foreign  look- 
ing swell,   "my  name's   Babe   Dolfinger — 'Texas 


GKAKDFATHER'S  CLOCK.  419 

Dolly '  —  and  don't  you  forget  it !  Now  if  you  duf- 
fers have  got  any  fancy  shuflflin'  you  want  to  try  on 
me,  chip  in  an'  do  your  bettin'." 

When  I  had  abjectly  apologized  to  the  civil  sport- 
ing man,  he  said  there  was  a  big  Catholic  church  just 
on  ahead,  with  a  fat  priest  in  it  who  could  tell  us  all 
about  a  boss  clock,  if  that  was  what  we  were  driving 
at.  He  then  considerately  handed  me  a  small  pamph- 
let, advising  me  to  carry  it  open  in  my  hand,  if  we 
went  in,  as,  otherwise,  the  polite  priest  would  cer- 
tainly sell  us  one  like  it  for  two  francs  before  we  got 
away  from  him. 

Thus  it  came  to  pass  that,  in  spite  of  our  precau- 
tions, the  tide  of  events  swept  us  into  the  maelstrom 
that  engulfs  all  who  go  to  Strasburg. 

When,  after  obtaining  directions,  we  had  escaped 
with  all  decent  haste  from  the  presence  of  the  twelve 
apostles,  we  soon  found  an  aged  Protestant  chapel  of 
Saint  Thomas ;  where,  among  other  sepulchral  sights, 
we  saw  one  of  the  finest  monuments  in  Europe,  done 
by  PigalJe,  to  the  order  of  Louis  xv,  in  honor  of  Mar- 
shal Saxe. 

In  the  wall,  over  the  altar,  on  a  dingy- white  slab, 
is  a  colossal  warrior  in  cloak  and  corslet,  descending 
a  short  stairway ;  at  the  foot  of  which  a  finely  formed 
female  and  an  elderly  man  seem  to  be  contending, 
each  to  do  the  most  toward  trapping  the  gallant  old 


4:20  THE   FINEST   MONUMENT   IN   EUROPE. 

Marshal  in  a  stone  coffin ;  while  on  the  left  a  mnscu- 
lar  man  with  a  club  calmly  looks  on,  as  if  prepared 
to  see  that  thing  through  without  any  interference. 
There  is  some  difficulty  in  perceiving  where  Hercules, 
and  a  few  lions  and  eagles  on  a  coat  of  arms,  come 
in ;  but  I  was  much  taken  with  the  excellent  drawing, 
and  not  a  little  struck  with  the  genius  that  had  in- 
troduced a  fine  young  woman  and  death,  over  a  coffin, 
to  an  old  hero  whom  amatorious  debauchery  had  ex- 
terminated. 

Leaving  Death  and  France,  with  their  umpire,  we 
passed  into  a  small  chamber  on  the  right  of  the  chan- 
cel, to  see,  lying  in  two  marble  coffers,  under  glass 
covers,  the  Duke  of  I^^assau  and  his  daughter;  or 
rather  their  dilapidated  mummies,  seven  hundred 
years  old.  The  Duke  still  wears  the  plain,  simple 
uniform  of  durable  drab  blouse  a  ad  knee-breeches, 
not  unlike  jeans,  and  gray  woolen  hose,  and  leather 
shoes  wdth  bright  metal  buckles,  in  which  he  was 
slain  on  the  battle-field.  The  hands  are  quite  natural, 
except  that  they  have  a  brownish  tinge ;  but  the  face 
has  lost  the  pallor  of  death,  and  has  the  color  and  ap- 
pearance of  a  full-blooded,  well-featured  negro's,  and 
is  given  an  odd  effect  by  the  soft,  dark  brown  locks 
that  lie  around  it. 

The  daughter,  a  child  of  twelve  or  thirteen  j^ears, 
robed  in  white  satin  and  decked  with  pearls,  seems 


AN  AGED   ANANIAS. 


421 


older  than  her  father;  for  the  hands 
shriveled  and  the  face  yellow  and  broken 
obtrusive  bones .  There  is  nothing  attrac 
in  her  appearance  except  a  certain  pa 
in  youth  so  aged,  and  in  the  fair  hair 
pleads  with  the  imagination  for  a  fresh 
prettier  young  face,  warm  with  soft 
ors  of  the  noon  and  sunset  skies, 
ter  leaving  the   ghastly  old  ^6i'^%KMk^ 


temple,  which  was  written  up   in 
notes    as    "Little   Egypt,"     we 
through  narrow,  crooked 
tween    oddly   carved    fa 
venerable  wooden  build- 
upper  storeys  of 


are 

by 

tive 

thos, 

that 

er, 

col- 

Af- 

man 

our 

wandered 

streets,   be- 

cad  es    of 


i  n  g  s ,  the 
which  project  like 
inverted  terraces, 
until  it  became  too  dark 
to  count  the  tiers  of  win- 
dows in  the  sharp,  many- 
floored  gables,  or  to  distinguish 
the  curious  excrescences  which  an 
Aged  Ananias  assured  us  were  pre- 
historic storks'  nests;  and  then,  after 
2  a  protracted  supper,  we  discussed  our 
impressions  of  Germany,  while  waiting 
to  depart  from  its  conquered  territory  on  the  x  p. 
M.  train,  for  Paris. 


1 


CHAPTER    XIX. 


ixE  s !  vines! 
vines  !  Half  a  na- 
tion sweating  that 
the  other  half  may 
swill.  So  it  would 
seem  to  an  unbiased  explorer  of  our  route  between  the 
Rhine  and  the  Seine;  and  the  inference  would  be 
strengthened  by  a  visit  to  the  Halle  auxYins.  Even 
statistics  in  their  first  utterance  apparently  corrobo- 
rate it,  for  in  Paris  about  a  pint  of  wine  goes  under 
daily,  for  every  man,  woman,  and  child  inside  the 
fortifications.  And  large  as  that  quantity  sounds,  it 
does  not ' '  take  ' '  the  brewery,  for  Munich  can  ' '  see  ' ' 
every  Paris  pint  with  one  of  beer  and  "  go  "  a  big 
beer  better. 

Yet,    near-sighted,   strong-necked,  gothic-minded 


424  A  HINT   TO   PROHIBITIONISTS. 

Prohibitionist,  what  does  all  that  prove?  Only,  that 
the  wine  of  France  is  cheap ;  and  that  in  Bavaria 
the  beer  is  good.  Well  will  it  be  for  England  and 
America  when  their  people  in  like  manner  sweat  and 
swill ;  for  in  those  countries  of  adulterated  stimu- 
lants inebriety  is  an  enormous  social  ulcer,  while  in 
France  and  Germany,  thanks  to  the  purge  of  light, 
pure  beverages,  it  is  a  sporadic  pimple  almost  invisi- 
ble and  virtually  unfelt. 

I  meekly  followed  my  companion  to  ^o.  10  Kue 
de  Savoie,  where  he  had  passed  many  pleasant  Paris 
days  and  was  bent  on  passing  other  few ;  and  there  I 
speedily  left  him  in  full  gossip  with  his  old  landlord, 
being  myself  bent  on  a  solitary  still-hunt  for  my 
dejeuner  a  la  fourcJiette. 

As  I  turned  the  last  corner  and  stepped  lightly 
down  the  two  stone  steps  into  the  friendly  cafe\  the 
procedure  and  the  appetite  that  kept  step  with  it 
were  so  natural  and  realistic  that  I  was  suddenly 
bounced  out  of  one  of  those  vague,  etherial  phases 
of  consciousness,  more  than  nonentity  and  less  than 
existence,  in  which,  I  believe,  man  often  and  the 
mollusc  rarely,  floats  about  in  quest  of  some  sub- 
stantial fact  on  which  to  base  a  definite  sensation. 
And  when  I  had  crossed  the  threshold  and  stepped 
over  a  well  remembered  knot  in  the  polished  floor, 


HIDEOUS   AMIABILITY.  425 

I  was  welcomed  by  a  grimace  on  the  countenance  of  a 
small,  dessicated  Frenchman,  the  startling  urbanity 
and  ugliness  of  which  were  very  real. 

Having  ordered  breakfast  and  sat  down  to  await 
its  preparation  I  gazed  over  a  table  I  had  often  wet 
with  Jules,  at  the  unfortunate  proprietor  of  the  most 
horrible  expression  of  amiability  I  had  ever  seen,  and 
swallowed  an  unpalatable  misgiving  as  I  inquired  for 
M.  Martin :  which  question,  after  it  had  been  repeated 
and  elaborated  with  foot-notes  and  an  explanatory 
appendix,  elicited  that  the  man  I  was  interrogating 
knew  nothing  of  the  jolly,  fat  Frenchman  whom 
I  could  see  before  me  by  the  simple  process  of  shut- 
ting my  eyes.  I  then  haltingly  maneuvered  my  in- 
quiries until  it  became  too  evident  that  even  under 
the  strong  stimulus  applied  by  those  surroundings  to 
memory,  I  could  name  no  one  whom  my  respondent- 
had  ever  heard  of. 

A  good  deal  depressed  by  this  discovery  I  passed 
on  into  the  dming-room,  where,  at  tables  arranged  in 
an  order  and  style  quite  different  from  those  which 
I  remembered,  about  a  dozen  men  and  two  women 
stopped  eating  for  a  moment,  to  afford  me  a  good 
view  of  faces,  none  of  which  I  had  ever  seen  before. 
Kor  was  I  surprised  at  this  after  I  had  compared  the 
repast  set  before  me  with  my  recollections  of  the 


426  A  POLITE   FICTION. 

cuisine  of  M.  Martin ;  for  no  human  being  could  be 
expected  to  survive  a  change  so  radical  for  five  years. 

As  soon  as  I  could  blunt  the  edge  of  a  keen  ap- 
petite I  hurried  out  into  the  unpitying  world  a  good 
deal  disappointed,  and  with  one  more  of  life's  treas- 
ured associations  permanently  defiled. 

As  I  passed  between  the  north  gate  of  the  Lux- 
embourg Garden  and  the  arcade  of  the  Odeon  I  saw 
a  face  that  I  remembered ;  belonging  to  the  keeper 
of  a  book-stall  which  Jules  and  I  had  often  patron- 
ized. Restraining  the  impulse  to  embrace  him  I 
stopped,  looked  over  his  stock -leisurely,  and  finally 
purchased  a  Figaro  Salon.  The  man  politely  showed 
me  a  few  profane  literary  and  artistic  curiosities,  and 
eventually  handed  me  my  change  affably,  without  a 
symptom  of  recognition.  Even  after  I  had  copiously 
refreshed  his  memory  it  was  evidently  only  by  a  polite 
fiction  that  he  remembered  me.  But  he  preserved 
more  authentic  recollections  of  several  other  quon- 
dam neighbors.  Some  years  before,  he  informed  me, 
M.  Martin  had  disposed  of  his  business  in  the  Kue 
Vaugirard,  and  taken  a  hotel  in  Ecouen,  or  St.  Ger- 
main en  Laye,  or  perhaps  Champigny  —  at  any  rate, 
some  suburban  town  not  many  kilometres  away.  Of 
Jules  and  Estelle  he  knew  only  that  they  had  left  the 
pension  either  a  little  before  or  soon  after  M.  Martin 


ON  THE   BOULEVAEDS.  427 

transferred  it.  He  suggested  that  I  might  learn 
something  of  some  of  my  friends  from  M.  Chenot, 
the  humpbacked  musician,  who  belonged  to  the  or- 
chestra of  the  Folies  Bergere,  and  lived  somewhere 
in  the  Rue  St.  Jacques,  not  far  from  the  river. 

I  returned  to  the  Hotel  Savoie  full  of  a  present- 
iment that  my  sojourn  in  Paris  would  not  be  as 
agreeable  or  protracted  as  I  had  anticipated.  There 
I  addressed  a  note,  in  care  of  the  letter-carrier,  to  M. 
Baptiste  Chenot ;  after  which  Noble  and  I  went  to 
the  Herald  office  and  registered.  Then,  not  caring 
to  participate  in  the  post-prandial  crush  at  the  Salon 
in  its  first  week,  we  passed  most  of  the  afternoon 
on  the  Grand  Boulevards ;  which,  owing  to  the  annual 
event  and  magnificent  weather,  were  unusually  bright 
and  full  of  life. 

On  our  way  back  to  the  Latin  Quarter  I  stopped 
at  several  studios  that  Jules  and  I  had  been  wont  to 
frequent,  but  all  the  doors  I  tried  were  locked ;  so  I 
resigned  myself  to  patience  and  the  course  of  the 
Salon  fever. 

It  is  becoming  fashionable  for  select  criticism  to 
sneer  at  Academical  art  in  general,  and  that  of  the 
Salon  in  particular.  This  is  very  sad;  but  to  a 
cheerful  mourner  it  seems  possible  that  the  things 
sneered  at  will  survive.     The  art-critic  has  done  much 


4:28  KNOWN  BY   THEIR  FRUITS. 

since  he  invented  himself  to  teach  mankind  what  to 
admire  —  too  much  for  a  confiding  pubhc  to  forget 
in  haste,  or  easily.  From  that  ancient  oracle,  the 
Pope  who  ordered  clothes  to  be  put  on  Michelan- 
gelo's masterpieces  of  the  Vatican,  to  the  modern 
high  priest,  John  Ruskin  who  puffed  Turner's  scabby 
absurdities  of  color  into  fame,  there  is  not  one  of 
them  who  has  ever  neglected  an  opportunity  to  lead 
the  impressionable  public  into  the  presence  of  a  mare's 
nest. 

For  half  a  century  the  apostles  of  Esthetik  per- 
suaded the  world  that  the  Apollo  Belvedere  was  its 
most  ''quite  too"  statue;  and  that  the  Venus  of 
Melos,  and  that  of  Medici,  and  the  Laocoon,  and 
"Dying  Gladiator"  were  plastic  art's  next  utter- 
most, tip-top  huckleberries.  And  now  the  power- 
press  is  filling  the  earth  and  the  isles  of  the  sea  with 
elegant  criticism  which  demonstrates  that  the  said 
Apollo  is  not  much  of  a  statue,  after  all ;  that  the 
nude  Venus  is  a  frivolous  conception  ;  and  the  arm- 
less one  no  Venus  of  any  sort,  but  only  a  deformed 
imitation  of  some  old  Greek  failure  that  the  antique 
critics  never  even  deigned  to  notice ;  and  that  the 
Laocoon  is  snide  art ;  and  the  famous  ' '  Dying  Glad- 
iator "  a  herald.,  or  some  other  Gaul  who  never  was  a 
gladiator,  as  his  horn  and  neck-tie  prove  to  any  one 


A  LONG  FELT  WANT.  429 

with  an  unobstructed  cornea.  And,  in  art's  less  an- 
cient domain,  Raffael,  Lorraine,  Poussin,  Rosa,  and 
many  more  once  rated  miles  above  criticism,  have 
lately  been  summoned  to  the  bar  of  recherche  censor- 
ship, to  have  their  perfect  marks  rubbed  out,  and 
their  values  marked  down  from  the  high  figures  of 
earlier  inventories. 

It  would  seem,  from  these  statistics,  that  what  the 
long-suffering  public  needs,  and  is  wailing  for,  is 
facts  —  facts  without  fringe,  that  will  wear  and 
wash  —  and  cornbination  padlocks  for  the  mouths  of 
men  afflicted  toith  colic  of  the  hrain,  which  they  mis- 
take for  the  labor-throes  of  criticism. 

If  any  one  infers  that  I  incline  toward  severity  on 
critics,  the  inference  will  be  a  testimonial  to  my  dis- 
crimination in  the  choice  of  language.  I  would  rub 
my  pen  on  a  mill-stone,  and  scallop  it  with  a  trip- 
hammer, if  so,  without  impairing  its  set  temper  of 
truth  and  impartiality,  I  could  make  it  severer.  For 
as  a  human  being  forced  by  a  long  series  of  circum- 
stances to  be  an  artist,  I  find  it  a  sweet  reciprocity  to 
grasp  the  weapon  of  the  fiend  that  artists  fear,  and 
give  the  wincing  one  a  hearty  thrust  with  it.  When- 
ever our  poor  guild  grows  opulent  enough  to  subsi- 
dize the  pen,  critics  will  read  new  meaning  in  the 
prophecy  that  they  who  draw  the  steel  shall  perish  on 


430  LAY  ON,  Macduff  ! 

the  same ;  and  will  be  so  busy  beseeching  mountains 
to  fall  on  them,  that  they  will  have  no  time  to  con- 
fuse the  public  with  self -stultification ;  or  to  insult  it 
with  the  dictum  that  scribes  are  Art's  umpires,  be- 
cause, forsooth,  the  men  who  create  art  are  too  ig- 
norant of  its  ingredients  to  criticise  it ! 

When  the  cook  who  compounds  a  rare  pudding, 
and  the  cobbler  who  constructs  an  exemplary  shoe 
have  to  employ  a  self -elected  fraud,  who  calls  him- 
self a  critic,  to  instruct  them  in  the  mysteries  of  pud- 
ding and  shoe  excellence,  then  —  but  not  until  then  — 
will  art- criticism  cease  to  be  a  joke  with  an  easel  at 
one  end  of  it  and  an  e^el  *  at  the  other. 

To  the  uncultured  intellect  the  fact  that  the  Salon 
draws  heavily,  in  sight  of  the  Louvre^  is  one  that  will 
have  a  certain  weight  against  vast  quantities  of  criti- 
cism. 

Graphically  suggestive  outlines  in  the  miniature 
portrait  filed  herewith,  remind  me  that  I  was  as  much 
pleased  with  the  Exhibits,  as  I  was  pleased  and  sur- 
prised by  the  catholic  recognition  and  attention  that 
I  saw  awarded  to  much  good  American  work. 

The  evening  after  our  first  tarry  in  the  Salon,  on 
entering  my  waxed  room,  at  the  top  of  the  last  waxed 


*  Although  pronounced  azel,  this  is  not  Hibernian  tautology ; 
as  any  German  scholar  will  testify. 


1 


A  LARGE   MAIL.  431 

stairway,  I  was  filled  with  awe  to  see  in  a  large  num- 
ber of  letters  lying  on  my  table,  how  easy  it  seemed 
for  people  I  had  so  many  days  been  vainly  trying  to 
find  some  traces  of,  to  discover  me. 

The  first  communication  I  opened  was  from  M. 
Baptiste  Chenot,  announcing  that  he  would  call  at 
my  hotel  that  evening  about  eight  o'clock.  The 
other  missives,  to  my  chagrin,  were  from  enterpris- 
ing tradesmen  who  had,  no  doubt,  gleaned  my  ad- 
dress from  the  register  in  the  Herald  Office. 

Lucidly,  the  disappointment,  which  was  acute, 
could  not  spoil  my  appetite  for  dinner,  because  N^oble 
and  I  had  dined  at  a  cafe  near  the  Pont  des  Arts  on 
our  way  back  from  the  Salon  ]  but  it  made  me  so  im- 
patient of  the  hundred  minutes  I  had  to  wait,  on  the 
time  set  by  M.  Chenot,  that  I  went  down  into  the 
crooked  alleys  that  do  duty  as  thoroughfares  between 
the  Boulevard  Saint  Germain  and  Pont  I^euf :  out  of 
which  labyrinth,  more  by  habit  than  by  volition,  I 
emerged  into  the  Bue  de  Tournon  and,  turning  south- 
ward, wandered  on  until  I  fomid  myself  looking  for 
a  seat  I  had  often  occupied,  under  the  chesnuts  of 
the  Luxembourg.  Unmindful  for  the  moment  of  the 
animated  levee  the  Queen  of  Scots  and  Petrarch's 
Laura  and  the  other  folk  in  stone  were  holding  that 
evenmg,   I  looked   about,  vainly;    for   the   painted 


432  NEWS,  AT  LAST. 

bench  was  gone.  But  near  the  spot  it  had  occupied 
was  an  empty  chair  in  which  I  settled,  and  sat  for 
some  minutes,  my  heart  homesick  and  my  eyes  fixed 
on  the  upper  windows  of  the  old  pension.  It  was 
about  sunset ;  and  presently  finding  it  did  not  refresh 
my  spirits  to  nurse  the  feelings  then  in  possession  of 
me,  in  that  loneliest  of  all  solitudes,  the  outskirts  of 
a  strange,  moving  multitude,  and  in  that  most  plain- 
tive of  all  trist  moments,  when  another  of  the  num- 
bered days  is  melting  slowly,  beautifully  into  an 
unfathomable  eternity,  I  suddenly  rose  and  fled  to- 
ward the  Seine. 

Stopping  at  our  hotel  I  learned  that  IS^oble  had 
gone  out,  after  questioning  the  landlord  as  to  my 
probable  whereabouts ;  and  that  M.  Chenot  was  in 
the  salle  d''attente,  waiting  for  me.  The  musician 
could  not  have  seemed  more  pleased  at  the  meetmg, 
had  he  been,  since  our  last  one,  the  custodian  of  my 
I.  O.  U.  He  hurried  me  across  the  river  to  a  brilliant 
cafe'f  where  we  sat  down  at  an  outside  table  in  the 
mixed  light  that  agreeably  tempers  the  glitter  of 
I^ew  Paris  just  before  it  is  flooded  with  a  glare  of 
gas  and  the  electric  lamp. 

His  delight,  which  was  no  doubt  in  the  French 
sense  genuine  enough,  must  have  been  greater  than 
that  afforded  me  by  such  tidings  of  our  old  friends 


SHINING  ABOUND   THE   WORLD.  433 

as  he  was  able  to  communicate.  He  informed  me 
that  M.  Martin  and  M'lle.Vignaux  were  connubially 
settled,  not  in  a  hotel  at  St.  Germain,  or  Champigny, 
or  Ecouen,  but  on  a  poultry  farm  near  Melun. 
Jules  he  believed  to  be  then  editing  a  newspaper  in 
Lyons ;  and  Estelle,  w^hen  he  last  heard  of  her,  hav- 
ing ended  the  season  of  1881,  as  second  but  favorite 
singer  of  grand  opera  in  London,  had  engaged  with 
a  new  combmation  as  star,  to  go  shining  aromid  the 
world.  He  thought  she  was  then  undoubtedly  adding 
to  her  slowly  but  surely  growing  reputation,  in  Bom- 
bay, Hong  Kong,  or  Melbourne,  or  some  other  sea- 
port under  our  feet. 

He  was  holding  up  the  bass  viol  at  the  Folies  Ber- 
^'ere,  and  to  please  him  I  accompanied  him  to  the 
performance ;  but  I  did  not  enjoy  it.  It  was  probably 
by  no  fault  of  the  company,  for  just  then  even  Paris 
seemed  insipid  for  several  days  —  days  in  which  I 
avoided  the  multitude  at  the  Salon  and  hid  myself  in 
the  Louvre,  communing  with  its  profound  suggestions 
of  the  unutterable,  and  discovering  a  large  volume  of 
thrilling  poetry  in  ye  antient  rimelet  wli  runneth : 

"  Earth  had  a  single  bright j  and  one  dark  spot  — 
One  where  she  was,  and  one  where  she  was  not." 

On  one  of  those  afternoons  in  the  Louvre  I  walked 
many  times  around  a  wTeck  of  statuary  which,  owing, 

28 


434  LA   COCOTTE. 

possibly,  to  its  position  near  the  obscure  end  of  the 
vista  the  other  extremity  of  which  is  illumined  by  the 
Venus  of  Melos  in  its  crimson  halo,  I  had  never  be- 
fore quite  noticed.  It  is,  perhaps,  in  the  vestiges  of 
sculpture  only  that  one  fails  to  see  point  in  the  axiom 
which  describes  the  whole  as  necessarily  greater  than 
any  of  its  parts.  Standing  beside  the  part  referred 
to,  it  is  not  difficult  to  doubt  that  it  is  dwarfed  by 
what  is  gone.  For  although  the  head  and  arms  are 
wholly  wanting,  it  is  unthiukable  that  they  ever  added 
to  its  greatness.  Forgetting  mutilation  —  and  a  sad 
neglect  by  critics  —  the  seeing  eye  caresses  its  simple 
charms  of  mould  and  drapery  as  delightedly  as  if 
volumes  had  been  written  to  prepare  it  for  that  plea- 
sure. The  fragment  is  called  ' '  L' Abondance  • ' '  and 
one  leaves  it  feeling  that  it  is  well  named  —  that, 
fragmentary  as  it  is,  it  is  enough. 

Before  taking  final  leave  of  Paris  (it  will  relieve 
feelings  long  pent  up  to  record  it),  I  made  a  note  of 
the  discovery  that  for  high-toned,  uncircumscribed 
cheek,  the  cocotte  of  the  Grand  Boulevards  is  sur- 
passed only  by  the  curious  American  being  who  calmly 
ornaments  his  neighbor's  private  premises  and  the 
public  scenery  with  telegraph-poles. 

A  few  nights  before  my  departure  for  the  sea 
coast  I  was  seated  in  front  of  a  cafe'  near  the  Opera 


NEAT   AND   APROPOS.  435 

Comique,  waiting  to  issue  the  order  for  an  excellent 
but  inexpensive  supper,  when  a  fashionably  dressed 
and  rather  elegant  damsel,  with  a  high-bred  air  and 
aroma,  and  a  style  of  beauty  that  was  exquisitely  chic 
and  captivating,  sat  down  before  me  ]  causing  me  to 
feel  like  the  unsuccessful  sportsman  who  is  suddenly 
surprised  by  a  near  wliir-r,  and  the  whishing  settle 
of  a  remarkably  fine  duck. 

I  was  slowly  beginning  to  recover  sufficient  control 
of  this  natural  feeling,  to  wonder  what  might  be  her 
station  in  life,  and  past  history,  and  whether  the  in- 
terest in  her  proximity  which  I  was  unable  to  master 
or  conceal  was  likely  to  offend  her,  when,  just  as  the 
waiter  approached  our  table,  she  bent  her  symmetrical 
figure  winsomely  an  inch  or  two  from  the  perpendic- 
ular towards  me,  and  in  a  low,  sweet  voice,  which  as- 
sisted the  charming  movement  to  seem  deliciously 
confidential,  informed  me  that  it  was  a  very  pleasant 
evening.  I  politely  admitted  the  fact,  and,  while  she 
mentioned  to  the  gargon  her  numerous  wants,  added 
a  few  remarks  that  I  still  consider  neat  and  aprojposj 
and  which  she  seemingly  pondered  on  as  she  silently 
ate  and  drank  in  a  reserve  that  I  chivalrously  de- 
ferred to.  ■ 

Meanwhile,  in  dividing  my  attention  between  both 
sides  of  the  little  table  I  lost  time  to  such  an  extent 


436  THE   LAST   DROP. 

that  before  I  had  finished  lay  supper  my  modest  vis 
a  vis  laid  down  her  napMn,  picked  np  her  gloves, 
and,  bowing-  pleasantly,  floated  away  into  the  gay 
current  of  the  boulevard. 

After  watcliing  her  until  she  disappeared  in  the  en- 
gulfing stream,  I  hastily  completed  my  repast.  And 
then  —  well,  tJien  I  paid  the  waiter  for  two  suppers, 
without  a  word  or  gesture  likely  to  let  half  a  dozen 
attentive  spectators  into  the  secret  that  the  charming 
young  woman  was  not  an  old,  or  at  least  intimate 
friend  of  mine.  I  Iniew  my  refreshments  were  not 
worth  eleven  francs ;  and  had  grave  doubts  about  my 
legal  responsibility  for  more  than  two ;  nevertheless, 
the  moment  the  young  man  named  the  larger  sum  I 
laid  it  down,  serene,  but  satisfied  that  a  great  deal  of 
travel  upon  this  world,  on  foot,  will  not,  necessarily, 
prepare  mankind  for  every  possible  emergency. 

The  incident,  trifling  as  it  was,  contributed  no  lit- 
tle to  soften  the  regrets  of  parting  with  Paris  and  my 
tried  comrade. 

The  latter  will,  at  last,  soon  understand  why  his 
persuasions  so  suddenly  ceased  to  detain  me.  It  was 
that  gay  damoiselle  who  poured  into  my  cup  the  last 
drop  of  dejection,  which  caused  it  to  overflow,  and 
spill  me  on  the  last  train  that  would  land  me  in  Havre 
prior  to  the  departure  of  the  steamer  St.  Germain  — 


FLATTERY   OF   THE   FATHERLAND. 


437 


the  vessel  on  which  I  met  the  sturdy  exile  who  has- 
tened to  cheer  me  with  a  last  exposition  of  the  great, 
national  hat-exercise. 


THE    LAST    BIT    OF   FRANCE. 


After  a  passage  of  twelve  days,  whereof  the  dis- 
cursive pen  might  make  several  engaging  passages 
(since  the  sliip  swarmed  with  emigrants,  and  shook 
them  up  in  a  crucial  tempest  without  seriously  inter- 
rupting the  irrepressible  exultation  over  exile  from  a 
grotesquely  complimented  Fatherland) ,  the  sun  rose 
out  of  the  green  trees  of  Long  Island ;  and  made  the 
sandy  beaches  glisten,  toward  noontide,  and  exhale  a 
shimmer,  as  we  shunned  them  in  approaching  a  city 
given  over  to  the  tumult  of  annual  depopulation. 

So  many  of  those  indispensable  to  my  happiness 


438  A   NOBLE   IMPULSE. 

were  already  either  absent  or  departing,  that  I  soon 
regretted  not  having  postponed  the  airing  of  my 
American  possessions  until  later  in  the  season.  But 
dull  as  the  summer  was,  I,  for  the  first  time  in  my 
adult  life,  completed  a  whole  Julian  year  without 
serious  reflection  of  a  financial  character. 

The  new  year  brought  me  so  much  professional 
toil  that  industry  and  luxurious  living  began  to  un- 
dermine a  robust  system,  until  then  impregnable.  I 
grew  sad,  and  restless,  until,  to  shun  an  awful  doom, 
I  was  obliged  to  sell  all  my  cumbersome  effects  ii^f 
auction  ;  and  remove  my  art  to  its  cradle. 

A  few  months  later  circumstances  similar  to  those 
last  mentioned  compelled  me  to  flee  from  St.  Louis, 
in  the  night,  to  escape  being  worked,  and  worked, 
into  an  untimely  tomb.  It  being,  however,  impossi- 
ble for  me  to  remain,  any  great  length  of  time,  away 
from  the  City  of  the  Future,  I  duly  returned,  think- 
ing I  would  buy  it ;  and  clean  up  its  streets  a  bit ; 
and  cast  out  its  MacAdam  ring;  and  scourge  its 
Water  drawers,  until  they  turned  the  Mississippi  on 
its  stones  often  enough  to  keep  them  bright  and 
clean ;  and  put  to  ignominious  death  a  few  of  its 
soulless  street-car  and  telegraph-pole  manikins  — 
all  for  the  love  I  bear  the  good  old  town,  and  the 
goodness  it  has  whilom  lavished  upon  me. 


TIME   WILL   TELL. 


439 


But  it  is  possible  that  I  will  change  my  mind,  and 
seek  surcease  of  corroding  toil  in  the  less  philan- 
thropic line  of  desultory  travel. 

Time  will  tell. 


CHAPTER     XX. 


UT     WHAT — 

the  romantic 
skipper  will  ex- 
claim, or  at 
least  wonder, 
o  n  fluttering 
this  thin,  final  chapter — has  become  of  Est —  or  is 
it  Ada? 

An  embarrassing-  question,  truly ;  to  which  there 
is  no  truthful  answer  more  pertinent  than  the  short 
one,  that  all  proper  to  be  known  about  that  interest- 
ing young  being  will  be  found  out  when  lier  biography 
is  published.  This  is  the  autobiography  of  a  very 
other  person-  wherem  an  engaging  young  woman 


442  SITTING  BY  THE    SEA. 

must,  of  necessity,  appear  and  disappear,  even  as  the 
inexorable  sisters  do  spin  very  different  threads  of 
life  into  one  warp,  or  into  separate  strands  of  silk 
and  hemp-cord. 

This  marplotting  of  the  Fates  would  be  even  more 
embarrassing,  but  for  the  hap  that  Fashion,  of  fickle 
fame,  sees  fit,  just  now,  to  rage  so  ntterly  against 
plots,  that  improved  modern  romancers,  free  as  air  to 
borrow  or  invent,  ignore  the  plot  and  spit  upon  it. 
Which,  their  impunity,  gives  great  content  to  con- 
scientious scribes  who  yearn  to  immortalize  truth ;  and 
know  no  higher  art  than  to  select  the  true  and  fashion 
it  into  the  beautiful. 

^TsTot  many  months  ago  I  chanced  to  sit,  one  summer 
afternoon,  on  a  small,  shady  bit  of  the  veranda  of  the 
Oriental  Hotel,  at  Coney  Island.  The  day  was  warm, 
but  beautiful ;  and  for  almost  half  of  it  busy  boats 
and  trains  had  been  swelling  the  multitude  from 
which  I  was  isolated  by  a  low  rail  and  fleeting  bit  of 
shadow.  Though  vaguely  conscious  of  all  this,  and 
more,  I  was  intent  on  that  which  made  me  for  the 
while  unmindful  of  much  that  was  on  foot  quite  near. 
For  in  the  vast  solitude  to  be  found  only  in  a  multi- 
tude of  strangers  I  was  for  the  fourth  time  reading  a 
letter  that  had  followed  me  over  the  earth  for  many 
a  rambling  mile. 


A  SCENT  OF  VIOLETS.  443 

I  knew  the  contents  pretty  well,  but  it  was  pleasant 
to  blow  over  the  filmy,  closely  written  folios,  and 
trace  the  small,  elegant  script  that  sloped  so  free  in 
stroke  and  fair  to  the  eye,  diamonding  the  flimsy  wall 
that  barely  kept  the  hair-hnes  from  cutting  where 
they  seemingly  crossed  one  another.  It  was  a  long, 
delightful  letter,  that  ran  on,  and  on,  in  a  broken  flow 
of  absurd  but  intelligible  English,  over  foreign  words 
and  idioms  that  shone  all  over  and  under  its  surface, 
like  sparkles  in  the  ripples  of  a  gurgling  stream. 
And  it  exhaled  a  faint,  exquisite  perfume  —  a  subtile, 
familiar  fragrance  which  affected  me  so  strangely 
that,  as  often  as  sounds  of  the  teeming  life  around  me 
mingled  into  a  droning  hum,  I  could  shut  my  eyes 
and  fancy  that  I  felt  the  proximity  of  dainty  drapery 
which  would  presently  rustle,  and  heard  the  murmur 
of  a  city  which  would  anon  be  overpowered  by  the 
thrilUng  timbre  of  a  soft,  melodious  voice. 

It  was  no  ordmary  letter.  And  its  effect  on  me 
was  very  extraordinary. 

In  the  early  morning,  when  I  wot  not  what  was  f  ol- 
io wmg  hard  after  me,  there  was  no  doubt  that  I  was 
constant  to  my  old  and  early  love ;  for  by  a  slow 
process  of  time,  the  same  that  removes  mountains 
and  casts  them  into  the  sea,  my  partiality  to  Ada  had 


444  THE   SILVER  CHORD. 

steadily  undermined  mj  fondness  for  Estelle.  But 
later  in  the  day  a  subtile  perfume  that  the  briny  ocean 
could  not  eliminate  from  a  flimsy  tissue,  had,  by  some 
necromancy,  undone  the  work  of  time. 

This  sudden  disturbance  of  affection  was  due  to 
no  flaw  of  fickleness.  Man  does  not  worship  one 
woman  for  all  save  one  or  two  of  eight  or  nine  con- 
secutive years,  to  find,  at  the  end  of  such  experience, 
a  small  or  superficial  passion  under  it.  Neither  was 
the  fondness  for  Violette  a  superficial  one ;  since, 
after  lying  prostrate  for  years,  it  rose,  Antaeus  like, 
with  renewed  vigor,  and  restored  the  doubtful  con- 
test. Affection  with  such  a  record  is  not,  whatever 
else  it  may  be,  either  shallow  or  trivial. 

The  world  is  quite  old  enough  to  thrive  on  stronger 
romantic  meat  than  the  diluted  pap  its  dry  nurses 
have  long  been  wont  to  administer  to  it.  Love  rules 
the  court,  the  camp,  the  grove,  and  so  much  of  the 
remainder  of  earth's  habitable  area,  that  it  is  impor- 
tant for  both  old  and  yomig  to  understand  the 
truth  about  its  dominion.  The  conventional  idea  of 
the  silver  chord  that  vibrates  between  the  sexes  is 
an  abstraction  which  has  no  shape  or  form,  other 
than  that  of  a  figment  of  the  unphilosophic  imagina- 
tion.    We  read  of  the  ideal  passion  in  youth ;  and, 


LOVE   UNMASKED.  445 

perhaps,  try  to  believe  in  it  when  age  augments  our 
wisdom  and  increduUty;  but  we  do  not  hve  long 
enough  to  enjoy,  or  feel,  or  see  it. 

The  passion  we  do  become  familiar  with  is  one  of 
another  sort,  entirely  —  one  that  is  born  a  feeble  im- 
pulse ;  to  die  in  infancy ;  or  else  grow  and  struggle 
for  existence ;  and  ultimately  survive  or  perish,  ac- 
cording to  its  relative  advantages  of  environment, 
and  fitness  for  survival  or  extermination.  One  love 
attacks,  destroys  and  dispossesses  another  love,  as 
often  as  the  same  human  organism  loves  twice. 

Such  being  the  simple,  true  phsychblogy  of  the 
grand  passion,  it  must  be  possible,  for  twin  attach- 
ments to  evolve,  so  equally  fit  for  survival  and  so  im- 
partially favored  by  environment  that  months,  years, 
or  even  a  life- time,  may  not  supply  sufficient  time  for 
the  struggle  to  determine  which,  in  itself,  is  evolu- 
tion's choice. 

Reflections  of  this  exceeding  weight  were  set  agoing 
by  a  diminutive  letter  the  feminine  exuberance  of 
which  did  not  contain  an  atom  of  philosophy  to  the 
ton.  The  first  page  effervesced  with  sprightly  depre- 
cation of  the  untoward  wind  that  blew  me  to  Paris, 
while  it  was  wafting  the  writer  across  the  Southern 
Ocean.    And  the  next  two  were  vehement  with  her 


446  IN   MEMORIAM. 

despair  on  returning  to  Paris  to  learn  that  I  had  been 
there  six  months  before,  prosecuting  fruitless  in- 
quiries about  old  comrades.  Then,  under  a  fresh, 
wide  margin,  began  an  inimitable  description  of  an 
obstinate  contest  with  the  problem,  how  one  shall 
write  to  another,  who  is,  nobody  knows  where ;  and 
of  how  she  had  vanquished  it,  a  few  months  later,  in 
London,  by  ferreting  no  less  than  three  of  her  petit 
frere's  addresses  out  of  as  many  modern  Directo- 
ries, and  writing  that  self-same  letter  to  them  each 
and  all.  Two  pages  were  given  to  pathos,  in  memory 
of  the  pension,  and  mourning  OYerjpauvreEstelle,  who 
sat  in  it,  alone,  one  day,  after  her  trip  around  the 
world,  crying  over  all  the  glory  that  had  departed. 
Another  passage  made  it  clear  that  it  was  penned  in 
the  presence  of  an  old  friend ;  since  two  years  a  par- 
lor boarder  at  Madame  Martin's;  and  no  longer,  if 
Marcelle  and  M.  Martin  were  to  be  believed,  the 
wayward  kitten  I  had  known,  but  a  wise  and  some- 
what cynical  and  seljfish  cat.  And  one,  referring  also 
to  an  enclosed  photograph,  informed  me  that  Jules 
and  Francine  had  written,  and  written,  commanding 
her  to  come  right  out  of  Paris,  until  she  went  to 
Lyons,  and  saw  them  making  geese  of  themselves, 
over  a  little  lump  of  a  boy. 


LITTLE    JULES. 


THE   ODOR  OF  OCEAN.  447 

Of  the  writer,  a  small  gleaning  set  forth  simply 
that  she  had  grown  so  dignified  that  I  would  not 
recognize  her ;  and  that  Jules  said  it  was  the  banjo 
made  her  voice  grow  so,  ever  since  she  got  her  hands 
on  it,  until  there  was  much  more  money  in  her  head 
than  there  ever  had  been  in  her  feet ;  and  that  she 
had  option  of  two  nomadic  engagements  for  1884, 
but  was  in  no  hurry  to  sign,  and  was  piecing  out  her 
English,  in  the  hope  that  her  next  considerable  ne- 
gotiation might  be  for  the  Grand  Tour  of  America. 

Such  was  the  missive  that  set  me  to  philosophizing, 
as  I  fixed  myself  on  the  guards  of  one  of  the  Bat- 
tery boats.  The  day,  as  has  been  written,  was  lovely ; 
and  with  the  tonic  savour  of  salt  spray  in  my  nostrils 
I  scanned  shores  that  basked  in  level  sunshine,  and 
nestled  in  magic  shadow,  smiling  from  fort  to  spire 
and  from  pinnacle  to  fortress ;  and  I  studied  the 
build  and  rig  and  ensign  of  each  ship  at  anchor,  as 
we  passed  it ;  and  watched  the  tugs  and  small  craft 
dart  and  glide  over  the  miniature  sea  —  in  persistent, 
vain  attempts  to  rid  myself  of  the  illusion,  into 
which  philosophizing  on  love  precipitated  me,  that 
in  Nature's  sunny  smile  I  saw  a  cruel,  relentless  ex- 
ultation over  the  helpless  victim  of  two  equally  fit 
and  favored  passions. 


448  ONE  EVENING. 

Throughout  that  summer  I  lingered  by  the  sea- 
shore, trymg  to  cast  my  burden  upon  the  waters. 
And  to  some  extent  the  effort  Avas  successful. 

Then,  m  September,  I  set  my  face  westward ;  and, 
anon,  communed  with  much  weariness  of  sight-see- 
ing at  the  Louisville  Exposition. 

One  evening,  while  lounging,  tired  enough,  in  the 
hall  of  the  Gait  House,  noting  the  humanity  that 
ebbed  and  flowed  between  the  pillars,  I  saw  a. tall, 
rather  jaunty  and  much  be  whiskered  man  come  out 
of  the  crush  and  take,  near  by,  a  chair  that  moment 
vacated.  Something  about  the  face  so  much  con- 
cealed in  dark  glossy  hair,  fixed  my  attention,  until, 
like  the  illumination  of  a  nocturnal  tempest,  a  flash 
of  memory  revealed  my  old  friend,  the  gilded  youth 
of  the  Darling. 

I  pronounced  his  name ;  and  having  played  with 
his  forgetfulness  a  few  moments,  refreshed  his  recol- 
lection. Then  I  naturally  soon  mentioned  that  I  was 
an  artist,  and  had  visited  foreign  lands.  In  this 
prompt  confidence  there  was  a  certain  quantity  of 
beggarly  pride,  and  some  humorous  longing  to  as- 
tonish the  quondam  bandit.  But  the  astonishment 
developed  was  wholly  mine  when  he  replied  that  he 
was  familiar  with  some  of  my  foreign  art,  and  had 
heard  somewhat  of  my  adventures  on  sea  and  shore. 


TIDINGS  FROM  THE  PAST.  449 

Wlien  he  had  sufficiently  enjoyed  my  amazement 
he  added  that  he  had  frequented  several  localities 
along  the  Mississippi's  shore  a  good  deal,  since  we 
parted ;  and  that  he  was  well  acquainted  with  some  of 
my  best  friends  in  one  of  them.  Then,  perceiving 
my  intense  desire  to  hear  him  talk,  he  thoroughly 
gratified  it  by  particularly  informing  me  concerning 
the  dear  girl,  from  the  day  of  her  return  from  abroad, 
to  one  not  then  as  yet  torn  out  of  the  monthly 
calendars. 

Having  forgiven  me,  I  learned,  she  also  forgave 
the  author  of  our  misunderstanding;  as  he  was 
delightfully  assured  by  unambiguous,  regal  little 
nods,  received  in  casual  meetings  incident  to  his 
periodic  walks  on  shore ;  and  thus  the  foundation 
was  laid  for  an  agreeable  intimacy  based  broadly 
upon  the  past. 

Meanwhile  she  diligently  perfected  a  brilliant 
reputation  as  one  of  those  rare  maids  who  seem 
born  into  the  world  to  pique  and  puzzle  society. 
But  suddenly,  about  three  years  after  the  foreign 
tour,  rumor  was  quickly  followed  by  the  cards  an- 
nouncing that  she  would  soon  become  the  bride  of 
a  young  gentleman  of  unexceptionable  birth,  and 
enviable  station  as  the  Cashier  of  a  large  Southern 
Bank  and  Superintendent  of  a  larger  Sabbath-school. 

29 


450  THE  SPHINX  OF  THE  FUTURE 

A  few  days  later  the  Yellow  Fever  stretched  its 
saffron  scepter  over  the  great  Valley,  and  forbade  the 
banns  by  convertmg  the  man  of  cash  and  piety  into 
a  gilt-edged  corpse — a  practical  joke  the  flavor  of 
which,  somewhat  impaired  by  awe  of  the  pestilence, 
was  mildly  appreciated  when  it  was  discovered  that 
he  had  gone  to  he  an  angel  ' '  short ' '  as  much  as 
possible  in  several  large  accounts. 

At  any  other  time  the  defalcation,  which  was  one 
of  the  first  class ;  together  with  the  impending  wed- 
ding, which  was  correspondingly  high  of  tone,  would 
have  set  on  nimble  feet  a  very  pretty  sensation  ;  but, 
fortunately  for  all  intimately  concerned,  the  public 
mind  was  then  so  full  of  mortal  anxiety  that  there 
was  room  only  for  fugitive  murmurs  of  "  Cotton!" 
and  a  few  short  paragraphs  announcing  that  one 
more  good  man  had  gone  wrong. 

After  the  days  of  mourning,  which  even  the  pe- 
cuhar  circumstances  could  not  absolve  her  from,  and 
until  that  very  hour,  the  dear  maid  continued  to  pursue 
the  provoking  tenor  of  her  way ,  making,  from  time  to 
time,  appalling  examples  of  the  rashly  brave,  and  ex- 
asperating a  whole  brood  of  the  j^outhf ul  fair  by  wax- 
ing, "in  despite  of  chronology,  more  blooming  and 
belle-like  every  year. 


AND  A  RAINBOW  AT   NOON. 


451 


And  now  the  wanderer  must  lie  down 
and  rest.  Not  that  he  is  as  yet  aged  or 
infirm;  but,  alas!  necessity  is  the  step- 
mother of  adventure;  and  when  a  prodigal  h 
so  gets  the  upper  hand  of  the  imperious  ""^ 
dame  that  he  can  riot  at  home  in  peace  and 
luxury,  there  is  little  romantic  interest  J^, 
left  in  him. 

Does  some  one  murmur  that  this  book 
owes  an  immense  debt  to  Hymen?    Only 
a  large  fund,  that  is  royally  secured.    For 
it  is  but  to  look  at  both  of  its  fairest  ^  , 
pages  to  divine  that  there  will  be  two  ' 
interesting    weddings   sometime   m 
the  beautiful  here- 
after. 


( 


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